EPTA tough relationship drama - Page 2
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Autofire2
Pakistan290 Posts
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TheLOLas
United States646 Posts
On November 26 2011 09:35 ABagOfFritos wrote: This doesn't bother me. People can tell me I'm wrong all they want, as long as I can convince her dad I'll be happy. But I think that you are missing a crucial part of this. What if her father is one of those people who see a huge gap between 16 and 20. I think you will find it hard to negotiate with him. Honestly bro, I think it would be best if you let it go and try to find someone else more within your age range. | ||
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Mjolnir
912 Posts
I know you like this girl, probably a lot, and probably with nothing but good intentions; but... She's 16. There's a good chance that she herself isn't emotionally stable to maintain an adult relationship that will be permanent. Christ, I would never date a woman under 26 for that reason specifically. What I'm saying, is that so much changes in a person during high school, and especially university. Do you think it's worth all this hassle for a relationship that has to survive such tumultuous periods of time? You're more mature than she is - and still, you're a kid (yes, I'm much older than you - and I don't call you a "kid" in a derogatory way) but her - she's a child. From everything I've seen, relationships that start at such an age (her age) are almost guaranteed to end before they become serious. Given the added stress of your situation, I'd say that makes things that much more difficult for you two. If you really think you have a shot, stay friends, wait. See what happens when she's 20 and you're 24 (or 22 and you're 26 etc. etc.) You have to ask yourself, is all the stress you're placing on the two of you (and her family) worth the gamble? | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:02 ranshaked wrote: No because I'm an adult. I do adult things that a high schooler can't do. I pay bills and have a job. When you're in hs you aren't an adult. So either you're still not mature enough to accept adult hood or you're a creep. Or you were an immature high school student, and are trying to prove something to yourself now after spending so many years acting foolishly. You're creating false dichotomies here and it's clear to me that your education wasn't the best available. Was it the school's fault or your own? | ||
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RetroAspect
Belgium219 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:02 ranshaked wrote: No because I'm an adult. I do adult things that a high schooler can't do. I pay bills and have a job. When you're in hs you aren't an adult. So either you're still not mature enough to accept adult hood or you're a creep. I am not accustomed with the small , closed box of a brain you have , but surely something like "differentation" must be able to percolate? enuff said! | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:05 Mjolnir wrote: I know you like this girl, probably a lot, and probably with nothing but good intentions; but... She's 16. There's a good chance that she herself isn't emotionally stable to maintain an adult relationship that will be permanent. Christ, I would never date a woman under 26 for that reason specifically. What I'm saying, is that so much changes in a person during high school, and especially university. Do you think it's worth all this hassle for a relationship that has to survive such tumultuous periods of time? You're more mature than she is - and still, you're a kid (yes, I'm much older than you - and I don't call you a "kid" in a derogatory way) but her - she's a child. From everything I've seen, relationships that start at such an age (her age) are almost guaranteed to end before they become serious. Given the added stress of your situation, I'd say that makes things that much more difficult for you two. If you really think you have a shot, stay friends, wait. See what happens when she's 20 and you're 24 (or 22 and you're 26 etc. etc.) You have to ask yourself, is all the stress you're placing on the two of you (and her family) worth the gamble? We've both discussed it at length together, and we both feel it's worth it. Should things go wrong at some point, so be it, but as things presently stand we want to go for it. I really appreciate this post by the way. | ||
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ranshaked
United States870 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:05 ABagOfFritos wrote: Or you were an immature high school student, and are trying to prove something to yourself now after spending so many years acting foolishly. You're creating false dichotomies here and it's clear to me that your education wasn't the best available. Was it the school's fault or your own? Obviously you do not get the point. Does usin big words make you feel better? A 12 year old can use big words. This has nothing to do with intelligence, but rather maturity. I'm done arguing with you. If my father saw my sister dating an adult. He would probably tell him kindly to go away. If I were you I'd stay away Do what my uncle did. Go away for school. Come back when she's out of high school and grown | ||
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Magrath
Canada292 Posts
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pyaar
United States423 Posts
On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote: Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong I'm not validating or condemning the OP, but I just want to say that "It's just not right." isn't a justification for anything without a more solid points to back up your argument. If it's working for both of the people involved, where is the issue? | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:11 Magrath wrote: Not worth it to be honest. Girls under the age of 22 are so flippy floppy with their emotions they don't know what they want. You have many years ahead of you to find a girl your age. It isn't really your place to tell me whether it's worth it or not. I understand your point completely, but it should also be pointed out that it's a severely unfair generalization to say this about girls of a certain age in general. | ||
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Dali.
