|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Hey guys,
I need some advice ... I met a girl on a dating app a few days ago, we'd been chatting and things were cool. We met in person yesterday, she was cool, we had a few drinks in a bar, walked around, got some takeaway food and ended up eating at her place. The conversation drifted to sexual territory (I'm pretty sure she's the one who steered this way, but I was pretty fuckin drunk) and she gave me all sorts of signals that she wanted to have sex, like shutting the curtains so neighbours couldn't peek inside her appartment and the likes, while at the same time mentionning here or there that she was sort of fed up with guys taking advantage of girls, emptying their balls (her words, not mine) and then vanishing, etc... Anyway, we ended up doing it, all the sex talk kinda made me horny, I was drunk and not thinking very clearly.
Well, the sex was awful :-s It's not like I'm a stud or anything, but I really didn't find her attractive once she was naked, I'd never been with a big girl before, and I thought I didn't care, well, turns out I did, like, a lot...
I even had a hard time getting a hard-on. I didn't wanna hurt her and pretended it was pretty usual for me the first time I was with a girl cuz I'm shy or whatever, but since it's never happened to me before, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of me being irish-levels drunk and also kinda grossed out by her.
Now she kinda expects news from me, and I'm at a loss. I definitely don't wanna date her, and I also definitely don't wanna hurt her. I'm pretty sure it would take a special kind of asshole to let her know the real reason why I don't wanna date her, so I kinda need to come up with something that would spare her. And since we met on a dating app, and not "in real life", I don't really care if it makes me look like a jerk in her eyes, cuz I'm pretty sure we'll never meet again.
Any idea/suggestion to let her off gently is most welcome, so thanks in advance.
PS : Sorry if spelling/phrasing is shitty, not a natural English speaker...
Also... I read the warning above, I know I'm kinda talking about a one night stand, but I'm definitely not bragging about it, I think that much is clear, and genuinely hope to get some solid advice, so I hope I'm not breaching the rules...
|
I'm sure someone else here could give you good advice, but, personally, I don't see a way out here without she being hurt. There is a proverb in my language which literally is: there's no such thing as a fed wolf and whole lamb. 
I think the best you could hope for is to reduce emotional damage as you imply. Maybe wait to hear a few opinions, then see which one could work in your favour.
|
I had a similar situation, years ago. I made up a plausible excuse for why I didn't want a relationship. I'm assuming she believed me, but it was at least partially true. My friends saw through it instantly, though. I don't know if it helped to not hurt her, but let's face it, if the relationship isn't going to work, it just isn't going to work, and that's that. Better to both get on with your lives.
|
Well, here's what I went with today. Basically pretty tight to the sides with some length in front. Thoughts?
![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/utoa6bZ.jpg)
|
On May 12 2018 14:23 L_Master wrote:Well, here's what I went with today. Basically pretty tight to the sides with some length in front. Thoughts?
did u cut yourself to look dangerous?
|
On May 12 2018 09:26 Acrofales wrote:
I had a similar situation, years ago. I made up a plausible excuse for why I didn't want a relationship. I'm assuming she believed me, but it was at least partially true. My friends saw through it instantly, though. I don't know if it helped to not hurt her, but let's face it, if the relationship isn't going to work, it just isn't going to work, and that's that. Better to both get on with your lives.
Could you expand on your excuse? I find it hard to justify it from other person's situation. You don't want a relationship, yet you have sex with someone who said to you that they're tired of one-night stands. I don't see how that will make her feel better. Or is your post not trying to help him?
|
On May 12 2018 17:43 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2018 09:26 Acrofales wrote:
I had a similar situation, years ago. I made up a plausible excuse for why I didn't want a relationship. I'm assuming she believed me, but it was at least partially true. My friends saw through it instantly, though. I don't know if it helped to not hurt her, but let's face it, if the relationship isn't going to work, it just isn't going to work, and that's that. Better to both get on with your lives. Could you expand on our excuse? I find it hard to justify it from other person's situation. You don't want a relationship, yet you have sex with someone who said to you that they're tired of one-night stands. I don't see how that will make her feel better.
Obviously it wasn't 100% the same. I was moving countries a few weeks/months after we met and I told her from the get-go. We dated anyway, we had sex. Sex was bad, and I told her that I was afraid I'd get too emotionally involved and didn't want that, so didn't want the relationship to go further and just have to break it off when I moved. Better to just stop right there. She was like "but we can just have fun while it lasts", and I told her I couldn't do that. And that was the end of that.
|
On May 12 2018 05:27 Husnan wrote:
Hey guys,
I need some advice ... I met a girl on a dating app a few days ago, we'd been chatting and things were cool. We met in person yesterday, she was cool, we had a few drinks in a bar, walked around, got some takeaway food and ended up eating at her place. The conversation drifted to sexual territory (I'm pretty sure she's the one who steered this way, but I was pretty fuckin drunk) and she gave me all sorts of signals that she wanted to have sex, like shutting the curtains so neighbours couldn't peek inside her appartment and the likes, while at the same time mentionning here or there that she was sort of fed up with guys taking advantage of girls, emptying their balls (her words, not mine) and then vanishing, etc... Anyway, we ended up doing it, all the sex talk kinda made me horny, I was drunk and not thinking very clearly.
