EPTyeah, it's video games/online pornography and not the crushing ennui of late capitalism and the disconnected/circumstantial state of contemporary inter-personal communication.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 619
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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farvacola
United States18855 Posts
yeah, it's video games/online pornography and not the crushing ennui of late capitalism and the disconnected/circumstantial state of contemporary inter-personal communication. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On May 19 2015 03:54 farvacola wrote: yeah, it's video games/online pornography and not the crushing ennui of late capitalism and the disconnected/circumstantial state of contemporary inter-personal communication. Have you read his book? If not, try not to dismiss the work of a renowned psychologist based on the fact that you don't like what he says. Not saying whether or not what the article claims has any merit to it, but dismissing it "just cos" is stupid. | ||
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xM(Z
Romania5299 Posts
plus here, between pornography and video games, which is the oppressor?... shit stinks man. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
I've been spending time with a girl I've met a couple of weeks ago (and I had the same issue when I was dating E-Cups), and she's been a treat. Lively in bed, adventurous outside of it, uncomplicated, friendly, open with her affections and just a super active person. I often find myself thinking of her and even missing her. However, whenever we're together, I just want to be alone. We do something amazing and I'm just thinking: "God I wish I were on the shitter reading Nat Geo now". This is getting to be a problem, because I find myself making up excuses to cut short dates, to not spend the night at her place, to politely get her to leave in the morning when she stayed over at mine... You get the idea. | ||
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
My issue seems to be, that i only ever attract women that are broken or troubled in at least one aspect and guess how well that works out.... That is quite mutual though, the same way i can't imagine "getting"/"being attractive to" a normal girl, i can't imagine that it would even work out if they would show interest. Oh and definitly the whole ennui thing is pretty big.... | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States23714 Posts
On May 19 2015 07:13 puerk wrote: So do you want to embrace your mental-case-ness, or do something about it? My issue seems to be, that i only ever attract women that are broken or troubled in at least one aspect and guess how well that works out.... That is quite mutual though, the same way i can't imagine "getting"/"being attractive to" a normal girl, i can't imagine that it would even work out if they would show interest. Oh and definitly the whole ennui thing is pretty big.... Newsflash.... Everyone's broken. It's about finding someone whose broken fits your broken. EDIT: Fixed  My grammar was atrocious before I started coming to TL forums, now it's only mildly nauseating. | ||
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
 may i add that i find "who's" for "whose" quite offputting? | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On May 19 2015 03:54 farvacola wrote: yeah, it's video games/online pornography and not the crushing ennui of late capitalism and the disconnected/circumstantial state of contemporary inter-personal communication. But if you quit games and online pornography you will become a successful careerist, aka a masculine man with an expensive car. It's the only thing you can do when you quit the internet and are overcome with a nearly excruciating urge to do something, anything, as long as it is living. Maybe what Zimbardo is trying to say is that pornography and video games are used like a magnifying lens to focus the masculine death drive, corralling males into repetitive pleasure patterns that sap their yang. What do the hikikomori teach us? To pacify is to neuter. Maybe it's just the crushing ennui of late capitalism. But how to politically organize yang-less males staring at flickering screens? | ||
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Jerubaal
United States7684 Posts
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Jerubaal
United States7684 Posts
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
Most dateableness measures will follow a normal distribution, but the hetero cis data sets of male and female (and the respective for other orientations) have no reason to have a full population wide overlap, there will almost inevetibly be people so many standard deviations away from the respective mean of their gender, that there will be no corresponding dating partner in the distribution of the hetero cis people of the other gender (or their prefered). The idea that everyone could find lasting and fulfilling relationships is naive wishful thinking to the extreme, especially after taking into account that there is an undeniable still prevalent competitive nature to bonding derived from evolutionary development. Even if we all had at least one fitting match (which is unlikely to the extreme), there is nothing to say that that match would be unique in a bijective way or that in the case of nonunique matchings the matching partner would prefer partners in such a way that everyone gets a satisfactory match. The bigger issue is that society after thousands of years has still not developed a stabilizing coping mechanism that deals with the social instability derived from missmatched expectations, wants, needs and realities of the possible configuration space of matches. We still on an individual basis get sad if we can not find someone, people get called creeps, weirdos etc. pp. for not fitting in, for not succeeding when there is a guaranteed proportion of the population destined to fail. And every improvement to your own dateability will not change the overall dating space, but just shuffle around some players. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4216 Posts
