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On November 26 2011 14:54 Azzur wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter. Oh, also, note some ppl go with (age / 2) + 8, to be slightly more conservative
By this logic, why don't I just say half plus six to be a tad more liberal? Ridiculous, unfounded and stupid is all I can say to this concept as a whole.
Or is it simply more reasonable to be more conservative than liberal? Because there's a whole other conversation hiding in your words that would be necessary if you're going to subscribe to this mathematical bullshit cockblock. Not sure what else to call it.
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On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter.
So that means a 2 year-old can go out with a 9 year-old? (2/20) + 8 = 9. Yes definitely sounds full-proof, no exceptions whatsoever.
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On November 26 2011 15:38 AKcommie wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter. So that means a 2 year-old can go out with a 9 year-old? (2/20) + 8 = 9. Yes definitely sounds full-proof, no exceptions whatsoever.
The actual formula uses the older age, and it works pretty well at most ages.
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On November 26 2011 15:42 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 15:38 AKcommie wrote:On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter. So that means a 2 year-old can go out with a 9 year-old? (2/20) + 8 = 9. Yes definitely sounds full-proof, no exceptions whatsoever. The actual formula uses the older age, and it works pretty well at most ages.
It's stupid no matter what way you look at it.
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On November 26 2011 15:10 ABagOfFritos wrote:
if you're going to subscribe to this mathematical bullshit cockblock. Not sure what else to call it.
Sorry to promote a rough formula that suggests you shouldnt be dating 15 yo's.
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On November 26 2011 15:42 Scarecrow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 15:38 AKcommie wrote:On November 26 2011 14:26 Scarecrow wrote:On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I also go by this formula, it's foolproof, even 17 would be pushing it. A 4 year age gap at your ages is huge, props to the dad for looking after his daughter. So that means a 2 year-old can go out with a 9 year-old? (2/20) + 8 = 9. Yes definitely sounds full-proof, no exceptions whatsoever. The actual formula uses the older age, and it works pretty well at most ages.
Well yes I realize that but saying it is fullproof is a bit silly. You even say "it works pretty well at most ages". Just pointing out saying something is absolute in an argument, especially in a conversation about humans, is wrong most of the time.
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On November 26 2011 10:11 Magrath wrote:
Not worth it to be honest. Girls under the age of 22 are so flippy floppy with their emotions they don't know what they want. You have many years ahead of you to find a girl your age.
Let's cut the misogyny for a second. The issue at hand is not that all girls under 22 are emotionally unstable (the idea that males under 22 are conspicuously more emotionally well-developed is pretty funny actually). The issue is that the OP is a university dropout who is 20 years old and attends a high school, who is likely unable to attract a reasonably attractive and intelligent woman of approximately his own age due to his educational decisions/poor career prospects/lack of social skills (I'm inferring this through the statement "I'd never felt more comfortable with someone before" -- yes, the OP literally feels most comfortable around minors).
This is one of those situations where Occam's razor is a pretty good heuristic for analyzing the situation. What's more likely, that the OP is a perfectly normal guy and that his girlfriend is preternaturally mature and has made an informed, rational decision with regards to her feelings about the OP, or that the OP is a creepy older guy preying on emotionally vulnerable girls? Given what I read in the OP, I'm pretty sure I know which one sounds more likely...
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On November 26 2011 15:48 blah_blah wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 10:11 Magrath wrote:
Not worth it to be honest. Girls under the age of 22 are so flippy floppy with their emotions they don't know what they want. You have many years ahead of you to find a girl your age. Let's cut the misogyny for a second. The issue at hand is not that all girls under 22 are emotionally unstable (the idea that males under 22 are conspicuously more emotionally well-developed is pretty funny actually). The issue is that the OP is a university dropout who is 20 years old and attends a high school, who is likely unable to attract a reasonably attractive and intelligent woman of approximately his own age due to his educational decisions/poor career prospects/lack of social skills (I'm inferring this through the statement "I'd never felt more comfortable with someone before" -- yes, the OP literally feels most comfortable around minors). This is one of those situations where Occam's razor is a pretty good heuristic for analyzing the situation. What's more likely, that the OP is a perfectly normal guy and that his girlfriend is preternaturally mature and has made an informed, rational decision with regards to her feelings about the OP, or that the OP is a creepy older guy preying on emotionally vulnerable girls? Given what I read in the OP, I'm pretty sure I know which one sounds more likely...
