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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 26 2011 05:19 arbitrationus wrote:
Im gonna say this once, cuz I genuinly feel bad for alot of you posting here, but dont want to argue endlessly with anyone about my opinion so here goes.
Dating is not a matter of luck or not. Getting girls YOU WANT is not a matter of chance. Having options to choose from (and not being desperate losers) is all in your control.
Im not calling everyone here a loser. Im saying that Ive read some pretty pathetic posts, and that it actually saddens me to see them, I genuinly feel bad for those posters who I wont single out by name : (
You want chicks? You want to not be forever alone? Its not a science, its very simple.
BE ATTRACTIVE. THAT IS IT. GIRLS ARE NOT ATRRACTED TO YOU DUDE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. AND UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTREDAME, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU TO BE UNATTRACTIVE OTHER THEN YOUR OWN LAZINESS. GIRLS SEE HOW YOU APPEAR, THAT IS THEIR FIRST IMPRESSION. IF YOU ARE UNATTRACTIVE, YOU COULD BE THE SWEETEST LITTLE CUPCAKE IN THE WORLD AND IT WONT MATTER. YOUR CONFIDENCE WILL SUFFER, YOUR APPEARENCE IS ALREADY SUFFERING, AND THEY WILL CHOOSE NOT TO SUFFER A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
Steps to take:
1) Go the gym 4-6 times in a week. Learn how to excercise, learn how to lift weights. Do that. Get off your lazy butt and do it. Get in pristine shape, the best possible shape you could push yourself to.
2) Buy new clothes. Dont wear your Team Liquid limited edition headband and underwear unless youve got muscle underneath it. Wear clothes that are cool looking and fashionable.
3) Come back here and message me. I challenge ANYONE here to do what I just suggested, (getting in good shape and taking care of your looks) and show me that theyre still failing in the dating department. I guarantee you, right here right now, you will see what you have been missing all along.
Why do douchebag guys get the girls all the time? 9 times out of 10, its cuz they look good. Period.
All that confidence and swag comes with being confident in your appearence. You can be an intellectually competent dude and fellow Starcraft player, but if you look like trash the girls will keep treating you as such.
Im not trolling, and I hope you dudes seriously take what I said into consideration. I myself am personally striving to be the most attractive I can be (even though Ive been in a relationship for 8 years or so), and the increasing attention I get outside of my relationship is definetly becoming a confidence booster.
I cant believe I went for so long thinking of a billion reasons why I wasnt paid attention too. And it was as simple as that, if your ugly and unattractive why should you expect to have girls grovel for you?
Look good, and you will feel good, the ladies who start to ask YOU for time should be enough evidence of that.
I would not consider myself a shallow guy at all and as much as it pains me to say this, this post has as lot of truth to it. I don't think it explains it all, but it is definitely a great place to start. Girls really do pay attention to how you treat your body.
I would like to expand upon this post a bit with some other details that MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD and that are things that won't take 6 days a week in the gym to accomplish.
1. SHOWER - this might sound really self explanatory but you have no idea how much BO deters women, and how often I see guys trying to pick up girls when they are smelling bad. Wow it is unreal, be honest with yourself and if you have even the slightest BO make sure you are taking regular showers and using a scented deodorant. Seriously, if you smell bad say good by to your girl prospects. And if you have a bo problem just keep a small stick of deodorant or cologne (don't use too much! and dont use AXE unless your 13 years old please) in your bag/car/pocket.
2. Physical Hygiene. this is another one that seems pretty easy but so many people don't follow it (myself included at times). You don't have to get a fresh hair cut every week but groom yourself up a bit. If you have long nails/dirt underneath them get red of them. Make sure your hair isn't greasy. Wear decent clothes... you don't always have to be dressed up but don't present yourself in an unappealing manner. I know you may love your old baneling shirt that you game in all the time but don't wear that out when you are looking to talk to girls.
I think the above post does a good job talking about getting in shape but I have to say I would start with a lot of running! Running with tone you up and help remove any fat you have. A tone body is a winning body as far as women are concerned.
Lets talk a little bit about conversational topics.
1. I know that we all love our nerdy topics, including starcraft. This does not mean that you should bring these topics up in small talk with girls. Girls really don't mind nerdiness, they really dont (mostly)! BUT most girls don't want to be bombarded with nerdiness as a conversation starter. Girls will find your nerdiness cute later... when you introduce them to it ... later... but if you open up a conversation talking about starcraft or chemistry or whatever else girls are going to take it as too much. It is just a part of our culture.
This is not to say that you should hide your personality though. Just sensor yourself a little bit at first.
While different people have different ideas of what works best when talking to girls my style is to be observant, patient, and humorous. Some people swear by aggressive approaches in conversation. For me, this just seems really ineffective as you may end up pissing off/ creeping girls out. (also seems kind of of d-bagish) I like to take a friendly approach to the situation. Talk a bit, learn some information about her, remember it, and bring it back up later in the form of a joke or slight tease. You would be very surprised by how much girls notice when you remember things that they said or did. Girls really like directed attention. Yeah sure you could walk up to 100 girls and say the same thing to all of them and maybe get a couple responses but thats very generic with a low success rate. Plus how would you ever know that you are talking to a girl that you would actually have an interest in 6 months or 2 years down the road? I feel like a personal approach is much better. Yeah, it requires a bit more work but if you actually want to talk to a girl it should be easy to do.
