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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On May 31 2014 02:11 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 01:34 Cynry wrote:On May 31 2014 01:09 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 00:35 Cynry wrote:On May 31 2014 00:25 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 00:21 chadissilent wrote:On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. That's not being yourself, that's being a lazy piece of shit. You don't have to pretend to be someone else to get off your ass, go for a run, and take a shower. Being yourself = stay in the current state. It should be be the best version of yourself. If you are not confident, don't continue to fail by doing the same thing as before, change it up. So you gotta always be willing to change yourself for the better. "Be yourself" is kind of like the worst advice you can ever give someone because you are unwilling to truly get to the depth of the person's failure thus end up hurting him in the long run. That's not how I see the "be yourself" advice. It is not about staying the same, but stopping to pay attention to thoughts like "what will people think of me if I do/say X". It's doing stuff for you, because you want them, and not because you feel obligated to do them for a reason. Although you are not wrong (improving oneself is something more people should thrive for), you don't give the idea of being yourself enough credit/thinking imo. Edit : just read some posts above, and I disagree about being different kind of intelligence. Saying that is mixing talent and intelligence, which are different things, although they can express themselves in similar ways at the superficial level. Say that you want to get X amount of money in order to Y and Z things. You find that you need to do A and/or B and/or C in order to achieve your goal. But however those task requires a lot of effort to pull it off which average human wouldn't do. So in order to get what you want, you have to do things that you don't want to do but you have to do them for long term success. "Being yourself" only works if you are an already successful, well-made, and charismatic man. Everything requires a premise to set it up. That's like saying "Oh I want to pull off the Bisu build....but I don't want to practice any of that high multitasking 300 APM StarCraft..." So yeah "being yourself", "works". Only for the few people up there on the top. But for the majority of the people, its a terrible advice. That's a very different situation from what I was thinking though, maybe I didn't make myself clear. I guess the misinterpretated part was "doing stuff because you want it, not because you feel obligated to do so". I wasn't talking about how you achieve your goals (which, by the way, are things you want to achieve, what you are talking about is how people hierarchize their goals, different story), but how you act in your everyday life. Let's give some exemples. When one feels the need to seduce woman, is it because he desires it, or because he wants to fit into the HE-MAN heterosexual norm ? When he is being nice to them, is it because that is how he feels about people in general, or does he feel obligated to treat women as princess ? Maybe not the best exemples, I tried to stay on topic, but I hope my point is clearer now. From a more personal perspective, being myself was stoping to act around what I thought people were expecting of me, so this is what I understand when people gives that advice. Now, I realise only giving this advice without explanations doesn't do much good, and in no way it contradicts the fact that I try to get better at being myself everyday (because it is something that I want). The way I see is that people change. Your person of yesterday isn't the same person of today and your person of tomorrow is not the same person of today. So this makes "being yourself" very blurry. Are you trying to be yourself of last week? Last year? 2 years ago? Or currently? We are constantly changing, evolving, and adapting to the surrounding environment. Sometime when you tried to accomplish a certain thing in a certain method but it doesn't work. So you think of another method. This means you are are changing. And if you are currently making mistakes in your current self and then found a solution, you are in fact, stripping away your old self and reinventing yourself. I hate to see people getting frustrated because of lack of change. I've personally descended into that madness multiple of time and it was absolutely onerous to escape from its grasp, all because I wasn't constantly on my toes to react properly.
I think we're getting somewhere :D
Seems like you think "being yourself" = "match an idea of yourself" be it of last week, last year, or even an idealistic view of what you should be. None of this is what I would mean if I were to give that advice.
Being yourself, to me, is more about expressing your "true nature", not overthinking stuff, just going with the flow, and most importantly, your flow. Which indeed implies changing, adapting etc. It is not matching a fixed idea, it is stopping to even have ideas about yourself and "just live".
