EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 974
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
On May 27 2018 00:25 WarSame wrote: I feel like bloodwhore~ has learned a ton in the last 2 or 3 years! I don't know what he knew 2-3 years ago, but it's common sense to focus on getting to know each other. That said, my personal preference is walk at some park if the weather is nice. If not, then coffee/tea. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On May 26 2018 17:45 bloodwhore~ wrote: If you go snowboarding you will most likely focus more on teaching her snowboarding than on getting to know her I feel like. I'd say go indoor bouldering is a better choice if you want to go on a active date. Going snowboarding is a cool date though! I agree with cosmic that it doesn't really matter. Your main objective should just be to talk as much as possible and have fun. Putting yourself in a default position of authority is one of the most reliable ways to ensure attraction. If you lean on it too much though, you become stodgy and inhibited. It really depends on whether he's comfortable taking control of situations. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18162 Posts
On May 27 2018 03:44 sc-darkness wrote: I don't know what he knew 2-3 years ago, but it's common sense to focus on getting to know each other. That said, my personal preference is walk at some park if the weather is nice. If not, then coffee/tea. He knew absolutely nothing 2-3 years ago. He was a blank slate and was taught everything he knows here. Mostly by Lemon  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On May 28 2018 23:01 Acrofales wrote: He knew absolutely nothing 2-3 years ago. He was a blank slate and was taught everything he knows here. Mostly by Lemon What are you talking about? I came here as a relationship god  | ||
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Emnjay808
United States10663 Posts
One of the worst dates I’ve had in a while. I’ll take this as a sign to tone it down a bit with going on spontaneous dates until I know that person a little better. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On May 29 2018 11:01 Emnjay808 wrote: Had a date recently with a girl I met at the mall. She’s pretty but good god she talks. And I mean TALKS. Maybe it’s the nature of her job since she’s a retail salesperson but she talks at a very fast pace and the whole time I was just hoping she would stop. One of the worst dates I’ve had in a while. I’ll take this as a sign to tone it down a bit with going on spontaneous dates until I know that person a little better. I don't think you should stop. A short date takes maybe 30-45 minutes. This is the reason why I mostly just go on a walk on the first date. If you don't feel it you simply move on without having wasted a ton of money or time. Rather than talking with some chick for a week, THEN figure out she is not for you on the actual date. edit: word | ||
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katy19
Germany1 Post
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geokilla
Canada8244 Posts
We're both in our mid 20s and she does have a better career path than me. However this doesn't mean I'm not working on myself. To me, it sounds like she may be hesitant, mainly because that's how online dating is now. We're just not given sufficient time to share experiences with one another, because we all have our busy lives, and we think there's someone out there that can give us the "spark" right away. It's not like in high school or university where you see that person multiple times a week so you develop that relationship with them. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18162 Posts
On June 07 2018 11:16 geokilla wrote: I went on two dates with a woman I met off CMB and we had lots of fun together. There was laughter, we learned more about each other, and we texted. The whole thing went pretty much as good as I could have hoped for. Today, I received a rejection text from her when I asked her out for a third date. She said it may be better to stay as friends and I deserve someone better. How should I respond? I definitely won't ignore her. We're both in our mid 20s and she does have a better career path than me. However this doesn't mean I'm not working on myself. To me, it sounds like she may be hesitant, mainly because that's how online dating is now. We're just not given sufficient time to share experiences with one another, because we all have our busy lives, and we think there's someone out there that can give us the "spark" right away. It's not like in high school or university where you see that person multiple times a week so you develop that relationship with them. Two things at play here: (1) The fact that the dates went well according to you doesn't mean she felt the same way. Did you kiss? Did you try? If not, why not? What about other physical contact? 2 dates and no intimacy means there may have been a lack of romance, and she simply picked up on that while you didn't. (2) If she tells you to look for someone better, she may just be trying to let you down easy. She may also have self-esteem issues and be scared of relationships or something. You can try to dig at which one it is, without straying into angry/clingy/unpleasant territory. You can try to reply something like "I'm not looking for someone better, I think you're fantastic!" Be aware, though, that if she's communicating that she wants to be friends and isn't romantically interested, that your chances of being romantic with her have basically gone. You're friendzoned, and the reason why is probably in point (1) and not in other stuff. | ||
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geokilla
Canada8244 Posts
