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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 12 2015 07:04 Mikau wrote:
This online dating thing isn't working out so well for me.
Currently like 0 for 15, with 2 replies saying "really nice message but you're not my type", and the rest no reply. It's getting increasingly hard to send genuine messages.
But hey, at least I'm making an effort. That's more than I can say for myself over the past 25 years.
Reminds me of applying for jobs, lol. At first you're really selective and genuine, but at a certain point you just want to succeed.
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On May 12 2015 07:04 Mikau wrote:
This online dating thing isn't working out so well for me.
Currently like 0 for 15, with 2 replies saying "really nice message but you're not my type", and the rest no reply. It's getting increasingly hard to send genuine messages.
But hey, at least I'm making an effort. That's more than I can say for myself over the past 25 years.
Sample size is too small and maybe you are only sending messages to girls who are more attractive than you are. You should just open it up every day and force yourself to send out 2-3 messages to any girl who looks like 1) she might be fun to hang out and 2) you might be attracted to her. The key word is "might."
You should expect a 1 in 10 or even lower odds for reply. At this point it's probably just bad luck you've gotten zero hits.
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iirc the stats that okc gave in one of their blogs is that guys of even slightly above average atractiveness can expect about a 20% response rate.
Personally, I've tried online dating and it's really just not for me. Too much effort to stand out when I really couldn't care less about a girl I've never met in person.
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Pull up the stat then. I don't believe it.
It's purely a game of numbers. Approach it like a pipeline, as detachedly as possible. You are constantly sending out 3 or 4 sentences to different girls, you get a low response rate, you meet with the ones who respond after 2 or 3 messages, and maybe you get lucky. It's a supplemental thing for an extra free "meet" per week. Obviously getting emotionally invested in anyone you haven't met in person is completely counterproductive.
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For anyone who frequents it, what's your general consensus of the concepts taught in The Red Pill subreddit?
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On May 12 2015 13:37 IgnE wrote:
Pull up the stat then. I don't believe it.
It's purely a game of numbers. Approach it like a pipeline, as detachedly as possible. You are constantly sending out 3 or 4 sentences to different girls, you get a low response rate, you meet with the ones who respond after 2 or 3 messages, and maybe you get lucky. It's a supplemental thing for an extra free "meet" per week. Obviously getting emotionally invested in anyone you haven't met in person is completely counterproductive.
![[image loading]](http://cdn.okcimg.com/blog/your_looks_and_inbox/Replies-Attractiveness-Male-Sender.png)
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/
Not as bad as I remembered, but still 30-40%response rate for above average looking men.
Also keep in mind women's perception of male attractiveness is also very skewed:
![[image loading]](http://cdn.okcimg.com/blog/your_looks_and_inbox/Female-Messaging-Curve.png)
On May 12 2015 14:14 kaykaykay wrote:
For anyone who frequents it, what's your general consensus of the concepts taught in The Red Pill subreddit?
I've read some of it. I saw one post on there that said something along the lines of "TRP is like a buffet, pick what you like and apply it to your life and discard the rest." There's some things to be learned from there, but you have to weed through a lot of misogyny and bullshit.
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On May 12 2015 07:28 [Phantom] wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2015 07:04 Mikau wrote:
This online dating thing isn't working out so well for me.
Currently like 0 for 15, with 2 replies saying "really nice message but you're not my type", and the rest no reply. It's getting increasingly hard to send genuine messages.
But hey, at least I'm making an effort. That's more than I can say for myself over the past 25 years. Hmmm could you share a little more details about that? Whats the message you are sending? Do you send the message first? I didn't understand the "0 for 15" thing.
I meant an 0 for 15 response rate. I basically look through profile pics, and every time I see someone I might be physically attracted to I read their profile. If they then seem like a person I might also like emotionally/intellectually I send them a message. Messages usually are something along the lines of hey/how's it going/how are you <name>, and then 1 or 2 things I noticed about her profile/she has in common with me/I found interesting, commented on it (trying to compliment her on it), and then asking an open question about them. I try not to comment on looks (apart from one or two, who had written so little that my message was literally something like "you have hypnotic eyes, I'd like to drown in them over coffee".). I'm not really doing the thing where you ask completely random questions that are supposed to make you stand out/look quirky, so far everything I've sent out has been genuine.
On May 12 2015 08:49 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2015 07:04 Mikau wrote:
This online dating thing isn't working out so well for me.
Currently like 0 for 15, with 2 replies saying "really nice message but you're not my type", and the rest no reply. It's getting increasingly hard to send genuine messages.
