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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 31 2014 10:54 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 10:39 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 10:22 NewSunshine wrote:On May 31 2014 10:18 Xiphos wrote:
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point. Uh, yeah I get it. Did you miss the part where I said they have bigger shit to worry about than being themselves? I don't know why you're getting so caught up in stuff like semantics, just so you can win an argument. I don't know how you could tell me with a straight face that "be yourself" is a strictly literal expression, and I don't know why you're picking an extreme example to show why this literal application of an abstract expression proves that you're right. Whatever dude, go have fun. Its not exactly an "extreme" though... For example there are many people on the Earth who are simply "shy" or "soft spoken" that won't speak up their mind and then ended up getting screwed by the authority figures or otherwise. This happened time and again in history. So there are a huge percentage of people that needs to reevaluate their personality to cease unfairness from occurring.
I just don't want to see people not reaching their full potential. I guess I'm being vilified for it.... No, it's an extreme. People who go around killing other people have something very wrong with them, and should get help whether they want it or not. Shy and soft-spoken people are the ones who need to let go of their insecurities and be themselves, because they're normal people just like the rest of us. I still have no idea what you're trying to argue, and the bold part doesn't help, seriously, what are you talking about?
The argument was that should people embrace for who they are or not. Yes there was extreme examples but there are also your average guy examples that aren't living their full potential due to their silence. That's what I'm trying to argue and you seem to agree that there are "normal" beings' current self have insecurities so they need to change to get rid of those. So yeah glad to see everybody on the same page.
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On May 31 2014 10:59 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 10:54 NewSunshine wrote:On May 31 2014 10:39 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 10:22 NewSunshine wrote:On May 31 2014 10:18 Xiphos wrote:
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point. Uh, yeah I get it. Did you miss the part where I said they have bigger shit to worry about than being themselves? I don't know why you're getting so caught up in stuff like semantics, just so you can win an argument. I don't know how you could tell me with a straight face that "be yourself" is a strictly literal expression, and I don't know why you're picking an extreme example to show why this literal application of an abstract expression proves that you're right. Whatever dude, go have fun. Its not exactly an "extreme" though... For example there are many people on the Earth who are simply "shy" or "soft spoken" that won't speak up their mind and then ended up getting screwed by the authority figures or otherwise. This happened time and again in history. So there are a huge percentage of people that needs to reevaluate their personality to cease unfairness from occurring.
I just don't want to see people not reaching their full potential. I guess I'm being vilified for it.... No, it's an extreme. People who go around killing other people have something very wrong with them, and should get help whether they want it or not. Shy and soft-spoken people are the ones who need to let go of their insecurities and be themselves, because they're normal people just like the rest of us. I still have no idea what you're trying to argue, and the bold part doesn't help, seriously, what are you talking about? The argument was that should people embrace for who they are or not. Yes there was extreme examples but there are also your average guy examples that aren't living their full potential due to their silence. That's what I'm trying to argue and you seem to agree that there are "normal" beings' current self have insecurities so they need to change to get rid of those. So yeah glad to see everybody on the same page.
...what?
Sorry people, this thread got derailed hardcore, probably not worse than PUA talk and the like though.
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He's arguing that his beliefs are so fundamentally true that other people need to change because of them while you're trying to be an authority figure with random hits in random directions instead of recognizing this.
I just don't want to see people not reaching their full potential.
(...) so they need to change to get rid of those.
I hate to see people getting frustrated because of lack of change.
There is a fine line between offering someone a hand (because you're confident that your knowledge and skills can help someone in a specific situation) and being frustrated because they don't take your offer. The latter implies that there is some god-given purpose to your case which gives you the right to claim what other people's priorities have to be instead of themselves. In reality it is, quite frankly, none of your business. You're not entitled to other people believing you.
Don't cross that line. It makes you neither sexy in the realm of dating, nor likable in the realm of social interaction.
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Wow, still hung on the same "debate" I see. People should stop pointing at the moon, all this guy seems to see is the finger. And yes Xiphos, by that, I mean you're an idiot.
Anyway, back to the topic. Something "interesting" and quite painful happened last night.
I've been with this girl, for 8/9 months now, and it was going great. Better and better actually.
I won't get into details, but last 2 weeks, my desire for relationships in general was going down, and something happened last night which made the balance tip. So there we were, having a long pillow talk about ending it there.
It's crazy, desires. Nothing rational about that. I still like her a lot, but still not much to be done to preserve our thing. At least we kinda agreed on splitting being the better way.
Still hurts. I guess this is never easy once you're invested with someone. Oh well...
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Northern Ireland23772 Posts
Yeah I had that with my last relationship, my rational thinking and my irrational 'feelings' were in pretty awkward conflict lol.
Add to that the stress of recently becoming parents and it wasn't a healthy relationship for a whole bunch of reasons. I'd wanted to pick it up for a while but just completely lost patience.
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You just had a child ? That mustn't help.. How did you both manage if it's not too personal ?
Edit : nvm, stupid question I guess. Your post still cheered me up a bit, so thanks !
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It's tough but sometimes you have to let your rationality overrule your feelings.
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On May 31 2014 18:17 Cynry wrote:
Wow, still hung on the same "debate" I see. People should stop pointing at the moon, all this guy seems to see is the finger. And yes Xiphos, by that, I mean you're an idiot.
- Unable to write refutable arguments
- Gets frustrated.
