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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 27 2018 07:03 sc-darkness wrote:Sorry for short post, but it's late here! Yeah, I think you're right but I still need to re-evaluate my actions a bit. It's good to hear I'm not the only one struggling though. I think I'm putting too much emotion into finding a girlfriend so each setback is depressing but not giving up is a key.  I think I feel a bit better now. Also, I think I'm improving myself slowly to become a more interesting and funny person, so it's not completely negative experience with Tinder.
Nice! Always good when you feel like you are improving.
I wouldn't use the world struggling to describe my experiences, I would just say it's a numbers game until you hit those borderline stunning looks levels. Then it's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Then again...perhaps it's possible to do massively better in conversion rates, but I haven't heard too many people talking like that.
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The other thing I don't have figured out with what I'm doing right now is how to get it right for girls to stick around. I've been starting to go at this a bit since around late April, and what I'm noticing is that I don't get many second dates.
I've done three dates just out, and my sense is that the conversation went well and we enjoyed talking to each other, but I was too passive. I think I need to escalate physically more in this public situations and not be hesitant. Two of those went absolutely nowhere, the third started at a pool which made it easy and I took her back to my place.
I've also had 3 in which the girl came to my place and 1 in which I went to hers. All closes.I've gotten better, but I basically hadn't really done much in the way of actual sex till then, I had a bunch of times where I went to third base before in college (totally shy in HS, got out of my shell a bit in college, then kinda didn't do much dating wish for 3 yrs post college, no back to it), but for whatever reason didn't actually fuck the girl.
Anyway, I think a part, or even a major part, is that the sex in most cases hadn't been great, and in at least a couple of those times was downright terrible. I think this, combined with just coming over to your place to "hang out" not being enough time to really set up a connection beyond physical is why. Gotta figure that one out.
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As a potentially TMI aside, no fap is starting to make a difference after about 3 weeks. I was basically at a point where I never randomly got a boner outside of stimulating myself, but now I'm starting to get those "no reason" ones or just from seeing a hot girl. Kinda comforting since at one point a few years ago I did my first ride on a road bike with a maladjusted saddle and lost ALL feeling "down there" for about 5 days...was worried there was lasting damage/loss but this seems to confirm that I was just used to too much stimulation.
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On June 27 2018 06:50 Plansix wrote:
Strong recommendation to folks, learn to take a selfie or have someone who knows how to selfie take a photo of you when you are out. Some of the photos sort of look like they were framed by a robot that only vaguely understands what makes a human attractive to another human. Selfie taking is a skill that is cultivated over time. Photography is, in fact, a bit of a challenge.
I went a step further and had a lady coworker/friend who was a bit younger than me vet my pictures and my profile (it was her suggestion). People who will give you honest feedback are good for that kind of thing. I learned quickly that I had to step my picture game up drastically, especially for the first picture.
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On June 27 2018 06:28 sc-darkness wrote:
I wish girls on Tinder were more serious... 2 accepted a date, then one of them went silent, while the other one has just unmatched me. At least I had a good connection with one of them but no idea what has changed. I intend to get better photos but if I get a weekend without rain.
did they go silent when you suggested a date? or did they go silent because you wouldn't shut up about your day and how the weather was and how you love watching anime?
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On June 27 2018 12:35 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2018 06:28 sc-darkness wrote:
I wish girls on Tinder were more serious... 2 accepted a date, then one of them went silent, while the other one has just unmatched me. At least I had a good connection with one of them but no idea what has changed. I intend to get better photos but if I get a weekend without rain. did they go silent when you suggested a date? or did they go silent because you wouldn't shut up about your day and how the weather was and how you love watching anime?
Oh god I really hope he wasn't doing this...
On June 27 2018 11:01 Ben... wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2018 06:50 Plansix wrote:
Strong recommendation to folks, learn to take a selfie or have someone who knows how to selfie take a photo of you when you are out. Some of the photos sort of look like they were framed by a robot that only vaguely understands what makes a human attractive to another human. Selfie taking is a skill that is cultivated over time. Photography is, in fact, a bit of a challenge. I went a step further and had a lady coworker/friend who was a bit younger than me vet my pictures and my profile (it was her suggestion). People who will give you honest feedback are good for that kind of thing. I learned quickly that I had to step my picture game up drastically, especially for the first picture.
Not a terrible idea, but be careful. Often what women say they want and what they actually respond to are different. Women for instance always say they love a great smile for instance, but when it comes to Tinder pics time and time again serious versus smile comes out about the same. If you're doing things hugely wrong, you'll definitely get some good starting points.
Photofeeler also isn't a bad method to get some clue...but even there it doesn't line up always perfect. I've had some photos I've run of notably good looking people score 80% and then a photo of an average dude (good photo tho) score 90%+. Put em on Tinder and the match % and quality are totally different.
