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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler +
I wish women were this direct with their signs. 
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On June 08 2018 17:27 maybenexttime wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + I wish women were this direct with their signs.
I'm gonna guess TheFish is/was a rather handsome lad.
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On June 08 2018 17:09 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote:On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else.
And more than that, it’s kind of not great timing to introduce spontaneous “sexy time” when you’re concerned about your studies. Any girl I’ve known who was studious herself understood that school comes first and everything else is secondary for those years. Indeed, the one time I remember that I put a girl ahead of studies at a time when there was an important exam I had to work on, I deeply regretted it. Maybe it’s true that that one exam doesn’t matter in the long run, but then again neither did that girl.
There’s a time and a place...
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Yea, for some more context I'll be a bit braggadocious and say I was better looking than your average 18-year-old. I was also a division 1 athlete swimming 4-6 miles per day (hence the handle) and therefore in pretty good shape. But I didn't really know this about myself at the time. I was an awkward kid who went to an all-guys highschool and spent more time playing world of warcraft than going out. And I was genuinely concerned about failing calculus. I had no clue how to read people in general let alone girls, and my brain never formed the idea that she was trying to hook up with me. Afterwards I'm pretty sure she took our interaction as me rejecting her which is why she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. She may have found someone else but I don't know. And don't worry about me, I'm doing just fine in life these days.
On June 08 2018 16:22 Ghostcom wrote:Best piece of advice for a date you are feeling is going well and there has been some physical contact during the date which she was comfortable with: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=axZ6mG__ZqU
I love this film, it has so much water and swimming in it, how wonderful. And yes, if the mood is right and - this part is important- if she is feeling you, then it's time to man up and kiss her. I sure wish I had. Lord knows I was doomed to get a C- in calculus no matter what I did with her.
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there's a certain quality with some rare women that I don't have a name for, maybe you guys can help name it
its not just beauty, or just intelligence. You see that they are beautiful and intelligent and classy but, you don't get intimidated by them, or don't feel pressured to match their level, instead you are happy to be around them and like to spend more time. They are warm too, but not too warm, there's a certain respectful distance. Like they are saying "I know I am valuable, but I value you too"
I am positive that it's not some personal feeling I have for certain people, but it's a quality they possess.
Their partners are usually silent-but-smart-and-charismatic type of men.
If I ever encounter one of them who is available, and can win her heart... Otherwise I'd go without living such happiness.
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i think a lot of adjectives need to be combined to describe the type of person youre referring to.
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On June 13 2018 14:48 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i think a lot of adjectives need to be combined to describe the type of person youre referring to.
I also think it's quite rare for a woman to be beautiful, intelligent, and genuinely kind/good.
My mate has a great theory about this: the "3 pillar theory". Essentially he argues you can model any woman by assigning her a score between 0-100 on 3 pillars: looks, brains and character. The catch is you get a maximum of 200 points to divide between the 3 pillars. It's not a popular theory among our female friends
I had a pretty busy weekend when it comes to dating, all comments and perspectives welcome. I'll spoiler it cause it's gonna be a wall of text.
+ Show Spoiler + For some background, I recently split up with my gf after 2,5 years. The actual split happened about a month ago but the last months of the relationship were going very poorly, we both saw it coming and kind of agreed it's best to split up. She was beautiful and intelligent, but a bit of a bitch (a classic 80/80/40 in the 3 pillar model referenced above XD). She couldn't get along with my friends & family which bothered me because I'm a family person. In the beginning I thought it's cause she was shy and it would get better with time, but it just got worse. There were other problems too and it's pretty clear we're not a perfect match. For that reason (I think?) I got over the break-up quite quickly. I did decide that my next gf would be the opposite with regards to character, a good girl where I feel loved in the relationship, who gets along with friends & family etc.
