EPTWow, I think I was simultaneously encouraging and discouraging. I say go for it, but take it slow with her young heart and don't make crazy promises you won't keep.
A tough relationship drama - Page 7
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Mobius_1
United Kingdom2763 Posts
Wow, I think I was simultaneously encouraging and discouraging. I say go for it, but take it slow with her young heart and don't make crazy promises you won't keep. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 30 2011 11:16 Mobius_1 wrote: I don't think it's creepy. 16 isn't that young compared to 20, in other words, I think this relationship should end up like most other high-school flings. I do think it's wrong for her elders to straight up prohibit it though, she can make the choice, and if her heart gets broken it's a valuable life lesson. Wow, I think I was simultaneously encouraging and discouraging. I say go for it, but take it slow with her young heart and don't make crazy promises you won't keep. This right here is all either of us wants right now. To give it a go and see what happens on our own terms. | ||
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SpearWrit
United States300 Posts
I think you didn't watch the video. | ||
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waSh
Sweden65 Posts
User was warned for this post | ||
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KeksX
Germany3634 Posts
On November 30 2011 20:09 waSh wrote: Wow... can understand the father. I wouldn't want any pedophile twisting the mind of my daughter. You're a troll. The bad kind of troll, not the "yea annoying but somewhat funny and therefore tolerable" kind of troll, just the bad kind of troll. @OP: A 20y/o dating a 16y/o is perfectly fine, and it should be in other countries, too. Don't worry about that. I honestly think that this guy has just the typical father issues of "nobody touches my daughter!!" and stuff like that. If you can convince him that you're mature enough and even more mature than the usual guys your gf would hang out with, he might see you in a different light. Just talk to him like an adult and trustworthy person he will treat you like that. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On November 30 2011 20:21 KeksX wrote: You're a troll. The bad kind of troll, not the "yea annoying but somewhat funny and therefore tolerable" kind of troll, just the bad kind of troll. @OP: A 20y/o dating a 16y/o is perfectly fine, and it should be in other countries, too. Don't worry about that. I honestly think that this guy has just the typical father issues of "nobody touches my daughter!!" and stuff like that. If you can convince him that you're mature enough and even more mature than the usual guys your gf would hang out with, he might see you in a different light. Just talk to him like an adult and trustworthy person he will treat you like that. This is what I'm hoping to do when I meet him for coffee this week, whenever that may happen. He's supposed to let me know today what the plans are but no word yet, and I'd rather not push him right now. Best to let him time this out on his own. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
After waiting for two weeks for this guy to tell me when we would meet, I finally just texted him myself to ask if it was happening. Will post if he responds. | ||
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gullberg
Sweden1301 Posts
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dapierow
Serbia1316 Posts
Anyway the point im trying to make is that from experience I know that if you ever do get her fathers blessing, don't think that was the only problem, they will still be as protective of her even after you start dating and it really really is annoying and frustrating... And we cant use the im her boyfriend line to get through to them because shes not 18 and we don't have that right. Nothing you can do about it bro, the father is the man in her life until shes 18 we cant change nor should we try to. Have you considered what happens when she fucks up in some way and her father grounds her and you not allowed to see her for a few weeks? | ||
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RetroAspect
Belgium219 Posts
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Psyonic_Reaver
United States4342 Posts
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On December 18 2011 14:28 RetroAspect wrote: Well, fritos? heard of him already? I wish I could say I had updates, but no luck yet. Our holiday break just started too, so it's likely I won't see her for just over two weeks, though we definitely plan to try. I'm thinking one day next week I'll call the guy again, not much left to lose the way I see it. | ||
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TheToast
United States4808 Posts
When perceived morality and abstract social tradition fight logic, philosophy is born. | ||
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English
United States475 Posts
Placing bias aside, if you were trying to be a good parent, what would you do? The fact that you keep pressuring her father to meet with you shows that you are desperate for his daughter, and many things could be running through his mind. As a 20 year old, you should display some maturity, and basically you're acting like a 20 year old high schooler. Show some respect for her father, because he does not know you, nor are you giving him incentive to know you. You're going into this relationship thinking that it might not last, while also saying how crazy you are for her...It honestly sounds like you just want to get into her pants. She, being young, is "crazy" for you like the feelings of most high school girls get. It's not too uncommon for high school guys to think that way, but since you're not in high school, it's going to come off as creepy. I know your case sounds just like in some movie and you guys are "different," but at this rate, you're never going to have her father's blessing and it seems like you don't care. So why should he? | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