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On June 27 2018 12:35 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2018 06:28 sc-darkness wrote:
I wish girls on Tinder were more serious... 2 accepted a date, then one of them went silent, while the other one has just unmatched me. At least I had a good connection with one of them but no idea what has changed. I intend to get better photos but if I get a weekend without rain. did they go silent when you suggested a date? or did they go silent because you wouldn't shut up about your day and how the weather was and how you love watching anime?
None of that, except I mentioned the weather 1 or 2 times in a few days worth of conversations. That's not a big deal in my opinion. She wasn't silent after I suggested a date.
Edit: I really like resetting my Tinder profile when I'm not happy with matches. I reset my account before I went to sleep. Woke up, 3 or so matches according to Tinder. I'm sure girls get a lot more than that, but not bad for a normal guy.
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New pics definitely took it up another notch. No world shifting changes, but did hit 25+ on a reset for the first time letting it run for a full 12 hours before swiping. Have to see what the quality (both looks and favor-ability of response is) before I decide if this was a noticeable difference or negligible.
I don't think competition is too savage here. I tried swiping once as a girl in LA....that was quite different. Almost an army of dudes at 6+, 7+ wasn't rare, and in maybe 500 swipes I saw at least 10 guys 8+. Maybe the number of girls there are also so much higher it wouldn't matter but I doubt it. Here I did one round of alot of swiping, maybe 1,000, and found maybe 2-3 guys 8+ and perhaps 15 or so 7+. That was a little more bearable.
On June 27 2018 15:15 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2018 12:35 IgnE wrote:On June 27 2018 06:28 sc-darkness wrote:
I wish girls on Tinder were more serious... 2 accepted a date, then one of them went silent, while the other one has just unmatched me. At least I had a good connection with one of them but no idea what has changed. I intend to get better photos but if I get a weekend without rain. did they go silent when you suggested a date? or did they go silent because you wouldn't shut up about your day and how the weather was and how you love watching anime? None of that, except I mentioned the weather 1 or 2 times in a few days worth of conversations. That's not a big deal in my opinion. She wasn't silent after I suggested a date.
Days worth? That can mean different things, but if this is more than like 10 lines or something of light conversation (no paragraphs) a day I think you're shooting yourself in the foot. You don't want huge conversations before you meet, it kills attraction in most cases and more importantly you get this very specific vibe of how you respond, wittiness, etc. Then you meet IRL, which is never the same, and you're not likely as charming or as on point as you were online making it very anticlimactic.
If you know you're a social god IRL it might not be the end of the world, but even then I'd question why you weren't getting them off Tinder sooner and into your area of mastery.
She wasn't silent after I suggested a date.
What happened? She basically dodged around it with no real commitment or said I'm not free when you suggested and let it die?
Edit: I really like resetting my Tinder profile when I'm not happy with matches. I reset my account before I went to sleep. Woke up, 3 or so matches according to Tinder. I'm sure girls get a lot more than that, but not bad for a normal guy.
Resets are great because it re shuffles you to the top of the que for like at least 12 hours with tapering effects for longer. Probably reset once every 3 weeks or less tbh.
Female matches you don't even want to know. Any girl that's a 5 probably gets a 20%+ match rate. Easily going to go 99+ her first day. At 6 you're hitting the majority of dudes right swipe. 7+ literally every single swipe is successful.
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Hmmm, is that what everyone else thinks? Keep Tinder conversations at minimum? I think I exchanged more than 10 messages/day 2 days in a row at least. Of course she agreed to a date before then which actually didn't happen.
Speaking of matches, are you living in a big city? I live in my country's capital which is like at least 1.2 million people. Competition is probably huge, but then again, more girls too. Not sure if it favours me overall.
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On June 28 2018 06:41 sc-darkness wrote:
Hmmm, is that what everyone else thinks? Keep Tinder conversations at minimum? I think I exchanged more than 10 messages/day 2 days in a row at least. Of course she agreed to a date before then which actually didn't happen.
Speaking of matches, are you living in a big city? I live in my country's capital which is like at least 1.2 million people. Competition is probably huge, but then again, more girls too. Not sure if it favours me overall.
I'm in Fort Collins, city of like 100-150k depending on whether or not college is in session I think. Usually run range @ 25mi which probably pulls in another 50k-100k. For reference age range I usually do 18-23.
What is your countries capital? I could do some swiping there are a girl at some point and see what I think of the competition.
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On June 28 2018 06:50 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2018 06:41 sc-darkness wrote:
Hmmm, is that what everyone else thinks? Keep Tinder conversations at minimum? I think I exchanged more than 10 messages/day 2 days in a row at least. Of course she agreed to a date before then which actually didn't happen.
