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".Dating: How's your luck? - Page 629
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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ZenithM
France15952 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On June 10 2015 00:18 bloodwhore~ wrote: Damn it, she cancelled saying she had to go home earlier than she expected. I don't know if I was to aggressive but I responded with "Okey! Do you want to meet up another time or did you change your mind? It's fine regardless but I'd appreciate the honesty. "The more swagful answer would have been: "Hi! Who are you again?" Or purposely call her the wrong name. But since your probably not trying to be a douche your answer is actually pretty good to the point. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
A lot of girls are flaky nowadays, just like a lot of guys. This is probably due to our new forms of communication making that easier. And if she gets scared away by that message it is a sign in her favour. Actually, if she doesn't get scared away by it something may be wrong. Attractive girls tend to have a fair number of options, and if she is willing to stay trying with someone who displays bitterness at the first sign of something going wrong when nothing's happened then it's not a good sign for that. You're literally eliminating people from contention because you fuck up with them. Considering how much you seem to fuck up, your candidate pool will diminish quickly. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
If you live in a city, there's one thing and one thing only you gotta do - keep trying, learn from your mistakes eventually you'll get good at this and/or meet someone who's a great match That said, yeah that was a bad reply - all there's needed is "Cool no worries - I want to see you, when are you free to get together?" Like Zenith said, just tell her what you want, and assume you'll get it. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 10 2015 07:20 WarSame wrote: Candidate pool of attractive available ladies in your area. For example, at your university. While this is almost unlimited in size, if you mess up you have to start going further afield to find more women, but I get your point. Ye, I guess - I think it's better to go for girls outside your circles anyways - that way you can fuck up and nobody will ever know. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
To be fair, I don't really care about rules here and rules there, most people here seem to be stuck on dating rules. Like 3 strike rule? uliterallywotm8. If this is the game other girls want to play I sure as hell don't want anything to do with them. I'm an extremely honest person, if I want to say something I will (there are of course exceptions but you know what I mean I hope). Me eliminating people from my candidate pool? I don't see it that way at all, I see it more as me finding out which girls aren't for me. I feel like a fat woman talking about how some men can't big women saying this but; if they couldn't handle me asking for a direct answer on a matter like this, there is no way they could manage to be in a relationship with me. Hope I don't come across as too douchy, just wanted to give you an insight on how my brain works. On June 10 2015 01:52 IgnE wrote: I get the feeling most people aren't for you bloodwhore. Probably very true... | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States23957 Posts
Happy, lifelong, stable, relationships are the exception and not the rule imo. Getting one is kind of like getting a great job. Working hard at it definitely helps, but is by no means an assurance you will find it...ever. Meanwhile some people wont try at all and be wildly more successful at it than others who try really hard and do everything 'right'. In the same way people figure out it becomes about finding one that is acceptable/preferable or not finding one at all. | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On June 10 2015 07:38 GreenHorizons wrote: I think the difference between what we think is a reasonable expectation for compatibility and what reality hands us plays a role too when it comes to finding a partner. Happy, lifelong, stable, relationships are the exception and not the rule imo. Getting one is kind of like getting a great job. Working hard at it definitely helps, but is by no means an assurance you will find it...ever. Meanwhile some people wont try at all and be wildly more successful at it than others who try really hard and do everything 'right'. In the same way people figure out it becomes about finding one that is acceptable/preferable or not finding one at all. Besides, isn't it quite unrealistic to think someone comes to your life ready made? Rather, find a person you are attracted to and can connect with, and see if he/she is the type of a person who you can work your differences with and BUILD trust, compromise and connection with. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
- high mutual chemical attraction - clicking on interpersonal level - alignment in values should always be a pre-requisite to committing to someone imo. You need to be open minded and give people a chance, but starting a relationship with someone who you don't accept the way they (and vice-versa) are just because you lose your ideals is why the divorce rates are crazy high imo It means going out there a lot, having an abundance mentality and ultimately, be at peace of being alone (or in non-commited relationships) though. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
It's an argument for arranged marriage, or at least, an argument saying the way we date and look for a partner is flawed using arranged marriage as an example. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
The primary mistake in modern dating (and life in general) is the idea of making happiness the end goal of an activity. | ||
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killa_robot
Canada1884 Posts
On June 10 2015 23:39 CosmicSpiral wrote: The way we date and look for a partner will always be flawed. There never has been, and never will be, a singular heuristic. It's easy to marvel at the apparent happiness of arranged marriage when in the West, the concept of romantic love stemmed from repressed vitriol against arranged marriages. If only sociologists paid attention to history... The primary mistake in modern dating (and life in general) is the idea of making happiness the end goal of an activity. TBH I think everyone having the mentality that there are always others out there is the real mistake. Having more options is not always a good thing. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On June 10 2015 23:39 CosmicSpiral wrote: The way we date and look for a partner will always be flawed. There never has been, and never will be, a singular heuristic. It's easy to marvel at the apparent happiness of arranged marriage when in the West, the concept of romantic love stemmed from repressed vitriol against arranged marriages. If only sociologists paid attention to history... The primary mistake in modern dating (and life in general) is the idea of making happiness the end goal of an activity. What other end goal would you define then? We have evolved from being only driven by a need to procreate, and I think happiness (both personal and for the people around you) is the best goal to have. What else makes life meaningful than at least enjoying our short stay on this planet? | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
CosmicSpiral, what do you think the goal of life should be then? As far as I can tell it should be maximizing personal pleasure, with concessions made for other people's pleasure. EDIT: What mikau said. | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On June 11 2015 01:53 Mikau wrote: What other end goal would you define then? We have evolved from being only driven by a need to procreate, and I think happiness (both personal and for the people around you) is the best goal to have. What else makes life meaningful than at least enjoying our short stay on this planet? It is the worst goal to have for two reasons. 1) It is a state, and all states are ultimately temporary. 2) It is the byproduct of a process. Making happiness your goal in life is like making fulfillment or despair your goal in life. It is unsustainable due to interference from the outside world, friction between individuals' wants and needs, and diminishing emotional returns. Happiness is the result of pursuing a goal to the best of your abilities. It comes when you forget your "obligation" to be happy. On June 11 2015 02:07 WarSame wrote: CosmicSpiral, what do you think the goal of life should be then? As far as I can tell it should be maximizing personal pleasure, with concessions made for other people's pleasure. The goal of life? There is no such thing. A non-concrete goal in life should be something that can never be fulfilled and exists outside your conception of self. Well that can't be the goal of life then, or else the pleasure of others would only factor insofar as it maximized your own pleasure. The goal of life itself can't be subject to a higher moral law; all ethical statutes must stem from it. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On June 11 2015 03:21 Mikau wrote: Life by definition is temporary and unsustainable. That's hardly an argument against making the most of it. Read my post again. | ||
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