- Ad hominem ensures.
Quality posting.
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I lost track of what they were arguing about a long time ago, isn't the mod note up top suppose to deterr this sort of thing?
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I've had this issue about rational vs irrational before and not found th thread to be particularly helpful regarding it. Still, I feel for you as I broke up with a girl whom I knew was wrong for me and am still feeling kinda shitty about it.
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On June 01 2014 04:37 phyren wrote:
I've had this issue about rational vs irrational before and not found th thread to be particularly helpful regarding it. Still, I feel for you as I broke up with a girl whom I knew was wrong for me and am still feeling kinda shitty about it.
Why are you feeling "shitty" about it? What is it that she was offering you that you have to feel such a way? I'm curious.
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She was offering the obvious: sex, companionship, care, etc. We were wrong for each other, and we both knew it, but it was still enjoyable while it lasted and changing hurts.
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How long has it been phyren ? It's ok to feel shitty for a while imo (it's a loss after all), but at some points there's probably something wrong with you (not in a mean sense) if you still feell bad about it. Is it guilt or something like that ?
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Northern Ireland23772 Posts
On May 31 2014 19:24 Cynry wrote:
You just had a child ? That mustn't help.. How did you both manage if it's not too personal ?
Edit : nvm, stupid question I guess. Your post still cheered me up a bit, so thanks !
Haha no problem, long story short I wanted to put the effort in and she didn't to focus on degree and other things, no particularly hard feelings aside from the obvious.
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It hasn't been all that long; about 3 weeks I think. Actually, the issue I'm having now is that I'm not sure what sort of terms to be on with her. I've tried to be nice and stay friends, but a part of me also is like "who gives a fuck?" It's not like we will see or talk to each other if we don't make it a point to do so. Also, some of the same reasons we broke up make me not sure how much I'd value her as a friend anyway.
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On May 31 2014 19:23 Wombat_NI wrote:
Yeah I had that with my last relationship, my rational thinking and my irrational 'feelings' were in pretty awkward conflict lol.
Add to that the stress of recently becoming parents and it wasn't a healthy relationship for a whole bunch of reasons. I'd wanted to pick it up for a while but just completely lost patience.
Man, compared to you we're all just baking small potatoes.
Having a kid is such a massive game-changer. Do you have to take the little one into consideration when you chose your dates? Like, would you not date a total psycho because you fear adverse effects for your kid.
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On June 01 2014 05:58 phyren wrote:
It hasn't been all that long; about 3 weeks I think. Actually, the issue I'm having now is that I'm not sure what sort of terms to be on with her. I've tried to be nice and stay friends, but a part of me also is like "who gives a fuck?" It's not like we will see or talk to each other if we don't make it a point to do so. Also, some of the same reasons we broke up make me not sure how much I'd value her as a friend anyway.
Seems like you don't really want her as a friend to start with. Do you ?
Haha no problem, long story short I wanted to put the effort in and she didn't to focus on degree and other things, no particularly hard feelings aside from the obvious.
I guess I misspoke... Was wondering about how did the baby influence the spliting process ? Seems like a whole other level of rational/irational going on when you're a parent.
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On June 01 2014 07:22 Cynry wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2014 05:58 phyren wrote:
It hasn't been all that long; about 3 weeks I think. Actually, the issue I'm having now is that I'm not sure what sort of terms to be on with her. I've tried to be nice and stay friends, but a part of me also is like "who gives a fuck?" It's not like we will see or talk to each other if we don't make it a point to do so. Also, some of the same reasons we broke up make me not sure how much I'd value her as a friend anyway. Seems like you don't really want her as a friend to start with. Do you ?
I would have liked her as one because I would have hoped she'd have some insight after having been so close to me, but, after having been so close with her, I don't think she does have that insight.
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Northern Ireland23772 Posts
On June 01 2014 06:30 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 19:23 Wombat_NI wrote:
Yeah I had that with my last relationship, my rational thinking and my irrational 'feelings' were in pretty awkward conflict lol.
Add to that the stress of recently becoming parents and it wasn't a healthy relationship for a whole bunch of reasons. I'd wanted to pick it up for a while but just completely lost patience. Man, compared to you we're all just baking small potatoes. Having a kid is such a massive game-changer. Do you have to take the little one into consideration when you chose your dates? Like, would you not date a total psycho because you fear adverse effects for your kid.
Dates, what are dates?
It's mostly hypotheticals ATM, my life is too hectic for such things but naturally I wouldn't let a psycho near young Minibat. I suppose it is a game changer in that I have to get my shit together instead of being the archetypal intelligent underachiever. Long term benefits in that sense, and he's pretty cool as spawns go .
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Ok, so a while back(about a month or so ago) my Asian friend whom i met online and we hung out cuddled/had sex etc etc creeped on my twitter and saw like a comment or two from me being negative about shit we talked about(totally harmless venting and shit) and got real mad and now i think she hates me :<
I was real douchey about the entire thing when she told me to just tell her shit in the future(not really douchey but didnt apologize) then she promptly deletes me from fb and says some mean things.
Recently it has sunk in that i fucked up and really want to make her not mad at me again but i am totally unsure of how to do this.
Whats the best way to suck up and get her to be friends with me again D:.
I have texted her a couple times since but she only responded to like one and said she had a boyfriend(which was totes bullshit) and the other time i cant even remember what i said so that ones up in the air.
how to fix?
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