Speaking of matches, are you living in a big city? I live in my country's capital which is like at least 1.2 million people. Competition is probably huge, but then again, more girls too. Not sure if it favours me overall. I'm in Fort Collins, city of like 100-150k depending on whether or not college is in session I think. Usually run range @ 25mi which probably pulls in another 50k-100k. For reference age range I usually do 18-23. What is your countries capital? I could do some swiping there are a girl at some point and see what I think of the competition.
Well, if you could, then you're welcome to try. It's Sofia, Bulgaria (Eastern Europe). If you could, you could look for both men and women (just to have a laugh for the latter). I wonder how many women you'll get considering my country is more conservative than the west on average. Not as conservative as the Middle East though.
Edit: If you decide to troll, put TeamLiquid on description or some signature which I can recognise so I say hi if we match. Haha.
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On June 28 2018 06:54 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2018 06:50 L_Master wrote:On June 28 2018 06:41 sc-darkness wrote:
Hmmm, is that what everyone else thinks? Keep Tinder conversations at minimum? I think I exchanged more than 10 messages/day 2 days in a row at least. Of course she agreed to a date before then which actually didn't happen.
Speaking of matches, are you living in a big city? I live in my country's capital which is like at least 1.2 million people. Competition is probably huge, but then again, more girls too. Not sure if it favours me overall. I'm in Fort Collins, city of like 100-150k depending on whether or not college is in session I think. Usually run range @ 25mi which probably pulls in another 50k-100k. For reference age range I usually do 18-23. What is your countries capital? I could do some swiping there are a girl at some point and see what I think of the competition. Well, if you could, then you're welcome to try. It's Sofia, Bulgaria (Eastern Europe). If you could, you could look for both men and women (just to have a laugh for the latter). I wonder how many women you'll get considering my country is more conservative than the west on average. Not as conservative as the Middle East though. Edit: If you decide to troll, put TeamLiquid on description or some signature which I can recognise so I say hi if we match. Haha.
Oh I can do that 
Although tbh for speed purposes I'd probably just be left swiping everyone. I guess super like it if you see the profile description before i get to you
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Some girl who is 5 years younger than me asked me on Tinder if it's ok to talk to me using the personal form of "you" rather than the polite one. Not sure if native English speakers would understand it. It's nice there are good girls but I'm not feeling like an angel in this case. :D
Edit: We're both 18+.
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On June 28 2018 21:31 sc-darkness wrote:
Some girl who is 5 years younger than me asked me on Tinder if it's ok to talk to me using the personal form of "you" rather than the polite one. Not sure if native English speakers would understand it. It's nice there are good girls but I'm not feeling like an angel in this case. :D
Edit: We're both 18+.
I'd assume she was joking, and give her a +1 for a sense of humor. That said, why are you still having long conversations on tinder?
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Game Theory on Dating
I feel like these are somewhat informative, since he does start using actual stats from online dating websites as well.
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On June 27 2018 07:52 L_Master wrote:
The other thing I don't have figured out with what I'm doing right now is how to get it right for girls to stick around. I've been starting to go at this a bit since around late April, and what I'm noticing is that I don't get many second dates.
I've done three dates just out, and my sense is that the conversation went well and we enjoyed talking to each other, but I was too passive. I think I need to escalate physically more in this public situations and not be hesitant. Two of those went absolutely nowhere, the third started at a pool which made it easy and I took her back to my place.
I've also had 3 in which the girl came to my place and 1 in which I went to hers. All closes.I've gotten better, but I basically hadn't really done much in the way of actual sex till then, I had a bunch of times where I went to third base before in college (totally shy in HS, got out of my shell a bit in college, then kinda didn't do much dating wish for 3 yrs post college, no back to it), but for whatever reason didn't actually fuck the girl.
Anyway, I think a part, or even a major part, is that the sex in most cases hadn't been great, and in at least a couple of those times was downright terrible. I think this, combined with just coming over to your place to "hang out" not being enough time to really set up a connection beyond physical is why. Gotta figure that one out.
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As a potentially TMI aside, no fap is starting to make a difference after about 3 weeks. I was basically at a point where I never randomly got a boner outside of stimulating myself, but now I'm starting to get those "no reason" ones or just from seeing a hot girl. Kinda comforting since at one point a few years ago I did my first ride on a road bike with a maladjusted saddle and lost ALL feeling "down there" for about 5 days...was worried there was lasting damage/loss but this seems to confirm that I was just used to too much stimulation.
What do you even want dude? Answer that question and you'll get it eventually. Also, I can't figure out from that post, did you have sex or did you not? First you say you "went to 3rd base" a few times, does that mean you actually engaged in full penetration, just your fingers or just fondling around? No wonder you can't get anywhere when even here you feel the need to sugarcoat stuff. How old are you anyway? From reading your text, you should be much closer to 30 than 20, but you rather sound like a 12 year old when you talk about this topic. Stop using desexualized language when it's about sex, not only will it make yourself more confident when talking about it, girls like it that way better as well.