Well, the sex was awful :-s It's not like I'm a stud or anything, but I really didn't find her attractive once she was naked, I'd never been with a big girl before, and I thought I didn't care, well, turns out I did, like, a lot...
I even had a hard time getting a hard-on. I didn't wanna hurt her and pretended it was pretty usual for me the first time I was with a girl cuz I'm shy or whatever, but since it's never happened to me before, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of me being irish-levels drunk and also kinda grossed out by her.
Now she kinda expects news from me, and I'm at a loss. I definitely don't wanna date her, and I also definitely don't wanna hurt her. I'm pretty sure it would take a special kind of asshole to let her know the real reason why I don't wanna date her, so I kinda need to come up with something that would spare her. And since we met on a dating app, and not "in real life", I don't really care if it makes me look like a jerk in her eyes, cuz I'm pretty sure we'll never meet again.
Any idea/suggestion to let her off gently is most welcome, so thanks in advance.
PS : Sorry if spelling/phrasing is shitty, not a natural English speaker...
Also... I read the warning above, I know I'm kinda talking about a one night stand, but I'm definitely not bragging about it, I think that much is clear, and genuinely hope to get some solid advice, so I hope I'm not breaching the rules...
Granted your options are thin, the old "I love Jesus now" thing is an option.
Basically goes someone dragged you to church, you found God, going to get baptized in a few months and she's welcome to study in the lord with you, but you're going to be celibate until marriage and that might not be for years.
You can pick different churches based on whatever you think would appeal the least to her/most convincing, then she thinks she's dodging the bullet without you having to be inexplicably annoying, mean, clingy, or whatever other route.
You could also constantly talk politics and have a terribly unpopular opinion, but that may take a while.
|
On May 12 2018 05:27 Husnan wrote:
Hey guys,
...
You could go with the I felt taken advantage of while being dunk trajectory. Though being drunk is no excuse for the actions one takes, it's relatable.
|
Follow up on my question : she messaged me this morning, asking why I didn't get back to her..
So I kinda had to bite the bullet and come up with something : I told her I went on a date yesterday, and I liked this other girl, and I'd to try to make it work with her (all lies but you know...)
She immediately replied : "I hope you wont mind if I answer : JERK ! Hope I never see you again"
Well, that's that... Quick n dirty, I guess, but easy for her to shrug it off, I think.
|
On May 12 2018 18:31 Husnan wrote:
Follow up on my question : she messaged me this morning, asking why I didn't get back to her..
So I kinda had to bite the bullet and come up with something : I told her I went on a date yesterday, and I liked this other girl, and I'd to try to make it work with her (all lies but you know...)
She immediately replied : "I hope you wont mind if I answer : JERK ! Hope I never see you again"
Well, that's that... Quick n dirty, I guess, but easy for her to shrug it off, I think.
Meh could have been worse. Lesson learned.
|
Pretend to get into an argument and be like, "okay this cant work"
Ezpz lemon squeezy
|
tried that before. girl will give you shit for not trying hard enough
|
Take a page out of bloodwhore's book and rant about feminazis. Then be surprised she wants nothing to do with you 
|
On May 12 2018 14:23 L_Master wrote:Well, here's what I went with today. Basically pretty tight to the sides with some length in front. Thoughts?
Haha nope. It's just the curse of having deep set eyes with poor orbital support underneath the eye. I don't have the problem irl because I'm a pretty energized smiley person, but it's incredibly easy to have that look in pictures.
|
On May 12 2018 20:57 Acrofales wrote:Take a page out of bloodwhore's book and rant about feminazis. Then be surprised she wants nothing to do with you
That's one way to do it 😂😂
|
On May 12 2018 23:44 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2018 14:23 L_Master wrote:Well, here's what I went with today. Basically pretty tight to the sides with some length in front. Thoughts? Haha nope. It's just the curse of having deep set eyes with poor orbital support underneath the eye. I don't have the problem irl because I'm a pretty energized smiley person, but it's incredibly easy to have that look in pictures.
![[image loading]](https://i.gyazo.com/358ed1f1057d4ee700d3aac26d340f84.png)
Been on any bond movies lately?
|
On May 12 2018 20:57 Acrofales wrote:Take a page out of bloodwhore's book and rant about feminazis. Then be surprised she wants nothing to do with you
Conservative love is the best. My gf rants regularly on how feminists are crazy.
Then we cuddle watching Jordan Peterson or Ben Shapiro vids
|
On May 13 2018 03:01 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2018 20:57 Acrofales wrote:Take a page out of bloodwhore's book and rant about feminazis. Then be surprised she wants nothing to do with you Conservative love is the best. My gf rants regularly on how feminists are crazy. Then we cuddle watching Jordan Peterson or Ben Shapiro vids
Do you order her to make you a sandwich?
+ Show Spoiler +Just a joke. I don't approve of this previous century thinking.
|
On May 12 2018 19:53 evilfatsh1t wrote:
tried that before. girl will give you shit for not trying hard enough
>Get shit for a false pretense
>Get shit for being a shallow POS
The former makes you look less of a dickhead, but also youre a liar too now. The latter will just show that guys are looking for a good lay, therefore confirming (in the eyes of girls) that guys are pigs.
Pick your poison.
Edit: I like the option where you rant about feminazis. That one is comical.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
