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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 26 2018 22:59 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Tinder used primarily as a hookup app, rather than a long-term/ romance/ dating intended app? The functionality of superficially objectifying every potential match by their looks, before any mention of shared hobbies or passions or values is established, seems to support that Tinder's niche is used more for flings. If that's how Tinder is viewed and used by most people, then I'm not at all surprised that users won't be super exclusive with who they swipe right for, and then ignore many of them later once they figure out who they find most attractive looking.
Am I mistaken here? I've never used online dating apps, but my friends who do- and are looking for actual commitments and potential long-term relationships- specifically don't use Tinder.
It is what you make it. I'd say more than 60% of the people I've met have been more interested in something serious.
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On April 27 2018 04:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On April 26 2018 22:59 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Tinder used primarily as a hookup app, rather than a long-term/ romance/ dating intended app? The functionality of superficially objectifying every potential match by their looks, before any mention of shared hobbies or passions or values is established, seems to support that Tinder's niche is used more for flings. If that's how Tinder is viewed and used by most people, then I'm not at all surprised that users won't be super exclusive with who they swipe right for, and then ignore many of them later once they figure out who they find most attractive looking.
Am I mistaken here? I've never used online dating apps, but my friends who do- and are looking for actual commitments and potential long-term relationships- specifically don't use Tinder. It is what you make it. I'd say more than 60% of the people I've met have been more interested in something serious.
There are experiments on youtube where a man asks 1000 or 10000 matches for sex. No surprise, he got a lot of rejections but some girls were ready to do it. In comparison, 60% is even optimistic if you only count women.
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On April 27 2018 05:38 sc-darkness wrote:There are experiments on youtube where a man asks 1000 or 10000 matches for sex. No surprise, he got a lot of rejections but some girls were ready to do it. In comparison, 60% is even optimistic if you only count women.
I think I've seen that video before. Not really sure what to take from it. If he matched with 1000 girls he obviously is attractive and have great photos. Most guys will not match with so many girls. Most likely he had little to no standards while swiping as well. I'd also assume it was mostly the less attractive girls that said yes.
If you are only looking for a one night stand and you want to waste as little time as possible, you're attractive and you have great photos, then sure, go for this method. Otherwise I think one would be disappointed about the results.
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I’m not the best looking guy, which is why I don’t Tinder. My strengths lie in charming the grill and making her laugh. I have a goofy nature (or so I’m told) so I capitalize on that.
Easier said than done, I know. But I’ve been landing numbers and dates like crazy ever since I found my confidence.
Um kinda off topic(ish): but does anyone else hold their breathe when an attractive girl is near? I find myself habitually not breathing through my nose so that I can’t smell her—maybe outta fear that I’ll fall in love with her at first sight if she smells good plus looks attractive. Yeh I’m weird
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Are you guys sure about inviting a girl to a date within 10 messages on Tinder? Isn't it too quick for them? Recently Volabond or something like that said here he had to exchange messages for days.
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You could just ask how they would feel about meeting up for coffee/tea? It isn’t a full blown date and you aren’t really asking them out. Just asking about the possibility of meeting up in the foreseeable future.
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yes within 3 or 4 messages from your end
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You should notice when you can ask them out and be sure that they will say yes. You just need to gauge that their interest is high enough. Which you notice by how fast they answer, how engaged they are in what you say.
My initial message to one girl was "So which day are will we see each other?", given that she had something like "if we match we should see each other" in her bio.
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Holy fuck. That went up in flames FAST.
Date 1 was on friday.
Went really well. Spent 2.5 hours talking.
Date 2 was on saturday.
Went even better. Talked for a few hours. Cuddled, watched series. Slept over. Had morning sex. Went home.
Today.
We start basically start discussing why some men find 18-20 year olds attractive. As my belief was not "It is 100% social norms/culture phenonomens." (don't know the fully accurate translation of the word). She went off. I am pretty much hitler in her eyes now. Even though I gave her plenty of room to give some examples or evidence as to why it would just be like she says and I'd change my mind if she had good arguments since I am not well read in the subject.
Didn't matter. On to the next one.
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On May 02 2018 03:07 sc-darkness wrote:
Are you guys sure about inviting a girl to a date within 10 messages on Tinder? Isn't it too quick for them? Recently Volabond or something like that said here he had to exchange messages for days.
Tbh, I think exchanging more messages than that is borderline worthless unless their is something about the girl that really is compelling. It's an awful lot of investment for a date that will flake anywhere from 20-80% of the time.
And no, it's not too quick for them. All you need to see is:
Model 1
Model 2
Realize, this is quite a different thing than dating via meeting people in person...but if the women are attracted to you, they will make it easy for meeting up. If they aren't, they aren't generally going to meet up anyway with someone they don't know that well are aren't already thinking omg this guy is so hot I really want to meet him. If can work if you're one of the people that can really convey a good personality online, but I think many guys struggle with that.
