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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 06 2015 04:24 killa_robot wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2015 19:24 bloodwhore~ wrote:On June 05 2015 18:30 Danglars wrote:On June 05 2015 16:42 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Told the girl I just wanted to be friends. She took it kinda well. However I even sort of regret it now. Fucking shit, was probably for the best, I'm way to weird for her. More info about why you told her that? It sounds like you wanted to be more than friends, but thought she was out of your league and hesitated. Memorable moments are made by being bold and honest (confidence is attractive). Focus and make next time/next girl that break from timid behavior that you can look back on and build from. Well one part is that my 'standards' are absurdly high when it comes to looks, didn't feel she was exactly my type. She is also a bit to passive for my taste, didn't really seem to know what she wanted. In the elevator up to her apartment she said "You will probably think I'm kinda weird.". That to me is a really fucked up thing to say. I considered her one of the more normal person I know and if she thinks herself is weird then there is no way in hell she would stand me if she knew the "real" me. I filter out 97% of the things I think are kind of weird, however if I unleashed like 5% more of that stuff she will think I'm a psychopath. On the first date we went for a walk, she talked about how there was a circus that she could hear but not see. So I told her she should go out in the night and cut a hole in their tent so she can see inside. I don't know but she seemed to think I was serious. My level of banter is on an entirely different dimension. She gets all emotional when she sees a animal get hurt and at the other end of the spectrum I watch A Serbian Film without flinching. I would love serious relationship, I guess I'm just butthurt when finally someone seems to like me I don't like her back. It was really good dating experience for me though. TL:DR She is too normal. Most girls like saying they're weird. It's an easy way for them to fish for a compliment when they're feeling a bit insecure. Actual weird girls don't say they're weird. Sounds like you just have weird standards and didn't want to try to make it work. The bolded line says the most revealing thing about you. While I find it annoying when clearly average girls call themselves weird, saying it's really fucked up makes you come off like you're deeply offended by this. Like it's a challenge to your own weirdness or something, lol.
Yeah hah
Obviously you were attracted to her / should have made a move when she invited you to hers now it's just rationalizing to support your decisions. Whatevs, move on, get out there but as Killa Robot correctly pointed out, try to have a more open mind - girls in general are more emotional, use sarcasm less etc.
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On June 05 2015 22:32 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2015 14:56 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On June 05 2015 13:42 Najda wrote:
Anyone have tips on going to a bar alone? Out of school for the summer and have no one to hang out with, so I have to find new people. Be willing to make the first move. Introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink, and chat them up. Stay focused on them (pay attention to what they say, smile and talk, maintain eye contact and nod, don't get distracted, don't look bored, don't check your watch or phone) and get a conversation going. It may help to know ahead of time what you want to say to them (based on their typical questions of Who are you, What do you do for fun, What do you do for work, etc.). It can be tough and intimidating, but go in thinking that you have nothing to lose, and if a girl turns you down then it's her loss (and try again). gl hf!  EDIT: Also, don't look like a slob. Dress appropriately! First impressions are (mostly) everything, and that includes how you look. Never buy drinks, there's no need for that if anything it will lower your chances of getting girls. I love going to clubs/bars alone, as long as people are standing around and it's easy to approach them and not one of them sit only pubs. When I go with friends I sort of feel obliged to pay attention to them, and you rely on them as this social crutch. Only when you go alone you really have the best chances of meeting new people.
I'm not suggesting that you have to drop $100 on drinks, nor do you have to act like a Casanova... but offering to buy someone a drink (regardless of which sex is picking up which sex) is a very relaxed way to interject and become known to the person without having to come up with some weird introduction. Just a simple introduction with your name, a smile, and offering to buy a drink can get the ball rolling.
Drop the whole pickup mentality, and being results oriented, focus on having fun and getting to know people, and being in the moment. At start warm up, some great stuff is e.g. picking the hottest girl in there, walking up to her and saying something like "Hey, cool dress/blouse I'd like to get one for my girlfriend, where'd you get it?" get conversation going, don't try to get her at all - you'll warm up socially and other people are likely to notice you with her.
I don't see how that would start a conversation though... it sounds like she'd just give the name of the place where she got the blouse (at best), and that would be it.
Or just walk up to people (guys and girls) and just say hey guys, "I'm bored you guys look interesting so I came over - so what's your story" etc. Then notice stuff they are doing/drinking/wearing and ask about it.
That sounds good if you're just looking to have a laid back evening and make a few new friends.
Or if it's a couple "hey you look like a cute couple, how'd you guys meet"
Suuuper fucking creepy and total cockblock. Nooo.
Approaching groups is fun, especially mainly girls you can be like "I'm sorry, but it's against this club's policy for 4 great looking women to be with only one guy, so I have no option but to join you ;/"
Wayyy too cliche imo.