Edit : Dude, maybe stop trying so hard to be right by using the basic meaning of words. "Being yourself" is a concept when used that way, not just the combination of be+you. Going your way it wouldn't even be possible not to be yourself, but that is not what we are talking about here.
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On May 31 2014 02:29 Cynry wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 02:11 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 01:34 Cynry wrote:On May 31 2014 01:09 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 00:35 Cynry wrote:On May 31 2014 00:25 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 00:21 chadissilent wrote:On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. That's not being yourself, that's being a lazy piece of shit. You don't have to pretend to be someone else to get off your ass, go for a run, and take a shower. Being yourself = stay in the current state. It should be be the best version of yourself. If you are not confident, don't continue to fail by doing the same thing as before, change it up. So you gotta always be willing to change yourself for the better. "Be yourself" is kind of like the worst advice you can ever give someone because you are unwilling to truly get to the depth of the person's failure thus end up hurting him in the long run. That's not how I see the "be yourself" advice. It is not about staying the same, but stopping to pay attention to thoughts like "what will people think of me if I do/say X". It's doing stuff for you, because you want them, and not because you feel obligated to do them for a reason. Although you are not wrong (improving oneself is something more people should thrive for), you don't give the idea of being yourself enough credit/thinking imo. Edit : just read some posts above, and I disagree about being different kind of intelligence. Saying that is mixing talent and intelligence, which are different things, although they can express themselves in similar ways at the superficial level. Say that you want to get X amount of money in order to Y and Z things. You find that you need to do A and/or B and/or C in order to achieve your goal. But however those task requires a lot of effort to pull it off which average human wouldn't do. So in order to get what you want, you have to do things that you don't want to do but you have to do them for long term success. "Being yourself" only works if you are an already successful, well-made, and charismatic man. Everything requires a premise to set it up. That's like saying "Oh I want to pull off the Bisu build....but I don't want to practice any of that high multitasking 300 APM StarCraft..." So yeah "being yourself", "works". Only for the few people up there on the top. But for the majority of the people, its a terrible advice. That's a very different situation from what I was thinking though, maybe I didn't make myself clear. I guess the misinterpretated part was "doing stuff because you want it, not because you feel obligated to do so". I wasn't talking about how you achieve your goals (which, by the way, are things you want to achieve, what you are talking about is how people hierarchize their goals, different story), but how you act in your everyday life. Let's give some exemples. When one feels the need to seduce woman, is it because he desires it, or because he wants to fit into the HE-MAN heterosexual norm ? When he is being nice to them, is it because that is how he feels about people in general, or does he feel obligated to treat women as princess ? Maybe not the best exemples, I tried to stay on topic, but I hope my point is clearer now. From a more personal perspective, being myself was stoping to act around what I thought people were expecting of me, so this is what I understand when people gives that advice. Now, I realise only giving this advice without explanations doesn't do much good, and in no way it contradicts the fact that I try to get better at being myself everyday (because it is something that I want). The way I see is that people change. Your person of yesterday isn't the same person of today and your person of tomorrow is not the same person of today. So this makes "being yourself" very blurry. Are you trying to be yourself of last week? Last year? 2 years ago? Or currently? We are constantly changing, evolving, and adapting to the surrounding environment. Sometime when you tried to accomplish a certain thing in a certain method but it doesn't work. So you think of another method. This means you are are changing. And if you are currently making mistakes in your current self and then found a solution, you are in fact, stripping away your old self and reinventing yourself. I hate to see people getting frustrated because of lack of change. I've personally descended into that madness multiple of time and it was absolutely onerous to escape from its grasp, all because I wasn't constantly on my toes to react properly. I think we're getting somewhere :D Seems like you think "being yourself" = "match an idea of yourself" be it of last week, last year, or even an idealistic view of what you should be. None of this is what I would mean if I were to give that advice. Being yourself, to me, is more about expressing your "true nature", not overthinking stuff, just going with the flow, and most importantly, your flow. Which indeed implies changing, adapting etc. It is not matching a fixed idea, it is stopping to even have ideas about yourself and "just live". Edit : Dude, maybe stop trying so hard to be right by using the basic meaning of words. "Being yourself" is a concept when used that way, not just the combination of be+you. Going your way it wouldn't even be possible not to be yourself, but that is not what we are talking about here.
