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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 14 2018 17:26 SoSexy wrote:Hmm a bit too optimistic. Normally you are right - but this girl throws me off balance. I can't read her. Also, I have fun posting here 
Maybe, I think you have a very good chance if you can strike up a conversation like you did at the musical event. You have at least nothing to lose by asking her out.
True hehe, it is nice to ventilate sometimes
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Single again after 2,5 years. I'm surprised by how well I'm dealing with the break-up. I guess we both saw it coming and it was more of a "this isn't working anymore" thing. It actually felt like a relief, which is good, I guess...
What I do struggle with is how to fill my spare time now... After spending 99% of weekends with her I suddenly don't know what to do anymore. I have friends I go out with but exam season is starting so there's a lot less parties to attend.
Guess I'll have to find some new hobbies. Any other tips on how to deal with this?
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On May 15 2018 16:24 Shinon wrote:
Single again after 2,5 years. I'm surprised by how well I'm dealing with the break-up. I guess we both saw it coming and it was more of a "this isn't working anymore" thing. It actually felt like a relief, which is good, I guess...
What I do struggle with is how to fill my spare time now... After spending 99% of weekends with her I suddenly don't know what to do anymore. I have friends I go out with but exam season is starting so there's a lot less parties to attend.
Guess I'll have to find some new hobbies. Any other tips on how to deal with this?
It's gonna be tough. My breakups have always been hard, but a friend of mine experienced exactly what you are going through now. The first 2 months he was at ease, then loneliness crept in. The important thing is 'remember why it ended'. Keep yourself busy and don't drink too much - after 2.5 years you can't expect to get away without some suffering, but it will be ok bro. We got your back.
I also discourage immediately looking for another relationship. Usually it works as a filler - my friend did exactly that, the new girl got involved but after some months he lost all interest and she suffered quite a lot. Be at ease with yourself, first and foremost.
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If you're sure your last relationship wasn't working, then just give yourself some rest. I'm sure you can find a better one.
I ended a 5-year relationship about 2 months ago, and I'm glad I did. It wasn't working either.
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Dear lord. So the girl who almost dissed me for the debate about mens attraction turned out to be bit of a psycho.
There were a lot of red flags. I'll just list things I knew but didn't think was that bad:
1. She had basically no contact with her mother. (For good reasons based on what she told me).
2. She had a fairly bad relationship with her father. (Decently good reasons).
3. She had a pretty bad body image of herself.
3.1 Would therefore buy chips for example, eat some and then pour soap so she couldn't eat the rest.
3.2 Would buy meat even though she was usually vegetarian.
4. She didn't like being touched in her navel (would seriously get shaken up the one time I did it).
5. Had ADHD, but didn't always take her medication.
6. Was scared of looking at her own "bend of the arm". Like where the skin is thin and you insert needles.
Probably missing a few. To the main part...
So most of the times she was fine. I just thought she had a rough time growing up. Her parents divorced, her mother got a new man, he apparently hit her and he got sentenced for it. So the pattern I noticed was that she would push me away, then pull me back. Like 2 weeks ago she said she was mad, didn't want to talk to me. We kinda had a small "fight" because she was pretty mad. The day after she said she was sorry that she was mad and wanted to see me. I came over, all was good.
The last time I saw her more or less the same thing happened. She was angry, didn't want to see anyone, I tried to cheer her up. She was like "Fine, you can come over but you're cooking." I went over, everything seemed to be alright with her. I got there, we cooked dinner. We cooked, watched movie, had sex late at night. In the morning everything was fine. We took the train together to the city. She was really horny at train as well, almost shoving down her hand down my pants, this was at 09:00. At 16:00 I got a message saying that "I don't think we will see each other again.", asked her why, she didn't want to answer. Told her that she could let me know if she changes her mind. She said that wasn't happening. I left it at that.
So two days ago she started talking to me again. I told her that if we aren't seeing each other, I'm not interested in talking. At this point she was just trying to keep the conversation going. And finally today I pretty much had enough, she was quite annoying. I told her I had no interest in seeing her again and that I would block her if she continued. She waited a few hours then said something like "Sorry, I have been at the hospital. I have been so bored, thats why I was provoking you. Look what I saw when I walked home." then she sent a picture of a guy walking with discs for discgolf (frisbeegolf). Didn't take long until she said that she wanted company again.
Funny thing is that I've been talking to my female friend while this was happening and she was way ahead of me, knew exactly what she was going to say. I've never met anyone this manipulative before, kinda scary.
In the end I told her that her behaviour was unhealthy and that I hoped she would seek some sort of help. Tried to put it in a nice way but of course she got offended. Blocked her on all media after that.
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I've just googled ADHD but it seems all of her behaviour explains it as well as her family situation.
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Tbh not liking to be touched in/at the belly button really shouldn't be any indicator of anything whatsoever.
Neither should a bad relationship with parents or disgust of a bend elbow or being half time vegetarian.
Of course I'm exaggerating a bit here but your list isn't as clear cut to me as i was interpreting it is to you. (Of course there's also the possibility of my being wrong here)
Apart from that and judging from your story I think you handled that quite alright.
How long did this take? A couple of weeks?
Discgolf is a pretty dope sport. The Sister discipline, ultimate frisbee, is a pretty good opportunity to meet new people. From my experience these groups are rather mixed and extremely open and beginner friendly.
A sport I'd highly recommend when trying to get to know new people, fast.
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On May 23 2018 05:51 Artisreal wrote:
Tbh not liking to be touched in/at the belly button really shouldn't be any indicator of anything whatsoever.
