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last night i almost had a fight with my moms boyfriend (together for 5 ish years)
i live in the same house, they built a new house together and we moved in 6 months ago or whatever.
i work 2 days a week, was "asked to leave" my old 2 days a week job for being too miserable so now do 2 days holiday caravan cleaning. getting a job where i live is almost impossible, im talking 100 applicants per job (any job).
my mom's bf hates me because im a loser who sits at home on the computer all day and doesnt have a job.
my sister and myself hate this man because he is, without being able to comprehend it, insanely dominating and controlling. i looked up "control freak" on internet and he matches it. i have never heard him NOT give his opinion on something , talking over the other person, assuring them that he is correct and telling them why they are wrong. i literally do not open my mouth around him for the last year, even to talk to my mom when he is in the room because he will interject about anything and let us know how right he is about it.
he is not directly aggressive but i feel threatened by the way he talks, he says things like , watching me put stuff in the dishwasher , "OH SO IT ISNT _YOU_ PUTTING THINGS THE WRONG WAY ROUND IN THE DISHWASHER, THEN."
its not just me that cant stand him, i talked to one of our house builders and he was saying wtf is that guys problem, hes not your father is he? my sister has told me she cannot stand him
he will talk over you when you are saying something , to take over . he will (purposely??) get in your way or not move out the way for you in order to assert his physical dominance in the room. he will say random commands like SHUT THE FRIDGE UP or close it infront of you when you're getting things out. we went about 6 weeks where me/mom would put old plastic shopping bags in a bottom drawer to store them but because he didnt like it he kept throwing them out every time we put any. he has insane control shit going on and has literally no ability to recognise the way he acts.
infact i have heard him "joke" several times now, when my mom tries to assert herself (in something random like where she is going to park the car when we go out) he has said "oooh, your mother is getting the school teacher act on now, shes such a control freak". i am just sitting there thinking holy hell what the fuck. my mom is like the nicest person possible and i can only imagine she perhaps told him he has control issues one time and now he likes to bring it up and accuse her of it, because he is completely incapable of listening to another person or compromising
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last night was another example, we go to cinema, i say 1 word in the car home. my mom says "i want some chips", i say "you can go to mcdonalds", this man says "WHY WOULD YOU GO TO MCDONALDS." (because he wants to go to another chip shop) me : ".....(i cant stand this man)"
later we all went to bed, then suddenly insane hail stones+storm like never heard on the roof. i get up and go downstairs , open the back door and look out. shut it, pick up the cat and go to the lounge to look out that door.
he comes down aswell to see the storm (both of us just wearing a towel).
he says WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (obviously he came down to see the insane flash storm too)
me: im looking at the hail stones
him: WHY IS THAT CAT IN HERE? (he moves to look outside and obviously i move away from him, i go back to the back door)
him: WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS ON? ITS LIKE CHRISTMAS IN HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT THE BILL WILL BE LIKE. WHY ARE THE LIGHTS ALL ON EVERYWHERE?
he is in caps btw because he has a deep as fuck, commanding voice.
so i crack up, like i did a few months ago when he talked to me like a dog and commanded that i get a banana out of my bedroom.
i shout at him: "COZ I JUST CAME DOWN 1 MINUTE AGO TO LOOK AT THE FUCKING RAIN, LIKE YOU DID".
he walks right up to me now, pushes his chest a little bit against mine and sticks his finger up in my face (like he did a few months ago aswell) , and starts to say something like "Now you listen to me..."
i push past him to escape and shout back GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
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i rush up to my room and he comes after me, my mom comes down screaming WTF is happening you two>??
he starts going on about how i have problems and im a loser and im screaming at him to get the fuck away from me and out of my room, that i cant stand this man any longer, that both me and my sister fucking hate him, he is a psychopath, i cant live with him any longer, ive done my best for a year but i cant stand him. at one point i try to close my door on him and we have a door tug of war.
my mom is crying for an hour and it alternates with both me and my moms bf saying that we're going to leave, but my mom wants both of us to stay, eventually we go to the lounge to "talk" but i know this man is completely unable to listen or talk to anyone, my mom screams at him like 5 times because every time he opens his mouth its to say im a loser etc, im just sitting there coz i know it is a lost cause. later my mom is in my room and saying how did she get into this situation, and begging me not to leave, im hugging her and saying i wont
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my friend says "it might be your own problem if you cant handle how someone else talks to you, if he isnt physically threatening you or abusive then its not his fault thats how you feel about him". but then again thats my friends "go to" for just about everything. he also said "why did you confront a control freak? you cant win against them"
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its the next evening now, ive just got home and no1 is in yet. idk what will happen. i can move out to my grandmothers house (20 mins away) but my mom does not want me to leave, she wants to live with me, in the new house. she doesnt know what to do, she cant live with this problem, she just wants us all to get along. i am very passive/submissive/accepting and so can get along with anyone, i managed it for a year with just these 2 explosions when this man treats me like a dog too much. he is like a territorial guerrilla
he says i am leaching off of him and my mother, but if i were to get a full time job he would not change the way he is towards me because that is his nature towards everyone, to be a control freak and stamp on every word that comes out of your mouth, and to enjoy it
  
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What would you like him to do?
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Have you and your sister ever spoken to your mother about this?
