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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 23 2018 04:06 sc-darkness wrote:Ok, I'll just comment on the points I disagree with. Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Bolded statement one, is definitely an opinion. I don't think having someone you can hang out with, maybe have some fun dates with, and have great sex with a waste of time.
Except this person could go fuck anyone they want before they tell you bye. How is this a good thing? I get it that it's "friends with benefits", but it's not something I'd want in this case. Maybe short-term dating is a better thing. Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Nor would it be if you two have personalities that make you enjoy each other's company tremendously for short periods of time, but know that with too much time together things wouldn't mesh as well.
Exactly, if you think you're not for each other, then why waste time and not find someone who is good enough? I think the only 2 arguments I find persuasive so far are: a) not enough personal time b) you want sex so much, but you're still looking for the one (provided you're not emotionally vulnerable to your friend with benefits) Anything else is a no in my opinion.
so i take it you don't waste any time? you are on a full-time search for the one? how many dates have you been on in the last 3 months?
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I've got a Blues and Brews festival I'm going to tomorrow. There's a girl I met last week who will be there. She's highly cute. She's also friends with the band/ acting as a groupie. There should be plenty of people to attempt flirtations with there.
My strategy is going to be to steal groupies from other bands, and deliver them to the band I know. Then, there will be enough girls to distract the dudes, and I'll be able to steal away the one I met/like.
She's only here for the Summer, and she's definitely a party girl. Exactly what I like: Cute, temporary, and barely available.
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You should drop a "your empathy is a disease that I will cure you of" line on her, see where the night takes you.
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On June 23 2018 06:57 ThunderJunk wrote:
I've got a Blues and Brews festival I'm going to tomorrow. There's a girl I met last week who will be there. She's highly cute. She's also friends with the band/ acting as a groupie. There should be plenty of people to attempt flirtations with there.
My strategy is going to be to steal groupies from other bands, and deliver them to the band I know. Then, there will be enough girls to distract the dudes, and I'll be able to steal away the one I met/like.
She's only here for the Summer, and she's definitely a party girl. Exactly what I like: Cute, temporary, and barely available.
Good luck!
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On June 23 2018 04:06 sc-darkness wrote:Ok, I'll just comment on the points I disagree with. Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Bolded statement one, is definitely an opinion. I don't think having someone you can hang out with, maybe have some fun dates with, and have great sex with a waste of time.
Except this person could go fuck anyone they want before they tell you bye. How is this a good thing? I get it that it's "friends with benefits", but it's not something I'd want in this case. Maybe short-term dating is a better thing.
They could. So could a girl in a relationship with you if she cheated. It doesn't really bother me that she could be fucking another dude. She probably is. Tbh, I generally assume most women are unless they are exclusive. Even then...I often wonder.
The STD thing is really my only concern, and in all fairness that's going to be an issue with any and all sex you have unless you literally go get tested with any girl you have sex with.
On June 23 2018 04:06 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Nor would it be if you two have personalities that make you enjoy each other's company tremendously for short periods of time, but know that with too much time together things wouldn't mesh as well.
Exactly, if you think you're not for each other, then why waste time and not find someone who is good enough? I think the only 2 arguments I find persuasive so far are: a) not enough personal time b) you want sex so much, but you're still looking for the one (provided you're not emotionally vulnerable to your friend with benefits)
I don't think it's wasting time. I'm still going to do things like hike, watch movies, have sex, etc. while I'm looking for someone I want to date. Having a female friend involved that you do things with, and also have sex with, doesn't really stop that. I don't see this is all that different from saying why waste time having a male friend. It's obvious that isn't going anywhere.
I'm not sure I made my point about friends you like to spend time with in short term well enough. I have some friends that are just either different personalities or different interest from me that, for short periods, are a fucking blast to be around. I like hanging around with them. In some ways, because they are so different I like hanging around them MORE in short doses than I do with some of my really strong friends who are more similar. They offer something different, in short doses, to my really close friends.
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On June 23 2018 06:57 ThunderJunk wrote:
I've got a Blues and Brews festival I'm going to tomorrow. There's a girl I met last week who will be there. She's highly cute. She's also friends with the band/ acting as a groupie. There should be plenty of people to attempt flirtations with there.
My strategy is going to be to steal groupies from other bands, and deliver them to the band I know. Then, there will be enough girls to distract the dudes, and I'll be able to steal away the one I met/like.
She's only here for the Summer, and she's definitely a party girl. Exactly what I like: Cute, temporary, and barely available.
If you're some combination of social astute enough/good looking enough to do this, you ought to do ridiculously well in general.
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On June 23 2018 06:57 ThunderJunk wrote:
I've got a Blues and Brews festival I'm going to tomorrow. There's a girl I met last week who will be there. She's highly cute. She's also friends with the band/ acting as a groupie. There should be plenty of people to attempt flirtations with there.
