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On November 26 2011 10:41 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
why is everyone assuming that the OP is planning to marry this chick? what's wrong with dating for a while and seeing how it works out?
it's probably not illegal for them to have sex, he's not trying to get her to move in with him, and this adult shit doesn't apply
go for it and have fun - it's not creepy (maybe it is a bad choice, but it's not really creepy) - i have a feeling that the guys saying it's creepy have had girls they like fall for older dudes and harbor a subconscious distaste of girls being with older guys (jealousy)
No, I dislike the concept of sleeping with a girl that isn't A) fully developed mentally B) fully developed physically
It's all a big joke to me, the OP is the stereotypical guy that can't find someone his own age, so he takes advantage of the youth.
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On November 26 2011 10:45 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:41 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
why is everyone assuming that the OP is planning to marry this chick? what's wrong with dating for a while and seeing how it works out?
it's probably not illegal for them to have sex, he's not trying to get her to move in with him, and this adult shit doesn't apply
go for it and have fun - it's not creepy (maybe it is a bad choice, but it's not really creepy) - i have a feeling that the guys saying it's creepy have had girls they like fall for older dudes and harbor a subconscious distaste of girls being with older guys (jealousy) No, I dislike the concept of sleeping with a girl that isn't A) fully developed mentally B) fully developed physically It's all a big joke to me, the OP is the stereotypical guy that can't find someone his own age, so he takes advantage of the youth.
You're cute. I feel sorry for the women you date. I also feel kind of sorry for your brain.
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On November 26 2011 10:25 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:19 Dali. wrote:On November 26 2011 09:36 RetroAspect wrote:On November 26 2011 09:32 Dali. wrote:
You're definitely gonna get some major frowning upon by most people. Even though its only four years, there's a significant gap in the perceived maturity structure of society. She, 16, is in many ways classed as a non-adult, while you, 20, clearly are. As a result people just make the blanket (though often correct) disapproval of all such instances of the relationship. Sadly society's kneejerk is much stronger than any rational thought you could present. If you can wait it out, till she's finished high school you'll find much stronger acceptance. No disrespect, but all those things are completely irrelevant when it comes to the topic of love. One should break through such artificial borders for love and through love. I am speaking from experience. Biological adulthood (the beginnings of puberty, the ability to conceive) is not an equaliser. A 12 year old girl is not classed as equal to a 30 year old man. Perhaps two such parties could be in 'love' but the intellectual and cultural gap separating them is too large to be considered acceptable. Their is a reasonable necessity for relative levels of intellectual maturity to ensure a relationship is balanced equally between the two consenting parties. Our friend here inhabits a very different world to this girl. He is (presumably) self-sufficient, working and considering/undetaking higher education. The girl in highschool, and (presumably) very dependent on her parents for sustenance. I'm twenty and any sixteen year old girl I know (not really any) would likely be far too young. OP may have found a needle in the haystack, but his chances of convincing the father, assuming the father is anything less than a hyper-reasonable man, are pretty unlikely. This post is retarded. First of all it's clear you didn't fully read the original post, since a lot of the details you've speculated upon are in there, and you got them wrong. Second of all you compared a situation between two people who meet the legal age of sexual consent to a situation where only one of them does by a long shot, and the other isn't even close. This comparison is completely ridiculous and does not apply.
Hey buddy I'm on your side. I don't think its necessarily wrong, I just think that its probably inappropriate to an extent. I read the OP, though I was specifically responding to the other guys post and in a manner where I was attempting to speak in generalities.
I'm surprised you're using age of consent as a measure of relationship legitimacy. How about a sixteen year old and a thirty year old? You don't think there's an inherent imbalance in that relationship. Hell, it appears to be potentially bordering on sugar daddy status. Again, not saying that there aren't legitimate 16-30 relationships, but they're few and far between. Now in your case ages are close, but like I said, right now there is (at least in my eyes) a substantial differences in your two situations (in the sense of maturity ascribed to both your positions in society), which is gonna make most people uncomfortable, her father most of all.
