So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
I think you should read some of the Pick Up Artist book material items, especially stuff written by "Style" such as the game and the rules of the game, they will pretty much get you to ground level ability for getting a good looking girl and not just settling for less. Other than that it is practice, and having a non-serious relationship for a bit isn't a bad thing if you just want to get your dick wet until you leave. Its not like it has to be a huge deal with relationships all the time, though I prefer it that way.
On July 05 2012 08:34 docvoc wrote: I think you should read some of the Pick Up Artist book material items, especially stuff written by "Style" such as the game and the rules of the game, they will pretty much get you to ground level ability for getting a good looking girl and not just settling for less. Other than that it is practice, and having a non-serious relationship for a bit isn't a bad thing if you just want to get your dick wet until you leave. Its not like it has to be a huge deal with relationships all the time, though I prefer it that way.
So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
Pardon the terrible writing...
First thing you need to do is even figure out if you want a girlfriend lmao, you seem like you want one just because you haven't had one before. Anyway, this part is pretty funny:
On July 05 2012 08:22 Polar_Nada wrote: I will become distracted from starcraft 2
Hahaha, god for fucking bid you get distracted from Starcraft 2!
Anyway, you're best off just chatting up some girls at school, maybe if you have to do assignments together, or even people you sit near in lecture. Eventually just ask a girl for coffee if it seems like you have shit in common. Most women are going to be really nice and appreciate being asked out, even if they're already dating someone so it's not like it's that big of a deal.
I met my now fiancee on a trip I had to take for work. We hung out a couple days and then I just asked her if she would want to get together for coffee sometime, she agreed and now two years later we're engaged. The more you talk with women and ask them out the easier it gets.
To get a girlfriend, you need one of the three "B's": Balls, Booze, or Bullion. If you have that it isn't hard, but girlfriends are really expensive anyway so unless you are ready for that in addition to giving up a lot of your free time, then it's probably best to just avoid it.
But it's up to you. Just let us know what option you chose so we can congratulate/mock you for it!
On July 05 2012 08:34 docvoc wrote: I think you should read some of the Pick Up Artist book material items, especially stuff written by "Style" such as the game and the rules of the game, they will pretty much get you to ground level ability for getting a good looking girl and not just settling for less. Other than that it is practice, and having a non-serious relationship for a bit isn't a bad thing if you just want to get your dick wet until you leave. Its not like it has to be a huge deal with relationships all the time, though I prefer it that way.
Sorry - awful fucking advice. You're telling a shy guy who hasn't had a girlfriend before to read pick up artist material? Never going to work, women don't appreciate that shit.
So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
Pardon the terrible writing...
First thing you need to do is even figure out if you want a girlfriend lmao, you seem like you want one just because you haven't had one before. Anyway, this part is pretty funny:
On July 05 2012 08:22 Polar_Nada wrote: I will become distracted from starcraft 2
Hahaha, god for fucking bid you get distracted from Starcraft 2!
Anyway, you're best off just chatting up some girls at school, maybe if you have to do assignments together, or even people you sit near in lecture. Eventually just ask a girl for coffee if it seems like you have shit in common. Most women are going to be really nice and appreciate being asked out, even if they're already dating someone so it's not like it's that big of a deal.
I met my now fiancee on a trip I had to take for work. We hung out a couple days and then I just asked her if she would want to get together for coffee sometime, she agreed and now two years later we're engaged. The more you talk with women and ask them out the easier it gets.
Hey man. thanks for including that little tidbit of where you met your fiancee! i guess for now ill just try my best to talk to random girls.
So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
Pardon the terrible writing...
First thing you need to do is even figure out if you want a girlfriend lmao, you seem like you want one just because you haven't had one before. Anyway, this part is pretty funny:
On July 05 2012 08:22 Polar_Nada wrote: I will become distracted from starcraft 2
Hahaha, god for fucking bid you get distracted from Starcraft 2!
Anyway, you're best off just chatting up some girls at school, maybe if you have to do assignments together, or even people you sit near in lecture. Eventually just ask a girl for coffee if it seems like you have shit in common. Most women are going to be really nice and appreciate being asked out, even if they're already dating someone so it's not like it's that big of a deal.
I met my now fiancee on a trip I had to take for work. We hung out a couple days and then I just asked her if she would want to get together for coffee sometime, she agreed and now two years later we're engaged. The more you talk with women and ask them out the easier it gets.
Hey man. thanks for including that little tidbit of where you met your fiancee! i guess for now ill just try my best to talk to random girls.
At my school we used to have to do seminars for every class, so basically we did two hours of lecture and an hour of seminar, which was just a more private discussion about course material. The thing was though that because it was small groups, like 10 - 15 people, by the end of the year everyone got to know everyone else pretty well, so it was a good way to just casually talk to women and maybe meet someone interesting. I don't know if your school has anything like that, but also joining teams or clubs is a good way to:
Meet people, not just women.
Make connections.