Back to your post, time is not a factor at all when it's just about sex. Sex is all about first impressions and maybe you got an idea now, why your sex has been so bad. I'm just guessing here now, but I wouldn't be too surprised if you leave girls with a first impression of being unenergetic and not really interested in them or their pussy to begin with. You come off more as guy who wants to solve a mathematical problem and from my experience, most women really hate the idea of a guy planning through everything, at least as long as it's just dates. Yea sure, you might impress every single one of them if you bring flowers, take them to several different locations and all that. But with you, I'm sure it's too easy to see you had it planned all along. Girls don't want that. They want the flowers, they want the variety, certainly. But you might be looking not spontaneous all the while, giving them a feeling of you being in control too much.
My advice for you? Since you failed miserably so far, how about stop giving a fuck for a moment? Next girl you go on a date with, you don't plan shit. You don't bring a present, you go there with the intention in mind of not giving her what she wants or reading wishes from their lips. You do strictly you and you do what's fun for you rather than having her at the back of your mind constantly. No, this is not PUA and you don't have to berate her, but PUA is popular for a reason and the reason are guys with a mindset like yours. You care way too much, you write fucking essays about girls in an online forum for video games. This is your "problem". Parenthesis because in the end, you have a lot of what women value in relationships, but girls who just want some dick don't want that. At all. Ever. All you will ever get with that attitude, while relying on Tinder of all things lol, is a quiet date, maybe some sympathy sex at the end and that's it.
Now, in your shoes, I'd ask myself: Is fucking random girls really that important or can it wait? Because, trust me, when you reach 30 or 40 even, you will have countless broads in their 20s at your disposal who will suck your dick in a heartbeat, just for the reason of not having to put up with angsty, overthinking boys who they can't respect and thus not have a good fuck with. They're human afterall and don't want to break your heart over telling you why it sucked (you). OR should you stop caring so much about girls, delete Tinder and wait patiently until you find that one female you can not only fuck with, but also talk to, go on trips, make babies and build a house.
Don't take it personally mate, but you're just not ready. And you'll have to pick sides, you can't be a player and at the same time come off as the most harmless guy in history. You'd have to drop one or the other and act accordingly from there. If you have to ask yourself, why apparently no girl wants a second date, you just ain't made for this. But I'm a nice guy and I don't care about your broken heart, what you need is some self-esteem: You are sexually undesirable and this is the number one factor for everyone, male or female, when you get to first meet each other. You might be ugly, fat, have bad skin, bad hair, no money, whatever. You know you can fix all of these things, if you were serious about it. Or do you wanna tell me you're perfectly average on the outside and you manage to shy away girls who would even give you some out of pure sympathy by just not being able to talk to them properly?
You might even, but in that case I have some advice for you as well: Stop being what you believe to be "nice". You're not nice when you talk after a girls mouth. You're not nice when you refrain from disagreeing with her. You're not nice if you don't correct her on facts. When I'm around girls, all I talk about is sex basically, all the time. Sure, I'll discuss quantum physics with any girl, anytime. But she better be prepared for all the dirty implications I'm gonna make about who's the up and who's the down Quark. You sound really desperate my friend, you should try talking about the stuff you wanna do to her, instead of treating the date like an obstacle. You're wrong, the date is your only chance to get her, so why not go all out? Stop reading online forums, PUA shit and whatnot, stop caring so much.
You talk about "escalating physically", what the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Like, kissing her out of the blue? I'd not recommend that. Or is it about your stance, how wide your shoulders are? I mean dude, I've been "in the game" for a good 15 years now, I've done this, I've done that and lots of it, but I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. You're disconnecting yourself from the very problem you wanna solve when you try and be all scientifical about it. And before you want to escalate things physically, you may as well try it verbally, also gets you less lawsuits. Because you sure as shit sound like you can go creepy once things go down south, no offense bro. We've all been there, at least once.
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On June 28 2018 23:53 Dark_Chill wrote:Game Theory on DatingI feel like these are somewhat informative, since he does start using actual stats from online dating websites as well.
Would have been interesting to see where the stats came from, but yea I think what he said was fine. Most of it was somewhat common sense, but the touch about using less common forms of "hi" if you want a common opener was a pretty cool thought indeed
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I just saw your pictures on the last page. Seriously, what the fuck? You're looking above average, you seem to be tall as well. So this is all about how you handle conversation. I can only repeat what I said in my previous post: Stop being too agreeable, do not plan shit through but when it's game time, you shower her with sexual references. You will save a lot of time too, girls who aren't up for sexual encounters will be gone rather quickly. And yes, that will feel bad, everytime. But in the end you two just disagreed on what's your personal motivation for that date. And yes again, you will also meet the well-documented type who wants you to chase, but even you should be able to tell the difference from a woman who is playing with you and a woman who just does not want it and came to the date to get a new friend to talk to.