You said you don't care about other people's thoughts, only her fathers. Well good luck, cause he most likely feels far more uncomfortable than any one else you know, and you're gonna need to be the most standup guy he's meet to get him to warm to you.
I really don't understand what you're here asking for. "What do, TL?" We don't know, maybe she is astonishingly mature and intelligent for her age, maybe you truly are the most kind, innocent and honest guy in town, and maybe her father is just a little hot-headed, and will be totally cool when he meets you and likes all the bands/sports/beers you like. Only you will know whether any of these are true. But don't create a blog justifying something that is obviously not widely understood or accepted (thus, the drama) and then have a go at someone that tries to tell you, "ehh, outlook is not great."
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On November 26 2011 10:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:45 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 10:41 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
why is everyone assuming that the OP is planning to marry this chick? what's wrong with dating for a while and seeing how it works out?
it's probably not illegal for them to have sex, he's not trying to get her to move in with him, and this adult shit doesn't apply
go for it and have fun - it's not creepy (maybe it is a bad choice, but it's not really creepy) - i have a feeling that the guys saying it's creepy have had girls they like fall for older dudes and harbor a subconscious distaste of girls being with older guys (jealousy) No, I dislike the concept of sleeping with a girl that isn't A) fully developed mentally B) fully developed physically It's all a big joke to me, the OP is the stereotypical guy that can't find someone his own age, so he takes advantage of the youth. You're cute. I feel sorry for the women you date. I also feel kind of sorry for your brain.
You're dating a 16 year old girl.  Sucks to be you. I date women. Would you like for me to prove that to you? I bet she's a virgin and your creepy ass wants to pop that cherry.
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On November 26 2011 10:40 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:33 Omigawa wrote:On November 26 2011 10:05 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 10:02 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 10:00 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:58 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:55 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:54 ranshaked wrote:On November 26 2011 09:51 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 09:49 ranshaked wrote:
I posted your question on another forum an all the responses say you've got an issue. SPecifically a maturity issue I don't think it would be difficult to find a large number of people who would agree that you have a maturity issue. Dude. There's a gap between you and her. It's just not right. Think about it for a second. You're dating someone in high school. I don't mean to sound rude but it's creepy and wrong Mind telling me how old you are? 22. I wouldn't date anyone under 21. I prefer older women. Ok I didn't ask for your preference on women, which don't get me wrong, is absolutely fascinating, but you're telling me that at 22, if you met someone who was 17/18 that you completely fell for, and who felt the same way about you, you would simply step aside and not pursue that relationship? That would make for a sad little piece of your life story. No because I'm an adult. I do adult things that a high schooler can't do. I pay bills and have a job. When you're in hs you aren't an adult. So either you're still not mature enough to accept adult hood or you're a creep. Or you were an immature high school student, and are trying to prove something to yourself now after spending so many years acting foolishly. You're creating false dichotomies here and it's clear to me that your education wasn't the best available. Was it the school's fault or your own? On November 26 2011 10:19 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 10:11 Magrath wrote:
Not worth it to be honest. Girls under the age of 22 are so flippy floppy with their emotions they don't know what they want. You have many years ahead of you to find a girl your age. It isn't really your place to tell me whether it's worth it or not. I understand your point completely, but it should also be pointed out that it's a severely unfair generalization to say this about girls of a certain age in general. You come to TL asking advice ("What do, TL" at the end of your post) and then anything that advises you to go against what you've already decided to do is immediately attacked? Ranshaked makes a great point; she is in highschool, you're not. Your lives are fundamentally different, and she doesn't understand what it's like to be an adult (although, based on your posting neither do you). Also, you equivocating the difference in age between 16-20 as the same as 18-22 is laughable. If you were 16 and this girl were 12 would that