My strategy is going to be to steal groupies from other bands, and deliver them to the band I know. Then, there will be enough girls to distract the dudes, and I'll be able to steal away the one I met/like.
She's only here for the Summer, and she's definitely a party girl. Exactly what I like: Cute, temporary, and barely available.
Why go over all this trouble instead of just asking her out on a date?
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When you first match with someone on a dating app, what's a good way to talk to them? I struggle immensely with this. Sometimes I can get a good conversation going based on their profile, sometimes I can't and I just rack my head on it.
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If their description or photos don't help you, then you could do like bloodwhore and ask a random question. For example, he mentioned he asked someone if she was a good jumper just to separate from the crowd. In my opinion, despite these tricks, if she doesn't want to talk to you, she still won't. They help though.
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Ask a riddle. 
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On June 24 2018 06:35 geokilla wrote:
When you first match with someone on a dating app, what's a good way to talk to them? I struggle immensely with this. Sometimes I can get a good conversation going based on their profile, sometimes I can't and I just rack my head on it.
There are probably better approaches, but I generally open with something non-profile specifc, and maybe a little bit sexually charged.
E.G. "You look like trouble 😏" or something of that nature. Sometimes even a little more direct. This approach definitely gets a few more "no replies" than something more reserved or profile tailored, but it lets me know the girls that are definitely into me and have a more adventurous personality right away.
On June 24 2018 07:31 sc-darkness wrote:
If their description or photos don't help you, then you could do like bloodwhore and ask a random question. For example, he mentioned he asked someone if she was a good jumper just to separate from the crowd. In my opinion, despite these tricks, if she doesn't want to talk to you, she still won't. They help though.
This is really true. I understand it on regular dating sites where you message first not all girls will be into you (although I find I get a very high response rate on something like POF, I suspect because the competition isn't nearly as high), but for Tinder I don't understand it at all. No matter what on Tinder I'd say at best 35-50% of matches open, despite swiping right. That's far too high to be accidental swipes so I don't know what accounts for it, unless it's just sheer volume of matches for the women.
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Drunk post:
How do I get over a girl when u already hooked up with 5 other girls 1 year later and still CONSTANTLY think about her
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On June 24 2018 09:32 L_Master wrote: That's far too high to be accidental swipes so I don't know what accounts for it, unless it's just sheer volume of matches for the women.
Yeah, every girl gets sheer volumes of matches on tinder. The girl who I met before who went a bit nuts on me before, we were taking a look at each others tinder profiles. She had 99+ matches waiting. I had 3+. Important to note that she had 3 mediocre pictures, no bio. Girls get so many matches regardless of their profiles and how they look. All you need to do is to stand out in the beginning as a guy.
On June 24 2018 06:35 geokilla wrote:
When you first match with someone on a dating app, what's a good way to talk to them? I struggle immensely with this. Sometimes I can get a good conversation going based on their profile, sometimes I can't and I just rack my head on it.
This might sound a bit strange but, but one thing that I feel spurs my imagination when it comes to talking on tinder is naturally getting horny. So, don't fap for a few days. Feels so much easier to come up with fun and unique things to say.
On June 24 2018 16:34 Emnjay808 wrote:
Drunk post:
How do I get over a girl when u already hooked up with 5 other girls 1 year later and still CONSTANTLY think about her
You make a drunk post about it.
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Are numbers everything though? How many of those 99+ matches would be just:
- "How are you?"
- Someone asking for sex immediately or shortly after
- No message (shy)
You're right though, plenty of fish in the sea inflates some girls' opinion about themselves which is a problem. It's not a gender problem though, I'm sure men would be the same.
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On June 24 2018 18:51 sc-darkness wrote:
Are numbers everything though? How many of those 99+ matches would be just:
- "How are you?"
- Someone asking for sex immediately or shortly after
- No message (shy)
You're right though, plenty of fish in the sea inflates some girls' opinion about themselves which is a problem. It's not a gender problem though, I'm sure men would be the same.
A lot of messages are like that, but tinder is mostly based on looks. However, you do have a bigger chance of getting a date if you're both attractive and interesting 
I don't really think their egos are that big of a problem, other than it can be a hinder for themselves since they are not as popular in real as on tinder. Resulting in that they get rejected more often after a single date. I reject way more girls than I probably would have to at least
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This is true if you've got a date already. Before then, you're trying harder for someone with inflated ego. Maybe you should have stopped at that time but I don't know.
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On June 24 2018 16:34 Emnjay808 wrote:
Drunk post:
How do I get over a girl when u already hooked up with 5 other girls 1 year later and still CONSTANTLY think about her
Time. But be careful: sometimes, some things you just can't forget. Been 6 years for me.
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On June 24 2018 18:26 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2018 09:32 L_Master wrote: That's far too high to be accidental swipes so I don't know what accounts for it, unless it's just sheer volume of matches for the women.