Pad a future resume
Especially if you're going into medical school I'm sure there is some sort of club or group you can meet up with. Good luck!
OP, why don't you focus on getting through med-school before you get in a relationship? If you do get in a relationship make sure you set your boundaries and focus on your work.
On July 05 2012 09:06 Qwyn wrote: God damnit I love TL.
OP, why don't you focus on getting through med-school before you get in a relationship? If you do get in a relationship make sure you set your boundaries and focus on your work.
that sounds pretty good but how do I meet people after that? I will be so old...
On July 05 2012 09:06 Qwyn wrote: God damnit I love TL.
OP, why don't you focus on getting through med-school before you get in a relationship? If you do get in a relationship make sure you set your boundaries and focus on your work.
that sounds pretty good but how do I meet people after that? I will be so old...
Ive always said "Confidence and swagger go a long way". Then go charm them with your personality ;D
I'm pretty sure youre going to make friends who are girls EVENTUALLY and youll naturally start getting close to them. I think. Thats how it happens a lot for me o.O
Just talk to ladies. Just do it. Don't be awkward, don't make it seem like you have an agenda, just talk as if she's another human. If things go well, use your humor, your brains, whatever, and get her attention. Then ask her out, something small, like a coffee. If that goes well, bam.
But decide right now if you want a girlfriend. That way, if you decide you do, you can just go for it without second guessing yourself. Don't be scared about it, if you mess up, no big. Lots of other ladies to talk to.
On July 05 2012 08:44 Kalingingsong wrote: don't have to be random, why not just meet people through friends?
how do you do this? I don't go to parties.
Think of it this way - the girl you want to meet is probably pretty similar to yourself. If she can overcome her fears/whatever and go to a party, she won't ever get to meet you if you're not there.
If you don't want to meet someone in a social setting, just wait for med school then chose female lab partners etc, there's so much stuff you do that's 1on1 that you'll quicky get over any intimacy issues. You stare into each others eyes during retina exams, poke each other with needles, listen to each others hearts - the list goes on. The program literally forces you into these awkward situations to make sure you will be able to handle patient interaction. You'll also roleplay a lot with doctor-patient scenarios so yeah... There's training waiting for you further down the road but i wouldn't wait. Go to a party or two.
On July 05 2012 09:19 JerKy wrote: Ive always said "Confidence and swagger go a long way". Then go charm them with your personality ;D
I'm pretty sure youre going to make friends who are girls EVENTUALLY and youll naturally start getting close to them. I think. Thats how it happens a lot for me o.O
On July 05 2012 08:44 Kalingingsong wrote: don't have to be random, why not just meet people through friends?
how do you do this? I don't go to parties.
Think of it this way - the girl you want to meet is probably pretty similar to yourself. If she can overcome her fears/whatever and go to a party, she won't ever get to meet you if you're not there.
If you don't want to meet someone in a social setting, just wait for med school then chose female lab partners etc, there's so much stuff you do that's 1on1 that you'll quicky get over any intimacy issues. You stare into each others eyes during retina exams, poke each other with needles, listen to each others hearts - the list goes on. The program literally forces you into these awkward situations to make sure you will be able to handle patient interaction. You'll also roleplay a lot with doctor-patient scenarios so yeah... There's training waiting for you further down the road but i wouldn't wait. Go to a party or two.
if shes similar to me, I guess ill meet her on starcraft ^_^
On July 05 2012 08:34 docvoc wrote: I think you should read some of the Pick Up Artist book material items, especially stuff written by "Style" such as the game and the rules of the game, they will pretty much get you to ground level ability for getting a good looking girl and not just settling for less. Other than that it is practice, and having a non-serious relationship for a bit isn't a bad thing if you just want to get your dick wet until you leave. Its not like it has to be a huge deal with relationships all the time, though I prefer it that way.
On July 05 2012 09:19 JerKy wrote: Ive always said "Confidence and swagger go a long way". Then go charm them with your personality ;D
I'm pretty sure youre going to make friends who are girls EVENTUALLY and youll naturally start getting close to them. I think. Thats how it happens a lot for me o.O
But I am sooooo quiet ~_~
That's just an excuse you are telling yourself. Nothing is stopping you from just walking up to someone, complimenting something about them , and maybe engaging in further conversation. It's not that hard at all to talk to women so long as you actually try. Stop theorycrafting it, and just walk up to a girl and say something positive. The worst thing that will happen is she wont be interested, in which case you are still perfectly fine. College is an amazing place to meet people, due to the mass amount of attendees. Once you get out of school into the real world it gets a bit harder. Don't let the moment pass you by!
I love the discussion so far lol. Someone posts "Try X", and then Polar_Nada counters with "But I'm useless at that!" x.x
Polar_Nada:
1. Do you feel that you could have enough time for both a healthy relationship and your current amount of education/ work? If yes, move to #2. If no, don't bother trying and just focus on your studies first. You can always try finding someone when you're employed. If you don't know, ask others who are in relationships while studying what you're studying. For the record, if you can afford trying, try it just to build experience on what to do (or not to do) in the future. You don't need to find your future wife on the first try.