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On June 29 2018 00:47 [DUF]MethodMan wrote:
What do you even want dude? Answer that question and you'll get it eventually. Also, I can't figure out from that post, did you have sex or did you not? First you say you "went to 3rd base" a few times, does that mean you actually engaged in full penetration, just your fingers or just fondling around?
No wonder you can't get anywhere when even here you feel the need to sugarcoat stuff.
Third base is oral sex. That's not sugarcoating, it's as direct as you can get.
What I'm looking for is more or less friends with benefits, with women that are legit fun to spend some time with doing shit rather than "let's come over to each others place and fuck once a week". Not hunting one, but I'd be happy to meet the right person such that I want it to be more than FWB.
Back to your post, time is not a factor at all when it's just about sex. Sex is all about first impressions and maybe you got an idea now, why your sex has been so bad.
Because I've only fucked six girls, all which game in the last 3 months and I was being very tentative and a bit self conscious about it. Combine that with being used to too much fap and not staying super hard and you have a recipe for some very crappy sex. On the plus side, it's clearly gotten better each time.
I'm just guessing here now, but I wouldn't be too surprised if you leave girls with a first impression of being unenergetic and not really interested in them or their pussy to begin with.
Possible. Especially at first I was way more towards the passionate, slow lovemaking side of things which may well come across that way.
You come off more as guy who wants to solve a mathematical problem and from my experience, most women really hate the idea of a guy planning through everything, at least as long as it's just dates. Yea sure, you might impress every single one of them if you bring flowers, take them to several different locations and all that. But with you, I'm sure it's too easy to see you had it planned all along.
I think everyone knows what's planned when you suggest drinks and a movie at your place.
My advice for you? Since you failed miserably so far, how about stop giving a fuck for a moment?
Pretty much always solid advice. Good call.
Next girl you go on a date with, you don't plan shit. You don't bring a present, you go there with the intention in mind of not giving her what she wants or reading wishes from their lips.
Just fucking lol if you do this in 2018. God no.
You do strictly you and you do what's fun for you rather than having her at the back of your mind constantly.
I don't. Sometimes I have my own performance and doubts too much in my mind though.
You care way too much, you write fucking essays about girls in an online forum for video games. This is your "problem". Parenthesis because in the end, you have a lot of what women value in relationships, but girls who just want some dick don't want that. At all. Ever. All you will ever get with that attitude, while relying on Tinder of all things lol, is a quiet date, maybe some sympathy sex at the end and that's it.
If I care to much, it's too much being in my head and being self conscious about shit or just too much self pressure. Had sex every date, but it was downright terrible sex in at least 4 of them. Borderline pitiful tbh. One I think was decent. One was pretty good and....surprise surprise, she want to meet again.
Now, in your shoes, I'd ask myself: Is fucking random girls really that important or can it wait? Because, trust me, when you reach 30 or 40 even, you will have countless broads in their 20s at your disposal who will sck your dick in a heartbeat, just for the reason of not having to put up with angsty, overthinking boys who they can't respect and thus not have a good fuck with. They're human afterall and don't want to break your heart over telling you why it sucked (you). OR should you stop caring so much about girls, delete Tinder and wait patiently until you find that one female you can not only fuck with, but also talk to, go on trips, make babies and build a house.
I'm not quite sure what I did to give you this vibe, but the tone you have is something is something of the nature that I'm super nice guy really worried about what the girl is thinking type interaction. Definitely not. I certainly was though. Combine a conservative upbringing with a (socially) shitty childhood and you have a recipe for disaster. Think I mentioned before i literally did not TALK to a single girl in all of HS because I was too shy. It was 10/10 bad.
And you'll have to pick sides, you can't be a player and at the same time come off as the most harmless guy in history. You'd have to drop one or the other and act accordingly from there.
That's a pretty good fucking point. The two attitudes don't work at all with each other.
You are sexually undesirable and this is the number one factor for everyone, male or female, when you get to first meet each other. You might be ugly, fat, have bad skin, bad hair, no money, whatever. You know you can fix all of these things, if you were serious about it. Or do you wanna tell me you're perfectly average on the outside and you manage to shy away girls who would even give you some out of pure sympathy by just not being able to talk to them properly?
Huh? I'm lean, have good skin, average hair (NW 2, but hair is thick all over), and an above average face. I'm getting 5-10 matches a day on Tinder and have had sex 6 times in the last 3 months since actually using Tinder. If that's sexually undesirable I hate to think of what it is for other guys struggling to get anywhere.