New Zealand689 Posts
On November 26 2011 09:36 RetroAspect wrote: No disrespect, but all those things are completely irrelevant when it comes to the topic of love. One should break through such artificial borders for love and through love. I am speaking from experience. Biological adulthood (the beginnings of puberty, the ability to conceive) is not an equaliser. A 12 year old girl is not classed as equal to a 30 year old man. Perhaps two such parties could be in 'love' but the intellectual and cultural gap separating them is too large to be considered acceptable. Their is a reasonable necessity for relative levels of intellectual maturity to ensure a relationship is balanced equally between the two consenting parties. Our friend here inhabits a very different world to this girl. He is (presumably) self-sufficient, working and considering/undetaking higher education. The girl in highschool, and (presumably) very dependent on her parents for sustenance. I'm twenty and any sixteen year old girl I know (not really any) would likely be far too young. OP may have found a needle in the haystack, but his chances of convincing the father, assuming the father is anything less than a hyper-reasonable man, are pretty unlikely. | ||
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Dali.
New Zealand689 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:02 ranshaked wrote: No because I'm an adult. I do adult things that a high schooler can't do. I pay bills and have a job. When you're in hs you aren't an adult. So either you're still not mature enough to accept adult hood or you're a creep. That was fucking adorable. *buffs up chest* "Look at me, I'm an adult. I pay bills. Respect me! I make society run. Did I mention I pay bills?" You may as well tell as you know how to wipe. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:19 Dali. wrote: Biological adulthood (the beginnings of puberty, the ability to conceive) is not an equaliser. A 12 year old girl is not classed as equal to a 30 year old man. Perhaps two such parties could be in 'love' but the intellectual and cultural gap separating them is too large to be considered acceptable. Their is a reasonable necessity for relative levels of intellectual maturity to ensure a relationship is balanced equally between the two consenting parties. Our friend here inhabits a very different world to this girl. He is (presumably) self-sufficient, working and considering/undetaking higher education. The girl in highschool, and (presumably) very dependent on her parents for sustenance. I'm twenty and any sixteen year old girl I know (not really any) would likely be far too young. OP may have found a needle in the haystack, but his chances of convincing the father, assuming the father is anything less than a hyper-reasonable man, are pretty unlikely. This post is retarded. First of all it's clear you didn't fully read the original post, since a lot of the details you've speculated upon are in there, and you got them wrong. Second of all you compared a situation between two people who meet the legal age of sexual consent to a situation where only one of them does by a long shot, and the other isn't even close. This comparison is completely ridiculous and does not apply. | ||
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Hidden_MotiveS
Canada2562 Posts
And if she was 12 and he was 16 it wouldn't be a non-issue. You can't just slide ages around and think they're still going to be comparable. 12 and 16 year olds get matched up all the time.If you're talking to the dad, I think scaring him with worse scenarios can help put your relationship in perspective. Say you won't impregnate her and ruin her education by doing so. I think this is one way to change the minds of conservative old people. You can also ask him at what age it'd be acceptable to date her. If it's meant to be, perhaps you can survive a few years of just seeing each other at school. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:31 Hidden_MotiveS wrote: It doesn't seem like you're doing anything wrong. Talking to the dad sounds like the best option. And for the record 12 and 16 year olds get matched up all the time. If you're talking to the dad, I think scaring him with worse scenarios can help put your relationship in perspective. Say you won't impregnate her and ruin her education by doing so. I think this is one way to change the minds of conservative old people. You can also ask him at what age it'd be acceptable to date her. If it's meant to be, perhaps you can survive a few years of just seeing each other at school. Unfortunately, even if he lets her stay in school, she finishes her courses here at the end of January, while I'm here until June and then my time in school is effectively over. While it's a nice thought, it simply might not work. | ||
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Omigawa
United States1556 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:05 ABagOfFritos wrote: Or you were an immature high school student, and are trying to prove something to yourself now after spending so many years acting foolishly. You're creating false dichotomies here and it's clear to me that your education wasn't the best available. Was it the school's fault or your own? On November 26 2011 10:19 ABagOfFritos wrote: It isn't really your place to tell me whether it's worth it or not. I understand your point completely, but it should also be pointed out that it's a severely unfair generalization to say this about girls of a certain age in general. You come to TL asking advice ("What do, TL" at the end of your post) and then anything that advises you to go against what you've already decided to do is immediately attacked? Ranshaked makes a great point; she is in highschool, you're not. Your lives are fundamentally different, and she doesn't understand what it's like to be an adult (although, based on your posting neither do you). Also, you equivocating the difference in age between 16-20 as the same as 18-22 is laughable. If you were 16 and this