On April 26 2018 07:09 sc-darkness wrote:
Also, someone asked why I don't invite a girl to a date after 2-3 messages on Tinder. Well, I don't see how this could have 50% success at least. As far as I know, girls want to connect emotionally and I don't see how this could happen with 2-3 short messages or even normal messages. True, I've not been on a Tinder date yet, so I'm not an example. I'm only applying logic from my perspective.
How about 1 message?
Model 1
Model 2
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You don't need these case studies to find this out. Get 2 or 3 of your guy friends together who are about the same age and location and have everyone start swiping on Tinder at the same time. Guess what, you'll see a lot of the same girls, and you'll quickly find out who among you is the most attractive. You can even say pretty much the same stuff and get different results based on your profile. I did this one night while drunk/bored at a bar with 3 of my buddies and we learned within 10 minutes who was best looking in the group (not that it was a surprise). We then started messing with the girls saying stuff like "did you just match with Matt? Say no to Matt! Matt is a serial killer" - just for the hell of it.
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On May 09 2018 13:12 TheFish7 wrote:
You don't need these case studies to find this out. Get 2 or 3 of your guy friends together who are about the same age and location and have everyone start swiping on Tinder at the same time. Guess what, you'll see a lot of the same girls, and you'll quickly find out who among you is the most attractive. You can even say pretty much the same stuff and get different results based on your profile. I did this one night while drunk/bored at a bar with 3 of my buddies and we learned within 10 minutes who was best looking in the group (not that it was a surprise). We then started messing with the girls saying stuff like "did you just match with Matt? Say no to Matt! Matt is a serial killer" - just for the hell of it.
Yep, although usually it's not too hard to tell who is the best looking guy in your group either. I guess the main point here is when you're highly attractive, women will make it VERY easy for you; or just outright persue you.
I think on Tinder, if you don't have good initial attraction...it's very hard to move the interaction forward, which is why I like that get the number with a few messages and move on approach. Maybe if your text game is damn tight you could get a girl a little more interest, but it's just so high investment for low return...flakes are always an issue but 10x more so on Tinder.
Tinder's basically just GG if you're not at least 6/10, or coming across that way, in your pics. Sometimes guys that are 5-5.5/10 can get occasional matches but it's usually not much. Generally you'll also match 1-2 pts lower than where you actually stand. I don't know too many people who consistently get tinder matches on par with who they can attract in person. Too much of a swipe market to chase the best looking guys.
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It's interesting because you can also bump your rating up a solid 3 or 4 points by taking good pictures, working out, dressing well, etc. People always underestimate how good a thin/in shape body is for your face structure.
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On May 10 2018 07:51 WarSame wrote:
It's interesting because you can also bump your rating up a solid 3 or 4 points by taking good pictures, working out, dressing well, etc. People always underestimate how good a thin/in shape body is for your face structure.
Especially depending on who you are, yes. Some people have okay face structure's at a higher percentage then others, whereas others don't start to get some definition in their facial bones until about 10% when abs start to show.
If you're eye area sucks though, like mine does, there isn't much you can do about it. That's one area that doesn't improve much at all with fat loss. Lower third and cheekbone structural appearance can change dramatically.
In my case, I'm about 15-18% right now, quite tubby for where I usually sit and still have decent definition that doesn't get all that much better if I get lean:
+ Show Spoiler +
I agree wholeheartedly though that you can bump your rating up dramatically with good pics, condition, and to a lesser extent dressing well. A guy who starts as a generic 15% guy with minimal muscle and typical HS dressing will probably look about a 3/10 in the crap selfies he takes at home. A professional photographer could probably find an extra half point for him above his default, so he starts at 5.5 at best, but quite possible 3/10 the first time he makes a tinder profile.
If he builds a killer body, putting on 20-30lb of muscle depending on frame size and leans out to 8-10% that can bring him up a solid point for the body, and perhaps a half point for the face, unless he really carries a ton of weight at "kinda lean, kinda not" and drops it all as he hits actual leanness. A person at 20%+ dropping to 10% could improve their face alone 2-4pts depending on just how fat they are. Either way for our example that bring him up to a 6.5-7/10 now, which is pretty attractive, especially in shots where he can show his body.
So yep, as you said, a pretty dramatic difference. That said, you definitely need to be in the right places to take advantage of a good body. If you're not shirtless...it's not helping you more than 0.25 of a point imo, even if you're well dressed.
Poor dressing can easily kill off 1 pts, maybe close to 2 if it's a disaster with fit, as a lean guy in truly ill fitted clothes can actually be made to look fat.
