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Hi.
I'm in a sharing mood, so here's a story. Go read something else now if you aren't interested in drama.
So I'm 20 years old, been trying to figure out what I wanna do with my life and finally decided University wasn't doing me any good and went to a tech school to work with computers and make a living that way. Anyways this school is technically a high-school, but accepts mature students as well, and I met a girl there. She's 16. We clicked really fast and things were awesome, I'd never felt more comfortable with someone before, until her dad found out I was 20. At first it seemed like things wouldn't be so bad, that he would be upset about it and that would be it.
Nope.
Earlier this week he forbade her from seeing me outside of school, and she and I are trying to convince him to at least meet me to see that I'm not a bad guy. Hoping that he will at least give me a chance. He reluctantly agreed to this but sometime yesterday or the day before changed his mind. Yesterday he came to the school near the end of the day to pick her up (usually she takes the bus with me) and apparently spoke with the vice principal about the situation, and now this VP will be talking with my girl on Monday.
He's threatening to pull her out of the school if our relationship continues. As far as I can tell he refuses to talk to me, I want to call him and initiate a conversation myself but I'm not sure when or how to do it. Right now I feel like I should wait at least until Monday to see what happens between her and the vice principal before doing anything else, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't completely lost right now.
What do, TL?
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=289051
There seems to be a lot of confusion popping up as to the legality of the relationship since so many people refuse to read the thread before posting, the legal age of consent in Canada is 16, so this is a non-issue.
Update:
I spoke with the father today.
As many of you will have guessed, it didn't go well. I opened right away with telling him that all I wanted was for him to give us a chance. His only response was "not gonna happen." The guy was not open to a discussion. From what I could gather, it isn't only that I'm older than she is, but also that she's dating in general. I admit this is something of an assumption but he went back and forth between calling me a child and calling me an adult, which leads me to believe he doesn't care how old I am.
This is a severely closed-minded person. He has actually spoken to more than one staff member at the school about me, and in his own words says they had nothing but great things to say, but he doesn't want his daughter to grow up.
Tentative conclusion. We're gonna wait. We both know things can change, for better or for worse, and we've both decided that for now, we're willing to wait and see where life takes us. Thanks to everyone who was encouraging and supportive, even when I disagreed with your opinions.
  
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Would hate to be in your shoes right now dude .. really i mean that.
Not too much you can do except for not putting pressure on her in ANY way at all now. never forget that she is still the minor and you are stronger and more mature than her , and even more so she is between two fires right now. Imo you really should try hard to see her dad and talk to her man, go over to her house unnanounced even if need be, you have nothing to lose at the moment as far as i can see..
I wish you best of luck man and hope it works out for you!
Edit: ignore all the "dating a minor is frowned upon" and other similar bs, that is completely besides the question here
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ranshaked United States. November 26 2011 09:26. Posts 366 PM Profile Blog Quote Edit #
She's too young bro. Honestly I'm 22 and I won't date anyone you get than 21.
Tbh I find it creepy. You're 20. Hang out w people your age. She's still in high school anyway you put it
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On November 26 2011 09:27 RetroAspect wrote:
Would hate to be in your shoes right now dude .. really i mean that.
Not too much you can do except for not putting pressure on her in ANY way at all now. never forget that she is still the minor and you are stronger and more mature than her , and even more so she is between two fires right now. Imo you really should try hard to see her dad and talk to her man, go over to her house unnanounced even if need be, you have nothing to lose at the moment as far as i can see..
I wish you best of luck man and hope it works out for you!
Edit: ignore all the "dating a minor is frowned upon" and other similar bs, that is completely besides the question here
Thanks for the post, this is pretty much where I'm sitting, I know I need to talk to this guy but I'm finding it impossible to determine when would be a good time.
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You're definitely gonna get some major frowning upon by most people. Even though its only four years, there's a significant gap in the perceived maturity structure of society. She, 16, is in many ways classed as a non-adult, while you, 20, clearly are. As a result people just make the blanket (though often correct) disapproval of all such instances of the relationship. Sadly society's kneejerk is much stronger than any rational thought you could present. If you can wait it out, till she's finished high school you'll find much stronger acceptance.
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Hmm , imo its more the nervous tension/fear that is holding you back rather than the concept of appropriate timing, if i can take that liberty 
Seems your pretty short on time though, since monday the VP is gonna talk to her on monday etc etc..
Try talking to her about the timing perhaps? and if she cant shed some light on that , just relax , put on your bravest pair of shoes and go over man!
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On November 26 2011 09:32 Dali. wrote:
You're definitely gonna get some major frowning upon by most people. Even though its only four years, there's a significant gap in the perceived maturity structure of society. She, 16, is in many ways classed as a non-adult, while you, 20, clearly are. As a result people just make the blanket (though often correct) disapproval of all such instances of the relationship. Sadly society's kneejerk is much stronger than any rational thought you could present. If you can wait it out, till she's finished high school you'll find much stronger acceptance.
This doesn't bother me. People can tell me I'm wrong all they want, as long as I can convince her dad I'll be happy.
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Perhaps he's racist? I don't know the races involved but this could potentially be a factor. If this is the factor you will probably have an easier time convincing him.