be acceptable to you? The majority of the posts I've seen have told you that it probably won't work out and that you should move on. And you really should. It's pretty selfish to not. She's 16, she lives with her dad; when I lived with my parents they paid for everything I had, even after I got a part time job in highschool to help pay for gas. Her father controls her whole life, just by what he decides to pay for. What happens when her father just decides to stop paying for her car insurance, or her cellphone, or doesn't let her use the internet after like 7:00PM? Will you, her boyfriend, provide her with all these things? Doubtful. She isn't prepared for the consequences of this relationship and neither are you, so I'm gonna have to agree with the advice (which you asked for) of the majority of posts in this thread... just move on. I haven't disregarded the advice of moving on, I've disregarded stupid posts. There is a difference. I'm going to try to look past all of the "subtle" insults you've worked into this post and respond. I didn't make the comparisons you've mentioned about shifting ages around, that to me is irrelevant, as far as I'm concerned, my specific situation is perfectly legal, and therefore there is no good reason for her father to keep us apart. The rest of your post is basically "her dad owns her for now, you can buy her later" so when I see posts like this (which is a majority of the posts advising me to back off) I do have a hard time taking them seriously. Rather than thinking of it as a 20 year old wanting to share his life with a 16 year old, you've treated it as a 20 year old asking a 16 year old's father to pass the torch so he can take over for him in paying for this financial burden. If someone wants to advise me to back off and give a reason for it that is actually good, then I would strongly consider the advice, as I've already been given some good reasons to back off and I'm not just going to toss them aside.
God damn it man. The reason people are telling you to back of is because the father is not one bit pleased with the situation and is willing to remove her from the school, the school which you attend, the school where your VP is aware. That's the drama. We're mostly (fucking ranshaked and his cougar fetish) giving you the benefit of the doubt by assuming that you're not a total creep, she's not totally immature and the relationship has solid merits. The drama stems from the reaction of the people surround the relationship, not those in it. How in god's name do you think we know how to change the entire public opinion on this issue when there a glaringly uncomfortable stance has already been adopted.
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On November 26 2011 10:51 Dali. wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:25 ABagOfFritos wrote:On November 26 2011 10:19 Dali. wrote:On November 26 2011 09:36 RetroAspect wrote:On November 26 2011 09:32 Dali. wrote:
You're definitely gonna get some major frowning upon by most people. Even though its only four years, there's a significant gap in the perceived maturity structure of society. She, 16, is in many ways classed as a non-adult, while you, 20, clearly are. As a result people just make the blanket (though often correct) disapproval of all such instances of the relationship. Sadly society's kneejerk is much stronger than any rational thought you could present. If you can wait it out, till she's finished high school you'll find much stronger acceptance. No disrespect, but all those things are completely irrelevant when it comes to the topic of love. One should break through such artificial borders for love and through love. I am speaking from experience. Biological adulthood (the beginnings of puberty, the ability to conceive) is not an equaliser. A 12 year old girl is not classed as equal to a 30 year old man. Perhaps two such parties could be in 'love' but the intellectual and cultural gap separating them is too large to be considered acceptable. Their is a reasonable necessity for relative levels of intellectual maturity to ensure a relationship is balanced equally between the two consenting parties. Our friend here inhabits a very different world to this girl. He is (presumably) self-sufficient, working and considering/undetaking higher education. The girl in highschool, and (presumably) very dependent on her parents for sustenance. I'm twenty and any sixteen year old girl I know (not really any) would likely be far too young. OP may have found a needle in the haystack, but his chances of convincing the father, assuming the father is anything less than a hyper-reasonable man, are pretty unlikely. This post is retarded. First of all it's clear you didn't fully read the original post, since a lot of the details you've speculated upon are in there, and you got them wrong. Second of all you compared a situation between two people who meet the legal age of sexual consent to a situation where only one of them does by a long shot, and the other isn't even close. This comparison is completely ridiculous and does not apply. Hey buddy I'm on your side. I don't think its