EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 977
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8858 Posts
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Laurens
Belgium4557 Posts
What would you suggest is a good first date activity? I heard movies are no good so I've been avoiding that, because you just sit together and don't really get to know each other unless there's plans afterwards. Nothing wrong with movies as long as you follow it up with dinner or drinks. You immediately have a topic to talk about as well. The last girl I dated was a friend of my best mate, so our first few dates were evenings out as a group which is ideal for an introvert. The first one-on-one date was a visit to some castle close where I live, nice area to walk and relax. We'd already talked a lot at that point so it wasn't too awkward. we were getting along pretty well and it was the 2nd or 3rd date. i kissed her out of nowhere. gg no re gg no re as in she didn't reciprocate and you're done, or the opposite? | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Excludos
Norway8254 Posts
On June 20 2018 07:05 WarSame wrote: Dinner and a movie is literally the worst possible first date suggestion besides murder-suicide. That's a myth. Movie alone or dinner first, yes. But a movie followed by a dinner is a-ok. As mentioned it gives you a topic to talk about during dinner, which is especially good if you're not a good talker. | ||
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brian
United States9641 Posts
it’s trite, and planning 1.5hrs+ of your date to be silent and not face to face is not conducive to a good first impression. like you said, if you’re afraid you have literally nothing in common and nothing else to talk about, i mean, perhaps it can salvage what would otherwise have been a terrible date. personally i skip the movie and just have a two hour dinner and drinks experience. a stroll, some ice cream, or if there’s a chocolate bar around.. takeaway dessert that you can chow on the move is always a winner in my experience. i feel like the only thing you really need to do on a first date is find an activity so the main focus isn’t on either of the people, where you can still chat and interact and have a good time one on one. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
Trying to decide how best to handle this. If you're not careful it's easy to lead people on implying your looking for more than you want. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On June 21 2018 03:17 sc-darkness wrote: I invited a girl to a date and she agreed, but we've not specified when because she has exams once every few days. I try to be a patient guy (I'm not good at being patient), but I sort of have bad experience with girls who waste time even if there are serious girls out there. At this point, I just want confirmation if she's interested (just so I know if I should keep spending time), do you think it's better to ask her to exchange phone numbers or to ask her if she wants to specify a day when she is available? I don't want to be an annoying person who keeps inviting. On the other hand, I don't want to be chasing the wind either. If you don't have a contact for her, I'd say you need that. Get that first, and then you can go for a meetup. If interest is high you could get her number and then immediately go grab coffee or something. I think the best attitude to have here is a many "fish in the sea" one. Basically, the mindset is that it's like making casual plans with your friends to go for a hike or something. If it works out and they are available, cool. If not, you got other things you can go do and it's no big deal. I usually start by suggesting a day that works for. How she responds is a good gauge of interest. There are uusually three levels of response: -A girl that's really excited is going to either say yes, or will quickly suggest an alternate day/time. That's the best response you can hope for in my opinion. -Less positive is if she responds with something along the lines of "I'm busy at that time" and leaves it at that. This doesn't mean your blown out by any means, but it does tell you that she isn't bursting with excitement to meet up with you. -No reply at all can vary. Usually it means there isn't much interest, but sometimes shit does legitimately get lost in the shuffle. If you get option one, your set. Figure out what you want to do and have fun. Option 2 you have a few choices. The first is you can replay with a "what's good for you then" type of response. If you get nothing in reply or she basically suggests that "it depends on her schedule"...that's where I tone down expectations. In my experience, there is a 80%-90% you guys won't meet up. You've got two texting options: 1) Try to text her and build some more interest and comfort with you (if you're not crazy attractive some girls do need more comfort with you before they meet). The hard part is getting it right. Too much comfort type stuff and you can quickly become friend zone/lose her attraction for you. 2) Back off, don't text much over the next week; maybe an occasional text or snap with you doing some fun shit...basically you keeping yourself on her radar and helping your image of seeming fun/cool/interesting. Try again for another meet in a week or two, or if you notice her interest level/engagement increasing. I won't usually text beyond 2-3 tries with some waiting in between before I totally write the girl off. I'll still snap fun shit I'm doing to girls like this occasionally, but after this point I've written her off 100%. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On June 20 2018 07:05 WarSame wrote: Dinner and a movie is literally the worst possible first date suggestion besides murder-suicide. I agree, going for the movie first is a bad date. No real good potential for physical contact. You don't talk at all. If you that desperately need to have seen the same movie to have something to talk about, then you probably shouldn't even bother. It's better to learn how to carry a random conversation with someone. There is just zero reason why you would go for a movie unless you have zero imagination what you can do on a date. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On June 21 2018 03:17 sc-darkness wrote: I invited a girl to a date and she agreed, but we've not specified when because she has exams once every few days. I try to be a patient guy (I'm not good at being patient), but I sort of have bad experience with girls who waste time even if there are serious girls out there. At this point, I just want confirmation if she's interested (just so I know if I should keep spending time), do you think it's better to ask her to exchange phone numbers or to ask her if she wants to specify a day when she is available? I don't want to be an annoying person who keeps inviting. On the other hand, I don't want to be chasing the wind either. You seem to put a bit to much energy into this. Just tell her that you want to see her and that she should let you know when she is available. Then you leave it alone. She'll get back to you if she is interested. If you don't have a contact for her, I'd say you need that. Get that first, and then you can go for a meetup. If interest is high you could get her number and then immediately go grab coffee or something. I'm assuming they're talking on tinder? I don't really think anything else than that is required until you've gone on a date. Each to his own though. It might be good to do it just as an indicator if she is interested or not depending on if she wants to give it out. I think the best attitude to have here is a many "fish in the sea" one. Basically, the mindset is that it's like making casual plans with your friends to go for a hike or something. If it works out and they are available, cool. If not, you got other things you can go do and it's no big deal. This is pretty important in my opinion. If you're pushing it or keep asking her out when bad responses when you know she is busy, you will have a way harder time getting a date. Act as if you want to meet her but you don't really care if nothing happens. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On June 21 2018 05:20 bloodwhore~ wrote: I'm assuming they're talking on tinder? I don't really think anything else than that is required until you've gone on a date. Each to his own though. It might be good to do it just as an indicator if she is interested or not depending on if she wants to give it out. Oh. That would make sense. TBH I was thinking this was an IRL person that he only sees occasionally or something. If it's tinder then yea you don't need a number. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
Maybe I need a hobby so I spend less time trying to read into these things. :D | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On June 21 2018 06:08 sc-darkness wrote: Thanks for replies. Well, how else would I see if there's still interest without asking for a date again? I thought asking for a phone number is one way to do that. Also, she uploaded a new photo yesterday (Tinder's feed feature isn't helpful in this case), so I don't know if I should interpret this as she is losing interest and moving on or just normal activity. Interest on Tinder is a bit chaotic in my opinion. On the other hand, she apologised a few days ago for not being able to meet me, so it's not all bad. Maybe I need a hobby so I spend less time trying to read into these things. :D You should interpret this as her...uploading a new photo. That's the only thing it is. Maybe it's more current, shows her better, whatever it may be she is just trying to make her profile better. Nothing to do with you. Beyond that...you're going to ask the date again. I would have some fun banter first, bring the conversation to a high point, and then say something like "Hiking Friday at 4, bring your big girl adventure pants" or however you want with a clear intended time to meet. See what kind of a response you get, then go from there. | ||
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Magic Powers
Austria4478 Posts