Please see my previous post. It will give you a better understanding of the point being made here.
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That's the post I was refering to with my edit.
I understand your point, and it could be expended into valid a one if you were to tell "calling that "being yourself" is a poor choice of words", but from your post it seems to me that you're just being oblivious to the underlying concept refered to when people say "be yourself".
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On May 31 2014 03:02 Cynry wrote:
That's the post I was refering to with my edit.
I understand your point, and it could be expended into valid a one if you were to tell "calling that "being yourself" is a poor choice of words", but from your post it seems to me that you're just being oblivious to the underlying concept refered to when people say "be yourself".
Listen, I don't like how atm I've stopped workout for 2 weeks.
Currently, I hate my lifestyle that I have classes at nighttime.
I don't like my current lifestyle and I hate going to this classes.
So as now, I don't like the class schedule nor do I appreciate my own laziness.
If I were just being my current "self" and do what I "want", then I would have quit the class and not begin to start jogging in order to get my cardiovascular system active again.
But for my own improvement, I have to escape from this current self and force myself to get through the courses with concentration and I have to tell myself that first thing tomorrow morning is to get some workout accomplished.
"Being yourself", at least in definition is simply being complacent.
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On May 31 2014 03:50 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 03:02 Cynry wrote:
That's the post I was refering to with my edit.
I understand your point, and it could be expended into valid a one if you were to tell "calling that "being yourself" is a poor choice of words", but from your post it seems to me that you're just being oblivious to the underlying concept refered to when people say "be yourself". "Being yourself", at least in definition is simply being complacent.
In definition
Now, forget about the words and their definition, and try to think about the concept that people refers to when using these words. The one I and some others described for almost a whole page now.
If I were to share some of my life, you would see that I used to be a "lazy slob in a basement", doing drugs and video games 24/7. At that time, the disatisfaction was present, but not listened. That was me denying a part of me that wanted something else.
Then I started doing stuff, but with retrospect, it always was to please someone, be it girlfriend, parents, teachers (not in the school environment). Again, that was me denying the need that everyone has to exist as its own entity.
Now, I think I'm in a good spot, I listen to myself, which leads to more disagreement with others, more "no, I don't want to do that", more "hell, let's try that, just because I want to", maybe even this debate is a result of all this. So, for me, finding a way to "be myself" was a salvation, and I don't intend to change strategies.
It does not mean that I will stay the same, it does not mean that it's the thing to do for everyone, does not mean that "being yourself" is a precise way to describe the process. But it is way more than just 2 words put together, and that was my whole point.
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On May 31 2014 03:59 Cynry wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 03:50 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 03:02 Cynry wrote:
That's the post I was refering to with my edit.
I understand your point, and it could be expended into valid a one if you were to tell "calling that "being yourself" is a poor choice of words", but from your post it seems to me that you're just being oblivious to the underlying concept refered to when people say "be yourself". "Being yourself", at least in definition is simply being complacent. In definitionNow, forget about the words and their definition, and try to think about the concept that people refers to when using these words. The one I and some others described for almost a whole page now.
Semantic is very important.
The entire concept of being yourself is also bad advice because it reeks of selfish reasons.
When a friend of mine does meth or coke, will I tell him "Oh, just be yourself man." Is that really helping him? No I'm going to talk to him for hours and hours to convince him the long term downside of such habits and then even pay for his therapeutic treatment.
So yeah the advice of "being yourself" is too vague in application. In order to give advice to people, you need to separate every case by case into specific instructions.