You might even, but in that case I have some advice for you as well: Stop being what you believe to be "nice". You're not nice when you talk after a girls mouth. You're not nice when you refrain from disagreeing with her. You're not nice if you don't correct her on facts. When I'm around girls, all I talk about is sex basically, all the time. Sure, I'll discuss quantum physics with any girl, anytime. But she better be prepared for all the dirty implications I'm gonna make about who's the up and who's the down Quark. You sound really desperate my friend, you should try talking about the stuff you wanna do to her, instead of treating the date like an obstacle. You're wrong, the date is your only chance to get her, so why not go all out? Stop reading online forums, PUA shit and whatnot, stop caring so much.
A good reminder. I've shed off a good portion of my "niceness", but at times hesitancy remains. It's less common but I still have those occasional moments where I get in my head and think "Hmm should I do this or will she think it's wierd or w/e"
You talk about "escalating physically", what the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Like, kissing her out of the blue? I'd not recommend that. Or is it about your stance, how wide your shoulders are?
Not at all. To give you an idea, the first god knows how many times I went out on dates in college I literally would make no physical contact. Zero. Some of the conversations were legit conversations where both of us were into it, some of them even a little charged sexually. What do you think happened, did I get laid? A kiss? Nope. Because I didn't touch at all. Natural buildup basically involves increasing levels of physical contact. Maybe it's a hand on the small of the back or arm just conversation, natural touching. Then maybe it's a hand resting on the leg or holding hands, then maybe kissing, etc.
You can't just not touch a girl and expect anything to ever get anywhere. At the same time, as you basically say, you can't be too in your head about that kind of shit and trying to plan everything you do because it makes you seem stiff, awkward, and probably fucking creepy alot of the time.
Because you sure as shit sound like you can go creepy once things go down south, no offense bro. We've all been there, at least once.
Yep. Had one pretty damn bad one as far as being creepy goes. Learned from that and I generally think I'm reasonably perceptive on picking up cues and noticing if the interest isn't there and subsequently not being a creepy fuck.
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On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2018 00:47 [DUF]MethodMan wrote:
What do you even want dude? Answer that question and you'll get it eventually. Also, I can't figure out from that post, did you have sex or did you not? First you say you "went to 3rd base" a few times, does that mean you actually engaged in full penetration, just your fingers or just fondling around?
No wonder you can't get anywhere when even here you feel the need to sugarcoat stuff.
Third base is oral sex. That's not sugarcoating, it's as direct as you can get.
But it is. You never said oral sex, you said third base. If you said oral sex, I wouldn't have had to ask.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:
What I'm looking for is more or less friends with benefits, with women that are legit fun to spend some time with doing shit rather than "let's come over to each others place and fuck once a week". Not hunting one, but I'd be happy to meet the right person such that I want it to be more than FWB.
So, you want a relationship without having a relationship? That's what I mean when I say you need to figure out what you want first. What you suggest sounds like a fairytale and will likely never happen that way. You will always find yourself at a point where you'll have to choose between benefits and commitment.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +Back to your post, time is not a factor at all when it's just about sex. Sex is all about first impressions and maybe you got an idea now, why your sex has been so bad. Because I've only fucked six girls, all which game in the last 3 months and I was being very tentative and a bit self conscious about it. Combine that with being used to too much fap and not staying super hard and you have a recipe for some very crappy sex. On the plus side, it's clearly gotten better each time.
I haven't stayed hard for 100% of the time for nearly 10 years now and while it bothered me for a while in the beginning, I just tend to joke about it nowadays and the women are usually fine with it, from what I can tell at least. Guess there is nothing which could prove your confidence more like fucking her with a limp dick while having a good laugh about it. Granted, getting there took its time, but it's entirely possible. I'd also recommend consulting a physician, tell him some sobstory about you being limp all the time and get a prescription for Cialis. Apparently we're in the same boat (I beat my dick way too hard as well and porn does indeed mess with your mind) and from my experience, getting a little chemical help will make it easier for your dick to "remember" how it felt staying hard all the time and it will get better on its own after. This is highly anecdotal though and I'd recommend getting checked up first, you might have a weak heart or whatever and not know about it. Or you could not give a fuck like I did and order online from India lol.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +I'm just guessing here now, but I wouldn't be too surprised if you leave girls with a first impression of being unenergetic and not really interested in them or their pussy to begin with. Possible. Especially at first I was way more towards the passionate, slow lovemaking side of things which may well come across that way.
Don't change who you are. If you're into slow, passionate sex, more power to you. There are enough meatheads and young kids who do nothing but beat the living shit out of every pussy they can get, so you taking it slow will be a nice change for many women. If you like beating the living shit out of a pussy, do that. But I'd recommend not going against who you really are. I am the same btw, girls still would refer to me as the baddest guy they ever met.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +My advice for you? Since you failed miserably so far, how about stop giving a fuck for a moment? Pretty much always solid advice. Good call.