Then having a couple opinion questions is great. One that works very well on groups of 3+ women was "I need a female opinion ... so if a girl goes through her boyfriends phone without him knowing, and finds out he was messaging with his ex, should she bring it up, and is that something to break up over"?
Not an appropriate topic to bring up with strangers in a bar/ club.
Or "Do I look like a drug dealer to you? Cause about 4 girls approached me asking if I have some E today"
That's just fucked up.
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On June 06 2015 08:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2015 22:32 LemOn wrote:On June 05 2015 14:56 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On June 05 2015 13:42 Najda wrote:
Anyone have tips on going to a bar alone? Out of school for the summer and have no one to hang out with, so I have to find new people. Be willing to make the first move. Introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink, and chat them up. Stay focused on them (pay attention to what they say, smile and talk, maintain eye contact and nod, don't get distracted, don't look bored, don't check your watch or phone) and get a conversation going. It may help to know ahead of time what you want to say to them (based on their typical questions of Who are you, What do you do for fun, What do you do for work, etc.). It can be tough and intimidating, but go in thinking that you have nothing to lose, and if a girl turns you down then it's her loss (and try again). gl hf! EDIT: Also, don't look like a slob. Dress appropriately! First impressions are (mostly) everything, and that includes how you look. Never buy drinks, there's no need for that if anything it will lower your chances of getting girls. I love going to clubs/bars alone, as long as people are standing around and it's easy to approach them and not one of them sit only pubs. When I go with friends I sort of feel obliged to pay attention to them, and you rely on them as this social crutch. Only when you go alone you really have the best chances of meeting new people. I'm not suggesting that you have to drop $100 on drinks, nor do you have to act like a Casanova... but offering to buy someone a drink (regardless of which sex is picking up which sex) is a very relaxed way to interject and become known to the person without having to come up with some weird introduction. Just a simple introduction with your name, a smile, and offering to buy a drink can get the ball rolling. Show nested quote +Drop the whole pickup mentality, and being results oriented, focus on having fun and getting to know people, and being in the moment. At start warm up, some great stuff is e.g. picking the hottest girl in there, walking up to her and saying something like "Hey, cool dress/blouse I'd like to get one for my girlfriend, where'd you get it?" get conversation going, don't try to get her at all - you'll warm up socially and other people are likely to notice you with her. I don't see how that would start a conversation though... it sounds like she'd just give the name of the place where she got the blouse (at best), and that would be it. Show nested quote +Or just walk up to people (guys and girls) and just say hey guys, "I'm bored you guys look interesting so I came over - so what's your story" etc. Then notice stuff they are doing/drinking/wearing and ask about it. That sounds good if you're just looking to have a laid back evening and make a few new friends. Suuuper fucking creepy and total cockblock. Nooo. Show nested quote +Approaching groups is fun, especially mainly girls you can be like "I'm sorry, but it's against this club's policy for 4 great looking women to be with only one guy, so I have no option but to join you ;/" Wayyy too cliche imo. Show nested quote +Then having a couple opinion questions is great. One that works very well on groups of 3+ women was "I need a female opinion ... so if a girl goes through her boyfriends phone without him knowing, and finds out he was messaging with his ex, should she bring it up, and is that something to break up over"? Not an appropriate topic to bring up with strangers in a bar/ club. Show nested quote +Or "Do I look like a drug dealer to you? Cause about 4 girls approached me asking if I have some E today" That's just fucked up.