2. Do you have access to women? If yes, try to go out to places where you'll be seen and see them more (parties, hang-outs, bars, etc.). If no, make friends with guys who have connections to those places, and then go there more often. Regardless, go to #3.
3. Are you sociable around women? If yes, good. You can pick up a girl. If no... you need to be confident, friendly, and casual. You don't need to do anything flashy or super-intense. This is something that can be elaborated on later, but figure out whether or not you even want/ can handle a relationship (time-wise) first.
Tells you how to approach chicks if you can't already, and also how to pick up and get laid. Its a good read.
Also, just throw caution to the wind and TALK to people. Start with a simple 'hey man what's up I'm a d00d'. Get guy friends, and then girl friends will follow.
On July 05 2012 10:35 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: I love the discussion so far lol. Someone posts "Try X", and then Polar_Nada counters with "But I'm useless at that!" x.x
Polar_Nada:
1. Do you feel that you could have enough time for both a healthy relationship and your current amount of education/ work? If yes, move to #2. If no, don't bother trying and just focus on your studies first. You can always try finding someone when you're employed. If you don't know, ask others who are in relationships while studying what you're studying. For the record, if you can afford trying, try it just to build experience on what to do (or not to do) in the future. You don't need to find your future wife on the first try.
2. Do you have access to women? If yes, try to go out to places where you'll be seen and see them more (parties, hang-outs, bars, etc.). If no, make friends with guys who have connections to those places, and then go there more often. Regardless, go to #3.
3. Are you sociable around women? If yes, good. You can pick up a girl. If no... you need to be confident, friendly, and casual. You don't need to do anything flashy or super-intense. This is something that can be elaborated on later, but figure out whether or not you even want/ can handle a relationship (time-wise) first.
Wow i found this very insightful. Thank you for that! I think ill just get more experience by talking to random girls...
Myy friend juggled west point, military service, and harvard med, and has been engaged to a girl all that time. It is possible so do not feel like you will ruin your life by doing both!
I've found, the more you stop NEEDING a girlfriend, the easier it is to be relaxed and sociable around girls.
I realized that nerdy interests are actually a STRENGTH in the process - you know that you have a lot of things you can do by yourself in your spare time for amusement and recreation, you don't need other people for your fun. People who are constantly around other people, or who are constantly in relationships, they have that psychological need; which can get them in trouble like unhealthy relationships, or sketchy situations at parties or whatever.
I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though.
On July 05 2012 11:46 jubil wrote: I've found, the more you stop NEEDING a girlfriend, the easier it is to be relaxed and sociable around girls.
I realized that nerdy interests are actually a STRENGTH in the process - you know that you have a lot of things you can do by yourself in your spare time for amusement and recreation, you don't need other people for your fun. People who are constantly around other people, or who are constantly in relationships, they have that psychological need; which can get them in trouble like unhealthy relationships, or sketchy situations at parties or whatever.
I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though.
Pretty much exactly this. Set some standards for yourself instead of trying to live up to other people's standards (an unhealthy amount of people live like this). The girl doesn't find you attractive based on how you look, what you are wearing, what job you have or how much money you have. They find you attractive based on how you can handle your SHIT, carry yourself as a man, not be worried about picking up some chick (because if you really are worth it, why would you need to chase someone?). It's not what you say in a conversation that attracts her to you, its an aura you set around you when you have a killer mindset (vaginas TINGLE when they sense the aura). If anything I've written here is vague or you are skeptical of it, ask me to elaborate.
One thing you should consider is whether you meet many girls in your regular life. If you don't -- like if you have a routine where you rarely if ever meet girls or have any reason to have meaningful interactions with them -- then you might want to think about changing your hobbies. If all you do is go to class, study, and play on your computer then you'll never meet girls.
Reading the PUA stuff will give you some ideas, but realistically you're not going to start walking up to random girls on the street and hitting on them. What you need is to put yourself in situations where you naturally meet women and can naturally talk to them without seeming creepy or weird. A few years ago I was feeling similar to you, and I signed up for an acting class. Every class I had to do a scene with a partner in front of the rest of the class. It was really hard at first -- the scenes would call for yelling and screaming, or being extremely sad, or whatever. But I got a lot more comfortable with people; and I did meet a lot of girls (which was my real reason for doing it anyway...)
It sounds like you are very introverted. Although this is something that you can never completely change, it's partly just a habit that you can alter to some extent. Just like you can work on changing other bad habits that you might have, But you'll have to force yourself a bit, and get out of your comfort zone a lot.
Just keep working on your career. When you're in medical school you will be slaying candystripers left and right. You will have to quit starcraft 2 from the sheer volume of ass that will flood your dorm room. Keep working hard man.
On July 05 2012 11:36 theslayer922 wrote: I feel you man, I don't understand how people get into relationships.
