A tough relationship drama - Page 6

On November 26 2011 21:13 Myrkul wrote:
I am in an honest mood, so I will give you my opinion with no sugarcoating.

I think that there is nothing inherently and blatantly wrong with the 16-20 scenario, and all in all I pretty much agree with Nazgul. When I was in high school I knew and was friends with a few girls who had older boyfriends, one case was 17-30 and they worked pretty well untill she dumped him for cheating or something, (don't actually recall the exact reason anymore)

On the other hand my opinion is that a real and healthy relationship cannot happen without both parties being intellectual equals, or atleast close to it. These guys I knew back then, who could fall in love and would want to date a highschooler were in my opinion all very immature for their age, and I remember thinking: someone who I can talk to like an equal when I'm 17 and they are 21,23 or 30, is not someone I would like to grow up to be like. Back then it seemed an equivalent with me at 17 dating a 14yearold or something, which was (and still is) to me, unthinkable. Not because of some arbitrary formula or because it's not deemed socially acceptable or whatever, but because I knew what I was like at 14, and what the girls were like, and what they talked about and what they thought about at that age, and to my mind 14-17, or for that matter 16-20, 17-21 or 17-30, are completely different intellectual worlds, in almost every respect.

Another point would be that girls from the age of 13-18 or so, when they start to develop an interest in the opposite sex, can act a lot more mature than they really are, simply because relationships generaly weigh heavily on their minds at that time, and having a boyfriend is frequently a priority, and having an older boyfriend makes them feel good about themselves. They are not really looking for a life-partner at that age, but essentially exploring. While there are cases where such relationships can work longterm, they are exceedingly rare.

So I guess my point is, if you think you and this girl are equals in every way that matters, go for it, although in my experience this "thing" with you, for her is not a long-term thing, even if she thinks it is now.

My second point is that you're probably not a guy I could like in real life, or could harbor a lot of respect for.

As for specific advice what to do right now, there is none to be given, since every one of us posters is operating with extremely limited information, and you're in a far better situation to judge what to do than us, so if I were you, I would not base my actions in the following few days on anything anyone has to say here, It's up to you to think it through, and do what you think is best (that's pretty much all anyone can do, and does, at any time)

Good luck, if it works out I hope you two share lots of happy moments which you will remember fondly for the rest of your life, and if it doesn't, I hope it all resolves with as little suffering as possible for everyone concerned.

On November 26 2011 21:44 ABagOfFritos wrote:

I realize it might not last forever, I'm looking at the present while placing the future slightly to the side so I don't get ahead of myself. It's definitely on my mind (my future, that is) and I definitely would say I hope it does last, but all I want is for us to have the chance to see for ourselves if it does, rather than have others decide for us that it isn't right or that it won't work out anyway. It should be for us to find out, not for others to predict.

It should be pointed out that your opinion of me is completely irrelevant and an unnecessary part of your post, and only served to diminish what you've said here. Ad hominem has no place in any discussion.