Two weeks after the break-up I downloaded some dating apps and got swiping. Probably way too soon for that stuff but I'd never used them before and I was actually quite curious to see how it all works. One of my matches on Happn frequents a club that my friends and I go to as well. We had a nice conversation and I asked if she'd be going out on Saturday cause we were too. I met her there and we hit it off. Turns out she's also recently single, broke up with a boyfriend of 4 years about 1,5 months ago. He was the one to break up, she didn't see it coming and was pretty devastated. At this point it seems to me like we're 2 ppl recently single just having some fun. We make out a bunch and have a great night, I go home a happy man.
Turns out she has a swimming pool. Sunday morning she invites me over for a pool party. She says I can take my mate along as her friends will be there too. I ask my friend, who was also there on Saturday, if he's up for it and we go. We're there from about 3PM to 11PM having a great time. I talk a lot with the girl, we have a lot in common, I'm really enjoying her company. Nothing much happens since her parents are around. On the drive back my mate tells me her girlfriends were asking him if I was a serious guy etc, not just looking to sleep around and stuff. Interesting.
Monday is where stuff escalates. We were chatting on messenger when I told her I was going to play golf and would reply later. My golf course is a 5 minute drive away from her and she asks if I want to come over. Keep in mind I started golf at 8 PM and would be at hers 10 PM the earliest, we both have work next day. So I'm a bit hesitant and tell her I'd be all sweaty and stuff, it'd be late, ... She says I can shower at her place it's no problem. When I'm done golfing she was at another couple's house babysitting, I drive there and we watch the football together and chat some more. At around 23:30 I mention I should really go home because I have to get up early, she says I should just go back to her place and sleep there. Note that she still lives with her parents and they are home. I ask if it's not an issue and we go to hers, I spend the night after having a rather awkward 10 minute introduction with her parents.
So that all seems great, we're quite into each other and stuff is going well. But we both come from a very recent long-term relationship and it's hard to say if we're just each other's rebound or if this could actually work? From my POV I think I'm completely over my ex and this new girl pretty much ticks all the boxes. I would be happy to make this a bit more serious even though it's so close after my last relationship. Her side is a different story. It's pretty clear she was completely devastated by the break-up and I'd guess she still has feelings for the guy. I straight up asked her during one of our conversations "what would you do if he says he's sorry and wants you back?", she dodged the question by saying "that's never going to happen, and you shouldn't ask those kinds of questions." /shrug
So yeah definitely some red flags there but I'm happy to continue dating her and see where it goes, we do have a great connection whenever we chat/hang out. Will keep you guys posted ..
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Would you say the same about a man, that beauty, intelligence, good person, is rarely found in one human being?
To me this sounds rather chauvinistic, while I admittedly know nothing about you, this might as well be a projection or a misconception of your understanding of the three"pillars".
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On June 13 2018 17:38 Shinon wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2018 14:48 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i think a lot of adjectives need to be combined to describe the type of person youre referring to. I also think it's quite rare for a woman to be beautiful, intelligent, and genuinely kind/good. My mate has a great theory about this: the "3 pillar theory". Essentially he argues you can model any woman by assigning her a score between 0-100 on 3 pillars: looks, brains and character. The catch is you get a maximum of 200 points to divide between the 3 pillars. It's not a popular theory among our female friends I had a pretty busy weekend when it comes to dating, all comments and perspectives welcome. I'll spoiler it cause it's gonna be a wall of text. + Show Spoiler + For some background, I recently split up with my gf after 2,5 years. The actual split happened about a month ago but the last months of the relationship were going very poorly, we both saw it coming and kind of agreed it's best to split up. She was beautiful and intelligent, but a bit of a bitch (a classic 80/80/40 in the 3 pillar model referenced above XD). She couldn't get along with my friends & family which bothered me because I'm a family person. In the beginning I thought it's cause she was shy and it would get better with time, but it just got worse. There were other problems too and it's pretty clear we're not a perfect match. For that reason (I think?) I got over the break-up quite quickly. I did decide that my next gf would be the opposite with regards to character, a good girl where I feel loved in the relationship, who gets along with friends & family etc.