I know right. I kinda figured I'd just find one at work, school, or online after graduating.
On July 05 2012 11:46 jubil wrote: I'd say, for parties and stuff, just go into them thinking "I don't actually HAVE to be here. If I don't like it, I can always go back and play some starcraft." or "I'll only stay for 30/60min. Then, back to the dorm." Then, if it actually turns out to be bad, you haven't really lost anything; but if there's interesting people there to talk with, you can stay and do some flirting or w/e. The important part is actually going though.
Sometimes parties can be really far away. Other times the intoxication effect can make you feel worse playing games at home, and you'll feel bad for leaving a social event.
College isn't always about a relationship. If you can't get laid at college, give up. Go out with friends to clubs, go dancing (bitches love dancing), get some drinks in you (if you're legal). Also, another great way to meet girls is to suggest study groups to them in class if you've got an exam coming.
Try enrolling in club activities, it will probably help you learn to socialize and meet new people. You don't have to treat every girl like you're deciding whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with them. You can just make friends and start from there.
Well, if you never had a girlfriend before don't expect to find one immediately. It's a very hard game at the start, you only learn by fucking things up immensely and never doing them again :p
- clean up your room, dress better, smell better, get a haircut, whatever may keep your ego down needs to be improved on (for example: i realized in my 20s that i was still wearing the same clothes i would wear as a 13 yr old. when i started to dress more like an adult man, i felt much better - and women noticed it, too) - be interesting. to do that you need to go outside and experience things. if you sit at home playing sc2 all the time you won't have many interesting stories to tell. get out of your comfort zone, there are so many things to do in life. - have goals. be ambitious. women absolutely LOVE that - more than looks. be the guy who gets shit done. your ambitions should always come first, women second. - practice things like holding eye contact. noone ever gets in trouble for making eye contact. but it's such a simply way to find out if women like you or not through their reactions
and finally, all you need to do is be brave for 10 seconds while you approach a girl. remember it could be rewarded with a lifetime of sex and no longer having to make sandwiches yourself ever.
On July 05 2012 08:44 Kalingingsong wrote: don't have to be random, why not just meet people through friends?
how do you do this? I don't go to parties.
Think of it this way - the girl you want to meet is probably pretty similar to yourself. If she can overcome her fears/whatever and go to a party, she won't ever get to meet you if you're not there.
If you don't want to meet someone in a social setting, just wait for med school then chose female lab partners etc, there's so much stuff you do that's 1on1 that you'll quicky get over any intimacy issues. You stare into each others eyes during retina exams, poke each other with needles, listen to each others hearts - the list goes on. The program literally forces you into these awkward situations to make sure you will be able to handle patient interaction. You'll also roleplay a lot with doctor-patient scenarios so yeah... There's training waiting for you further down the road but i wouldn't wait. Go to a party or two.
if shes similar to me, I guess ill meet her on starcraft ^_^
On July 05 2012 08:38 mastergriggy wrote: To get a girlfriend, you need one of the three "B's": Balls, Booze, or Bullion. If you have that it isn't hard, but girlfriends are really expensive anyway so unless you are ready for that in addition to giving up a lot of your free time, then it's probably best to just avoid it.
But it's up to you. Just let us know what option you chose so we can congratulate/mock you for it!
The amount of mysogyny in this thread is spectacular.
-edit:
On July 05 2012 12:46 heyoka wrote: You're thinking too much. Just go talk to some girls. Yeah it's scary but it turns out they are just people too and most of them are shy as well.
nononono Don't treat women like human beings, that could lead to a meaninful relationship. See it's all like a contest and women are the prizes. You have to learn to trick them into having meaningless sex with you. When you find yourself inevitably unfulfilled then you can start rediculous exercise programs, not aimed at being healthy, but aimed at being physically attractive so you can have more meaningless sex with vain and shallow women. Then you can go onto the internets and brag to everyone about how much of a baller you are to compensate for all your shortcomings!
On July 06 2012 04:53 iKill[ShocK] wrote: are you white by any chance? Asian bitches love white guys, i know because im asian. And you got lots of asian bitches at Irvine.
Not always true... >_> I also know because I'm Asian.
Everywhere you go, you notice attractive women. It's impossible to venture out of your house without encountering at least one. When you see an attractive women, don't think, don't contemplate, just walk up and start talking. Introduce yourself, inquire about their current activities, make jokes, complement them, and then ask them out. Sounds scary, but it's really not. The trick is to not think after seeing an attractive girl. Once a girl says yes, and they will say yes, date for as little or as much as you want. Your first date, you will suck. You will be an awkward nerd who does everything wrong and probably comments on how her arms are hairier than yours. But the next time you will do better. And better after that. And eventually, you will come to realize just what it is exactly you want in a relationship. To whatever extent that might be. And then you can move on comfortably with your life.
On July 06 2012 04:53 iKill[ShocK] wrote: are you white by any chance? Asian bitches love white guys, i know because im asian. And you got lots of asian bitches at Irvine.