I think that last one might work at a rave though lol
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On June 06 2015 08:45 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 08:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On June 05 2015 22:32 LemOn wrote:On June 05 2015 14:56 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On June 05 2015 13:42 Najda wrote:
Anyone have tips on going to a bar alone? Out of school for the summer and have no one to hang out with, so I have to find new people. Be willing to make the first move. Introduce yourself, offer to buy them a drink, and chat them up. Stay focused on them (pay attention to what they say, smile and talk, maintain eye contact and nod, don't get distracted, don't look bored, don't check your watch or phone) and get a conversation going. It may help to know ahead of time what you want to say to them (based on their typical questions of Who are you, What do you do for fun, What do you do for work, etc.). It can be tough and intimidating, but go in thinking that you have nothing to lose, and if a girl turns you down then it's her loss (and try again). gl hf! EDIT: Also, don't look like a slob. Dress appropriately! First impressions are (mostly) everything, and that includes how you look. Never buy drinks, there's no need for that if anything it will lower your chances of getting girls. I love going to clubs/bars alone, as long as people are standing around and it's easy to approach them and not one of them sit only pubs. When I go with friends I sort of feel obliged to pay attention to them, and you rely on them as this social crutch. Only when you go alone you really have the best chances of meeting new people. I'm not suggesting that you have to drop $100 on drinks, nor do you have to act like a Casanova... but offering to buy someone a drink (regardless of which sex is picking up which sex) is a very relaxed way to interject and become known to the person without having to come up with some weird introduction. Just a simple introduction with your name, a smile, and offering to buy a drink can get the ball rolling. Drop the whole pickup mentality, and being results oriented, focus on having fun and getting to know people, and being in the moment. At start warm up, some great stuff is e.g. picking the hottest girl in there, walking up to her and saying something like "Hey, cool dress/blouse I'd like to get one for my girlfriend, where'd you get it?" get conversation going, don't try to get her at all - you'll warm up socially and other people are likely to notice you with her. I don't see how that would start a conversation though... it sounds like she'd just give the name of the place where she got the blouse (at best), and that would be it. Or just walk up to people (guys and girls) and just say hey guys, "I'm bored you guys look interesting so I came over - so what's your story" etc. Then notice stuff they are doing/drinking/wearing and ask about it. That sounds good if you're just looking to have a laid back evening and make a few new friends. Or if it's a couple "hey you look like a cute couple, how'd you guys meet" Suuuper fucking creepy and total cockblock. Nooo. Approaching groups is fun, especially mainly girls you can be like "I'm sorry, but it's against this club's policy for 4 great looking women to be with only one guy, so I have no option but to join you ;/" Wayyy too cliche imo. Then having a couple opinion questions is great. One that works very well on groups of 3+ women was "I need a female opinion ... so if a girl goes through her boyfriends phone without him knowing, and finds out he was messaging with his ex, should she bring it up, and is that something to break up over"? Not an appropriate topic to bring up with strangers in a bar/ club. Or "Do I look like a drug dealer to you? Cause about 4 girls approached me asking if I have some E today" That's just fucked up. I think that last one might work at a rave though lol
Hahaha fair enough.
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did you guys actually ever go out alone? :D
I guess it's a lot in delivery/body language but all of the above work for me
It's about whatever you're comfortable with anyways
The dress one + phone boyfriend work pretty much every time and you get a convo out of it. With women that is
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On June 06 2015 09:20 LemOn wrote:
did you guys actually ever go out alone? :D
I guess it's a lot in delivery/body language but all of the above work for me
It's about whatever you're comfortable with anyways
It might be regional too. When I've been out with girls and guys try that type of stuff it's almost universally met with laughter and a 'that was creepy' once they have walked away.
I imagine that's happened at least a few times to you whether you noticed or not, it does take a particular confidence and determination to not let stuff like that get to you.
The few times it worked for the guy was when it was pretty obvious he had already been shot down by more attractive women and was "settling", though I'm not the asshole to point it out to the girls lol.
EDIT: I just know that would only work effectively in limited locations in the northwest. For instance the 'cute couple' one would basically be like saying "I want to have a threesome with you two" lol
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On June 06 2015 09:42 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 09:20 LemOn wrote:
did you guys actually ever go out alone? :D
I guess it's a lot in delivery/body language but all of the above work for me
It's about whatever you're comfortable with anyways It might be regional too. When I've been out with girls and guys try that type of stuff it's almost universally met with laughter and a 'that was creepy' once they have walked away. I imagine that's happened at least a few times to you whether you noticed or not, it does take a particular confidence and determination to not let stuff like that get to you. The few times it worked for the guy was when it was pretty obvious he had already been shot down by more attractive women and was "settling", though I'm not the asshole to point it out to the girls lol. EDIT: I just know that would only work effectively in limited locations in the northwest. For instance the 'cute couple' one would basically be like saying "I want to have a threesome with you two" lol
Yeah maybe it's a UK thing? I dunno I read all your suggestions and it make me feel a bit creeped out. If I tried any of them where I live people might call the bouncer to throw me out.
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Eh seriously? So you walk up to a couple, ask them how'd you guys meet and they get freaked out? That's weird I had a story with every girlfriend I had and we always whipped it out gladly if someone asked - that stuff's fun. I learned a couple of these from a podcast from a guy that lives in the US btw - it'll be all about delivery and non-verbal communication probably, doubt that's very country specific
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they don't freak out of course. They will think you're pretty weird, and if you keep that up they're going to want to get as far away from you as possible. Again, maybe it's where I live, a question like how did you meet can be pretty personal and if that's like the first thing you ask two strangers they are very likely going to tell you to get lost or that it is none of your business. If you bring this up as part of a wider conversation sure, but it sounds like this is your proposed opening line.
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On June 06 2015 12:55 LemOn wrote:
Eh seriously? So you walk up to a couple, ask them how'd you guys meet and they get freaked out?