But hey, at least I'm making an effort. That's more than I can say for myself over the past 25 years. Sample size is too small and maybe you are only sending messages to girls who are more attractive than you are. You should just open it up every day and force yourself to send out 2-3 messages to any girl who looks like 1) she might be fun to hang out and 2) you might be attracted to her. The key word is "might." You should expect a 1 in 10 or even lower odds for reply. At this point it's probably just bad luck you've gotten zero hits.
I honestly have never rated my own looks and how they relate to the looks of girls. I don't really subscribe to the "she's out of my league" thing, I've only messaged girls I found attractive, but they don't have to be universally attractive. Though they might be, I don't know.
I'm not really getting emotionally invested in anybody in particular, but the lack of response isn't doing wonders for my ego :p At this point I just wish I knew what it was, if it's just variance or if there's something genuinely wrong with my profile, looks or the messages I send.
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Also maybe OKC is dead now because of tumblr and everything is just a cruel farce.
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How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her.
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On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her.
Did you have her and lose her, leave her, she's been got/taken before you acted, 'friendzoned', just rejected, which one/s?
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On May 12 2015 14:20 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2015 07:28 [Phantom] wrote:On May 12 2015 07:04 Mikau wrote:
This online dating thing isn't working out so well for me.
Currently like 0 for 15, with 2 replies saying "really nice message but you're not my type", and the rest no reply. It's getting increasingly hard to send genuine messages.
But hey, at least I'm making an effort. That's more than I can say for myself over the past 25 years. Hmmm could you share a little more details about that? Whats the message you are sending? Do you send the message first? I didn't understand the "0 for 15" thing. I meant an 0 for 15 response rate. I basically look through profile pics, and every time I see someone I might be physically attracted to I read their profile. If they then seem like a person I might also like emotionally/intellectually I send them a message. Messages usually are something along the lines of hey/how's it going/how are you <name>, and then 1 or 2 things I noticed about her profile/she has in common with me/I found interesting, commented on it (trying to compliment her on it), and then asking an open question about them. I try not to comment on looks (apart from one or two, who had written so little that my message was literally something like "you have hypnotic eyes, I'd like to drown in them over coffee".). I'm not really doing the thing where you ask completely random questions that are supposed to make you stand out/look quirky, so far everything I've sent out has been genuine.
So you see someone you "might be physically attracted to" and then you proceed to not tell them that...
Seems like you're not being genuine really - if there's something you like about her, definitely tell her.
Cut the filler bullshit "hey/how's it going/how are you <name>" Instead start with "Name!" and then tell her what you like about her, physical or not and how it makes you feel, keep it funny, direct, unique and lighthearted and see how that goes.
Online dating is all about the numbers anyways as there's no way to tell if there's chemistry until you meet someone. So don't hold back, tell them why you think they might be awesome ask them for a phone number quickly and when you're starting out go for quantity over quality.
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On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her.
Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved.
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On May 14 2015 19:21 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved.
Talking to girls on the street, asking them out? Almost all the women i know, find that creepy or annoying. On the street, they are not hanging out, they are doing something (going to work, uni, shopping etc) and are not in de mood or looking for that kind of attention.
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On May 14 2015 19:31 puerk wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 19:21 LemOn wrote:On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved. Talking to girls on the street, asking them out? Almost all the women i know, find that creepy or annoying. On the street, they are not hanging out, they are doing something (going to work, uni, shopping etc) and are not in de mood or looking for that kind of attention.
My current girlfriend has been on a date with a guy who asked her out on the street. She found it showed great confidence. It can definitely work, but requires them to have good time and you to not be creepy.
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It is definitly not for someone who does not have the urge to do it by himself. Doing it because of outside influence (forum advice) will just be forced and weird, and will have frustrating and terrible results (as most women are not accessible in unmotivated situations on the street).
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On May 14 2015 20:04 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 19:31 puerk wrote:On May 14 2015 19:21 LemOn wrote:On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved. Talking to girls on the street, asking them out? Almost all the women i know, find that creepy or annoying. On the street, they are not hanging out, they are doing something (going to work, uni, shopping etc) and are not in de mood or looking for that kind of attention. My current girlfriend has been on a date with a guy who asked her out on the street. She found it showed great confidence. It can definitely work, but requires them to have good time and you to not be creepy.
If a girl finds you attractive its confidence, if not, its creepy.
Just imagine if the 50shades of grey guy was a unwashed hobo. The female outcry about those books would have shattered the earth.^^
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On May 14 2015 16:03 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Did you have her and lose her, leave her, she's been got/taken before you acted, 'friendzoned', just rejected, which one/s?
