|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 07 2015 01:54 obesechicken13 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 22:59 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On June 06 2015 20:39 arb wrote:
ex randomly apologizing for doing me shitty even though she is with someone else. strikes me as strange.
week ago she was on the warpath about money i "owed her"(i dont if anything she owes me) then all of the sudden drops it.
shit is weird.
her new bf says he is going to beat my ass, and has told me this and backed down like 4 times and would never say anything to me in person even if me and her were arguing like fuck.
what a bitch She probably got into an argument with her new guy, misses you. He probably threatened to kick her ass in the fight and then backed down.
shits annoying he'll send me atleast 1 msg a week saying he's going to
always give him the same answer
"she knows where im at if you want it that bad"
might take an hour or two but he'll send me some long post bitching out and im like what the fuck man, why even fucking bother.
but if its in person he'll be all friendly, even if me and her are fighting he'll just look at the ground and remain silent and im like "if i was in his position i would be on the warpath right now not sitting there like a fucking pussy about the whole thing"
mostly over us talking, but she has been being friendly. she unblocked me and started out being a huge cunt, and has gradually been more i dunno forgiving. told me she was only bitching about me giving her shit to see if i would "show initiative" im like uhhh? i have literally done everything possible i dont know what else someone could ask from me
i mean i was pretty generous about what i left her, literally everything to cook with eat on etc was mine and i left it bc i didnt wanna be that guy. and only really got shit that i needed which was still very little. really dunno what else you could ask for
|
what are your hobbies bloodwhore? besides being a misanthrope I mean
|
I can't argue with the misanthrope hue.
Climbing. I'd say I'm fairly good at this, nothing super special but probably like in the top 10% where I climb at the moment.
Longboarding. Sliding is pretty fun, aren't that many fun hills where I live atm though...
Graphic Design (ish). Was in a organisation which created the biggest festival on our campus where my post was graphic designer (didn't do as much graphic design that I expected but). Going to be in the "art director" of our computer section next year too, they talked that I maybe am going to create some art installation which like the entire fucking university will see. Sounds awesome but I hardly think I am that good.
Gymnastics/bodyweight exercising. This kinda goes hand in hand with climbing but I do it at home so it's kinda different still.
Floor hockey. We play every thursday with our computer section and me and some friends got a team in the campus series.
Programming. Don't do it as much as I'd like to since we almost always have some kind of project in university regarding programming.
I'd say watching movies and listening to music too but I guess everyone do that (except for a girl I asked out like 2 months ago, she was shocked to hear that I listen to music as much as I do (wtf)). Maybe not to the same extent as I do though, I probably average 1+ movie per day.
Can't forget watching Dota 
|
I'd say watching movies and listening to music too but I guess everyone do that (except for a girl I asked out like 2 months ago, she was shocked to hear that I listen to music as much as I do (wtf)). Maybe not to the same extent as I do though, I probably average 1+ movie per day.
That's quite a lot of movies! I'd expect that most of us watch a few every month (at best), rather than 30+ per month!
|
On June 06 2015 19:15 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Yep. Went about as I expected. For someone who was really social she didn't really seem to understand what a date is about. She talked a lot about herself. It was like I was interviewing her. Didn't really have anything in common either. NEXT!
Most dates go like that, totally natural. girl talking you attentively listening, escalating physically - that's what most dates are all about. Without the physical escalation it always did feel like an interview - don't think you are ready to meet a girl you have stuff in common yet
What happened with the kiss btw - did she give you the cheek?
|
On June 06 2015 17:07 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 13:02 levelping wrote:
they don't freak out of course. They will think you're pretty weird, and if you keep that up they're going to want to get as far away from you as possible. Again, maybe it's where I live, a question like how did you meet can be pretty personal and if that's like the first thing you ask two strangers they are very likely going to tell you to get lost or that it is none of your business. If you bring this up as part of a wider conversation sure, but it sounds like this is your proposed opening line. Have to agree with him on this one. Girls in our country tend to over think. The dress one works though, "hey that dress looks good." Compliments are always good.
The dress one works as you compliment her, then tell her you want to get one for your girlfriend, totally disqualifying yourself. Girls love talking about sizes, brands etc. You're not trying to get this girl, you just want to warm up and gain some social value by talking to the hottest chick in the room
|
On June 07 2015 04:57 LemOn wrote:
What happened with the kiss btw - did she give you the cheek?
What? Was that one for me?
|
On June 07 2015 05:03 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 17:07 kaykaykay wrote:On June 06 2015 13:02 levelping wrote:
they don't freak out of course. They will think you're pretty weird, and if you keep that up they're going to want to get as far away from you as possible. Again, maybe it's where I live, a question like how did you meet can be pretty personal and if that's like the first thing you ask two strangers they are very likely going to tell you to get lost or that it is none of your business. If you bring this up as part of a wider conversation sure, but it sounds like this is your proposed opening line. Have to agree with him on this one. Girls in our country tend to over think. The dress one works though, "hey that dress looks good." Compliments are always good. The dress one works as you compliment her, then tell her you want to get one for your girlfriend, totally disqualifying yourself. Girls love talking about sizes, brands etc. You're not trying to get this girl, you just want to warm up and gain some social value by talking to the hottest chick in the room
The dress one sounds like a great opener. Some of the rest of those are pretty creepy or just outright bad imo.
|
On June 07 2015 05:11 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On June 07 2015 04:57 LemOn wrote:
What happened with the kiss btw - did she give you the cheek? What? Was that one for me?