Not as much freaked out as just put-off that some random guy is disturbing my date >.>
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On June 06 2015 12:55 LemOn wrote:
Eh seriously? So you walk up to a couple, ask them how'd you guys meet and they get freaked out? That's weird I had a story with every girlfriend I had and we always whipped it out gladly if someone asked - that stuff's fun. I learned a couple of these from a podcast from a guy that lives in the US btw - it'll be all about delivery and non-verbal communication probably, doubt that's very country specific
It also really depends on the recipients nature and mood ofcourse. I have friends who always seem to enjoy it when a stranger approache them for some half drunk bullshit convo in a bar while I'm usually not as patient.
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On June 06 2015 14:12 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 12:55 LemOn wrote:
Eh seriously? So you walk up to a couple, ask them how'd you guys meet and they get freaked out? That's weird I had a story with every girlfriend I had and we always whipped it out gladly if someone asked - that stuff's fun. I learned a couple of these from a podcast from a guy that lives in the US btw - it'll be all about delivery and non-verbal communication probably, doubt that's very country specific It also really depends on the recipients nature and mood ofcourse. I have friends who always seem to enjoy it when a stranger approache them for some half drunk bullshit convo in a bar while I'm usually not as patient.
I suppose I could of just seen a lot of people that are bad at it too. You at least have to have a nice but not creepy smile to pull this type of stuff off.
I think you would have to at least be confident enough to consider yourself more attractive than above average to make it work (whether you are or not) too.
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On June 06 2015 04:24 killa_robot wrote:
The bolded line says the most revealing thing about you. While I find it annoying when clearly average girls call themselves weird, saying it's really fucked up makes you come off like you're deeply offended by this. Like it's a challenge to your own weirdness or something, lol.
Yeah I guess it kinda was huehue.
On June 06 2015 08:01 LemOn wrote:
Yeah hah
Obviously you were attracted to her / should have made a move when she invited you to hers now it's just rationalizing to support your decisions. Whatevs, move on, get out there but as Killa Robot correctly pointed out, try to have a more open mind - girls in general are more emotional, use sarcasm less etc.
Yeah, no worries I'll get over it. I got another date with a girl in... 1.5 hrs, fuck i should get ready. I'll try to keep an open mind, this girl seems even more normal than the last. I'll report back when I get home.
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On June 06 2015 13:02 levelping wrote:
they don't freak out of course. They will think you're pretty weird, and if you keep that up they're going to want to get as far away from you as possible. Again, maybe it's where I live, a question like how did you meet can be pretty personal and if that's like the first thing you ask two strangers they are very likely going to tell you to get lost or that it is none of your business. If you bring this up as part of a wider conversation sure, but it sounds like this is your proposed opening line.
Have to agree with him on this one. Girls in our country tend to over think.
The dress one works though, "hey that dress looks good."
Compliments are always good.
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Yep. Went about as I expected. For someone who was really social she didn't really seem to understand what a date is about. She talked a lot about herself. It was like I was interviewing her. Didn't really have anything in common either. NEXT!
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You should really just relax and let her talk a lot about herself - she is practically doing your work for you in that case.
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ex randomly apologizing for doing me shitty even though she is with someone else. strikes me as strange.
week ago she was on the warpath about money i "owed her"(i dont if anything she owes me) then all of the sudden drops it.
shit is weird.
her new bf says he is going to beat my ass, and has told me this and backed down like 4 times and would never say anything to me in person even if me and her were arguing like fuck.
what a bitch
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I'm always super relaxed, but I could tell she wasn't really interested in me. I'm all for just listening but she wasn't my type at all so it wasn't a big loss. When I asked her what she did on her spare time it was like "hang with my friends". Pls get hobbies ppl.
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On June 06 2015 20:39 arb wrote:
ex randomly apologizing for doing me shitty even though she is with someone else. strikes me as strange.
week ago she was on the warpath about money i "owed her"(i dont if anything she owes me) then all of the sudden drops it.
shit is weird.
her new bf says he is going to beat my ass, and has told me this and backed down like 4 times and would never say anything to me in person even if me and her were arguing like fuck.
what a bitch
She probably got into an argument with her new guy, misses you.
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On June 06 2015 22:59 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2015 20:39 arb wrote:
ex randomly apologizing for doing me shitty even though she is with someone else. strikes me as strange.
week ago she was on the warpath about money i "owed her"(i dont if anything she owes me) then all of the sudden drops it.
shit is weird.
her new bf says he is going to beat my ass, and has told me this and backed down like 4 times and would never say anything to me in person even if me and her were arguing like fuck.
what a bitch She probably got into an argument with her new guy, misses you.
He probably threatened to kick her ass in the fight and then backed down.
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EPT