Rejected, sort of. We train muay thai together and she's always friendly and smiling, I asked her out but she's always just "busy." She's the only girl that actually makes me feel nervous, so I don't have the same air of confidence around her. I imagine either that's the reason, or the age gap is too significant for her (my 24 to her 19) which I can understand. Whatever the reason I'm trying to move on but no one compares.
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On May 14 2015 20:04 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 19:31 puerk wrote:On May 14 2015 19:21 LemOn wrote:On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved. Talking to girls on the street, asking them out? Almost all the women i know, find that creepy or annoying. On the street, they are not hanging out, they are doing something (going to work, uni, shopping etc) and are not in de mood or looking for that kind of attention. My current girlfriend has been on a date with a guy who asked her out on the street. She found it showed great confidence. It can definitely work, but requires them to have good time and you to not be creepy.
Yeah, you're limiting yourself to the same social circle/club scene if you just get girls at parties - and since the guy was hung up on one girl for 2 years and the dates he was on weren't working out he should definitely try to widen his circle if the girls he's taking out aren't doing it for him.
And I don't know about you I definitely wouldn't mind if a girl walked up to me, told me she just had to come over because I look like a really interesting guy and she'd like to grab a coffee sometime. Then just smiled and walked away if I said no and showed closed body language. No matter if I say yes or no if I were busy/didn't like her - would you really find that creepy?
And women usually respond the same way, if you just go up to them and are just straight up honest calm, and laid back. And if they tell you to fuckoff - so what. You weren't with her before then and you're not with her now.
Besides, it never really happens, girls hate confrontation so they will virtually always shoot you down nicely
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On May 14 2015 20:19 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On May 14 2015 20:04 Ghostcom wrote:On May 14 2015 19:31 puerk wrote:On May 14 2015 19:21 LemOn wrote:On May 14 2015 15:41 Najda wrote:
How do you deal with the fact that you can't have someone? I've had feelings for this girl for almost two years and they just don't go away. I haven't even talked to her or seen her in 8 months, I've been on dates with other girls, but still I'm always stuck on her. Meet more people, push yourself out of your comfort zone if it means talking to girls you find attractive on the street and asking them out, so be it. You'll eventually find one that knocks your socks off, problem solved. Talking to girls on the street, asking them out? Almost all the women i know, find that creepy or annoying. On the street, they are not hanging out, they are doing something (going to work, uni, shopping etc) and are not in de mood or looking for that kind of attention. My current girlfriend has been on a date with a guy who asked her out on the street. She found it showed great confidence. It can definitely work, but requires them to have good time and you to not be creepy. Yeah, you're limiting yourself to the same social circle/club scene if you just get girls at parties - and since the guy was hung up on one girl for 2 years and the dates he was on weren't working out he should definitely try to widen his circle and the girls he's taking out aren't doing it for him. And I don't know about you I definitely wouldn't mind if a girl walked up to me, told me she just had to come over because I look like a really interesting guy and she'd like to grab a coffee sometime. No matter if I say yes or no if I were busy - would you really find that creepy?
Your experiences seem pretty far from most women getting approached on the street. Are you actually positing that there is 0 imbalance in social norms between gender on approachability?
I would also like if a women would approach me because i rarely get this kind of attention. Those women i referenced get attention to often, and randomly approached in the streets is just annoying. That makes a huge difference...
And women usually respond the same way, if you just go up to them and are just straight up honest calm, and laid back. And if they tell you to fuckoff - so what. You weren't with her before then and you're not with her now.
Besides, it never really happens, girls hate confrontation so they will virtually always shoot you down nicely
I have the feeling there is a severe selection bias at play here. Almost all the women i talk to classify a huge chunk of random on the street approaches as creepy/annoying.
Just because you never experienced it does not mean that none of the women you approached thought this way, or that everyone else will make the same experience as you.
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On May 14 2015 20:11 puerk wrote:
It is definitly not for someone who does not have the urge to do it by himself. Doing it because of outside influence (forum advice) will just be forced and weird, and will have frustrating and terrible results (as most women are not accessible in unmotivated situations on the street).
Yeah,no. The frustrating and terrible result in 99% means "no thank you" and you walking away. Actually feeling good about summoning the courage to do it. But if you never see girls you find interesting when you go shopping, or waiting for the bus, or just walking down the street then sure, no point in doing it.
I find the best dating material girls often are not in the club or party scene often though - and there you face large competition for them/are drinking yourself anyways. They are focused on their life like the Muai Thai chick mentioned, studying etc. And only way to get to them unless they are in your social circle in the first place is to meet them in other settings.
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EPT