girl were 12 would that be acceptable to you? The majority of the posts I've seen have told you that it probably won't work out and that you should move on. And you really should. It's pretty selfish to not. She's 16, she lives with her dad; when I lived with my parents they paid for everything I had, even after I got a part time job in highschool to help pay for gas. Her father controls her whole life, just by what he decides to pay for. What happens when her father just decides to stop paying for her car insurance, or her cellphone, or doesn't let her use the internet after like 7:00PM? Will you, her boyfriend, provide her with all these things? Doubtful. She isn't prepared for the consequences of this relationship and neither are you, so I'm gonna have to agree with the advice (which you asked for) of the majority of posts in this thread... just move on. EDIT: Also OP, I'm not sure what statutory rape laws are in Canada, but if you meet the criteria, it sounds like her dad would be the type of person to report you to the police. My best friends older brother was in the same situation (he later went on to marry the girl whose father said he "raped") and hasn't been able to find a halfway decent job since it happened ~10 years ago, due to being a convicted "rapist". So that's another reason... | ||
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Mjolnir
912 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:07 ABagOfFritos wrote: We've both discussed it at length together, and we both feel it's worth it. Should things go wrong at some point, so be it, but as things presently stand we want to go for it. I really appreciate this post by the way. Well, in my opinion, then, if you've both discussed it at length and you both want to pursue the relationship then chances are you're going to regardless of what anyone here says about it. Just be sure you don't get yourself into legal trouble - or booted out of school. Maybe the best way to show her Dad that you're a legit, serious guy who cares about his daughter is to dial it back a bit. Work hard, show him you're a responsible adult with her best interests in mind. Respect her curfews, respect his wishes (when it comes to that point). Until then, bust your ass at school, be responsible, pay your bills, establish yourself. Prove to him you're worth it. Prove to him you can provide a decent life for her, 'cause honestly, right now he's probably seeing things in black and white - and to him, you're a 20 year-old university drop-out who is in high school. I know that's not representative of your position but that's likely how he sees it. You have to show him otherwise. I know that doesn't help you immediately but I'm not really sure what else you can do if he refuses to talk to you. You may have to keep your relationship with this girl very platonic for some time. | ||
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storm44
1293 Posts
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 26 2011 10:33 Omigawa wrote: You come to TL asking advice ("What do, TL" at the end of your post) and then anything that advises you to go against what you've already decided to do is immediately attacked? Ranshaked makes a great point; she is in highschool, you're not. Your lives are fundamentally different, and she doesn't understand what it's like to be an adult (although, based on your posting neither do you). Also, you equivocating the difference in age between 16-20 as the same as 18-22 is laughable. If you were 16 and this girl were 12 would that be acceptable to you? The majority of the posts I've seen have told you that it probably won't work out and that you should move on. And you really should. It's pretty selfish to not. She's 16, she lives with her dad; when I lived with my parents they paid for everything I had, even after I got a part time job in highschool to help pay for gas. Her father controls her whole life, just by what he decides to pay for. What happens when her father just decides to stop paying for her car insurance, or her cellphone, or doesn't let her use the internet after like 7:00PM? Will you, her boyfriend, provide her with all these things? Doubtful. She isn't prepared for the consequences of this relationship and neither are you, so I'm gonna have to agree with the advice (which you asked for) of the majority of posts in this thread... just move on. I haven't disregarded the advice of moving on, I've disregarded stupid posts. There is a difference. I'm going to try to look past all of the "subtle" insults you've worked into this post and respond. I didn't make the comparisons you've mentioned about shifting ages around, that to me is irrelevant, as far as I'm concerned, my specific situation is perfectly legal, and therefore there is no good reason for her father to keep us apart. The rest of your post is basically "her dad owns her for now, you can buy her later" so when I see posts like this (which is a majority of the posts advising me to back off) I do have a hard time taking them seriously. Rather than thinking of it as a 20 year old wanting to share his life with a 16 year old, you've treated it as a 20 year old asking a 16 year old's father to pass the torch so he can take over for him in paying for this financial burden. If someone wants to advise me to back off and give a reason for it that is actually good, then I would strongly consider the advice, as I've already been given some good reasons to back off and I'm not just going to toss them aside. | ||
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LaSt)ChAnCe
United States2179 Posts
it's probably not illegal for them to have sex, he's not trying to get her to move in with him, and this adult shit doesn't apply go for it and have fun - it's not creepy (maybe it is a bad choice, but it's not really creepy) - i have a feeling that the guys saying it's creepy have had girls they like fall for older dudes and harbor a subconscious distaste of girls being with older guys (jealousy) | ||
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