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On May 31 2014 03:59 Cynry wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 03:50 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 03:02 Cynry wrote:
That's the post I was refering to with my edit.
I understand your point, and it could be expended into valid a one if you were to tell "calling that "being yourself" is a poor choice of words", but from your post it seems to me that you're just being oblivious to the underlying concept refered to when people say "be yourself". "Being yourself", at least in definition is simply being complacent. In definitionNow, forget about the words and their definition, and try to think about the concept that people refers to when using these words. The one I and some others described for almost a whole page now.
I think the point is that the words are too vague to be useful without interpretation/clarification, just like any other platitude.
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Yup, I definitely agree about it being too vague. But the underlying principle is still a very powerful tool for self-improvement.
I edited my last post by the way, maybe you'll understand better.
Mh looking back at all this, if you were only saying that "be yourself" isn't a good advice in itself, then yeah, I agree. It's not even something I would say. But underlying concept yadi yada.
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Okay, um, when I mentioned the 'being yourself' line, it wasn't me telling someone to just be themselves, rather highlighting part of what that actually means. Not the same thing. People got carried away.
On May 31 2014 02:22 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On May 31 2014 02:16 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. Be yourself is the best advice you can give someone. It comes from a place of self love, instead of self loathing. It teaches you to pay attention to your needs before anyone else's, by being true to your desires and wants out of life. Are you telling me that the lazy person in basement is being "true" to himself? No he is probably full of regret and hates his situation, but is too lazy to change anything. You give meaning to your own life, and get what you want out of it instead of being brainwashed by others Who are you right now? A lazy slob in basement. That means right NOW you are a lazy slob in basement. Who do you want to be? A person who can handle himself financially and develop sophisticated tastes for life. Is that you right now? No it isn't. Do you want to change yourself? Yes, most certainly. So go ahead and do it. In summary, huge differences between who you are and who do you want to be.
And I get the feeling you grossly misinterpret the common idea underlying the whole 'be yourself' thing. Even though it's incredibly vague, it generally means to just stop sweating the small stuff and get out of your head. It's a personality thing, just get out there and be who you really are. Whether you're nicely cleaned up or a slobby piece of shit has nothing to do with that, that's hygiene. I feel like you're just trying to be right about something, I dunno why. The idea of embracing your personality without getting hung up on what other people think of you is the single most important thing you can impart to someone, it's just that it's really hard to actually explain.
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I don't mean to brag, but I had a five hour date yesterday and I don't know what kind of mobile phone she has.
My heart is all aflutter!
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"Be yourself" just means not pretending to be someone you aren't, imo.
I think that's good advice; you won't get very far into a relationship if you're faking major parts of your persona. It doesn't mean you shouldn't improve yourself. It just means that the self-improvement needs to actually happen.
The part that changes is the "yourself", not who you're trying to "be" at a given moment.
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On May 31 2014 06:31 NewSunshine wrote:Okay, um, when I mentioned the 'being yourself' line, it wasn't me telling someone to just be themselves, rather highlighting part of what that actually means. Not the same thing. People got carried away. Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 02:22 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On May 31 2014 02:16 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. Be yourself is the best advice you can give someone. It comes from a place of self love, instead of self loathing. It teaches you to pay attention to your needs before anyone else's, by being true to your desires and wants out of life. Are you telling me that the lazy person in basement is being "true" to himself? No he is probably full of regret and hates his situation, but is too lazy to change anything. You give meaning to your own life, and get what you want out of it instead of being brainwashed by others Who are you right now? A lazy slob in basement. That means right NOW you are a lazy slob in basement. Who do you want to be? A person who can handle himself financially and develop sophisticated tastes for life. Is that you right now? No it isn't. Do you want to change yourself? Yes, most certainly. So go ahead and do it. In summary, huge differences between who you are and who do you want to be. And I get the feeling you grossly misinterpret the common idea underlying the whole 'be yourself' thing. Even though it's incredibly vague, it generally means to just stop sweating the small stuff and get out of your head. It's a personality thing, just get out there and be who you really are. Whether you're nicely cleaned up or a slobby piece of shit has nothing to do with that, that's hygiene. I feel like you're just trying to be right about something, I dunno why. The idea of embracing your personality without getting hung up on what other people think of you is the single most important thing you can impart to someone, it's just that it's really hard to actually explain.