On May 19 2015 06:58 SixStrings wrote: I'm afraid I just crossed the threshold from being slightly eccentric to being a full blown mentalcase. I've been spending time with a girl I've met a couple of weeks ago (and I had the same issue when I was dating E-Cups), and she's been a treat. Lively in bed, adventurous outside of it, uncomplicated, friendly, open with her affections and just a super active person. I often find myself thinking of her and even missing her. However, whenever we're together, I just want to be alone. We do something amazing and I'm just thinking: "God I wish I were on the shitter reading Nat Geo now". This is getting to be a problem, because I find myself making up excuses to cut short dates, to not spend the night at her place, to politely get her to leave in the morning when she stayed over at mine... You get the idea. Wait, this isn't normal? Cause that describes me and every "relationship" I've attempted..... | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On May 19 2015 06:08 xM(Z wrote: screw his book dude. if you look at his Standford experiment, what he took out of that, then his later involvements with prison/imprisonment stuff, you can tell that he can only be (at most)half right at any given point throughout his entire life. plus here, between pornography and video games, which is the oppressor?... shit stinks man. LOL how did that fucking guy even keep his credentials... On May 19 2015 10:46 Impervious wrote: Wait, this isn't normal? Cause that describes me and every "relationship" I've attempted..... I spent 7 years of my life with this one girl and I can assure you that when I started feeling that way it was toward the end (or briefly during rough patches). Surely it's not abnormal to want some alone time, but if every time you're with someone you wish you were alone, then surely you don't intend to stick with it for the long run... That'd explain why you refer to your relationships as attempts  . That being said, it is how I've felt with the few girls I've been with since the brutal collapse of my 7 year relationship. I'd go get a coffee with this girl and instantly regret it because I'd rather do anything else. It was obviously not going to work out. | ||
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[Erasmus]
Australia286 Posts
On May 14 2015 20:41 LemOn wrote: Yeah,no. The frustrating and terrible result in 99% means "no thank you" and you walking away. Actually feeling good about summoning the courage to do it. But if you never see girls you find interesting when you go shopping, or waiting for the bus, or just walking down the street then sure, no point in doing it. How do you decide that a girl "looks" interesting? I may be (am) a total cynic, but there's a lot more to what I'd be interested in than simply what a girl looks like. There are plenty of fairly attractive girls I have absolutely no desire to ever converse with. | ||
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23714 Posts
On May 19 2015 12:44 [Erasmus] wrote: How do you decide that a girl "looks" interesting? I may be (am) a total cynic, but there's a lot more to what I'd be interested in than simply what a girl looks like. There are plenty of fairly attractive girls I have absolutely no desire to ever converse with. I would say when a girl isn't easily identified as trying to imitate some trend. Or she is mixing them in ways that are unusual or interesting to you. Maybe she's wearing a 50's style dress with a Mario Bros. tattoo, or Maybe she is Black wearing a Nirvana shirt and designer jeans carrying a bag from the As seen on TV store, just some random thing that makes you want to ask them a genuine question (though I wouldn't open with "why is a black person wearing a Nirvana shirt?" or something lol). EDIT: His explanation seems different though. | ||
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
On May 17 2015 19:25 puerk wrote: Why would you think that? I am just telling you that your argument is weak and unspecific. While it is true that i do not currently have a girlfriend, i have a women of interest with mutual feelings, with whom i try to build a relationship. the feelings of liking are mutual, but the relationship building apparently is not. so.... i would like to retract that. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On May 19 2015 12:44 [Erasmus] wrote: How do you decide that a girl "looks" interesting? I may be (am) a total cynic, but there's a lot more to what I'd be interested in than simply what a girl looks like. There are plenty of fairly attractive girls I have absolutely no desire to ever converse with. The same way you determine if a book looks interesting based on the cover. Then you read it and find out if there's any substance to it. | ||
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