Too bad. Im a nerdy asian lollolol.
On July 06 2012 11:40 Fumanchu wrote: Everywhere you go, you notice attractive women. It's impossible to venture out of your house without encountering at least one. When you see an attractive women, don't think, don't contemplate, just walk up and start talking. Introduce yourself, inquire about their current activities, make jokes, complement them, and then ask them out. Sounds scary, but it's really not. The trick is to not think after seeing an attractive girl. Once a girl says yes, and they will say yes, date for as little or as much as you want. Your first date, you will suck. You will be an awkward nerd who does everything wrong and probably comments on how her arms are hairier than yours. But the next time you will do better. And better after that. And eventually, you will come to realize just what it is exactly you want in a relationship. To whatever extent that might be. And then you can move on comfortably with your life.
Yes. People keep telling me this. The hardest part is just walking up to a random girl and talking to her. I never EVER see other people do this, but I know I should ~_~
On July 05 2012 12:46 heyoka wrote: You're thinking too much. Just go talk to some girls. Yeah it's scary but it turns out they are just people too and most of them are shy as well.
nononono Don't treat women like human beings, that could lead to a meaninful relationship. See it's all like a contest and women are the prizes. You have to learn to trick them into having meaningless sex with you. When you find yourself inevitably unfulfilled then you can start rediculous exercise programs, not aimed at being healthy, but aimed at being physically attractive so you can have more meaningless sex with vain and shallow women. Then you can go onto the internets and brag to everyone about how much of a baller you are to compensate for all your shortcomings!
PS: heyoka's advice is the best advice in this whole thread. Lol @ the guy who posted the exercise video.
Although what you say about men chasing sex for external validation to be true, i know of a few guys who don't brag about their conquests to everyone they know but rather they truly enjoy having the company of numerous different women. They even go into relationships when they want to, though they usually somewhat regret it heh.
And the exercise video wasn't actually about exercise, you missed the whole point. It was about determination, persistence and going for what you really want. Essentially finding the motivation to chase your dreams.
On July 05 2012 12:46 heyoka wrote: You're thinking too much. Just go talk to some girls. Yeah it's scary but it turns out they are just people too and most of them are shy as well.
nononono Don't treat women like human beings, that could lead to a meaninful relationship. See it's all like a contest and women are the prizes. You have to learn to trick them into having meaningless sex with you. When you find yourself inevitably unfulfilled then you can start rediculous exercise programs, not aimed at being healthy, but aimed at being physically attractive so you can have more meaningless sex with vain and shallow women. Then you can go onto the internets and brag to everyone about how much of a baller you are to compensate for all your shortcomings!
PS: heyoka's advice is the best advice in this whole thread. Lol @ the guy who posted the exercise video.
Although what you say about men chasing sex for external validation to be true, i know of a few guys who don't brag about their conquests to everyone they know but rather they truly enjoy having the company of numerous different women. They even go into relationships when they want to, though they usually somewhat regret it heh.
And the exercise video wasn't actually about exercise, you missed the whole point. It was about determination, persistence and going for what you really want. Essentially finding the motivation to chase your dreams.
I feel like I could write a paper on the social pressure inflicted upon newcomers by the overachiever of our world.
On July 05 2012 12:46 heyoka wrote: You're thinking too much. Just go talk to some girls. Yeah it's scary but it turns out they are just people too and most of them are shy as well.
nononono Don't treat women like human beings, that could lead to a meaninful relationship. See it's all like a contest and women are the prizes. You have to learn to trick them into having meaningless sex with you. When you find yourself inevitably unfulfilled then you can start rediculous exercise programs, not aimed at being healthy, but aimed at being physically attractive so you can have more meaningless sex with vain and shallow women. Then you can go onto the internets and brag to everyone about how much of a baller you are to compensate for all your shortcomings!
PS: heyoka's advice is the best advice in this whole thread. Lol @ the guy who posted the exercise video.
Although what you say about men chasing sex for external validation to be true, i know of a few guys who don't brag about their conquests to everyone they know but rather they truly enjoy having the company of numerous different women. They even go into relationships when they want to, though they usually somewhat regret it heh.
And the exercise video wasn't actually about exercise, you missed the whole point. It was about determination, persistence and going for what you really want. Essentially finding the motivation to chase your dreams.
I feel like I could write a paper on the social pressure inflicted upon newcomers by the overachiever of our world.
I feel like i could have a really good answer for this if it wasn't so passive aggressive.
And seriously, what do you mean? What social pressure? The guy in the video is an overachiever because he worked his ass off, realising his potential?
it's probably easier to friend girls than girlfriend girls. and then maybe one of the girls you friend will like you some of your female friends will friendzone you and some won't. chances are, many of the ones who *permanently friendzone you (whatever that means) probably wouldn't be interested in being your gf regardless of how you approached her. so no worries.
^but on the other hand if you really are interested in a girl, friend or not, you should def let her know that...
