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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
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Was just thinking about this today and it dawns on me...
Generally society gives a hard time to people that have lots of sex, moreso girls than guys, but both genders get it.
BUT, if you have a hard time finding a relationship or getting sex...then you get the "there must be something wrong about him or he must have a shitty personality" stigma. This one moreso for guys than girls.
Seems like a subtle catch 22. Too much sex and your immoral. Can't get sex/relationship...must be something wrong with you.
On June 22 2018 04:30 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2018 04:10 L_Master wrote:On June 22 2018 04:01 sc-darkness wrote:On June 22 2018 02:38 ThunderJunk wrote:On June 21 2018 02:32 L_Master wrote:
Mmm I'm in this place right now where I don't really want to date overall, unless I happen to meet a woman who just floors me...but I still want to work on dating/game/etc. Doesn't help that I tend to have a high sex drive.
Trying to decide how best to handle this. If you're not careful it's easy to lead people on implying your looking for more than you want. I hear that, man. I really enjoy meeting and have fast romances with new, interesting people. Ladies sometimes think they want a full-on devoted dating-into-marriage relationship just out of default, because it's what a majority of people say they should want. Years and years of brainwashing into that desired result is impossible to overcome on your own. But that doesn't mean it's any more right, or legitimate than what you want. As long as you were honest at the outset, if a lady is gonna play games with you to try and steer you into what she wants, I think she's on even footing with you who are trying to keep it uncommitted. You shouldn't beat yourself up if they start using lies to keep you in tow, when you've been perfectly clear about your position in life. Where do you find such girls? I don't see many of those on Tinder and Badoo :D What kind are you referring to? I don't know, they don't seem very serious so far despite social stereotype that women want to commit, while men don't. I think quite a lot of girls on Tinder aren't talkative enough, but there are others who are very easy to talk to. I guess I'm just saying there are quite a few out there who don't want anything serious yet.
Yea, I'd agree with that. I suspect the majority of Tinder users aren't on there "looking" for a serious relationship. They may or may not be open to the idea, but I don't think that's what they are searching for.
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idk if it’s a catch 22. don’t eat enough and you’ll starve. eat too much and you’re obese.
i think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t think there’s a happy medium. same goes for sex. many people i think wouldn’t necessarily say too many is a deal breaker, but certainly there’s a happy medium.
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The girlfriend got approved for full time remote at her current job, and will be moving in with me across the country after doing a year of long distance. Things are going pretty well
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Grats man 
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On June 22 2018 07:52 farvacola wrote:Grats man
Thanks dude, you end up in New York or Michigan?
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Working and living in Ohio, but will be moving just across the border back into Michigan in a few months, gonna propose in a few weeks too.
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she's a lucky lady
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Damn, yesterday kinda sucked. I was friend with benefits with this girl - some years later we randomly chat here and there, we go out but we recognize that we could never be together as we are way too different but we could keep in touch (sex was great).
Two days ago I write her after a long period of silence if she's gonna be at this party (which was yesterday night). She tells me yes. Fast forward to yesterday night, I was tipsy and around midnight she texts me 'so are there hopes of seeing you tonight?'. Everything's great, no?
So we see each other and she's with this strange friend of her, a girl in her study group that I never saw. We basically chat like 30 seconds - they then move to the dancefloor and I return to my group of friends. Her friend seems way too bugged - like 'hmm don't leave me alone'.
After a while, she and her friend came to dance next to me and my group of friends. Again, her friend was cockblocking all the way. At the end of the night we just said goodbye to each other, usual stuff, while her friend was looking angrily at me. Meh.
After thinking about this, I'm kinda convinced that her friend actually likes HER. The girl wanted to see me (otherwise she wouldn't have written me like that) but the situation was messy.
Well, let's see if something happens today - I'm not very inclined to write her
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How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work?
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On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work?
fwb isn't about working, it's about keeping your sex life up while you wait for something that will.