Neither should a bad relationship with parents or disgust of a bend elbow or being half time vegetarian.
Of course I'm exaggerating a bit here but your list isn't as clear cut to me as i was interpreting it is to you. (Of course there's also the possibility of my being wrong here)
Apart from that and judging from your story I think you handled that quite alright.
How long did this take? A couple of weeks?
Discgolf is a pretty dope sport. The Sister discipline, ultimate frisbee, is a pretty good opportunity to meet new people. From my experience these groups are rather mixed and extremely open and beginner friendly.
A sport I'd highly recommend when trying to get to know new people, fast.
Nah sure, I'll give you that. Belly button stuff isn't necessarily a red flag. I was just bringing up points I thought were odd.
Googled a bit and she seems to suffer from borderline personality disorder. Pretty much everything I've read is spot on.
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Or instead of armchair psycho-analyzing her, you could leave her be and move on? You clearly don't think she's right for you. Do you really have to fixate on what mental disorder she might have?
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On May 23 2018 17:19 Acrofales wrote:
Or instead of armchair psycho-analyzing her, you could leave her be and move on? You clearly don't think she's right for you. Do you really have to fixate on what mental disorder she might have?
While I generally agree with you, I think it possible that bw is just making conversation here and doesn't look for affirmation for his analysis.
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Do you have a plan with Tinder conversations? For example:
1. Ask/say something about photos
2. Then ask about hobbies (if unclear from photos or not)
3. Joke or send some meme
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On May 23 2018 17:19 Acrofales wrote:
Or instead of armchair psycho-analyzing her, you could leave her be and move on? You clearly don't think she's right for you. Do you really have to fixate on what mental disorder she might have?
I haven't debated which disorder she has with her. I have already said goodbye and blocked her.
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On May 24 2018 04:10 sc-darkness wrote:
Do you have a plan with Tinder conversations? For example:
1. Ask/say something about photos
2. Then ask about hobbies (if unclear from photos or not)
3. Joke or send some meme
1. Be unique enough to get her attention.
2. Refrain from talking about too "normal" subjects, they're boring as fuck and she has already told 50 other people what she does.
3. No memes unless she starts or you're certain she will respond well.
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On May 24 2018 04:23 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On May 24 2018 04:10 sc-darkness wrote:
Do you have a plan with Tinder conversations? For example:
1. Ask/say something about photos
2. Then ask about hobbies (if unclear from photos or not)
3. Joke or send some meme 1. Be unique enough to get her attention. 2. Refrain from talking about too "normal" subjects, they're boring as fuck and she has already told 50 other people what she does. 3. No memes unless she starts or you're certain she will respond well.
So what do you recommend? Is it just the 1st one? I'm not sure how to transition after saying/something about photo. Sometimes I can't think of what to say, so I thought asking for hobbies could give me something to work with.
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On May 24 2018 04:32 sc-darkness wrote:
So what do you recommend? Is it just the 1st one? I'm not sure how to transition after saying/something about photo. Sometimes I can't think of what to say, so I thought asking for hobbies could give me something to work with.
The girl I just talked about two messages up I opened with "Are you good at high jumping?". She didn't look like a high jumper, she didn't not look like a high jumper. It's a completely irrelevant question just to get attention.
The easiest way for me is usually to pick something off her profile, but talk about it in a slightly unique way. So the one of the last girls I talked to had three pictures of herself. The first one she is drinking wine, the second she is drinking wine and the third she is drinking water.
So I opened up with "You should put your picture where you're drinking water in the middle. That way you will get a more serious profile since people see you as a reasonable person who drinks water every other drink."
(Not really how to translate the last part.) It is "Varannan vatten" in swedish which is a pretty common phrase, which is basically saying you drink wine, then water, then wine, then water etc. Basically being slightly funny and being decently unique.
But yeah I agree it's hard sometimes. It is even harder when they're not putting in any effort themselves. The one I opened with the wine comment is terrible at responding. Even though she said yes to a date this saturday. You can usually tell if they will be interested after a message or two. If they're putting in effort you're good, otherwise you have to try way harder.
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I'm starting to think Tinder's algorithm is weird when you don't have superb photos. So deleting your account at some interval (e.g. 1-2 weeks) might bring more matches than just waiting.
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On May 24 2018 07:13 sc-darkness wrote:
I'm starting to think Tinder's algorithm is weird when you don't have superb photos. So deleting your account at some interval (e.g. 1-2 weeks) might bring more matches than just waiting.
Or you could invest a day or two into getting really good photos and you don't have to do that ?
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I recently made an account at OKCupid. My first match agreed to a date this weekend. What would you recommend for a first date? Some fun physical activity like learning snowboarding or skiing (indoor) or indoor bouldering? A cocktail masterclass (not sure if there's one for couples)? Or maybe simply meeting for a coffee?
She plays chess (and said would be interested in learning go together), but not too competitively. She's also fit and likes sports and dancing. I'm not really keen on dancing, but I love sport. I'm leaning towards the snowboarding or skiing lesson, but would have to ask her beforehand.
What do you think, guys?
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United States15275 Posts
Coffee into a shared activity sounds fine. Don't overthink it.
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If you go snowboarding you will most likely focus more on teaching her snowboarding than on getting to know her I feel like. I'd say go indoor bouldering is a better choice if you want to go on a active date. Going snowboarding is a cool date though!
I agree with cosmic that it doesn't really matter. Your main objective should just be to talk as much as possible and have fun.
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EPT