On July 06 2012 15:59 Azera wrote: Make friends w/ the girls first
Legit advice. Something you could follow yourself... =P
If you're nervous around girls, you have to first get around that by becoming casual / activity friends with girls. What are your interests other than gaming? Perhaps music, arts, drama, or maybe even juggling? In College there should be an abundance of student clubs and organizations you can join and meet new people and make new friendships.
A lot of girl blogs on TL are about how to pick up a specific girl in a particular situation, but for you, I think it's best to start at the friendship level. Drop the thought of marriage or long-term relationship or whatever, focus on the present and enjoy what's there.
It all starts when you say hi to your stand partner as you take your seat in the first violin section of the school orchestra... and she says hi back.
On July 06 2012 22:19 OpticalShot wrote: It all starts when you say hi to your stand partner as you take your seat in the first violin section of the school orchestra... and she says hi back.
On July 06 2012 22:19 OpticalShot wrote: It all starts when you say hi to your stand partner as you take your seat in the first violin section of the school orchestra... and she says hi back.
On July 06 2012 22:19 OpticalShot wrote: It all starts when you say hi to your stand partner as you take your seat in the first violin section of the school orchestra... and she says hi back.
"Hey" has a higher success rate than "Hi" btw :p
Sounds like an excellent idea! I will join the tennis club next school year.
On July 06 2012 22:19 OpticalShot wrote: It all starts when you say hi to your stand partner as you take your seat in the first violin section of the school orchestra... and she says hi back.
"Hey" has a higher success rate than "Hi" btw :p
Sounds like an excellent idea! I will join the tennis club next school year.
HS Tennis is fun I wasn't on the team but I played with people on it a lot. Mostly just ended up getting the ball when I hit it into the woods :/
On July 08 2012 16:58 FabledIntegral wrote: I should have peer pressured you to drink when we were in vegas.
...
Maybe you need a make-over or to work out? It's not all about what's inside, despite how certain males think when it comes to girls being interested in guys?
You need both inner and outer game. outer game is relatively easily solved - workout, get bigger/toned, dress nicely + shoes, do your hair properly, drop your glasses if possible (I know, cuz i was a nerdy asian kid with glasses)
inner game means confidence, voice control, being a good conversationalist, knowing how to match the girl's energy. To get a girlfriend, you need a girl. (duh). Therefore, you need to be in places with girls. (duh). if you are at home all the time, there is no girl, therefore you have no girlfriend.
Places with girls: Nightlife. (the best person to go with is a wing woman, but since that looks like an unlikely option, go with a dude or 2. make sure they know what they are doing, and are at least comfortable around with women.) Go to house parties. Know people who know people. Next: social clubs. Greek life, if not social organizations. Go to language/acting/music/psych classes, events (I am not a fan of meeting girls in classes because its such a bad frame to start from! you are simply another dude who is doing homework with her) Last way, social circles. Know people who know girls, hang out with them, and slowly work your way.
I personally know so many attractive girls that swoon over unattractive male med school students.
Don't worry, finish med school then start random relationships (Fx buddy) with the nurses you work with. That's what the unmarried doctors my wife works with do.
You need both inner and outer game. outer game is relatively easily solved - workout, get bigger/toned, dress nicely + shoes, do your hair properly, drop your glasses if possible (I know, cuz i was a nerdy asian kid with glasses)
inner game means confidence, voice control, being a good conversationalist, knowing how to match the girl's energy. To get a girlfriend, you need a girl. (duh). Therefore, you need to be in places with girls. (duh). if you are at home all the time, there is no girl, therefore you have no girlfriend.
Places with girls: Nightlife. (the best person to go with is a wing woman, but since that looks like an unlikely option, go with a dude or 2. make sure they know what they are doing, and are at least comfortable around with women.) Go to house parties. Know people who know people. Next: social clubs. Greek life, if not social organizations. Go to language/acting/music/psych classes, events (I am not a fan of meeting girls in classes because its such a bad frame to start from! you are simply another dude who is doing homework with her) Last way, social circles. Know people who know girls, hang out with them, and slowly work your way.
Yes. Thank you for this. My goodness I don't know how on earth I am going to do all of this. Everything you have mentioned is way out of my comfort zone. But I will try my best, hopefully starting with building up myself first.
I think saying that a girl will get in the way of school is just another excuse out of the many you have for why you've never had a girlfriend. Do you really believe there is no girl out there that will understand your situation? You are not doing much to make yourself noticeable for girls either. Try figuring out why girls don't find you attractive and fix that. Compensate for your bad attributes by enhancing others. Goodluck have fun.
On July 05 2012 08:31 blabber wrote: so do you want a girlfriend or do you not
i dont know! I have mixed feelings, so im asking for advice here. lollollololol
I can see you are terrible at this by the lollollololol... *shivers*
I have very socially inept friends who lean on these things: ''internet sayings'', memes and other internet quirky culture. They don´t use it to create original thoughts, but just as exclamations to fill the void when you have nothing and is expected to say something. Edit: Don´t get me wrong, I have nothing against them, they are actually my friends, and I like them. But they can only really hang with established peers, they are very incapable of getting into new groups.