Yes don't sweat over the small stuff but you still need to understand to not make those tiny mistakes for the future.
And in regarding to personality, let's look at Elliot Rodger's. He has an unhappy, anti-social personality and BECAUSE of such personalities, he end up murdering a bunch of people. Tell him to continue living without getting hung up on what other people think of yourself is ABSOLUTELY detrimental not only to his personal health but the ones surrounding him.
On May 31 2014 07:25 Belisarius wrote:
"Be yourself" just means not pretending to be someone you aren't, imo.
I think that's good advice; you won't get very far into a relationship if you're faking major parts of your persona. It doesn't mean you shouldn't improve yourself. It just means that the self-improvement needs to actually happen.
The part that changes is the "yourself", not who you're trying to "be" at a given moment.
Yeah you won't get far into a relationship if you are faking the MAJORITY part of your persona but you still got to constantly change your persona in small segments incrementally to improve yourself, thus still changing yourself.
You might even HAVE to change yourself for the sake of your partner in your relationship. Say that you have low self control over your reproductive organs and the girlfriend hold her pussy in hostage because she wants you to change your innocuous habits that you've developed over the years or that she won't talk to you because of a certain specific thing you've said "bothered" here.
From the above example, if you want to keep dating her, then you are backed into a corner due to those demands. Believe me, those relationship last a long time when the man in the relationship quit being a man and let his penis do the bidding instead.
And perhaps those changes are BENEFICIAL to you stated by your partner. In that case, you are in a healthy relationship with the partners constantly try to improve the other. This relationship also last a long time.
So no, changes in relationship don't necessarily mean that it will be short-lived.
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On May 31 2014 09:06 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 06:31 NewSunshine wrote:Okay, um, when I mentioned the 'being yourself' line, it wasn't me telling someone to just be themselves, rather highlighting part of what that actually means. Not the same thing. People got carried away. On May 31 2014 02:22 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On May 31 2014 02:16 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. Be yourself is the best advice you can give someone. It comes from a place of self love, instead of self loathing. It teaches you to pay attention to your needs before anyone else's, by being true to your desires and wants out of life. Are you telling me that the lazy person in basement is being "true" to himself? No he is probably full of regret and hates his situation, but is too lazy to change anything. You give meaning to your own life, and get what you want out of it instead of being brainwashed by others Who are you right now? A lazy slob in basement. That means right NOW you are a lazy slob in basement. Who do you want to be? A person who can handle himself financially and develop sophisticated tastes for life. Is that you right now? No it isn't. Do you want to change yourself? Yes, most certainly. So go ahead and do it. In summary, huge differences between who you are and who do you want to be. And I get the feeling you grossly misinterpret the common idea underlying the whole 'be yourself' thing. Even though it's incredibly vague, it generally means to just stop sweating the small stuff and get out of your head. It's a personality thing, just get out there and be who you really are. Whether you're nicely cleaned up or a slobby piece of shit has nothing to do with that, that's hygiene. I feel like you're just trying to be right about something, I dunno why. The idea of embracing your personality without getting hung up on what other people think of you is the single most important thing you can impart to someone, it's just that it's really hard to actually explain. Yes don't sweat over the small stuff but you still need to understand to not make those tiny mistakes for the future. And in regarding to personality, let's look at Elliot Rodger's. He has an unhappy, anti-social personality and BECAUSE of such personalities, he end up murdering a bunch of people. Tell him to continue living without getting hung up on what other people think of yourself is ABSOLUTELY detrimental not only to his personal health but the ones surrounding him.
lol, what? If you're dealing with someone who's so messed up he starts going around shooting a bunch of people, advice on how to get with a woman by embracing who you are is the least of his needs, first you have to deal with the part of his brain that's broken, because remember, he FUCKING SHOT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. It's like I'm trying to explain how to tell better jokes, and you retort by saying that Muslim extremists who bomb buildings shouldn't be able to tell good jokes. I just... what? Obviously what I'm saying has nothing to do with these people, they have other shit to worry about.