Yeah, every girl gets sheer volumes of matches on tinder. The girl who I met before who went a bit nuts on me before, we were taking a look at each others tinder profiles. She had 99+ matches waiting. I had 3+. Important to note that she had 3 mediocre pictures, no bio. Girls get so many matches regardless of their profiles and how they look. All you need to do is to stand out in the beginning as a guy.
Definitely. It's pretty crazy. Make a profile with a slightly above average girl, wait a few days, start swiping...match percent is huge. Like over 90%. Makes sense though, girls are much more selective about who they swipe on, whereas guys are more open to having sex with anyone that's close to their acceptable limit.
On June 24 2018 18:26 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2018 06:35 geokilla wrote:
When you first match with someone on a dating app, what's a good way to talk to them? I struggle immensely with this. Sometimes I can get a good conversation going based on their profile, sometimes I can't and I just rack my head on it. This might sound a bit strange but, but one thing that I feel spurs my imagination when it comes to talking on tinder is naturally getting horny. So, don't fap for a few days. Feels so much easier to come up with fun and unique things to say.
Haha! I actually know this feeling a bit.In the middle of trying to do some legit nofap tbh. Always been someone who would fap at least once or twice a day, but I think I've gotten so used to the stimulation that it affects me a little bit when it comes to staying hard. You get used to overstimulation. Fortunately was never a big porn watcher so I dn't have that side of the issue to deal with.
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On June 24 2018 19:12 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 24 2018 18:51 sc-darkness wrote:
Are numbers everything though? How many of those 99+ matches would be just:
- "How are you?"
- Someone asking for sex immediately or shortly after
- No message (shy)
You're right though, plenty of fish in the sea inflates some girls' opinion about themselves which is a problem. It's not a gender problem though, I'm sure men would be the same. A lot of messages are like that, but tinder is mostly based on looks. However, you do have a bigger chance of getting a date if you're both attractive and interesting I don't really think their egos are that big of a problem, other than it can be a hinder for themselves since they are not as popular in real as on tinder. Resulting in that they get rejected more often after a single date. I reject way more girls than I probably would have to at least
Good news is for guys it works the other way...especially if you have an outgoing personality. A guy that is a 7/10 on looks is going to really struggle to match 7/10 girls on Tinder, even with professional high quality pics and good outgoing/fun photos. Mediocre photos and he might even struggle to match a decent number of 6/10s. Go out though, and a 6/10 guy with a solid personality usually can get at least a 6/10 girl, often better.
On June 24 2018 18:51 sc-darkness wrote:
Are numbers everything though? How many of those 99+ matches would be just:
- "How are you?"
- Someone asking for sex immediately or shortly after
- No message (shy)
You're right though, plenty of fish in the sea inflates some girls' opinion about themselves which is a problem. It's not a gender problem though, I'm sure men would be the same.
The no messages I'm sure are a decent percent. Maybe half. That still leaves like 50%, mostly with attractive dudes, in fact almost certainly it's weeded out the less attractive half (more attractive more often than not results in greater confidence due to positive feedback), and she is already swiping on only guys she finds fairly good looking to begin with.
So that leaves something like this:
![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/TgXqpKK.jpg)
Guy like that says "hi"...she is going to respond.
Guy like that says "let's bone", she is going to say....well maybe not yes (though for sure a decent % will) but she will not mind the approach and if the guy isn't a totally miscalibrated idiot can quickly alter the conversation for a meetup with good logistics. Once you start to go above that 8/10 type range into the territory of the truly exceptional looking (I'd say like 1 in 1000 level or so) you can pretty much say and do whatever you want on Tinder and have the girl be receptive.
If you're an average girl on Tinder, it's not that hard to meet up with a guy who is a true 6 (good looking, maybe a 1 in 5 to 1 in 10 guy) or even a 7 (blatantly hot, probably more like 1 in 50 to 1 in 100). So yea, after a little bit a relatively average girl will just stop looking at guy who is average or slightly above average, because she gets plenty of matches with 6's and some 7s.
In my opinion that's the basic gist of why Tinder is so hard for guys, and possibly a bad thing for most guys, those below probably a 6-7, because it's made the girls more selective. If it were to start translating to out in person, it would be a scary trend for guys; and it probably has modestly, but overall I don't think it's a concern. On Tinder it's possible because one guy that's a 7 can bang dozens of girls. In person, especially out for a night, you have to match up 1:1. So in that environment a girl who is a 5 is going to find that guys that are 7s are already occupied and interested by other girls that are 7s. The downside is that places with a good club scene tend to bring out the best looking guys. It's not uncommon to have a bar packed with 6s, a decent number of 7s, and even the occasional 8+.
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Too many numbers, too many numbers.
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EPT