Another who doesn't like reading or am I the one misinterpreting things here? I've already discussed my education and it's all in good order, the school I'm attending is both a highschool and recognized post-secondary institution (or in other words: a college.) Your own blatantly stated inference is quite ridiculous as well. She's my only friend under 19 and I'm perfectly comfortable around everyone who is a part of my social life. If this is an important detail for you then it may also interest you to know that I regularly go on camping trips with my dad and his friends (who range in age from late 20s to early 50s.) And I'm very comfortable with them as well.
What I'm trying to say is that age shouldn't be such an issue, and at the same time is unfortunately the core of my problem. This has already been established and doesn't really need to be repeated with such fervor.
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On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well.
I think I just lost some braincells.
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On November 26 2011 16:09 Liquid`Nazgul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I think I just lost some braincells.
Me too, he didn't even explain whether to round up or down in the case off odd numbered ages!
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On November 26 2011 16:09 Liquid`Nazgul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 13:56 Azzur wrote:
The "socially acceptable age gap" formula is this:
Socially acceptable age = (Your age / 2) + 7
In your case, (20 / 10) +7 = 17, so it's definitely on the creepy side. Anyways, I for-see that things are not going to go so well. I think I just lost some braincells.
I'm beginning to think the math heroes are trolling, nobody could believe in something so foolish so fervently... Could they?
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ur 20 , she is 16. Chances are you 2 won't last anyway as you both have a shitload of growing up to do. Its not worth fighting for.
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On November 26 2011 16:19 ReachTheSky wrote:
ur 20 , she is 16. Chances are you 2 won't last anyway as you both have a shitload of growing up to do. Its not worth fighting for.
Whether or not it's worth it is up to me and her, and nobody else. This is not the area I'm looking for advice on.
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On November 26 2011 16:22 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 16:19 ReachTheSky wrote:
ur 20 , she is 16. Chances are you 2 won't last anyway as you both have a shitload of growing up to do. Its not worth fighting for. Whether or not it's worth it is up to me and her, and nobody else. This is not the area I'm looking for advice on.
Well sir, I still say just wait a bit because I doubt you can change her dad's mind anytime soon. It at least gives the father more time to accept you two (in the future when she is a bit older than 16) and at the same time gives her a chance not to risk more for you and your relationship to come into fruition.
Doing something for love is undeniably worth the effort. But to risk everything for love is to much of a gamble, especially at her age.
Again, I do not question nor even plan to question what you two have with each other. I hope it resolves itself, but I really think the mature and logical way of putting it (without being too emotional) is to let her grow older to respect her dad's wishes as the dad's actions clearly amount to almost extreme rejection of the idea of her daughter being in a relationship with you. But I will not tell you cut off your friendship with her.
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If the dad says no, then the dad says no. Nothing you can do about that.
I'd side with the dad on this one, personally, though I know you probably don't care nor do you want my opinion. No way in hell I'd let a 16 year old kid of either gender date a 20 year old of either gender. I am fine with age gaps of four years -- hell, I am perfectly fine with age gaps of 15+ years, as I know someone who met her future spouse when she was 11 and he was 29, and they are married and have kids now, and are a happy, happy family -- but when someone's at an age where he/she is not fully mentally nor physically developed and likely doesn't know what he/she wants, then ... no. It is far, far too easy for the 16 year old to be hurt and to be taken advantage of. The couple I mentioned above? Only started going out when she was 18+ (though I admittedly forget the exact age). And while some people might say that two years is not a big difference, there is a huge difference between 16 and 18, even just mentally.
I mean, gosh, if you really "love" her (I'm assuming), then wait two more years -- or get out and fall in "love" with someone else. What's wrong with just being her friend anyways? That said, it does seem as if her dad doesn't want to even let you two interact -- that is an issue, I feel -- but it's understandable, especially if you're putting the moves on her.
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Thank you 17shpynx17 and babylon. You both mention waiting as a solution, and this is something I've considered quite a bit. Right now I'm waiting for next week to do anything else, including discussing this option with her, since it seems like next week will be the time we're forced to make some real decisions. I'm not ready to back off just yet though, not until I've had a hcance to talk to her dad. I'm staying confident that he'll come around if I can tell him a little about myself and my history. Not to mention my intentions and feelings about his daughter.
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Hey fritos, dude just dont listen to all these haters telling you what to do or what not to do. Its your life and you seem to really like this girl. Age doesnt matter. Im 19 years old but please hear me out. If im reading correctly, you just want to be on good terms with her dad correct? You probobly know this already but im just going to say it. Her dad just isnt comfortable because your 20 and shes 16. I think your best bet is to be good friends with her until her dad gets more familiar with you. If you can't wait or dont want to be just a friend then you have to confront her dad. GL i wish u the best
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As i understand it age of consent in Canada is 16 so i don't see any problems with this relationship at all. A four year gap between ages seems negligible and from my understanding is pretty common.