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Exactly. We are in the 25-30 demographic.
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On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work?
It "works" for many.
And somehow I question your expertise on this field, given what you have posted here before.
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You can question what you want. I don't care about your opinion. I just don't see this option working, but if "while you wait for something that will" will help, then fine.
Summary: mahrgell is a salty guy from the EU politics thread.
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On June 23 2018 03:12 mahrgell wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? It "works" for many. And somehow I question your expertise on this field, given what you have posted here before.
That's a pretty fair point tbh. I don't get the impression you have a huge wealth of dating experience to draw on about FWB working or not working sc-darkness. If I'm wrong, I apologize.
On June 23 2018 02:52 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? fwb isn't about working, it's about keeping your sex life up while you wait for something that will.
Tbh, that's probably the situation I'd like to be in right now until I find someone that strikes me as "I want a relationship with this girl". It seems like a better, and arguable safer, version than just having some ONS from going out or off Tinder.
The other thing I could benefit from a decent bit I suspect is getting a slightly more robust social circle to have the opportunity to meet more people that share similar interests. I have a few close friends I hang out with often, and then a decent number of guys I ride bikes with, but that tends to be a pretty male dominated sphere. It's easy to go out and find someone for the night, or get some action of tinder; but knowing how to look for a decent girl with similar interests and a personality mesh for something long term is an area I'm lacking in.
As someone who hasn't really had a serious relationship yet at 28 (too shy in HS, early college, then spent three years pretty isolated in a smaller area not meeting many people) I would like to experience a deeper relationship like that...but it's not something I just want to jump into. I want to meet someone that makes me think "yea there is something here. I really like this girl on more than a physical level".
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On June 23 2018 03:21 sc-darkness wrote:You can question what you want. I don't care about your opinion. I just don't see this option working, but if "while you wait for something that will" will help, then fine. Summary: mahrgell is a salty guy from the EU politics thread.
I think it would help to define what you mean by "working". It's not clear to me what your expected outcome is for it be successful or unsuccessful.
Then explain why you can't see it working. So far, you've just said I can't see it working which is more or a less an appeal to authority given the lack of reasoning behind it. It's a bit like saying "I just don't see a diet of hard intervals working to make you an amazing runner". Okay. I'm listening. But why?
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On June 23 2018 03:27 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:21 sc-darkness wrote:You can question what you want. I don't care about your opinion. I just don't see this option working, but if "while you wait for something that will" will help, then fine. Summary: mahrgell is a salty guy from the EU politics thread. I think it would help to define what you mean by "working". It's not clear to me what your expected outcome is for it be successful or unsuccessful. Then explain why you can't see it working. So far, you've just said I can't see it working which is more or a less an appeal to authority given the lack of reasoning behind it. It's a bit like saying "I just don't see a diet of hard intervals working to make you an amazing runner". Okay. I'm listening. But why?
On June 23 2018 03:24 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:12 mahrgell wrote:On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? It "works" for many. And somehow I question your expertise on this field, given what you have posted here before. That's a pretty fair point tbh. I don't get the impression you have a huge wealth of dating experience to draw on about FWB working or not working sc-darkness. If I'm wrong, I apologize. Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 02:52 Excludos wrote:On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? fwb isn't about working, it's about keeping your sex life up while you wait for something that will. I would like to experience a deeper relationship like that...[...] I want to meet someone that makes me think "yea there is something here. I really like this girl on more than a physical level".
I don't see it working for exactly this reason. Also, all the stories about developing feelings while being "friends with benefits". It's a huge waste of time in my opinion and you're not addressing the root cause, which is your or her inability to have a healthy relationship. I don't need to be the next relationship god to tell you that.
Some people are fine with wasting time though. I like to be efficient, so to each their own. I'm not trying to attack you L_Master, I'm just responding to your question honestly. On the other hand, I can't say I have respect for mahrgell.
