|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 10 2015 23:26 Najda wrote:Related article Forgive me if it was posted already, couldn't remember where I saw it but I looked through the last few pages and didn't see it. It's an argument for arranged marriage, or at least, an argument saying the way we date and look for a partner is flawed using arranged marriage as an example.
That article has very little substance and does not make any arguments as to how or why arranged marriages are better than the way we date 'normally'. All the guy does is say, 'hey look my parents are happy with an arranged marriage but so many people are unhappy with their non-arranged ones, must be because dating nowadays is bad!'
|
On June 10 2015 23:26 Najda wrote:Related article Forgive me if it was posted already, couldn't remember where I saw it but I looked through the last few pages and didn't see it. It's an argument for arranged marriage, or at least, an argument saying the way we date and look for a partner is flawed using arranged marriage as an example.
I mean he makes some good points. But from my perspective it seams even more so that Bloodwhore's approach at start is a lot better - just being okay of being rejected, finding someone who ticks your boxes at first and vice versa dating other people ibetween, discarding those that don't. But after you do, focus energy on developing and working on that.
I.E. after 3 months of dating I just feel like I want to be with just this one girl that does tick my boxes (super high mutual attraction - PDA like I'm freaking 14 again :D, interpersonal contact, values) and don't want to sleep with others - my goal now is to zone out porn and lurking on online dating sites and see where that takes me. I'll still talk to lots of random people (and women) when I go out as it's my hobby and helps my career, but think those 2 things make it hard to focus on one relationship and working on it.
It's especially true with porn - when you'r GFs are the only boobies you see, they are the best in the world for you and you are happier. Think people would be way happier if they completely quit social media, porn and dating sites altogether when in a relationship 
|
On June 11 2015 03:06 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 01:53 Mikau wrote:
What other end goal would you define then? We have evolved from being only driven by a need to procreate, and I think happiness (both personal and for the people around you) is the best goal to have. What else makes life meaningful than at least enjoying our short stay on this planet? It is the worst goal to have for two reasons. 1) It is a state, and all states are ultimately temporary. 2) It is the byproduct of a process. Making happiness your goal in life is like making fulfillment or despair your goal in life. It is unsustainable due to interference from the outside world, friction between individuals' wants and needs, and diminishing emotional returns. Happiness is the result of pursuing a goal to the best of your abilities. It comes when you forget your "obligation" to be happy. Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 02:07 WarSame wrote:
CosmicSpiral, what do you think the goal of life should be then? As far as I can tell it should be maximizing personal pleasure, with concessions made for other people's pleasure. The goal of life? There is no such thing. A non-concrete goal in life should be something that can never be fulfilled and exists outside your conception of self. Well that can't be the goal of life then, or else the pleasure of others would only factor insofar as it maximized your own pleasure. The goal of life itself can't be subject to a higher moral law; all ethical statutes must stem from it.
Eh, These are some great points - but I'd start an own thread. Or relate it to dating, or at least boobs pls or we'll have a massive derail on our hands :D
|
On June 11 2015 03:06 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 01:53 Mikau wrote:
What other end goal would you define then? We have evolved from being only driven by a need to procreate, and I think happiness (both personal and for the people around you) is the best goal to have. What else makes life meaningful than at least enjoying our short stay on this planet? It is the worst goal to have for two reasons. 1) It is a state, and all states are ultimately temporary. 2) It is the byproduct of a process. Making happiness your goal in life is like making fulfillment or despair your goal in life. It is unsustainable due to interference from the outside world, friction between individuals' wants and needs, and diminishing emotional returns. Happiness is the result of pursuing a goal to the best of your abilities. It comes when you forget your "obligation" to be happy. Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 02:07 WarSame wrote:
CosmicSpiral, what do you think the goal of life should be then? As far as I can tell it should be maximizing personal pleasure, with concessions made for other people's pleasure. The goal of life? There is no such thing. A non-concrete goal in life should be something that can never be fulfilled and exists outside your conception of self. Well that can't be the goal of life then, or else the pleasure of others would only factor insofar as it maximized your own pleasure. The goal of life itself can't be subject to a higher moral law; all ethical statutes must stem from it.
Unsustainable, but something someone nonetheless always seeks. People rarely have a flat and abstract goal of pure happiness, I don't think anyone is that naive by the time they start getting their shit together, they simply realize that they want to be as happy as possible for as long as possible. While someone might have a general idea of what will yield their ideal life, and therefore the most happiness, such as making a lot of money, having a nice home to live in, and a loving family to spend it all with, people also realize that it's something you spend your life working towards, and you might change during that time, and find you want something a bit different. So instead of saying I want X set of things in life, and then I shall be content in all things, I simply state that my goal is one of happiness, with some idea of what that entails, which naturally comes from maturing and learning who I really am. It's not so straightforward as to split hairs over it like you have, it's a fluid concept that for simplicity's sake has been abstracted out a level, into something people understand easily.