As an example i Know a couple who are separated by 6 years, the woman is now 20 and the man 26, they met when she was 18. I don't see how 18-24 is much different from 16-20 both women are still is high-school.
To the people saying that the girl is not fully developed mentally and physically, I must say, the Age of consent in Canada (and New Zealand for that matter, where i live) would certainly NOT be 16 and would rather be 18 or more. If the Government (which was voted in by the people) deems that it is fine for the two of them to have sex I don't see why it should be weird for them to have a relationship. Or would you all rather they just had some kind of one night stand?
I agree with some of the earlier statements saying that you should try and talk with her father Alone, without the girl. That seems like the best way to at least get the dad to tolerate you :S
Just my two cents.
Oh and this is based on the assumption that the Op is actually living in Canada currently. IF not... well ignore me, unless you happen to be in New Zealand.
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On November 26 2011 17:35 HeroUlyssess wrote:
As i understand it age of consent in Canada is 16 so i don't see any problems with this relationship at all. A four year gap between ages seems negligible and from my understanding is pretty common.
As an example i Know a couple who are separated by 6 years, the woman is now 20 and the man 26, they met when she was 18. I don't see how 18-24 is much different from 16-20 both women are still is high-school.
To the people saying that the girl is not fully developed mentally and physically, I must say, the Age of consent in Canada (and New Zealand for that matter, where i live) would certainly NOT be 16 and would rather be 18 or more. If the Government (which was voted in by the people) deems that it is fine for the two of them to have sex I don't see why it should be weird for them to have a relationship. Or would you all rather they just had some kind of one night stand?
I agree with some of the earlier statements saying that you should try and talk with her father Alone, without the girl. That seems like the best way to at least get the dad to tolerate you :S
Just my two cents.
Oh and this is based on the assumption that the Op is actually living in Canada currently. IF not... well ignore me, unless you happen to be in New Zealand.
Yes I'm in Canada and yes your understanding of the age of consent here is correct. With all of these comparisons being made I forgot about one that I can mention as well. A friend of mine (she's my age) has been with her current boyfriend since she was 15, at which point he was 27. These relationships can and do work more often than some of you guys seem to realize.
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On November 26 2011 17:44 ABagOfFritos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 26 2011 17:35 HeroUlyssess wrote:
As i understand it age of consent in Canada is 16 so i don't see any problems with this relationship at all. A four year gap between ages seems negligible and from my understanding is pretty common.
As an example i Know a couple who are separated by 6 years, the woman is now 20 and the man 26, they met when she was 18. I don't see how 18-24 is much different from 16-20 both women are still is high-school.
To the people saying that the girl is not fully developed mentally and physically, I must say, the Age of consent in Canada (and New Zealand for that matter, where i live) would certainly NOT be 16 and would rather be 18 or more. If the Government (which was voted in by the people) deems that it is fine for the two of them to have sex I don't see why it should be weird for them to have a relationship. Or would you all rather they just had some kind of one night stand?
I agree with some of the earlier statements saying that you should try and talk with her father Alone, without the girl. That seems like the best way to at least get the dad to tolerate you :S
Just my two cents.
Oh and this is based on the assumption that the Op is actually living in Canada currently. IF not... well ignore me, unless you happen to be in New Zealand. Yes I'm in Canada and yes your understanding of the age of consent here is correct. With all of these comparisons being made I forgot about one that I can mention as well. A friend of mine (she's my age) has been with her current boyfriend since she was 15, at which point he was 27. These relationships can and do work more often than some of you guys seem to realize.
For clarification sake though, with regards to your female friend who was 15 at the time, did her parents also object? If yes, was it as actively as this one?
Again, it at least gives you a view on how someone you know on what they went through or experienced, not just for your sake but also for the girl that you can also consider in terms of "weight"/"gravity" in her life.
I talked to my ex's parents before in sort of confronting the issues they were worried about (although only the dad coz the mum never really wanted to talk to me). (also it wasn't an age issue but rather they wanted someone better for their daughter). The dad was at least accommodating to hear me out, but they still didn't change their mind although they knew/felt my heart was in the right place. Just know that it is still possible even after talking with the dad/parents that they still wouldn't change their mind at that point in time, although they will at least see your sincerity which gives them something to think about.
Cheers!
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EPT