Look over what you say to your friends and see after if you found yourself relying on these crutches.
If so: Stop doing them, and feel relaxation in silence.
Unable to handle silence is most awkward people´s problem, because the reaction to silence is the easiest way to see if someone is insecure or not.
I think the best thing you can do is start being more social. It will be uncomfortable at first, but that's normal for everyone. It is much harder to find a social life after you finish school, so start now. Consider it practice... you're just learning how to have comversations and feel comfortable in social settings. It will be very very weird at first. You'll make mistakes. Just keep going out. Parties, school events, join a club or two... something to get you around people. You don't need to go crazy, but you need to go out, even when you don't feel like it. It'll become easy soon enough.
man. this week there were so many girls that were like sitting alone, but i had NO CONFIDENCE at all to talk to them. I have no idea how to open!!!
For example, today there was this hot ass asian girl in the bus, and there were very few people also in the bus. She was even wearing a see-through shirt (kinda) so i saw her underwear. I got an instant boner and it was awkward as fuck. ~_~
Whether or not you want a girlfriend, you should be seeking every opportunity possible to engage in polite/well-intentioned conversation with as many girls as possible. I believe you have issues with confidence, but you have to understand when you're talking to girls that they're more concerned with how THEY sound/look than they are with how YOU sound/look. Don't ever be afraid to talk to a girl about damn near anything, and if you're having trouble taking that first step, plan a story or a conversation topic that you know a lot about before you confront her. You'd be shocked how many wonderful conversations I've started with "Hey, I'm Tim (Extend hand and shake gently). How are you today?"
When in doubt, stay POSITIVE, be FRIENDLY, and SMILE. Even if a girl isn't interested in dating you, and you become disinterested in dating her, it doesn't mean you can't like each other and enjoy the conversation. You need to approach talking to a girl not as "trying to hook up" but as "trying to meet a new friend and learn as much as you can about them."
since you are starting out, don't think of getting a gf. Truthfully, since u are new to all this, chances are you are gonna mess up the first one. just talk and meet girls, leave the hook up chat to better areas like parties.
In fact, imho the best option for you right now is to find epic dudes who can pull girls, so you know what to do. Know that when you are beside them, girls would not see you as you pale so much in comparison. But learn all their tricks, what they do, and what makes them tick. bide your time, and continue your self improvement. I would advise reading all the PUA stuff, notwithstanding the ethical issues, but because they provide some concrete steps that would be useful to a totally new dude.
i should know all this, because I used to be in your exact shoes. Now, after much hard work, I know what to do, and how to pull relatively consistently. Girls call me from Beijing, New York, and different countries lol.
So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
Pardon the terrible writing...
The part I put in bold text is true, having a Girlfriend WILL hinder your schoolwork and sc2 time. Frankly put, relationships require you to invest a copious amount of time to make them work. If you plan on having a Girlfriend then you need to plan on sacrificing some of your time, you're trading one thing for another. Honestly though, it sounds like you don't know what you want, friend. Perhaps you just need to get laid and not worry about a relationship until you're a bit more stable.
On July 13 2012 12:22 bloopie wrote:
i should know all this, because I used to be in your exact shoes. Now, after much hard work, I know what to do, and how to pull relatively consistently. Girls call me from Beijing, New York, and different countries lol.
Girls from different countries talk to you? That's called chatting, pal. It doesn't matter if you have a shit ton of girls talking to you if you're not actually going to meet them. Also, way to shamelessly talk up yourself in an advice blog.
So I have a small problem I have with obtaining a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend, and I don't know how much I want to keep it that way anymore. I was always a very quiet guy, so I have very few girls that are friends.
In college, there are so many girls that I find very attractive, but the main problem is getting to even just talk to one. Also, I keep giving myself so many excuses. I feel like getting a girlfriend will hinder many many things. I will become distracted from starcraft 2, and my school work. Also, I am applying for med school this year, so if I were to acquire a relationship, it wont last that long.
But, I am also scared for marriage in the future when i still have so much difficulty with girls??
Pardon the terrible writing...
The part I put in bold text is true, having a Girlfriend WILL hinder your schoolwork and sc2 time. Frankly put, relationships require you to invest a copious amount of time to make them work. If you plan on having a Girlfriend then you need to plan on sacrificing some of your time, you're trading one thing for another. Honestly though, it sounds like you don't know what you want, friend. Perhaps you just need to get laid and not worry about a relationship until you're a bit more stable.
i should know all this, because I used to be in your exact shoes. Now, after much hard work, I know what to do, and how to pull relatively consistently. Girls call me from Beijing, New York, and different countries lol.
Girls from different countries talk to you? That's called chatting, pal. It doesn't matter if you have a shit ton of girls talking to you if you're not actually going to meet them. Also, way to shamelessly talk up yourself in an advice blog.