And this is heading quickly into derailville, so I'd rather not go into further length aside from maybe PMs.
|
On June 11 2015 04:15 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 03:21 Mikau wrote:
Life by definition is temporary and unsustainable. That's hardly an argument against making the most of it. Read my post again.
Yes I really misphrased my post, but I'm going to follow suit with other posters here and not derail the thread. Sorry for the confusion.
I largely agree with NewSunshine
|
Yeah let's get back to bloodwhore talking about his dating adventures again. So much better.
|
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic. The meaning of life, while an interesting subject, isn't.
I could continue my story, but it's basically "We consider ourselves to be in a relationship now. Everything is amazing. Let's hope it lasts. PS. Friday we'll be having sex for the first time. I wanted to take her out for coffee first but she says she's too horny with all the sexting to do anything but spend all day in bed". Not much more interesting (to you, I'm looking forward to it).
|
On June 11 2015 07:56 Mikau wrote:
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic. The meaning of life, while an interesting subject, isn't.
I could continue my story, but it's basically "We consider ourselves to be in a relationship now. Everything is amazing. Let's hope it lasts. PS. Friday we'll be having sex for the first time. I wanted to take her out for coffee first but she says she's too horny with all the sexting to do anything but spend all day in bed". Not much more interesting (to you, I'm looking forward to it).
Took most of what I had not to make a smart remark about this but good luck. I personally like girls who aren't afraid to admit they want to have sex. + Show Spoiler +Thank you for that 60's/70's but you can keep the unshaven pits and legs, I wouldn't mind another round of bra burning though. /fail
|
On June 11 2015 07:56 Mikau wrote:
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic.
HEY!
What is wrong with my stories?
|
On June 11 2015 08:42 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 07:56 Mikau wrote:
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic. HEY! What is wrong with my stories?
They're missing IdrA and Tossgirl, but other than that, they're fine.
|
That comment made my night. I tip my hat to you, good sir.
|
On June 11 2015 11:34 Impervious wrote:
That comment made my night. I tip my hat to you, good sir.
<3
|
Met a girl through mutual friends whilst going out.
It was a good night, started making out after 30 minutes, spent the rest of the night pretty much inseparable. Exchange numbers, agree to meet again the week after.
One week later she comes over and stays the night. No sex but lots of half-naked cuddling. We both have a great time. I ask when I will see her again, she says her exams are about to start and she won't have time until those are finished.
That was May 6, her exams end June 26.
Okayyyy.
After some asking around I find out that her previous boyfriend left her for this exact reason, when exams start she goes a bit crazy and has no time to see anyone.
One month in now, I've tried to meet up 2-3 times and she has skillfully deflected all attempts. Once she had to work, once she had too much studying left to do, the third time was a bit unclear, she just didn't have enough time or w/e.
So now I'm not sure if I should just continue trying or wait until the end of her exams and see if she contacts me again.
Any ppl here who have experience with study-crazy girlfriends? Is it a thing or am I just getting friendzoned spectacularly.
|
On June 11 2015 17:05 Shinon wrote:
Met a girl through mutual friends whilst going out.
It was a good night, started making out after 30 minutes, spent the rest of the night pretty much inseparable. Exchange numbers, agree to meet again the week after.
One week later she comes over and stays the night. No sex but lots of half-naked cuddling. We both have a great time. I ask when I will see her again, she says her exams are about to start and she won't have time until those are finished.
That was May 6, her exams end June 26.
Okayyyy.
After some asking around I find out that her previous boyfriend left her for this exact reason, when exams start she goes a bit crazy and has no time to see anyone.
One month in now, I've tried to meet up 2-3 times and she has skillfully deflected all attempts. Once she had to work, once she had too much studying left to do, the third time was a bit unclear, she just didn't have enough time or w/e.
So now I'm not sure if I should just continue trying or wait until the end of her exams and see if she contacts me again.
Any ppl here who have experience with study-crazy girlfriends? Is it a thing or am I just getting friendzoned spectacularly.
It's a thing. Been seeing guilty mom's, sisters, etc... post about it on facebook apologizing to people. I can't say for sure she's being honest, but it's a real thing. It's not just particularly studious people either.
|
On June 11 2015 17:05 Shinon wrote:
Met a girl through mutual friends whilst going out.
It was a good night, started making out after 30 minutes, spent the rest of the night pretty much inseparable. Exchange numbers, agree to meet again the week after.
One week later she comes over and stays the night. No sex but lots of half-naked cuddling. We both have a great time. I ask when I will see her again, she says her exams are about to start and she won't have time until those are finished.
That was May 6, her exams end June 26.
Okayyyy.
After some asking around I find out that her previous boyfriend left her for this exact reason, when exams start she goes a bit crazy and has no time to see anyone.
One month in now, I've tried to meet up 2-3 times and she has skillfully deflected all attempts. Once she had to work, once she had too much studying left to do, the third time was a bit unclear, she just didn't have enough time or w/e.
So now I'm not sure if I should just continue trying or wait until the end of her exams and see if she contacts me again.