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On June 23 2018 03:44 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:27 L_Master wrote:On June 23 2018 03:21 sc-darkness wrote:You can question what you want. I don't care about your opinion. I just don't see this option working, but if "while you wait for something that will" will help, then fine. Summary: mahrgell is a salty guy from the EU politics thread. I think it would help to define what you mean by "working". It's not clear to me what your expected outcome is for it be successful or unsuccessful. Then explain why you can't see it working. So far, you've just said I can't see it working which is more or a less an appeal to authority given the lack of reasoning behind it. It's a bit like saying "I just don't see a diet of hard intervals working to make you an amazing runner". Okay. I'm listening. But why? Show nested quote +On June 23 2018 03:24 L_Master wrote:On June 23 2018 03:12 mahrgell wrote:On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? It "works" for many. And somehow I question your expertise on this field, given what you have posted here before. That's a pretty fair point tbh. I don't get the impression you have a huge wealth of dating experience to draw on about FWB working or not working sc-darkness. If I'm wrong, I apologize. On June 23 2018 02:52 Excludos wrote:On June 23 2018 02:50 sc-darkness wrote:How old are you? Are people really so blind to think friends with benefits can ever work? fwb isn't about working, it's about keeping your sex life up while you wait for something that will. I would like to experience a deeper relationship like that...[...] I want to meet someone that makes me think "yea there is something here. I really like this girl on more than a physical level". I don't see it working for exactly this reason. Also, all the stories about developing feelings while being "friends with benefits". It's a huge waste of time in my opinion and you're not addressing the root cause, which is your or her inability to have a healthy relationship. I don't need to be the next relationship god to tell you that. Some people are fine with wasting time though. I like to be efficient, so to each their own. I'm not trying to attack you L_Master, I'm just responding to your question honestly. On the other hand, I can't say I have respect for mahrgell.
Oh don't worry, I don't think you're attacking me whatsoever. I just wanted to get a sense of where your thoughts were coming from, and what specifically you meant as it wasn't 100% clear to me.
This is primarily a difference in value judgement then.
Bolded statement one, is definitely an opinion. I don't think having someone you can hang out with, maybe have some fun dates with, and have great sex with a waste of time. It's no more or less a waste of time than playing video games, going for a run, skydiving, or any other activity. I'm not sure you're wasting time either in the sense of finding a relationship, because you can still be looking for one while you have a FWB situation.
The second bolded statement is heavy value judgement. our comment to me seems to suggest that anything other than a stable LTR is unhealthy. On what basis do you say a friends with benefits relationship isn't "healthy"? It might be that neither of you have the time or energy to commit to something serious; acknowledging that but still enjoying each other's company is not unhealthy in my opinion. Nor would it be if you two have personalities that make you enjoy each other's company tremendously for short periods of time, but know that with too much time together things wouldn't mesh as well. I have several good male friends this way, for a night out they are really fun to go hang out with; but it's not a lifestyle I could be involved in 24/7. In my opinion, these relationships are perfectly healthy.
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Ok, I'll just comment on the points I disagree with.
On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Bolded statement one, is definitely an opinion. I don't think having someone you can hang out with, maybe have some fun dates with, and have great sex with a waste of time.
Except this person could go fuck anyone they want before they tell you bye. How is this a good thing? I get it that it's "friends with benefits", but it's not something I'd want in this case. Maybe short-term dating is a better thing.
On June 23 2018 03:56 L_Master wrote:
Nor would it be if you two have personalities that make you enjoy each other's company tremendously for short periods of time, but know that with too much time together things wouldn't mesh as well.
Exactly, if you think you're not for each other, then why waste time and not find someone who is good enough? I think the only 2 arguments I find persuasive so far are:
a) not enough personal time
b) you want sex so much, but you're still looking for the one (provided you're not emotionally vulnerable to your friend with benefits)
Anything else is a no in my opinion.
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fwb and exclusivity aren't the best bedfellows
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EPT