necessarily wrong, I just think that its probably inappropriate to an extent. I read the OP, though I was specifically responding to the other guys post and in a manner where I was attempting to speak in generalities. I'm surprised you're using age of consent as a measure of relationship legitimacy. How about a sixteen year old and a thirty year old? You don't think there's an inherent imbalance in that relationship. Hell, it appears to be potentially bordering on sugar daddy status. Again, not saying that there aren't legitimate 16-30 relationships, but they're few and far between. Now in your case ages are close, but like I said, right now there is (at least in my eyes) a substantial differences in your two situations (in the sense of maturity ascribed to both your positions in society), which is gonna make most people uncomfortable, her father most of all. You said you don't care about other people's thoughts, only her fathers. Well good luck, cause he most likely feels far more uncomfortable than any one else you know, and you're gonna need to be the most standup guy he's meet to get him to warm to you. I really don't understand what you're here asking for. "What do, TL?" We don't know, maybe she is astonishingly mature and intelligent for her age, maybe you truly are the most kind, innocent and honest guy in town, and maybe her father is just a little hot-headed, and will be totally cool when he meets you and likes all the bands/sports/beers you like. Only you will know whether any of these are true. But don't create a blog justifying something that is obviously not widely understood or accepted (thus, the drama) and then have a go at someone that tries to tell you, "ehh, outlook is not great."
Sorry, I just didn't like the post, there were a lot of poorly stated points in there.
You're right about something here for sure though, and it's that I should clarify my stance on the legal issue. I don't care about legalities, but I understand that other people do, and this why I'm pointing it out. It's also at the core of her father's argument, he says the relationship is illegal, when it very clearly isn't. This breaks down the rational side of his argument, leaving us to try and convince him otherwise on the more irrational side of things. Things like his assumptions about what kind of guy I must be and my intentions with his daughter.
What I'm asking for is for people to say whatever they want, I more than expected people to disapprove so I'm not surprised by any of this, but I'm not going to agree with those people when they give me the reasons they've given, anyone with a semi-rational mind can see that the justifications given in some of these posts are absolutely outrageous. And where I was more than ready to see the disapproval, these people should be more than ready for me to disagree with them, strongly at times as well.
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I'm going to second the more mature advice given on this forum, and say that in the end, you know best. If your intentions towards this girl are truly well-meant, then good luck and go for it. It will be difficult. Others have pointed obvious barriers such as a difference in culture and the disapproval of society. However, if you are able to overcome them than that is something to be proud of. As long as you both behave responsibly and respectfully, there is nothing to lose here but much to be potentially gained.
I don't want to give you a false sense of hope: things will be unbelievably difficult, but I applaud you for trying, wish you luck, and urge you to ignore all the immature haters and keep us posted!
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On November 26 2011 10:45 ranshaked wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:41 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
why is everyone assuming that the OP is planning to marry this chick? what's wrong with dating for a while and seeing how it works out?
it's probably not illegal for them to have sex, he's not trying to get her to move in with him, and this adult shit doesn't apply
go for it and have fun - it's not creepy (maybe it is a bad choice, but it's not really creepy) - i have a feeling that the guys saying it's creepy have had girls they like fall for older dudes and harbor a subconscious distaste of girls being with older guys (jealousy) No, I dislike the concept of sleeping with a girl that isn't A) fully developed mentally B) fully developed physically It's all a big joke to me, the OP is the stereotypical guy that can't find someone his own age, so he takes advantage of the youth.
You have quite clearly stated your opinion and your point is clear. It's about time though that you just let things drop. You're being unnecessarily rude and judgmental, and it is wrong of you to force your opinions and values on someone else, especially in a situation which you do not fully understand. At this point, your comments are more inflammatory than constructive. Have a good day, and relax a bit :D.
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I just saw "Stupid, Crazy Love". Fight for your soulmate bro.