Sarcasm? :D
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +You do strictly you and you do what's fun for you rather than having her at the back of your mind constantly. I don't. Sometimes I have my own performance and doubts too much in my mind though.
This will go away with enough experience, no point in thinking it over at all.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +You care way too much, you write fucking essays about girls in an online forum for video games.This is your "problem". Parenthesis because in the end, you have a lot of what women value in relationships, but girls who just want some dick don't want that. At all. Ever. All you will ever get with that attitude, while relying on Tinder of all things lol, is a quiet date, maybe some sympathy sex at the end and that's it. If I care to much, it's too much being in my head and being self conscious about shit or just too much self pressure. Had sex every date, but it was downright terrible sex in at least 4 of them. Borderline pitiful tbh. One I think was decent. One was pretty good and....surprise surprise, she want to meet again.
Well, that's exactly what I meant by that. You're in your head while she's sitting across the table and you better believe she can tell. Seeing you think does not make her go "OMG he must be boring". It's much rather a mixture of "OMG did I mess up my hair?", "OMG did I say something stupid?" and all the while she will be asking herself what the fuck could be so important for you to think about while going on a first date. Which then will lead to her getting turned off, way before you can "physically escalate things" and even longer before you will have proof of her being turned off (bad sex). She will dry up and stay dry if you do the wrong things. Likewise she'll get wet and stay wet if you do the right things.
Experience will only save you from making the wrong call and go home with a woman who's clearly not into you, but left her house with the intent of getting some dick, so she's here with your sorry ass and even more sorry limp dick lol. But experience won't ever save you from not being able to push the right buttons. You can't with all girls there are, no matter who you are. You have to take these "losses" (you can actually only gain things from this, like confidence, self-respect etc) and move on, nothing to be done about it and sure as shit nothing to be talked or thought about it.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +Now, in your shoes, I'd ask myself: Is fucking random girls really that important or can it wait? Because, trust me, when you reach 30 or 40 even, you will have countless broads in their 20s at your disposal who will sck your dick in a heartbeat, just for the reason of not having to put up with angsty, overthinking boys who they can't respect and thus not have a good fuck with. They're human afterall and don't want to break your heart over telling you why it sucked (you). OR should you stop caring so much about girls, delete Tinder and wait patiently until you find that one female you can not only fuck with, but also talk to, go on trips, make babies and build a house. I'm not quite sure what I did to give you this vibe, but the tone you have is something is something of the nature that I'm super nice guy really worried about what the girl is thinking type interaction. Definitely not. I certainly was though. Combine a conservative upbringing with a (socially) shitty childhood and you have a recipe for disaster. Think I mentioned before i literally did not TALK to a single girl in all of HS because I was too shy. It was 10/10 bad.
Dunno dude, I just read the post I quoted then. I certainly don't know who you are and how you present yourself. I'm just learning about the outcomes and well, you give me plenty of reason to think of you as this dude who just disappoints the girl more and more the longer the night gets. You care so much about the beginning (e.g. your Tinder profile picture rofl), you completely ignore the end. What you're doing is set the bar super high and then fail to reach it all night long. You need to do it the way round. Have her sit there and expect nothing, while you arrive calm and collected, just to blow her away again and again with whatever's at your disposal, humour, wit, knowledge.
You have the first impression thing kinda eliminated when dating via Tinder, but instead there are now huge expectations. By pimping your profile you set high expectations and you will start the date with disappointment, as we all know how fucking awesome everyone is on Tinder or Facebook, while in reality everyone's just average. If they're lucky. Yea, you will get more matches, you will get more dates. But more dates don't necessarily mean more sex. And if I got you right, for you it's not about quantity at all. You wanna get laid properly, finally.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote + And you'll have to pick sides, you can't be a player and at the same time come off as the most harmless guy in history. You'd have to drop one or the other and act accordingly from there. That's a pretty good fucking point. The two attitudes don't work at all with each other.
But even I do get that impression off you. And I don't care about you, not at all. You're just another guy on the internet. But, you're also a fellow man who seems to have a problem that I think I know something about. So take it to your heart and think about that, this in the end might be the thing that's holding you back. You might confuse women too much while switching up the tough guy you clearly want to represent, as it's seen in your pictures, with the soft guy you are at heart. It is good to be able to be both, but they can't really coexist at the same time in the same room.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +You are sexually undesirable and this is the number one factor for everyone, male or female, when you get to first meet each other. You might be ugly, fat, have bad skin, bad hair, no money, whatever. You know you can fix all of these things, if you were serious about it. Or do you wanna tell me you're perfectly average on the outside and you manage to shy away girls who would even give you some out of pure sympathy by just not being able to talk to them properly? Huh? I'm lean, have good skin, average hair (NW 2, but hair is thick all over), and an above average face. I'm getting 5-10 matches a day on Tinder and have had sex 6 times in the last 3 months since actually using Tinder. If that's sexually undesirable I hate to think of what it is for other guys struggling to get anywhere.