Two weeks after the break-up I downloaded some dating apps and got swiping. Probably way too soon for that stuff but I'd never used them before and I was actually quite curious to see how it all works. One of my matches on Happn frequents a club that my friends and I go to as well. We had a nice conversation and I asked if she'd be going out on Saturday cause we were too. I met her there and we hit it off. Turns out she's also recently single, broke up with a boyfriend of 4 years about 1,5 months ago. He was the one to break up, she didn't see it coming and was pretty devastated. At this point it seems to me like we're 2 ppl recently single just having some fun. We make out a bunch and have a great night, I go home a happy man.
Turns out she has a swimming pool. Sunday morning she invites me over for a pool party. She says I can take my mate along as her friends will be there too. I ask my friend, who was also there on Saturday, if he's up for it and we go. We're there from about 3PM to 11PM having a great time. I talk a lot with the girl, we have a lot in common, I'm really enjoying her company. Nothing much happens since her parents are around. On the drive back my mate tells me her girlfriends were asking him if I was a serious guy etc, not just looking to sleep around and stuff. Interesting.
Monday is where stuff escalates. We were chatting on messenger when I told her I was going to play golf and would reply later. My golf course is a 5 minute drive away from her and she asks if I want to come over. Keep in mind I started golf at 8 PM and would be at hers 10 PM the earliest, we both have work next day. So I'm a bit hesitant and tell her I'd be all sweaty and stuff, it'd be late, ... She says I can shower at her place it's no problem. When I'm done golfing she was at another couple's house babysitting, I drive there and we watch the football together and chat some more. At around 23:30 I mention I should really go home because I have to get up early, she says I should just go back to her place and sleep there. Note that she still lives with her parents and they are home. I ask if it's not an issue and we go to hers, I spend the night after having a rather awkward 10 minute introduction with her parents.
So that all seems great, we're quite into each other and stuff is going well. But we both come from a very recent long-term relationship and it's hard to say if we're just each other's rebound or if this could actually work? From my POV I think I'm completely over my ex and this new girl pretty much ticks all the boxes. I would be happy to make this a bit more serious even though it's so close after my last relationship. Her side is a different story. It's pretty clear she was completely devastated by the break-up and I'd guess she still has feelings for the guy. I straight up asked her during one of our conversations "what would you do if he says he's sorry and wants you back?", she dodged the question by saying "that's never going to happen, and you shouldn't ask those kinds of questions." /shrug
So yeah definitely some red flags there but I'm happy to continue dating her and see where it goes, we do have a great connection whenever we chat/hang out. Will keep you guys posted ..
What complete idiocy gives birth to ideas like this 3-pillar crap?!
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Lighten up boys, it's obviously a joke theory, I thought the post made that clear. His inspiration for the theory is very simple: his first gf was kind and intelligent, but not the best looking, his second gf was hot and smart but a complete bitch, his current gf was kind and hot, but not very intelligent.
Do I subscribe to the theory myself? No, as I said, it's a joke among dudes. Do I think it is 'rare' for a girl to have all 3 traits, i.e. be kind and caring, beautiful, and also intelligent? Rare is a subjective term but yes, I would agree there's not too many of those around. And to answer Artisreal's question the same applies to guys of course. How many of these perfect girls/guys do you encounter?
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As you are hardly able to correctly assess your "valuation" of your counterpart due to the lack of certainty especially regarding the non superficial parts, this system is bullshit anyways and thus serves just the puprose of attributing ratings to people, through numbers. Of course nobody subject to the system likes that derogatory tone.
the perfect girl/guy is someone I'd like to be with. rather simple. and regarding that I've encountered very few in life.
most prominent exception is my wife.
people that rank high on the "tiple-bottom line" you provided are prevalent though.
If you're looking for literal perfection, I have bad news for you... This is neither a healthy attitude or a smart thing to do.
Above all though is it entirely futile to try and have a rating system on inherently biased perceptions of the parameters of the system.
In sum there's zero point in using or talking about it.