Any ppl here who have experience with study-crazy girlfriends? Is it a thing or am I just getting friendzoned spectacularly.
Just leave the ball in her corner this time and you'll get to find out - tell her,"cool, good luck with the exams, I really want to see you in person so give me a call when you'll know when you are free"
And then just wait without contacting her
|
On June 11 2015 08:42 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 07:56 Mikau wrote:
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic. HEY! What is wrong with my stories?
I personally liked them, it's Igne who implied he didn't 
On June 11 2015 08:01 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On June 11 2015 07:56 Mikau wrote:
You can not like his stories, but at least it's on topic. The meaning of life, while an interesting subject, isn't.
I could continue my story, but it's basically "We consider ourselves to be in a relationship now. Everything is amazing. Let's hope it lasts. PS. Friday we'll be having sex for the first time. I wanted to take her out for coffee first but she says she's too horny with all the sexting to do anything but spend all day in bed". Not much more interesting (to you, I'm looking forward to it). Took most of what I had not to make a smart remark about this but good luck. I personally like girls who aren't afraid to admit they want to have sex. + Show Spoiler +Thank you for that 60's/70's but you can keep the unshaven pits and legs, I wouldn't mind another round of bra burning though. /fail
Aww come on, try me. Everything is bliss atm anyway, nothing you'll say will phase me much
|
I feel like I've begun to take Tinder less seriously now. When I got Tinder I thought I'd try to get a girlfriend but I think those odds are fairly to extremely low so I'm thinking of either just (try) fucking someone or getting a fuck buddy.
More stories I guess.
Another girl started talking to me, after a couple of messages I asked her why she was on Tinder, she responded with "wasting time and some chill guy to hang with". I responded with that I basically wanted a friend to be intimate with. She said that one thing shouldn't exclude the other. I've been keeping the conversation kinda lewd, and yesterday, well tonight, I told her that I think we should defile each other soon. She is acting all "oh you think that huh? " etc. Hard to tell if she is actually interested in it. I responded with "Don't you? " to my defiling each other question. She hasn't answered yet, but she hasn't been on Tinder since then either.
Also, I have matched with a another girl from my university, she is studying the same major as I do (computer science). She isn't a girl I'm spending any time with otherwise and I almost never see her. She has been doing a lot of stuff with the university so I think she is behind in the school work because of it so it wouldn't be the end of the world if I fuck this up. She has written "If you cite a random programming language I'm yours." in her bio so I'm thinking of playing on that.
I feel like I want to just have fun with her, I'm really uncertain if her match with me was serious or just wanted to find out waht I thought about her. I'm thinking I'll go with one of the following options:
1. Pulling some really cheesy one liner, like "I'm normally async but I'm still waiting for you."
2. Opening with like "What a deadlock. I don't know if you were serious with this match and neither do you."
I'm leaning towards option number 2, either way I'd probably ask what she was serious and if she was serious I'll ask what she was out after on Tinder so I can play my cards right.
Thoughts?
|
On June 01 2015 05:21 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Got tinder about a week ago!....I'm super stoked. First time someone seems to like me!
On June 04 2015 18:49 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Going for a walk with another girl on Saturday now too... Fuck it's easy to get a first date on Tinder.
On June 11 2015 19:59 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I feel like I've begun to take Tinder less seriously now. When I got Tinder I thought I'd try to get a girlfriend but I think those odds are fairly to extremely low so I'm thinking of either just (try) fucking someone or getting a fuck buddy.
... times they are a changing.
|
On June 11 2015 20:44 GreenHorizons wrote:
... times they are a changing.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Laughed hard. Very true though, Tinder has put things into perspective for me. However it's summer vacation now too and I wouldn't want to start seeing a girl seriously when I'm away from her 60% of the time. I'll probably start more seriously in August.
|
On June 11 2015 17:05 Shinon wrote:
Met a girl through mutual friends whilst going out.
It was a good night, started making out after 30 minutes, spent the rest of the night pretty much inseparable. Exchange numbers, agree to meet again the week after.
One week later she comes over and stays the night. No sex but lots of half-naked cuddling. We both have a great time. I ask when I will see her again, she says her exams are about to start and she won't have time until those are finished.
That was May 6, her exams end June 26.
Okayyyy.
After some asking around I find out that her previous boyfriend left her for this exact reason, when exams start she goes a bit crazy and has no time to see anyone.
One month in now, I've tried to meet up 2-3 times and she has skillfully deflected all attempts. Once she had to work, once she had too much studying left to do, the third time was a bit unclear, she just didn't have enough time or w/e.
So now I'm not sure if I should just continue trying or wait until the end of her exams and see if she contacts me again.
Any ppl here who have experience with study-crazy girlfriends? Is it a thing or am I just getting friendzoned spectacularly.
I agree with LemOn... if a girl is deflecting your messages or attempts to hang out multiple times (for any reason), leave the ball in her court after around the 3rd attempt. Simply let her know that you're hoping she'll reach out to you after exams are done, be nice and say gl hf, and that's pretty much it. Don't lose sleep over it after that
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