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You can go and talk to her father about it and ask him to give you a fair chance, but if he won't listen, it is selfish or naive to continue pursuing her. Her father is upset enough over this to pull her out of school? Why turn this poor girl's life upside down over this? Her parents still have enormous control over her life, and she is ultimately the one that will end up suffering the consequences of it. For her own sake I hope she gets over you if her father continues his current line of thought.
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I Think a good course of action is to let it play out and see what she herself decides, talk to her about what she wants first if you do something like push her to leave this school and she does but later on she may regret it and despise you because you forced it on her, let her decide and go with that.
As for the parents you can only do your best you have already tried to talk to them, I think one of the best things to do is leave them a message to talk if they want to then just don't try to get in contact with them, the way some older people think these days is if you try to reason with them to hard they will think your just trying to hard for your own ends.
However your situation will never be the same as anyone else's so you can only do your best and not all the answers people give you here will work the same for you as they did for everyone else just remember that and trust your own judgement.
I can tell how you feel though in high school I was fifteen and met a girl that was nineteen and we got together, her parents tried to tell her she was being stupid cause I was only "a child" and as for anyone in this blog saying "everyone" around the age of 16 is this or that... I just ask what?
somehow people forget once they get over 20 or so just how smart and capable they were when they were 16 or 15, some advice your IQ does not rise rapidly because of your age it does not matter if you are 15 or 25 you can still be mature and intelligent your life is what makes you mature, I might be the odd one out but I see very mature teenagers these days all the time and yes I also see other teenagers that are to stupid to be out of year six but I also see adults in mid 20's and 30's that are also just as stupid  to generalise everyone of an age to being immature? good way to lose yourself an argument.
To OP my story ended better after I met her parents and they found out what kind of person I was they also fell in love with me and it was pretty good, however she had to move away to university and so we ended the relationship after a year in a good way because we both had to pursue different things, you also said she was going to be done in Jan or whenever and you will be there longer? have a think about if you both are aiming for the same things? and if the long term is plausible before moving ahead to much.
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Nothing wrong with 20/16 if you guys like each other enough. Just do your own thing. Try to be aware of her dads feelings because they are very understandable. But after you've done all that you can there's nothing else you to do.
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I mean 4 years isn't a bad gap it's just the ages you are looking at here. 16 is young and inexperienced and less mature 20 is more grown up and such it just doesn't seem to me like a relationship that a 16 year old foible understand or really be in. I personally think it's kinda creepy but I mean it's your call that's just my 2 cents.
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The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well.
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Well, at her age, you have to understand and respect what the father is doing. He is worried about her daughter as she still has her future ahead of her. Granted, you don't automatically destroy that future just by being with her and we are not judging if you truly love each other or not.
I say, when it comes to this (at present), it would be difficult for her to deal with pressures from her family. Plus she may be mature for her age but that doesn't necessarily mean she has made a mature and well informed decision.
Keep in mind that whatever she may say now may not necessarily be what she will say in the future after the problems continue to pop up. I'm not saying this will happen but it is possible.
She is still "young" in the sense that she has yet to go through dips in her life, especially relating to a severe disapproval of her father (at present).
It may be really wise for you to wait it out until she ages a bit. It would be hard to wait and you would find it difficult to deny yourself being with her and vice versa. But if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
She won't be 16/17/18 forever, and from that point, you can more or less know if the feeling is still mutual.
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On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well.
I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter.
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I think it completely depends on the 2 people involved. I know some 16-17 year old are are more mature and informed then adults I know. I think you should just do whatever you think is right if you really care for her I'm sure her father will see that.
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On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter.
Oh, also, note some ppl go with (age / 2) + 8, to be slightly more conservative
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This arbitrary equation that people talk about is still the most ridiculous thing to be posted in this topic, and I can't believe anyone would seriously consider something like that. If you love someone that's all that matters when that someone is capable of loving you back.
Thanks mostly to those of you just tossing out the confidence boosters, I think these will help me a lot when it comes down to making the phone call. As for those simply saying "it's creepy" well that simply isn't a good enough reason to give up on something.
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EPT
