EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 626
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Copymizer
Denmark2107 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Going for a walk with another girl on Saturday now too... Fuck it's easy to get a first date on Tinder. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
I can't believe I found someone who is completely open and honest with me and encourages me to do the same. She knows I'm a 26 year old virgin and instead of running away she goes "we'll just have to change that". <3 | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 04 2015 17:01 bloodwhore~ wrote: Went on another date with her yesterday. Well we went to her place to watch movies, and movies were watched... I'm so horrible at making moves, so much that I didn't even make one. However neither did she, I only tried to move a bit closer to her. However she still kept some distance. As soon as I got back home she sent a text asking if I got back home safely. I literally have no idea what she actually wants. I'm fairly certain she doesn't just want to fuck, then she probably would have made a move I would assume. However I'm not certain she wants a relationship either since she has not given me any sort of compliment other than the fact that she seems to like to talk to me. I myself am not feeling super strongly for her, she is fun to talk to and all but I don't feel like we have "clicked". I'm feeling like I maybe should "friendzone" her (fucking unbelievable that I would be doing that to a girl) or at least talk to her about how she feels. Talking to another girl on tinder, don't really know much about her yet I asked her if she wanted to be fuck buddies (full yolo after last nights date) and she said she wasn't interested in that however hinted that she wanted something more serious. Might take her up on that. What do you guys think I should do? It's all in the touching, no big one "move" that you'd have to over think when you are watching a movie alone with them. And in my experience it's very much gender based. Just like it's the guys job to write first at Tinder, it's the guys job to initiate things. She invited you home, it was your job to make her feel comfortable with you, and make a move. Basically watch the movie, don't make it too loud, comment or something or have a conversation, and slowly start touching her e.g. something funny comes up, just tap her leg slightly while laughing at first. Scary moment comes up, stroke her hair just a bit, tell hair it's gonna be okay jokingly. And then slowly push your boundaries, leave your hand on her leg for longer, start making it obvious, go for intimate parts, then pull away see how she reacts and always do more intense touching than the last one until, eventually you start taking her clothes off and she's turned on and naked. Whenever she pulls your hand away purposefully, or she looks weirdly, looks uncomfortable at you when you e.g. touch her belly, go under her bra... You withdraw all contact completely like it's no big deal, even the very basic ones, move slightly away from her, and focus on the movie. Now it's her turn wait for any signal she gives you, like moves towards you, puts her hand on you etc. sometimes it takes quite some time. And when she does...Resume right where you started, e.g. you touched the boob, you don't go back to light taps on the leg etc. It's not about "now we talk" "now we watch movie" now I make big move" "now we pork" It's seeing what she's comfortable with and expanding that comfort zone and pushing attraction forward. Because of the meh attraction and your inexperience I'd say practice on her next, push the boundaries even tho I would expect you friend zoned yourself already, and then move on to other girls. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 04 2015 19:05 Mikau wrote: Whenever a girl tells you what brand of condoms not to buy you can say you're in right? I can't believe I found someone who is completely open and honest with me and encourages me to do the same. She knows I'm a 26 year old virgin and instead of running away she goes "we'll just have to change that". <3 Damn son, I told you honesty and owning things you're uncomfortable about works :D | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
She invited you to her place, what else she can do | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45362 Posts
On June 04 2015 19:05 Mikau wrote: Whenever a girl tells you what brand of condoms not to buy you can say you're in right? I can't believe I found someone who is completely open and honest with me and encourages me to do the same. She knows I'm a 26 year old virgin and instead of running away she goes "we'll just have to change that". <3 Congrats! Openness and honesty is always the way to go | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45362 Posts
On June 05 2015 13:42 Najda wrote: Anyone have tips on going to a bar alone? Out of school for the summer and have no one to hang out with, so I have to find new people. Be willing to make the first move. Introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink, and chat them up. Stay focused on them (pay attention to what they say, smile and talk, maintain eye contact and nod, don't get distracted, don't look bored, don't check your watch or phone) and get a conversation going. It may help to know ahead of time what you want to say to them (based on their typical questions of Who are you, What do you do for fun, What do you do for work, etc.). It can be tough and intimidating, but go in thinking that you have nothing to lose, and if a girl turns you down then it's her loss (and try again). gl hf! EDIT: Also, don't look like a slob. Dress appropriately! First impressions are (mostly) everything, and that includes how you look. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23729 Posts
On June 05 2015 15:18 Najda wrote: I'd imagine most people there will be in groups already, which is my issue. One on one I'm great but I have no idea how one would approach a group and then pull out one girl or just hang and befriend the group. I think the type of bars you're talking about makes a big difference. Pool or Darts are good ways to get into a group and discover whether they are couples, friends, or what. The bars around my town, if a girls there alone there's a good chance she would date you, but you're going to owe her cash at the end. Picking off the drunkest person in a group at the bar or leaving the bathroom and starting a conversation is a decent way to get dragged back to the table. It has the added benefit of looking like your just politely listening to their drunk friend on the way back to the table instead of seeming like your another 'guy at the bar hitting on them'. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On June 05 2015 16:42 bloodwhore~ wrote: Told the girl I just wanted to be friends. She took it kinda well. However I even sort of regret it now. Fucking shit, was probably for the best, I'm way to weird for her. More info about why you told her that? It sounds like you wanted to be more than friends, but thought she was out of your league and hesitated. Memorable moments are made by being bold and honest (confidence is attractive). Focus and make next time/next girl that break from timid behavior that you can look back on and build from. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On June 05 2015 18:30 Danglars wrote: More info about why you told her that? It sounds like you wanted to be more than friends, but thought she was out of your league and hesitated. Memorable moments are made by being bold and honest (confidence is attractive). Focus and make next time/next girl that break from timid behavior that you can look back on and build from. Well one part is that my 'standards' are absurdly high when it comes to looks, didn't feel she was exactly my type. She is also a bit to passive for my taste, didn't really seem to know what she wanted. In the elevator up to her apartment she said "You will probably think I'm kinda weird.". That to me is a really fucked up thing to say. I considered her one of the more normal person I know and if she thinks herself is weird then there is no way in hell she would stand me if she knew the "real" me. I filter out 97% of the things I think are kind of weird, however if I unleashed like 5% more of that stuff she will think I'm a psychopath. On the first date we went for a walk, she talked about how there was a circus that she could hear but not see. So I told her she should go out in the night and cut a hole in their tent so she can see inside. I don't know but she seemed to think I was serious. My level of banter is on an entirely different dimension. She gets all emotional when she sees a animal get hurt and at the other end of the spectrum I watch A Serbian Film without flinching. I would love serious relationship, I guess I'm just butthurt when finally someone seems to like me I don't like her back. It was really good dating experience for me though. TL:DR She is too normal. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 05 2015 14:56 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Be willing to make the first move. Introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink, and chat them up. Stay focused on them (pay attention to what they say, smile and talk, maintain eye contact and nod, don't get distracted, don't look bored, don't check your watch or phone) and get a conversation going. It may help to know ahead of time what you want to say to them (based on their typical questions of Who are you, What do you do for fun, What do you do for work, etc.). It can be tough and intimidating, but go in thinking that you have nothing to lose, and if a girl turns you down then it's her loss (and try again). gl hf! EDIT: Also, don't look like a slob. Dress appropriately! First impressions are (mostly) everything, and that includes how you look. Never buy drinks, there's no need for that if anything it will lower your chances of getting girls. I love going to clubs/bars alone, as long as people are standing around and it's easy to approach them and not one of them sit only pubs. When I go with friends I sort of feel obliged to pay attention to them, and you rely on them as this social crutch. Only when you go alone you really have the best chances of meeting new people. Drop the whole pickup mentality, and being results oriented, focus on having fun and getting to know people, and being in the moment. At start warm up, some great stuff is e.g. picking the hottest girl in there, walking up to her and saying something like "Hey, cool dress/blouse I'd like to get one for my girlfriend, where'd you get it?" get conversation going, don't try to get her at all - you'll warm up socially and other people are likely to notice you with her. Or just walk up to people (guys and girls) and just say hey guys, "I'm bored you guys look interesting so I came over - so what's your story" etc. Then notice stuff they are doing/drinking/wearing and ask about it. Or if it's a couple "hey you look like a cute couple, how'd you guys meet" Approaching groups is fun, especially mainly girls you can be like "I'm sorry, but it's against this club's policy for 4 great looking women to be with only one guy, so I have no option but to join you ;/" Then having a couple opinion questions is great. One that works very well on groups of 3+ women was "I need a female opinion ... so if a girl goes through her boyfriends phone without him knowing, and finds out he was messaging with his ex, should she bring it up, and is that something to break up over"? Or "Do I look like a drug dealer to you? Cause about 4 girls approached me asking if I have some E today" have fun with it, be playful You get the conversation going, you find out their values etc. and you go from there. It's all about pushing through your comfort zone, and getting the indifference down - When I go to a club/social gathering alone I go to the first 4-5 people with no expectations as I need to warm up socially. Those first ones and convincing yourself to just do it are always the hardest. Once you get them out of the way, and rack up more embarrassing moments and rejections you stop caring and approaching new people stops being a big deal. One thing I that helps is that if people react negatively/you become bored, they are not paying attention to you or not click with them you don't say a word turn around and walk away. And like Kevin O'Leary on Shark tank says, from that point forward, they are dead to you. It's not just about women although this will help you get them, but as long as you relentlessly try to meet people and honestly care about their deal sooner or later you will meet someone cool/interesting that you can get experiences with. | ||
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killa_robot
Canada1884 Posts
On June 05 2015 19:24 bloodwhore~ wrote: Well one part is that my 'standards' are absurdly high when it comes to looks, didn't feel she was exactly my type. She is also a bit to passive for my taste, didn't really seem to know what she wanted. In the elevator up to her apartment she said "You will probably think I'm kinda weird.". That to me is a really fucked up thing to say. I considered her one of the more normal person I know and if she thinks herself is weird then there is no way in hell she would stand me if she knew the "real" me. I filter out 97% of the things I think are kind of weird, however if I unleashed like 5% more of that stuff she will think I'm a psychopath. On the first date we went for a walk, she talked about how there was a circus that she could hear but not see. So I told her she should go out in the night and cut a hole in their tent so she can see inside. I don't know but she seemed to think I was serious. My level of banter is on an entirely different dimension. She gets all emotional when she sees a animal get hurt and at the other end of the spectrum I watch A Serbian Film without flinching. I would love serious relationship, I guess I'm just butthurt when finally someone seems to like me I don't like her back. It was really good dating experience for me though. TL:DR She is too normal. Most girls like saying they're weird. It's an easy way for them to fish for a compliment when they're feeling a bit insecure. Actual weird girls don't say they're weird. Sounds like you just have weird standards and didn't want to try to make it work. The bolded line says the most revealing thing about you. While I find it annoying when clearly average girls call themselves weird, saying it's really fucked up makes you come off like you're deeply offended by this. Like it's a challenge to your own weirdness or something, lol. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On June 05 2015 13:42 Najda wrote: Anyone have tips on going to a bar alone? Out of school for the summer and have no one to hang out with, so I have to find new people. Go to a bar with live music. Gives you a good 'excuse' to be there alone, gives you something to talk about, and you'll often see small groups or people on their own there. Trust me, I'm a proffessional (bar manager). | ||
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