Also, I have no idea what you're on about with the concept of self. Just because you work to improve yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't embrace the personality within you. I have no idea what you're actually arguing here.
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On October 09 2011 15:43 Dice17 wrote:
Well I dated a girl about 4 years ago and it only took her becoming and whore and an attention crazy person and bitch for everyone to realize she is retarded and I have had to deal with shit for the last 4 years including getting cockblocked in front of girls I like. so.... I guess that would be the worst relationship Ive been in
I just saw this on the first page. I wonder how this guy is doing. Dice17, are you out there?
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On May 31 2014 07:15 SixStrings wrote:
I don't mean to brag, but I had a five hour date yesterday and I don't know what kind of mobile phone she has.
My heart is all aflutter!
I'm fucking floored that someone didn't look at their phone for five hours. You should give her a medal.
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She left it at home on accident.
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On May 31 2014 09:55 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 09:06 Xiphos wrote:On May 31 2014 06:31 NewSunshine wrote:Okay, um, when I mentioned the 'being yourself' line, it wasn't me telling someone to just be themselves, rather highlighting part of what that actually means. Not the same thing. People got carried away. On May 31 2014 02:22 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On May 31 2014 02:16 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On May 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:On May 30 2014 12:52 NewSunshine wrote:On May 30 2014 11:22 chadissilent wrote:
There are different kinds of intelligence. Having a good math grade doesn't make you intelligent, it makes you good at math. Social intelligence/awareness is as important, or even more important, than technical intelligence. People that come across as dumb or aloof may well be totally aware of everything but are filtering out what they deem unimportant. This allows them to be more "in the moment" as a result of their efficient filtering rather than "picking up girls because they're dumb." Exactly, you can be intelligent as a person, very much so, and one facet of that intelligence can be knowing how to carry yourself in social circumstances, and it can come from experience. Mentally holding back in certain ways, because you're aware that the alternative makes you prone to being awkward or off-putting, can be a skill that serves one quite well. The cliffnotes of all this crap, I guess, is just be yourself and don't overthink it. Basically what everyone since the beginning of time keeps saying. But for some it takes practice, perhaps even everyone. It also takes perspective. So if you are currently living in your mother basement, have a beer bully, no job or in the process of educating yourself for a profession and having egregious hygiene; you should just "be yourself"? You gotta at least make yourself presentable and be able to have enough survival skills to make it your own. Its a ladder that you need to constantly climb in order to upgrade yourself. Be yourself is the best advice you can give someone. It comes from a place of self love, instead of self loathing. It teaches you to pay attention to your needs before anyone else's, by being true to your desires and wants out of life. Are you telling me that the lazy person in basement is being "true" to himself? No he is probably full of regret and hates his situation, but is too lazy to change anything. You give meaning to your own life, and get what you want out of it instead of being brainwashed by others Who are you right now? A lazy slob in basement. That means right NOW you are a lazy slob in basement. Who do you want to be? A person who can handle himself financially and develop sophisticated tastes for life. Is that you right now? No it isn't. Do you want to change yourself? Yes, most certainly. So go ahead and do it. In summary, huge differences between who you are and who do you want to be. And I get the feeling you grossly misinterpret the common idea underlying the whole 'be yourself' thing. Even though it's incredibly vague, it generally means to just stop sweating the small stuff and get out of your head. It's a personality thing, just get out there and be who you really are. Whether you're nicely cleaned up or a slobby piece of shit has nothing to do with that, that's hygiene. I feel like you're just trying to be right about something, I dunno why. The idea of embracing your personality without getting hung up on what other people think of you is the single most important thing you can impart to someone, it's just that it's really hard to actually explain. Yes don't sweat over the small stuff but you still need to understand to not make those tiny mistakes