Otherwise start going to the gym and beefing up for the inevitable clash
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^updated
bisu: there is no changing how he is or how he interacts . he doesnt even see himself in a mirror. he is unable to compromise or act any different. so i have no request for him . i have told him in the past to not talk to me like a dog, and he says "i dont care about you or how i talk to you, you have serious issues mate", and comes right up to me and sticks his finger in my face. all he wants is to get rid of me, and he was doing quite well at that for the first few months that i was back home, getting my mom to believe that i needed to see a doctor, but now he realises that she might actually pick me over him if he forces it
denzil: my sister is 22 and a bit of a selfish young girl. my mom asked me and her to respect her bf and their relationship, "you dont need to like him but just try to get on with him for my sake". i do this but my sister is a bit stupid and will READILY get into an arguement and screaming match with my mom because she wont back down about the fact that she doesnt like him and cant stand him. she is at uni
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can you not post random irrelevent onion crap in my blog
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On August 04 2013 01:53 FFGenerations wrote:
can you not post random irrelevent onion crap in my blog
Sorry, I never know when things are serious issues anymore.
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If he's the type of person you seem to think he is, he's probably trying to get your mother alone, zone everybody else out of her life so that he can control her completely and utterly. That's usually the endgame for people like him. I take it your mom is pretty passive?
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On August 04 2013 01:56 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
If he's the type of person you seem to think he is, he's probably trying to get your mother alone, zone everybody else out of her life so that he can control her completely and utterly. That's usually the endgame for people like him. I take it your mom is pretty passive?
That's pretty horrible if he's trying to completely isolate her. What do you think your mom's going to do?
I'm sorry for posting the onion article. I don't know which blogs are real anymore.
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United States9699 Posts
You have to go. If you stay there will be a fight, I was in the same situation and because me and him fought tore my mom up inside. You leaving will hurt her but less so than a actual punches thrown fight. Plus sometimes you have to think of your mental well being.
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family living together is great for saving money in theory but in practice you need a special group of people or else everyone involved goes insane
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what were you doing getting chips at mcdonalds in the first place? get those at the grocery store
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Looks like he's a dick. Sometimes people can be rude because they want to push you to get stuff done though... but even his overall personally, he's probably just a dick...
I'm not sure what you should do. If I were you, I'd be perhaps more worried about your mother. She's the one who has to make a choice to deal with his shit or to stay (not that there's anything you can do about that). You actually do get to leave at some point. I would also be worried about being unable to get a job... Your mother's future and your own future are more important than your current discomfort.
I wish you the best luck about this whole situation...
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Talk to your mom, tell her that both you and your sister are fed up with the guy to the nth degree. Then start looking for a job to move out. I know that you said that competition is severe, just applying FOR EVERYTHING and see how it goes. What's there to lose?
Oh, and get a bat in the meantime. Just in case.
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How old are you?
Are you in college? Taking classes? High school?
This is what I see:
Introverted, submissive male with zero stated career goals or long-term plans, stuck in a relatively toxic household based largely on financial reasons. I say bite the bullet. Try to find a full time job, stash as much money as you can in a savings account, then bounce when the time is right.
Also, what the hell is this?
"i work 2 days a week, was "asked to leave" my old 2 days a week job for being too miserable "
Being too miserable? You got fired for having a shitty attitude in a place where jobs are apparently very hard to come by? Time for some tough love man, but you need to man the fuck up if that is true. Get a job, get some money, go to college, and move out. Take charge.
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well i will just have to try again to get a job i guess. unless my mom gives me the ok to go live with my grandmother, thats the only thing i can do to "improve relations". fyi i am 28 and at college (have to live at home, work part time to pay the rest of the college fee that isnt covered and to pay for food)
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On August 04 2013 02:27 Elegy wrote:
Being too miserable? You got fired for having a shitty attitude in a place where jobs are apparently very hard to come by? Time for some tough love man, but you need to man the fuck up if that is true. Get a job, get some money, go to college, and move out. Take charge.
idk what you mean by shitty attitude, im not a fucking super human. i lasted 6 months there, then he asked me to voluntarily leave. i was asked to leave my job prior to that also (1 year there) for being too miserable. what am i supposed to do. i do my best, im not a fucking american disney princess
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/kimE54c.jpg)
^ not me at work
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The relationship is out of your control, since you're living under your mother's roof, the one thing that's IN your control is improving your station in life and finding your own place. Other than that, the whole "i can't get a job, woe is me" thing don't fly with me. I'm with Elegy on this one, you gotta take a good look at yourself and be honest. If you got fired for having a bad attitude, that's on you, no one else. You have control over many things in your life, but your mother's love life isn't one of them. Fix what you can fix (your mentality towards working/jobs), and have the ability to accept what you can't change, pretty much.
Sorry I'm not more sympathetic, I'm currently looking for a career-type job out of college and have had to take up two sub-optimal part time jobs to pay bills, but it doesn't help anyone if I complain about it. Just gotta get motivated to get done what needs to get done! Just can't spend too long pitying yourself. It's okay to get down on yourself some days, take a day to curl up and watch a movie with a bucket of ice cream, whatever floats your boat, but you can't spend months at a time like that, it'll just feed off itself.
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No one is asking you to be upbeat and psyched all the time, but, acting like you despise the fact that you're there and sulking around everywhere kills everyone's mood and just creates a 'lethargic atmosphere'.
Next time he gets next to you and tries to do that aggressive standing over you, finger in your face shit just calmly ask him to please back away from you and if he doesn't, ask him again and if he still refuses then physically push him from you. Point out his passive-aggressive stance with everything and call him out on his shit. He's trying to compensate for something so just call him out when he tries to assert his "dominance". You need to start to stand up for yourself instead of just sitting here complaining about how you have no job and how your step-father is a dick when you're doing literally nothing about it.
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he starts going on about how i have problems and im a loser and im screaming at him to get the fuck away from me and out of my room, that i cant stand this man any longer, that both me and my sister fucking hate him, he is a psychopath, i cant live with him any longer, ive done my best for a year but i cant stand him. at one point i try to close my door on him and we have a door tug of war.
hahahah
I'd like to hear the other side of the story too
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EPT