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On June 08 2018 21:08 LegalLord wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2018 17:09 Excludos wrote:On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote:On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else. And more than that, it’s kind of not great timing to introduce spontaneous “sexy time” when you’re concerned about your studies. Any girl I’ve known who was studious herself understood that school comes first and everything else is secondary for those years. Indeed, the one time I remember that I put a girl ahead of studies at a time when there was an important exam I had to work on, I deeply regretted it. Maybe it’s true that that one exam doesn’t matter in the long run, but then again neither did that girl. There’s a time and a place...
this marks the first time in my life someone said college is not the time or place for casual sex.
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On June 13 2018 22:39 brian wrote:Show nested quote +On June 08 2018 21:08 LegalLord wrote:On June 08 2018 17:09 Excludos wrote:On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote:On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else. And more than that, it’s kind of not great timing to introduce spontaneous “sexy time” when you’re concerned about your studies. Any girl I’ve known who was studious herself understood that school comes first and everything else is secondary for those years. Indeed, the one time I remember that I put a girl ahead of studies at a time when there was an important exam I had to work on, I deeply regretted it. Maybe it’s true that that one exam doesn’t matter in the long run, but then again neither did that girl. There’s a time and a place... this marks the first time in my life someone said college is not the time or place for casual sex.
I think he is more about the fact that if you meet up to study, you usually meet up to study in university - at least during finals.
To hyperbole a bit, setting active warzones, vulcanic activities in the immediate proximity and judgement day aside, exam period in university propably indeed is the worst place and time for casual sex. If you set your eye on someone, casually or serious, this is most likely not your opportunity. Unless you really meet up to study.
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On June 14 2018 00:02 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2018 22:39 brian wrote:On June 08 2018 21:08 LegalLord wrote:On June 08 2018 17:09 Excludos wrote:On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote:On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else. And more than that, it’s kind of not great timing to introduce spontaneous “sexy time” when you’re concerned about your studies. Any girl I’ve known who was studious herself understood that school comes first and everything else is secondary for those years. Indeed, the one time I remember that I put a girl ahead of studies at a time when there was an important exam I had to work on, I deeply regretted it. Maybe it’s true that that one exam doesn’t matter in the long run, but then again neither did that girl. There’s a time and a place... this marks the first time in my life someone said college is not the time or place for casual sex. I think he is more about the fact that if you meet up to study, you usually meet up to study in university - at least during finals. To hyperbole a bit, setting active warzones, vulcanic activities in the immediate proximity and judgement day aside, exam period in university propably indeed is the worst place and time for casual sex. If you set your eye on someone, casually or serious, this is most likely not your opportunity. Unless you really meet up to study.
It is, however, a good place to start. Exams are hard, and working together to overcome obstacles can easily lead to attraction. It also sets you up as a person to rely on.
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United States15275 Posts
On June 14 2018 00:20 Excludos wrote:
It is, however, a good place to start. Exams are hard, and working together to overcome obstacles can easily lead to attraction. It also sets you up as a person to rely on.
Attraction and familiarity are separate states, and reliability is demonstratively antithetical to sexual arousal around all age ranges. It's an ill-conceived notion to leverage solidarity in this manner.
On June 13 2018 17:38 Shinon wrote:Show nested quote +On June 13 2018 14:48 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i think a lot of adjectives need to be combined to describe the type of person youre referring to. I also think it's quite rare for a woman to be beautiful, intelligent, and genuinely kind/good. My mate has a great theory about this: the "3 pillar theory". Essentially he argues you can model any woman by assigning her a score between 0-100 on 3 pillars: looks, brains and character. The catch is you get a maximum of 200 points to divide between the 3 pillars. It's not a popular theory among our female friends
It's quite rare for independent variables to line up. Arguably beauty dissuades active engagement with one's intelligence as it provides numerous "shortcuts" in life (the exception are women who learn to value critical thinking, long-term planning, etc. as valuable in themselves). The halo effect also inflates one's perceived intelligence and character so your judgment can still be disastrously skewed.
On June 13 2018 17:38 Shinon wrote:
So that all seems great, we're quite into each other and stuff is going well. But we both come from a very recent long-term relationship and it's hard to say if we're just each other's rebound or if this could actually work?