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Shirtless photos are such a low level in my opinion. It's a serious post. I know some women fall for it, but it's still stupid. I say that as ~70 kg and 1.77-1.78 m guy. I don't have abs, but I can still have an opinion.
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On May 10 2018 15:16 sc-darkness wrote:
Shirtless photos are such a low level in my opinion. It's a serious post. I know some women fall for it, but it's still stupid. I say that as ~70 kg and 1.77-1.78 m guy. I don't have abs, but I can still have an opinion.
They don't bother me too much personally. Blatant mirror aelfurs are a bit tryhard, but they still work if you got it to show.
I have zero problems with shirtless photos that makes sense such as you swimming or being at the beach. That's the way to go for those imo. Personally I'd only go for one if your properly six pack lean.
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United States15275 Posts
On May 09 2018 04:39 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Holy fuck. That went up in flames FAST.
Date 1 was on friday.
Went really well. Spent 2.5 hours talking.
Date 2 was on saturday.
Went even better. Talked for a few hours. Cuddled, watched series. Slept over. Had morning sex. Went home.
Today.
We start basically start discussing why some men find 18-20 year olds attractive. As my belief was not "It is 100% social norms/culture phenonomens." (don't know the fully accurate translation of the word). She went off. I am pretty much hitler in her eyes now. Even though I gave her plenty of room to give some examples or evidence as to why it would just be like she says and I'd change my mind if she had good arguments since I am not well read in the subject.
Didn't matter. On to the next one.
A. She's wrong. Multiple studies have concluded that all men find the same narrow subset of women the most attractive: that range is 20-25 (18-20 year olds are usually too neotenic). For starters, here is a data set garnered by OKCupid founder Christian Rudder for the book Dataclysm.
+ Show Spoiler +
B. Why did you even try and debate the topic? You were presupposing a level of disassociation and objectivity that would be hard enough for a man to maintain, but she is also personally invested in the belief as it will rationalize and justify her future life choices. You should've agreed in an amused manner and spun it into an absurd tangent to defuse the tension.
On May 10 2018 09:25 L_Master wrote:
So yep, as you said, a pretty dramatic difference. That said, you definitely need to be in the right places to take advantage of a good body. If you're not shirtless...it's not helping you more than 0.25 of a point imo, even if you're well dressed.
I slightly disagree with this in the sense that you are underestimating how keenly attentive women are in this area. Not only can they pick up an athletic body off the slightest hints, but obscuring that fact - with properly fitted clothes - lets them indulge in said attraction while avoiding judgments of being shallow and short-sighted. Particularly useful to know once you move out of the early 20s bracket.
On May 10 2018 15:16 sc-darkness wrote:
Shirtless photos are such a low level in my opinion. It's a serious post. I know some women fall for it, but it's still stupid. I say that as ~70 kg and 1.77-1.78 m guy. I don't have abs, but I can still have an opinion.
In a dating medium so heavily reliant on visuals, anything that screams "look, I'm worthy!" upfront will give you a heavy advantage. Undoubtedly a lot of shirtless selfies delve into the realm of cheeseball absurdity, but those guys are hedging their bets on the impulsive, salacious girls they want to hook up with anyway.
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Anyone know of good hair guides recommendations. That's one area I'm still at a total loss as far as what I should do. I'm getting pretty due for a haircut, but I'm not really sure what to ask for or how to style it.
Looking for something that would give inspiration/insight for what to try based on my face shape and limitations from being around NW2.
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On May 09 2018 04:39 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Holy fuck. That went up in flames FAST.
Date 1 was on friday.
Went really well. Spent 2.5 hours talking.
Date 2 was on saturday.
Went even better. Talked for a few hours. Cuddled, watched series. Slept over. Had morning sex. Went home.
Today.
We start basically start discussing why some men find 18-20 year olds attractive. As my belief was not "It is 100% social norms/culture phenonomens." (don't know the fully accurate translation of the word). She went off. I am pretty much hitler in her eyes now. Even though I gave her plenty of room to give some examples or evidence as to why it would just be like she says and I'd change my mind if she had good arguments since I am not well read in the subject.
Didn't matter. On to the next one.
From my pov looks like she was looking for any reason to "break it off". The topic of the conversation was non-important.
But like you said, "on to the next one". You dont wanna stick with someone that unstable.
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On May 11 2018 04:28 L_Master wrote:
Anyone know of good hair guides recommendations. That's one area I'm still at a total loss as far as what I should do. I'm getting pretty due for a haircut, but I'm not really sure what to ask for or how to style it.
Looking for something that would give inspiration/insight for what to try based on my face shape and limitations from being around NW2.
Take a look at as many models as possible. Their job is to look good, and there are enough of them that you'll probably find something that suits you pretty easily.
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