What do all guys do when they want a date with a girl? Ask for a date, wait for a response, compromise on a time and day and occasion, either fail or succeed (more often fail than not, unless they've already built rapport). What's the deviation? Don't ask the girl for a date, instead simply tell her what date you have in mind, and don't compromise. Can even be an outrageous offer. Make her free up time for you, repeat the offer once if she doesn't accept right away. If she still refuses, leave it at that, cancel the date and don't make another offer. Wait until she offers you a date in return. If she doesn't contact you again, move on. She's either too busy for you and it wouldn't work out anyway or she won't like you enough. Why does this work better? The reason is not important, but here's my theory (as hypothesized by many others before). First of all you stand out from the crowd with your more or less unique sales pitch. Instead of treating the exchange like a job application, you treat it like a job offer. You offer your hand, point in a specific direction and look at your clock, metaphorically speaking of course. This makes you the boss, not the employee. Women like this in a man because it demonstrates assertiveness and a tendency to not waste time and effort on unlikely outcomes. It also shows the most basic leadership traits. Secondly, you give the woman a challenge. Instead of her feeling like she's a challenge for you, you reverse the roles from the start. This triggers her competitive spirit, i.e. she'll see you as her trophy. You demonstrate value by behaving like you have value. Conversely, if you were to follow the most common dating patterns, she'll see you as an equal at best, but as an inferior at worst. And what woman wants to date an inferior man? Just some basic thoughts, there's probably more to it. From my experience this works much better than giving women the impression that you're a product to be picked by them. Why would they pick you, if they could pick anyone? You have to sell yourself not as a product to be bought, but as a trophy to be won. Women's psychology is no different from men's in that regard. It's more fun and rewarding if there's a challenge. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
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ThunderJunk
United States729 Posts
On June 21 2018 02:32 L_Master wrote: Mmm I'm in this place right now where I don't really want to date overall, unless I happen to meet a woman who just floors me...but I still want to work on dating/game/etc. Doesn't help that I tend to have a high sex drive. Trying to decide how best to handle this. If you're not careful it's easy to lead people on implying your looking for more than you want. I hear that, man. I really enjoy meeting and have fast romances with new, interesting people. Ladies sometimes think they want a full-on devoted dating-into-marriage relationship just out of default, because it's what a majority of people say they should want. Years and years of brainwashing into that desired result is impossible to overcome on your own. But that doesn't mean it's any more right, or legitimate than what you want. As long as you were honest at the outset, if a lady is gonna play games with you to try and steer you into what she wants, I think she's on even footing with you who are trying to keep it uncommitted. You shouldn't beat yourself up if they start using lies to keep you in tow, when you've been perfectly clear about your position in life. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
On June 22 2018 02:38 ThunderJunk wrote: I hear that, man. I really enjoy meeting and have fast romances with new, interesting people. Ladies sometimes think they want a full-on devoted dating-into-marriage relationship just out of default, because it's what a majority of people say they should want. Years and years of brainwashing into that desired result is impossible to overcome on your own. But that doesn't mean it's any more right, or legitimate than what you want. As long as you were honest at the outset, if a lady is gonna play games with you to try and steer you into what she wants, I think she's on even footing with you who are trying to keep it uncommitted. You shouldn't beat yourself up if they start using lies to keep you in tow, when you've been perfectly clear about your position in life. Where do you find such girls? I don't see many of those on Tinder and Badoo :D | ||
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ThunderJunk
United States729 Posts
On June 22 2018 04:01 sc-darkness wrote: Where do you find such girls? I don't see many of those on Tinder and Badoo :D Online dating is a difficult thing for me. I'm a skinny guy, and not very photogenic. I prefer to meet people in person. The best strategy is to be a man's man, and meet other dudes. If they have a gay friend, that's ideal. Just be really cool to them, and support their endeavors. Eventually, they'll invite you to parties. Be someone, but let the dudes keep the interest of the girls they like. Just keep making friends and branching out until you find an ex-girlfriend of one of the dudes who you've got some chemistry with, or someone else in that ballpark. It's all about networking. And the secret no one realizes, it all starts with being a good dude to other dudes. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On June 22 2018 04:01 sc-darkness wrote: Where do you find such girls? I don't see many of those on Tinder and Badoo :D What kind are you referring to? | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
I don't know, they don't seem very serious so far despite social stereotype that women want to commit, while men don't. I think quite a lot of girls on Tinder aren't talkative enough, but there are others who are very easy to talk to. I guess I'm just saying there are quite a few out there who don't want anything serious yet. | ||
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