Oh sorry, forgot to mention that I have banged them all before. But you are right, i should stop derailing, just wanted to show a positive example to OP. Just PM me if anything.
On July 11 2012 13:05 Polar_Nada wrote: man. this week there were so many girls that were like sitting alone, but i had NO CONFIDENCE at all to talk to them. I have no idea how to open!!!
For example, today there was this hot ass asian girl in the bus, and there were very few people also in the bus. She was even wearing a see-through shirt (kinda) so i saw her underwear. I got an instant boner and it was awkward as fuck. ~_~
It's not awkward unless she knows you have a boner.
And I don't think randomly going up and talking to girls that you have no idea who they are is the best way to meet girls anyways.
P.S. Don't go for girls out of your league anyways. Assuming this hot ass Asian girl is. Those aren't the best ones to go after if you don't have much experience ... save them for later. Many girls like confident/cocky douchebags too, so dont' show that you're nervous. Putting on a fake can help sometimes if you're nervous, just don't overdo it.
First question: Do you like yourself/think you're awesome?
If no: Fix this. Learn to like yourself and realize that you're awesome.
If yes: You will eventually meet girls, and if they're even marginally decent judges of character, they'll also realize that you're awesome. It sounds like you're not the kind of person who enjoys parties. That's fine, though drinking helps (both with you and with them). When you get to med school, you'll be forced to be around people, and many of those people will be girls. Join study groups. Hang out with these people. If you like one and think you might like to date them, take a time when you're alone and say that. Literally. Just say that. "Hey. I think you're cute/funny/interest/whateveritdoesn'treallymatter. Would you like to get coffee/drinks with me some time?" Confidence is really 95% of the battle. (The rest is not looking/smelling hideous.)
I could go on, but really most of this comes down to the first question. The more comfortable you become with who you are the easier it will be to get dates with girls if you want them.
On July 05 2012 12:05 Elegance wrote: The girl doesn't find you attractive based on how you look, what you are wearing, what job you have or how much money you have. They find you attractive based on how you can handle your SHIT, carry yourself as a man, not be worried about picking up some chick (because if you really are worth it, why would you need to chase someone?). It's not what you say in a conversation that attracts her to you, its an aura you set around you when you have a killer mindset (vaginas TINGLE when they sense the aura).
you're barking up the wrong tree.. going to parties won't get you a girl thats like you, you'll find extroverted girls... if you want a bookworm, start looking in their natural habitat: the library.. you need to overcome your social anxiety, start going up to girls and being retarded, then eventually you'll realize it's not that bad and you can start approaching girls like a normal human being... you're in med school, literally every girl you talk to will be impressed by that.
On July 11 2012 13:05 Polar_Nada wrote: man. this week there were so many girls that were like sitting alone, but i had NO CONFIDENCE at all to talk to them. I have no idea how to open!!!
For example, today there was this hot ass asian girl in the bus, and there were very few people also in the bus. She was even wearing a see-through shirt (kinda) so i saw her underwear. I got an instant boner and it was awkward as fuck. ~_~
I usually wouldn't suggest what I'm about to suggest because I don't think it's necessary for a lot of men, but you could really benefit from working out. If you work out at home or at a gym you'll feel a lot better about yourself and you'll be more attractive. If you notice women paying more attention to you or looking at you then maybe you'll develop some more confidence in yourself because that seems to be your problem right now. A woman isn't likely to come up to you and do all the work for you, you're have to go out and do some of it yourself.
I don't know you personally (obviously) so I can't say with much confidence what the problems are for you, but it's clear that confidence is at least one of them, and you seem a little awkward - feeling better about yourself is going to help you in both cases, so go out, meet some people at the gym, and work out a bit, it'll likely do you wonders.
Also, by the direction of this thread it doesn't seem like you're capable of a meaningful relationship with a woman right now to be honest, even if a woman came along who was willing to drag you down that path kicking and screaming. Best to wait and prepare for when you are.
On July 05 2012 12:05 Elegance wrote: The girl doesn't find you attractive based on how you look, what you are wearing, what job you have or how much money you have. They find you attractive based on how you can handle your SHIT, carry yourself as a man, not be worried about picking up some chick (because if you really are worth it, why would you need to chase someone?). It's not what you say in a conversation that attracts her to you, its an aura you set around you when you have a killer mindset (vaginas TINGLE when they sense the aura).
This man knows his shit listen to him
+1
rofl "vaginas TINGLE"
Focus on med school now but just try to make friends and talk to girls in general I guess? Don't seriously pursue a relationship if you think it will interfere with your life at this point, but get yourself out there and learn not to be so awkward I suppose.
EPT![[image loading]](http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/5134822_700b.jpg)
some of your female friends will friendzone you and some won't. chances are, many of the ones who *permanently friendzone you (whatever that means) probably wouldn't be interested in being your gf regardless of how you approached her. so no worries.![[image loading]](http://urlybits.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Heyyyy-610x322.png)