for the future. And in regarding to personality, let's look at Elliot Rodger's. He has an unhappy, anti-social personality and BECAUSE of such personalities, he end up murdering a bunch of people. Tell him to continue living without getting hung up on what other people think of yourself is ABSOLUTELY detrimental not only to his personal health but the ones surrounding him. lol, what? If you're dealing with someone who's so messed up he starts going around shooting a bunch of people, advice on how to get with a woman by embracing who you are is the least of his needs, first you have to deal with the part of his brain that's broken, because remember, he FUCKING SHOT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. It's like I'm trying to explain how to tell better jokes, and you retort by saying that Muslim extremists who bomb buildings shouldn't be able to tell good jokes. I just... what? Obviously what I'm saying has nothing to do with these people, they have other shit to worry about. Also, I have no idea what you're on about with the concept of self. Just because you work to improve yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't embrace the personality within you. I have no idea what you're actually arguing here.
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point.
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On May 31 2014 10:18 Xiphos wrote:
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point.
Uh, yeah I get it. Did you miss the part where I said they have bigger shit to worry about than being themselves?
I don't know why you're getting so caught up in stuff like semantics, just so you can win an argument. I don't know how you could tell me with a straight face that "be yourself" is a strictly literal expression, and I don't know why you're picking an extreme example to show why this literal application of an abstract expression proves that you're right. Whatever dude, go have fun.
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On May 31 2014 10:22 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 10:18 Xiphos wrote:
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point. Uh, yeah I get it. Did you miss the part where I said they have bigger shit to worry about than being themselves? I don't know why you're getting so caught up in stuff like semantics, just so you can win an argument. I don't know how you could tell me with a straight face that "be yourself" is a strictly literal expression, and I don't know why you're picking an extreme example to show why this literal application of an abstract expression proves that you're right. Whatever dude, go have fun.
Its not exactly an "extreme" though...
For example there are many people on the Earth who are simply "shy" or "soft spoken" that won't speak up their mind and then ended up getting screwed by the authority figures or otherwise. This happened time and again in history. So there are a huge percentage of people that needs to reevaluate their personality to cease unfairness from occurring.
I just don't want to see people not reaching their full potential. I guess I'm being vilified for it....
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On May 31 2014 10:39 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On May 31 2014 10:22 NewSunshine wrote:On May 31 2014 10:18 Xiphos wrote:
The point is that there are people with harmful personality and those people need to change for their own sake to not descend into vicious cycles of madness. Please make sure that you understand this point. Uh, yeah I get it. Did you miss the part where I said they have bigger shit to worry about than being themselves? I don't know why you're getting so caught up in stuff like semantics, just so you can win an argument. I don't know how you could tell me with a straight face that "be yourself" is a strictly literal expression, and I don't know why you're picking an extreme example to show why this literal application of an abstract expression proves that you're right. Whatever dude, go have fun. Its not exactly an "extreme" though... For example there are many people on the Earth who are simply "shy" or "soft spoken" that won't speak up their mind and then ended up getting screwed by the authority figures or otherwise. This happened time and again in history. So there are a huge percentage of people that needs to reevaluate their personality to cease unfairness from occurring.
I just don't want to see people not reaching their full potential. I guess I'm being vilified for it....
No, it's an extreme. People who go around killing other people have something very wrong with them, and should get help whether they want it or not.
Shy and soft-spoken people are the ones who need to let go of their insecurities and be themselves, because they're normal people just like the rest of us. I still have no idea what you're trying to argue, and the bold part doesn't help, seriously, what are you talking about?
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EPT