I have a car and money, I can go pick up high-school girls if I don't care about having actual meaningful interaction with them. I'm 22 and I have so much more knowledge than 99.9% of 16 year olds, they would just bore me to death. There's a reason why you should try to find someone around your age. On November 30 2011 20:21 KeksX wrote:@OP: A 20y/o dating a 16y/o is perfectly fine, and it should be in other countries, too. Don't worry about that. I'm just speculating here but hear me out. IMO, there are very few truly successful, serious and intelligent 20 year old men dating 16 year old girls because very few 16 year old girls are on that level intellectually. This is stuff that's acceptable in the crummiest trailer parks or whatever - where intelligence peaks when you're 13 anyway. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On December 24 2011 05:59 Djzapz wrote: A vast majority 16 year old girls are immature... IMO if you're attracted by a girl that's almost a kid, you're probably a bit immature yourself and need to grow up intellectually. Don't fool yourself about "clicking" with young girls anyway, being an older man is an auto-win. I have a car and money, I can go pick up high-school girls if I don't care about having actual meaningful interaction with them. I'm 22 and I have so much more knowledge than 99.9% of 16 year olds, they would just bore me to death. There's a reason why you should try to find someone around your age. I'm just speculating here but hear me out. IMO, there are very few truly successful, serious and intelligent 20 year old men dating 16 year old girls because very few 16 year old girls are on that level intellectually. This is stuff that's acceptable in the crummiest trailer parks or whatever - where intelligence peaks when you're 13 anyway. Just because you can't connect with someone younger than you does not mean someone else can't either. Maturity level is far from the only thing to be considered when people are attracted to one another. I don't care how boring you might find a 16 year old, nor would I care how boring you might find a 30 year old. | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On December 24 2011 11:15 ABagOfFritos wrote: Just because you can't connect with someone younger than you does not mean someone else can't either. Maturity level is far from the only thing to be considered when people are attracted to one another. I don't care how boring you might find a 16 year old, nor would I care how boring you might find a 30 year old. Couple of things. I never said I can't "connect" with a 16 year old. I can be friends with them, but I know I've got little to gain out of 16 year olds because they're not looking for the same thing as me, simply said. I can't connect them on a an emotional level and I think it's largely because I'm "too advanced", and I was when I was 20, like most 20 year olds are. After a few days with that gremlin, I'd feel the limits of that laughable high school education. I'm not saying that to be cocky - I'm not an exception here: you learn a lot in those 4 years she doesn't have. I think the exception is when a man "connects" emotionally with a person who's a significantly earlier stage of their life - to me it suggests that if you're not outright attracted to little girls, you're shallow - and in your head, you're 16 in some ways. And no I wouldn't think a 30 year old would be boring, quite the contrary - however I would question their motives of being with me. It's true - most people in their 30's are not attracted to people in their early 20's (well maybe sexually, but that's not the point here). If some 30 year old woman somehow "loved" me, I'm thinking she would almost certainly have very little education and she certainly wouldn't value intelligence, because if she did, she'd be better off looking after people her own age, people who she could have better discussions than I can. Even then, I think the difference between a 16 and 20 is bigger than the difference between 22 and 30 - like I said, those are big years, she stops being a girl and becomes a woman. Then again, I know I give a lot of importance to the whole intellectual thing, and many people don't really weigh that in when they've got touchy-feely "love". I've got no real arguments, one might say - if two people "fall in love" and it doesn't occur that she simply can't keep up intellectually for another 2-3 years, then sure it works - but to me that's a hillbillies relationship based on fluffy rainbows and pandas. It'll work as long as both parties remain ignorant. Now to make it clear, I'm thinking in terms of "average 20 year old man" and "average 16 year old girl". There are some super smart 16 year old girls who are smarter than me and 20 year old men who are dumber than a sack of rocks and belong with younger girls - at least intellectually. I don't know you guys so I'm only making a general judgement - it's my opinion. Maybe if I met the both of you I'd be able to get myself a better "judgmental douchebag" perspective. I look back to my high school years thinking none of these girls cut it for me now, though they certainly did when I was a dumb 16 year old boy. | ||
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gameguard
Korea (South)2132 Posts
So go for it. Stalk her house and talk to her dad on the way to his car. Send him postcards. Go to his work do a powerpoint presentation on how your love is totally legit. Or just go behind their back. You arn't going to marry her, so why bother with her dad if he wont budge? Obviously the reasonable thing to do is just wait it out til shes 18 and out of her parent's care. Lol what else can people tell you. Tbh i dont know how you can convince her dad when you can't even convince TL. | ||
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ABagOfFritos
Canada454 Posts
On another note, I really think it was pretty obvious from the start that I wasn't going to listen to anyone who told me to just give up. This was quite clearly a request for ideas or advice that can help me be with this girl, not a 'fight or flight' type of deal, but a 'how should I fight'. I don't run from things that are difficult or scary, maybe some of you have never cared about something enough to really fight for it, but I have many times, and this time it's something much more real to me, so of course I'm gonna go for it, and of course I'm not just going to fold. | ||
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Bigtony
United States1606 Posts
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