That's probably not the case though, so here's my advice: she's 16. Unless she's really mature she 99% isn't going to be with you forever. It's not easy to be with someone for that long, and if you can't be in the same room with her and hate her guts, then you will not last forever. Her dad knows this and he is trying to protect her from the heartbreak that happens when you two break up, even if it is on relatively friendly terms. Being protective like that is bullshit, though. I probably wouldn't attempt to "protect" my daughter like that because it will just reinforce the idea in her mind that males dominate the world, that she is essentially my property, and implanting these ideas in her mind will probably cause her to develop a very bad cheating problem when she gets to be around your age.
Idk what else to say man... this really sucks for you and he should recognize that his daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. What's the legal age where you live? Some places it's younger than 18. In fact I've seen the age be 14 in some places. So don't give up completely, but if she's legal and decides you over her dad, be prepared to support her financially for a long time. And if you break up then she will have it rough. But don't let these things discourage you. If you two are really in love then it will work out if you both really want it to. Try not to stress about it too much and just relax.
Have a good day.
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On November 26 2011 09:32 Dali. wrote:
You're definitely gonna get some major frowning upon by most people. Even though its only four years, there's a significant gap in the perceived maturity structure of society. She, 16, is in many ways classed as a non-adult, while you, 20, clearly are. As a result people just make the blanket (though often correct) disapproval of all such instances of the relationship. Sadly society's kneejerk is much stronger than any rational thought you could present. If you can wait it out, till she's finished high school you'll find much stronger acceptance.
No disrespect, but all those things are completely irrelevant when it comes to the topic of love. One should break through such artificial borders for love and through love . I am speaking from experience.
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On November 26 2011 09:35 hp.Shell wrote:
Perhaps he's racist? I don't know the races involved but this could potentially be a factor. If this is the factor you will probably have an easier time convincing him.
That's probably not the case though, so here's my advice: she's 16. Unless she's really mature she 99% isn't going to be with you forever. It's not easy to be with someone for that long, and if you can't be in the same room with her and hate her guts, then you will not last forever. Her dad knows this and he is trying to protect her from the heartbreak that happens when you two break up, even if it is on relatively friendly terms. Being protective like that is bullshit, though. I probably wouldn't attempt to "protect" my daughter like that because it will just reinforce the idea in her mind that males dominate the world, that she is essentially my property, and implanting these ideas in her mind will probably cause her to develop a very bad cheating problem when she gets to be around your age.
Idk what else to say man... this really sucks for you and he should recognize that his daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. What's the legal age where you live? Some places it's younger than 18. In fact I've seen the age be 14 in some places. So don't give up completely, but if she's legal and decides you over her dad, be prepared to support her financially for a long time. And if you break up then she will have it rough. But don't let these things discourage you. If you two are really in love then it will work out if you both really want it to. Try not to stress about it too much and just relax.
Have a good day.
Yeah race isn't an issue here. XD
These are some good points you've made, and I posted in the original thread that the age of consent here is 16, which is an increase fairly recently (within the past 6 years) from 14.
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Although I don't really see any inherent problem with the relationship, at least not from what you said, unfortunately if you have the father against you from the beginning you probably aren't going to get anywhere. If I were you, I'd take it very slow, if you try to get together against his will, you're just asking for trouble. There's really not much more you can do, I don't think, just try to get him to meet with you, maybe he'd be more open to it if she wasn't there, just you and him. Maybe meet him for a beer or something if you're into that kind of thing. That's the best advice I can think of, really. Just try to get him on your side and see what happens.
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I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue
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On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue
I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue.
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On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue.
Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong
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On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong
Mind telling me how old you are?
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On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong
What is WRONG with YOU? who are you to judge people you don't even know? there is no common standard or whatever for such matters..
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On November 26 2011 09:55 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong Mind telling me how old you are?
22. I wouldn't date anyone under 21. I prefer older women.
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On November 26 2011 09:57 RetroAspect wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong What is WRONG with YOU? who are you to judge people you don't even know? there is no common standard or whatever for such matters..
Show me a 16 year old that is mature enough to handle a relationship and the grown up life
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On November 26 2011 09:58 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:55 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong Mind telling me how old you are? 22. I wouldn't date anyone under 21. I prefer older women.
Ok I didn't ask for your preference on women, which don't get me wrong, is absolutely fascinating, but you're telling me that at 22, if you met someone who was 17/18 that you completely fell for, and who felt the same way about you, you would simply step aside and not pursue that relationship? That would make for a sad little piece of your life story.
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On November 26 2011 10:00 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 09:58 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:55 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong Mind telling me how old you are? 22. I wouldn't date anyone under 21. I prefer older women. Ok I didn't ask for your preference on women, which don't get me wrong, is absolutely fascinating, but you're telling me that at 22, if you met someone who was 17/18 that you completely fell for, and who felt the same way about you, you would simply step aside and not pursue that relationship? That would make for a sad little piece of your life story.
No because I'm an adult. I do adult things that a high schooler can't do. I pay bills and have a job. When you're in hs you aren't an adult. So either you're still not mature enough to accept adult hood or you're a creep.
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EPT
