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On July 05 2012 10:35 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I love the discussion so far lol. Someone posts "Try X", and then Polar_Nada counters with "But I'm useless at that!" x.x
Polar_Nada:
1. Do you feel that you could have enough time for both a healthy relationship and your current amount of education/ work? If yes, move to #2. If no, don't bother trying and just focus on your studies first. You can always try finding someone when you're employed. If you don't know, ask others who are in relationships while studying what you're studying. For the record, if you can afford trying, try it just to build experience on what to do (or not to do) in the future. You don't need to find your future wife on the first try.
2. Do you have access to women? If yes, try to go out to places where you'll be seen and see them more (parties, hang-outs, bars, etc.). If no, make friends with guys who have connections to those places, and then go there more often. Regardless, go to #3.
3. Are you sociable around women? If yes, good. You can pick up a girl. If no... you need to be confident, friendly, and casual. You don't need to do anything flashy or super-intense. This is something that can be elaborated on later, but figure out whether or not you even want/ can handle a relationship (time-wise) first. Wow i found this very insightful. Thank you for that! I think ill just get more experience by talking to random girls...
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I feel you man, I don't understand how people get into relationships.
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Myy friend juggled west point, military service, and harvard med, and has been engaged to a girl all that time. It is possible so do not feel like you will ruin your life by doing both!
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I've found, the more you stop NEEDING a girlfriend, the easier it is to be relaxed and sociable around girls.
I realized that nerdy interests are actually a STRENGTH in the process - you know that you have a lot of things you can do by yourself in your spare time for amusement and recreation, you don't need other people for your fun. People who are constantly around other people, or who are constantly in relationships, they have that psychological need; which can get them in trouble like unhealthy relationships, or sketchy situations at parties or whatever.
I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though.
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On July 05 2012 11:46 jubil wrote: I've found, the more you stop NEEDING a girlfriend, the easier it is to be relaxed and sociable around girls.
I realized that nerdy interests are actually a STRENGTH in the process - you know that you have a lot of things you can do by yourself in your spare time for amusement and recreation, you don't need other people for your fun. People who are constantly around other people, or who are constantly in relationships, they have that psychological need; which can get them in trouble like unhealthy relationships, or sketchy situations at parties or whatever.
I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though. Pretty much exactly this. Set some standards for yourself instead of trying to live up to other people's standards (an unhealthy amount of people live like this). The girl doesn't find you attractive based on how you look, what you are wearing, what job you have or how much money you have. They find you attractive based on how you can handle your SHIT, carry yourself as a man, not be worried about picking up some chick (because if you really are worth it, why would you need to chase someone?). It's not what you say in a conversation that attracts her to you, its an aura you set around you when you have a killer mindset (vaginas TINGLE when they sense the aura). If anything I've written here is vague or you are skeptical of it, ask me to elaborate.
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One thing you should consider is whether you meet many girls in your regular life. If you don't -- like if you have a routine where you rarely if ever meet girls or have any reason to have meaningful interactions with them -- then you might want to think about changing your hobbies. If all you do is go to class, study, and play on your computer then you'll never meet girls.
Reading the PUA stuff will give you some ideas, but realistically you're not going to start walking up to random girls on the street and hitting on them. What you need is to put yourself in situations where you naturally meet women and can naturally talk to them without seeming creepy or weird. A few years ago I was feeling similar to you, and I signed up for an acting class. Every class I had to do a scene with a partner in front of the rest of the class. It was really hard at first -- the scenes would call for yelling and screaming, or being extremely sad, or whatever. But I got a lot more comfortable with people; and I did meet a lot of girls (which was my real reason for doing it anyway...)
It sounds like you are very introverted. Although this is something that you can never completely change, it's partly just a habit that you can alter to some extent. Just like you can work on changing other bad habits that you might have, But you'll have to force yourself a bit, and get out of your comfort zone a lot.
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Just keep working on your career. When you're in medical school you will be slaying candystripers left and right. You will have to quit starcraft 2 from the sheer volume of ass that will flood your dorm room. Keep working hard man.
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Katowice25012 Posts
You're thinking too much. Just go talk to some girls. Yeah it's scary but it turns out they are just people too and most of them are shy as well.
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On July 05 2012 11:36 theslayer922 wrote: I feel you man, I don't understand how people get into relationships. I know right. I kinda figured I'd just find one at work, school, or online after graduating.
On July 05 2012 11:46 jubil wrote: I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though. Sometimes parties can be really far away. Other times the intoxication effect can make you feel worse playing games at home, and you'll feel bad for leaving a social event.
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College isn't always about a relationship. If you can't get laid at college, give up. Go out with friends to clubs, go dancing (bitches love dancing), get some drinks in you (if you're legal). Also, another great way to meet girls is to suggest study groups to them in class if you've got an exam coming.
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On July 05 2012 08:33 Polar_Nada wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2012 08:32 n3gative wrote: don't worry, after you come out of med school many girls will find you very attractive $$$$$ how would they know if i dont even talk to them? =[ They'll be all over you for your amazing personality (ie: $$$$$), worry not.
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On July 05 2012 08:29 Kalingingsong wrote: This is why we still need arranged marriage. I spit my water LOLOLOL but nontheless be like me and just fap all day
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Strip clubs, titty bars, etc etc...
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On July 05 2012 14:38 MetalMarine wrote: Strip clubs, titty bars, etc etc... wtf lol. not worth it imo. we have porn for that.
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Try enrolling in club activities, it will probably help you learn to socialize and meet new people. You don't have to treat every girl like you're deciding whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with them. You can just make friends and start from there.
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Well, if you never had a girlfriend before don't expect to find one immediately. It's a very hard game at the start, you only learn by fucking things up immensely and never doing them again :p
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there's a couple things you can do beforehand.
- clean up your room, dress better, smell better, get a haircut, whatever may keep your ego down needs to be improved on (for example: i realized in my 20s that i was still wearing the same clothes i would wear as a 13 yr old. when i started to dress more like an adult man, i felt much better - and women noticed it, too) - be interesting. to do that you need to go outside and experience things. if you sit at home playing sc2 all the time you won't have many interesting stories to tell. get out of your comfort zone, there are so many things to do in life. - have goals. be ambitious. women absolutely LOVE that - more than looks. be the guy who gets shit done. your ambitions should always come first, women second. - practice things like holding eye contact. noone ever gets in trouble for making eye contact. but it's such a simply way to find out if women like you or not through their reactions
and finally, all you need to do is be brave for 10 seconds while you approach a girl. remember it could be rewarded with a lifetime of sex and no longer having to make sandwiches yourself ever.
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On July 05 2012 08:49 Polar_Nada wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2012 08:44 Kalingingsong wrote: don't have to be random, why not just meet people through friends? how do you do this? I don't go to parties.
You should.
And the guy above me pretty much tells all you REALLY need to do, disregard that cheesy pickup stuff, women arent particularly unlike men.
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