I wrote that before having seen your picture, I made another post to clear that up. Aesthetically, you're completely fine and you know it, so that's good. But being sexually desirable is not only about looking the part, especially when you're a man looking for pussy. "Confidence" is the one word you will see in every study, every PUAs Youtube channel and in this thread probably as well. And not without reason - sex is a whole different animal for women, at least when it's about what leads to it. For the regular woman to be aroused when you start "escalating physically" (I'm sorry, but I can't help it), you will have to lay groundwork hours before that. A woman will also decide whether she wants to fuck you or not rather quickly, so if you fuck up the first few minutes of your date, there will either be no sex at all, or what you got. And trust me, you got that only because you look the part and they hoped for you to turn it on as soon as the lights are out.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +You might even, but in that case I have some advice for you as well: Stop being what you believe to be "nice". You're not nice when you talk after a girls mouth. You're not nice when you refrain from disagreeing with her. You're not nice if you don't correct her on facts. When I'm around girls, all I talk about is sex basically, all the time. Sure, I'll discuss quantum physics with any girl, anytime. But she better be prepared for all the dirty implications I'm gonna make about who's the up and who's the down Quark. You sound really desperate my friend, you should try talking about the stuff you wanna do to her, instead of treating the date like an obstacle. You're wrong, the date is your only chance to get her, so why not go all out? Stop reading online forums, PUA shit and whatnot, stop caring so much. A good reminder. I've shed off a good portion of my "niceness", but at times hesitancy remains. It's less common but I still have those occasional moments where I get in my head and think "Hmm should I do this or will she think it's wierd or w/e"
Don't think about it. When you think about, look at her cleavage. Should clear your head rather quickly. And it will make her also not believe you're some kind of Incel who's just too afraid to ask for what he really wants.
On June 29 2018 01:51 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +You talk about "escalating physically", what the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Like, kissing her out of the blue? I'd not recommend that. Or is it about your stance, how wide your shoulders are? Not at all. To give you an idea, the first god knows how many times I went out on dates in college I literally would make no physical contact. Zero. Some of the conversations were legit conversations where both of us were into it, some of them even a little charged sexually. What do you think happened, did I get laid? A kiss? Nope. Because I didn't touch at all. Natural buildup basically involves increasing levels of physical contact. Maybe it's a hand on the small of the back or arm just conversation, natural touching. Then maybe it's a hand resting on the leg or holding hands, then maybe kissing, etc. You can't just not touch a girl and expect anything to ever get anywhere. At the same time, as you basically say, you can't be too in your head about that kind of shit and trying to plan everything you do because it makes you seem stiff, awkward, and probably fucking creepy alot of the time.
I never make any physical contact, unless it can't be avoided. I think it's highly inappropriate to do so at all. Things like this can wait until you get home. Or at the movies, or wherever it's dark and you have some time for yourselves. Yet I fucked a lot more than you and have no problems at all with having a conversation with a girl I want to fuck. Although, to make up for this you'd have your conversations go from "sometimes even a little charged sexually" to "all the time sexual references every few minutes at least". Make her think about your dick, make her think about her pussy and make her think about what would happen if these two had their time together.
And please, ask yourself, what's more awkward, the dude randomly touching her all the time, like all dudes do these days cuz they read about it on the internet lol, or the dude who constantly reminds her about why you even met in the first place? Might be the US, but if you touched a girl randomly all the time in Germany, you'd get your teeth stomped in and rightfully so. Stop using predatory means just because they can work. They don't work if you have a babyface and aren't intimidating in any other way as well. You're a grown ass man and shouldn't act like a child or a sociopath if you are neither of them.
Since you seem to care a lot about it, here's my Tinder picture, the only one I got there. https://imgur.com/a/FAlS04V
Black and white, mirrored, heavily bearded, sunglasses, hat. You basically can't tell shit about how I really look. Yet I get matches on the daily and all they ever ask is "You still got that beard?" LOL. Maybe you get it now, the picture itself is fucking irrelevant. It is the way you present yourself in it. All I saw from your pictures is a good looking guy who takes himself and probably lots of other shit way too seriously. All you can see from mine is the exact opposite.
Also, I'd recommend going for older women only, girls your age or younger obviously can't handle you well and while it might be a turn off for you, just that one time you actually enjoyed sex will most likely have a positive effect on you. And you won't have to worry a thing about what she thinks, you're just a toy to her.
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EPT