Yeah always go for this kiss
|
On June 07 2015 06:05 LemOn wrote:Yeah always go for this kiss
I wasn't feeling it at all. FUCK THAT.
|
Bloodwhore, it seems like you are worried the girls would reject you and so you preemptively reject them so that you can say you "won".
|
United States15275 Posts
Most people like to listen to themselves talk. Most people like people who ingratiate them in that aspect.
Perhaps you should listen more closely, and you'll find out that people are far more complex than you give them credit for.
|
Cosmic is spot-on. If you've ever wanted to get a good idea of how social interactions work check out How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It is essentially a textbook on how social interactions work, including how to consider other people's feelings properly. One piece of advice it gives is exactly this: "Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves." More than that, however, is this: "Talk in terms of the other person's interest."
These are two principles with which I used to struggle. For example, I'd talk to my cousin Matt. He's into guitar, art, and ultimate frisbee. I'm into video games, math and computers. When we talked, I'd talk about my interests. He is a nice, sociable person, so he'd keep the conversation on my interests. Sometimes we'd talk about his interests, but whenever we did I would quickly drag it back to my interests. For him, this wasn't as interesting and made the conversations less enjoyable. However, since he is nice he never mentioned it to me. Eventually, I learned to not focus the conversation on myself so much and learned a lot from him. These subjects varied from art to girls to hiphop and a whole lot of other things. Not only did I learn a lot from Matt about these topics, but when I accepted the conversation could be on his terms the conversations became a lot more enjoyable for both of us.
A related note to making conversation is something I found I believe on /r/seduction called conversation threading. When someone says something there's always things to riff off of. For example: "I just came back from Paris, it's so romantic." You can say something about your game of League and completely derail the conversation, as well as make the other person pissed off at you for not respecting their interests. Or, you can go based off of what they said. For example, "Oh, do you go travelling a lot?", "What's Paris like? I always wanted to see the Eiffel tower" or "It is! People have told me that X is so romantic and I've always wanted to see that, too." You pick elements of their sentence and reply based off of that. It's an elementary concept, but not really mentioned anywhere. When I learned this it felt like a ray of sun burst through the clouds on me. This is how you keep conversations flowing.
|
On June 07 2015 10:06 WarSame wrote:
Bloodwhore, it seems like you are worried the girls would reject you and so you preemptively reject them so that you can say you "won".
Yeah I kinda feel like I did that with the girl I went on two dates with. Sort of regret it but I honestly don't think we would
have been a great match anyway, and given how easily I usually crush on girls I should have wanted her more than I did.
|
Holy shit, I don't know why but I'm fucking on fire (with getting dates at least).
The 6th of may I saw a really cute girl, didn't approach her because I was chicken as fuck. When I got home I made a post
on this anonymous app which is popular where I live (kinda like twitter but within a radius from your phone). Mentioned her
and she answered there and she said her name. Found her facebook and sent a message asking if she wanted to go for a
walk with me.
Fast forward to today, I saw her again, cute as hell. Made a post about her once again because yolo and told her to check her "other" inbox. She saw it and now we're going for a walk tomorrow! Not going to back down from this one anytime soon!
|
|
|
I like
Just keep going out bloodwhore~
try to ask in person next time too
|
Yeah I wanted to do that. However it was at an exam (several different majors have exam in the same room) and I didn't see her until she was leaving. She finished her exam way earlier than me.
|
I think I set myself up for disappointment the other day and I've been thinking about it throughout the day since it happened on Friday. I guess I mostly just want to share this in an attempt to let some of these thoughts out of my head.
Went to a small-mid size party (Uni graduation party of the sorts) assembled by a group of high school friends I used to be pretty close with but now only really see a handful of times throughout the year. I go there and more or less know everyone except this one girl who recently started to hang out with this old group of friends. She's really cute we're both the only singles there. Throughout the night we're drinking and chatting/flirting.
I leave our bonfire in the back yard to go get another beer and as I turn around she's there. I don't remember what was said exactly but we end up making out... for like 10-15 minutes. Then she looks at me and we stop for a moment and she says something like "where is this going?" I know this isn't a PUA thread and that's not my game, but I was like "I don't have a condom" to leave it open to her. She's replies "that's okay, that's not what I'm really looking for as I just got out of a serious relationship (she was engaged)." She asks for my intentions and I tell her I haven't really given it a lot of thought and I'm just taking things as they go (which is true). She tells me she isn't really looking for love and proposes we start as friends.
The rest of the night we continue to cuddle and make out, and people start to leave and go to bed. We're both too liquored to drive, so we're staying the night. We have a spare room to ourselves but instead of us actually going to bed it ends up with us all over each other half naked for another hour two. It was pretty physical despite not actually having sex. Eventually she falls asleep in my arms.
In the morning, she's like "This isn't weird, right?" to which I laughed and smiled, said "no", and kissed her. We get up and help everyone clean up then before leaving we hug.
So now I've been spending an abnormal amount of time thinking about her and when I'll see her next. I was like "yep, not looking for love, just wanna cuddle and make out for now, gotcha" and now I sit here wanting her like an idiot. I'll be seeing her for a few hours Saturday since me and these friends, including her, are going on a hike before I have to leave to go to work. Jeez, what did I get myself into.
|
Damn it, she cancelled saying she had to go home earlier than she expected.
I don't know if I was to aggressive but I responded with "Okey! Do you want to meet up another time or did you change your mind? It's fine regardless but I'd appreciate the honesty. "
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