I would recommend leaving her as an open option. Rejection is a very devastating process for a girl especially when it implies a dismissal of her value instead of circumstance. She is in rebound mode: the rather aggressive invitations, the "socializing without socializing" hangouts and her friends' inquisitiveness are further proof of it. This girl wants to prove to herself her ex-boyfriend's rejection means nothing.
On June 13 2018 13:45 mantequilla wrote:
there's a certain quality with some rare women that I don't have a name for, maybe you guys can help name it
its not just beauty, or just intelligence. You see that they are beautiful and intelligent and classy but, you don't get intimidated by them, or don't feel pressured to match their level, instead you are happy to be around them and like to spend more time. They are warm too, but not too warm, there's a certain respectful distance. Like they are saying "I know I am valuable, but I value you too"
I am positive that it's not some personal feeling I have for certain people, but it's a quality they possess.
Their partners are usually silent-but-smart-and-charismatic type of men.
If I ever encounter one of them who is available, and can win her heart... Otherwise I'd go without living such happiness.
This je ne sais quoi is what Olivia Cabane calls kindness charisma.
On June 13 2018 20:25 Artisreal wrote:
As you are hardly able to correctly assess your "valuation" of your counterpart due to the lack of certainty especially regarding the non superficial parts, this system is bullshit anyways and thus serves just the purpose of attributing ratings to people, through numbers. Of course nobody subject to the system likes that derogatory tone.
the perfect girl/guy is someone I'd like to be with. rather simple. and regarding that I've encountered very few in life.
most prominent exception is my wife.
people that rank high on the "triple-bottom line" you provided are prevalent though.
If you're looking for literal perfection, I have bad news for you... This is neither a healthy attitude or a smart thing to do.
Above all though is it entirely futile to try and have a rating system on inherently biased perceptions of the parameters of the system.
In sum there's zero point in using or talking about it.
That's a lot of empty posturing and bloviating to make demonstrably false claims.
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On June 14 2018 00:20 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On June 14 2018 00:02 waffelz wrote:On June 13 2018 22:39 brian wrote:On June 08 2018 21:08 LegalLord wrote:On June 08 2018 17:09 Excludos wrote:On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote:On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote:Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else. And more than that, it’s kind of not great timing to introduce spontaneous “sexy time” when you’re concerned about your studies. Any girl I’ve known who was studious herself understood that school comes first and everything else is secondary for those years. Indeed, the one time I remember that I put a girl ahead of studies at a time when there was an important exam I had to work on, I deeply regretted it. Maybe it’s true that that one exam doesn’t matter in the long run, but then again neither did that girl. There’s a time and a place... this marks the first time in my life someone said college is not the time or place for casual sex. I think he is more about the fact that if you meet up to study, you usually meet up to study in university - at least during finals. To hyperbole a bit, setting active warzones, vulcanic activities in the immediate proximity and judgement day aside, exam period in university propably indeed is the worst place and time for casual sex. If you set your eye on someone, casually or serious, this is most likely not your opportunity. Unless you really meet up to study. It is, however, a good place to start. Exams are hard, and working together to overcome obstacles can easily lead to attraction. It also sets you up as a person to rely on.
As I said: "Unless you really meet up to study"
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Does it count as dating if you give the girl the impression that you're dating, but you're actually just waiting for the sex to happen before separating entirely?
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On June 14 2018 07:58 ThunderJunk wrote:
Does it count as dating if you give the girl the impression that you're dating, but you're actually just waiting for the sex to happen before separating entirely?
Nope, that count as being an asshole.
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On June 14 2018 08:10 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On June 14 2018 07:58 ThunderJunk wrote:
Does it count as dating if you give the girl the impression that you're dating, but you're actually just waiting for the sex to happen before separating entirely? Nope, that count as being an asshole.
Huh.
What if she wouldn't have had sex with you unless she thought you were dating her?
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Lying about something like that in an effort to get laid is a pretty dick move in my book. You wouldn't be the first guy to do it though. I hypothesize that sometimes both parties in the relationship are thinking this way at the outset, so you have a facade that goes on for some time but the relationship is doomed to end sooner rather than later.
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EPT![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/Qf29x16.jpg)