On June 07 2018 13:29 Acrofales wrote: Two things at play here: (1) The fact that the dates went well according to you doesn't mean she felt the same way. Did you kiss? Did you try? If not, why not? What about other physical contact? 2 dates and no intimacy means there may have been a lack of romance, and she simply picked up on that while you didn't. (2) If she tells you to look for someone better, she may just be trying to let you down easy. She may also have self-esteem issues and be scared of relationships or something. You can try to dig at which one it is, without straying into angry/clingy/unpleasant territory. You can try to reply something like "I'm not looking for someone better, I think you're fantastic!" Be aware, though, that if she's communicating that she wants to be friends and isn't romantically interested, that your chances of being romantic with her have basically gone. You're friendzoned, and the reason why is probably in point (1) and not in other stuff. I'm just really bad at picking up signals from a woman. One of my girl friend said I made the classic mistake of "last minute resistance" during these two dates. I also tend to be very passive when it comes to dating and don't make much moves. I definitely didn't make much romantic moves or gestures the whole time I was with her. At one point during our second date, we shared an umbrella and she had her arms linked around mine the whole time. After dinner we didn't know what to do so I asked what if we go to her place as it was 5 minutes away and she said sure. By the time we got there, she changed her mind but we continued to talk downstairs for another 5 minutes. That was when she got really close to me and said "I feel very short looking straight into your shoulders." I guess it was there I should have kissed her? It really sucks because I thought we had chemistry. I don't think I can salvage my relationship with her and get her to give me a chance. I told her I appreciate her being up front and honest with me, and that I thought we had chemistry. Then I stupidly asked her to intro me to her friends and I can do the same for her. | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4553 Posts
On June 08 2018 05:42 geokilla wrote: Then I stupidly asked her to intro me to her friends and I can do the same for her. lmfao Learn from our mistakes I guess xD | ||
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geokilla
Canada8244 Posts
Any suggestions on what to do next time I have a date? I'm pretty introverted and passive. Colleagues, friends, everyone says I'm passive.. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8779 Posts
im still an introvert but as far as women go, i got over that wall that blocks you from doing anything by saying "fuck it" and doing things anyway. the girl i decided to try it on became my gf immediately and from then on you just loosen up a bit since you know its worked before | ||
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TheFish7
United States2824 Posts
My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/Qf29x16.jpg) | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8779 Posts
On June 08 2018 12:13 TheFish7 wrote: Maybe this story will help give your ego a boost by comparison. My freshman year of college, this was over a decade ago now... I ended up somehow placing into the advanced calculus class, and was struggling. There was this fairly cute brunette sitting next to me, who saw me get a bad grade on the first exam. We had been chatting in class here and there and so she offered to come over to my room and help me to "study calculus". So the next afternoon she comes over to my dorm room and we're alone. The first sign was the outfit she was wearing, a small tank top and jeans with plenty of cleavage showing. The second sign was that she didn't bring any of her books or study materials. The third sign was when I sat down at my desk, instead of pulling up the chair from 3 feet away she sits down on my lap. I'm like - "Oh, sorry, let me get you a chair.". She kind of laughed that one off. Then we start looking at math problems and she keeps trying to get my attention away from the book, doing things like taking the pencil out of my hand or brushing her leg up against mine. Being really inexperienced at this point I was just confounded by her behavior; I just couldn't understand why she was acting so differently from when we were in class together. Eventually she got tired of this and left, I didn't learn any calculus and the poor girl must've left feeling frustrated or embarrassed. I still didn't put two and two together until my buddy from down the hall - who had seen her go in my room - came by to ask how it went with her. He knew her roommate and knew what she was up to that day. I was the only schmuck who didn't see the obvious. I tried to ask her about it a couple of weeks later but the ship had sailed by then. If I could go back in time and re-do one day in my life, solid chance that'd be the one I'd pick. + Show Spoiler + wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4553 Posts
On June 08 2018 09:56 geokilla wrote: Any suggestions on what to do next time I have a date? I'm pretty introverted and passive. Colleagues, friends, everyone says I'm passive.. I was only commenting on the "intro me to her friends" bit. I'm an introvert myself, I know the struggle  If it helps, I've noticed it getting better with age, idk how old you are but at 26 i've gotten quite a bit more confident. I started going out more and using dating apps a bit more often, and then it's just a matter of 'forcing' myself to actually talk to girls. Easier said than done for introverts, I know. The hardest bit is still keeping that conversation going on the first date without it sounding like an interview. Picking the right activity to do for the first date helps a lot imo. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=axZ6mG__ZqU | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
My perspective of dating is just as any other skill, you have to practice. I saw my first 10-15 dates as pure exp farming. Embrace your failures and learn from them. I also think you should talk to people about your dating successes and failures, it's good to get other peoples perspective. It will speed up your progress as well. On June 08 2018 16:22 Ghostcom wrote: Best piece of advice for a date you are feeling is going well and there has been some physical contact during the date which she was comfortable with: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=axZ6mG__ZqU That is one creepy song lol. | ||
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Excludos
Norway8229 Posts
On June 08 2018 13:03 evilfatsh1t wrote: wow i wish i hadnt read this story. that is a massive feelsbad moment I honestly don't think he should. From the story alone I'm not getting that he knew her all that well, and you certainly don't expect someone you only know as a colleague would consider "study time" as "sexy time". Sure you can say he should have picked up on the signs, but even if you do it's awkward as hell to do anything with it with someone you're not comfortable with, especially if you're a bit inexperienced. I also know a lot of girls who like to flirt with people, even aggressively, but doesn't want or expect anything sex related to happen the first few times. The fact that she tried once and then "the ship had already sailed" probably means she found someone else. | ||
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