Bah this has just turned into ramblings by this point.
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I've liked the same girl for six years. I am in close contact with her every single day but can only talk to her on the internet. For about two years we instant messaged 2-3 hours a day. My senior year in high school I shared math class with her and we were literally the only two kids there and I couldn't say a word because of my social anxiety disorder.
But its ok because I just got masters league bitches
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Going to the gym has very little to do with scoring girls. It only works as long as you don't open your mouth.
It's all in the way you talk to them.
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On November 02 2011 01:17 Krowser wrote:
Going to the gym has very little to do with scoring girls. It only works as long as you don't open your mouth.
It's all in the way you talk to them.
Agreed, but I would say it definately does help. I'm a short guy, only 5'8, so I do lift 3-4 times a week to bulk up a little, but as long as your not like super skinny or overweight you really don't need to go to the gym to pick up girls. I have two buddies who are 5'11 with average builds who never go to the gym and they have no problem picking up girls. Good conversation will trump being all ripped pretty much all the time. Yea some girls are attracted to "juicehead gorillas" (jersy shore lol) but really do you want a girl that is THAT superficial? In fact, most girls I talk to say they are turned off by the juicehead steriod types.
I guess it depends on what your natural body type is. Yea if your all overweight it will defininately be a turn off, but if you have a normal average build it's not neccessary to get all "jacked" to get girls...
Still it definately doesn't hurt to have a muscular build and for me it boosts my confidence also so it can be worth it..
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In regards to working out, it goes along the concept of "sexy stereotype" from BradP fashion book. You can work your game to increase slight attraction from the general populous of girls OR you can work your game to significantly attract a small population of girls, but turn off the rest.
For example:
1. Working out to stay lean and in shape = slight attraction to most girls.
2. Being a jacked mofo meat head = super attraction to a small subset of girls, but turn off the rest.
Which one is better? That depends. You certainly don't have time to get all of them, what if you had time to only get one? The sexy stereotype may have an advantage. Lets say there are 1000 girls in your vicinity, and the sexy stereotype turns on 2% of them significantly, but turns off 98%. You still have 20 girls to work you game. And the other 980? Who cares... I don't like looking like a meathead so I just look the way I want to look.
You shouldn't work out specifically just for the girl, you should do it for yourself. I personally check out myself more than I check out other girls. When you know your body is elite, then you look at other girls from an equal footing. When you have good stats, you don't come from a value taking frame.
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MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
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I am 22 and so far I haven't been in a serious relationship - all the women I find attractive happen to be in relationships of their own. At some point, I was like "let's try to do something about it", and I devoted three damn years trying to separate a hot and smart girl from her totally hopeless and pathetic boyfriend. Guess what, three years wasted. After I gave up, they miraculously broke up and she had another jerk soon after.
And I'm not even in master's league : /
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I've found that as long as you're rather good looking #1 doesn't matter. I fit that nice guy stereotype but have never had any issues with getting women 
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I'm married so...
.. Dating is not going so well for me
ha..
I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love my wife, and my daughter and have a great time w/ them.
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On November 02 2011 04:02 Krowser wrote:.
And ANY guy can learn how...
lol
"any guy can learn how..."
*doesnt explain a damn thing about it*
way to just copy paste from what sounds like some kind of internet infomercial
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"any guy can learn how"
but statistically 95% will fail.
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On November 01 2011 15:41 eVolvE342 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2011 05:19 arbitrationus wrote:
Im gonna say this once, cuz I genuinly feel bad for alot of you posting here, but dont want to argue endlessly with anyone about my opinion so here goes.
Dating is not a matter of luck or not. Getting girls YOU WANT is not a matter of chance. Having options to choose from (and not being desperate losers) is all in your control.
Im not calling everyone here a loser. Im saying that Ive read some pretty pathetic posts, and that it actually saddens me to see them, I genuinly feel bad for those posters who I wont single out by name : (
You want chicks? You want to not be forever alone? Its not a science, its very simple.
BE ATTRACTIVE. THAT IS IT. GIRLS ARE NOT ATRRACTED TO YOU DUDE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. AND UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTREDAME, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU TO BE UNATTRACTIVE OTHER THEN YOUR OWN LAZINESS. GIRLS SEE HOW YOU APPEAR, THAT IS THEIR FIRST IMPRESSION. IF YOU ARE UNATTRACTIVE, YOU COULD BE THE SWEETEST LITTLE CUPCAKE IN THE WORLD AND IT WONT MATTER. YOUR CONFIDENCE WILL SUFFER, YOUR APPEARENCE IS ALREADY SUFFERING, AND THEY WILL CHOOSE NOT TO SUFFER A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
Steps to take:
1) Go the gym 4-6 times in a week. Learn how to excercise, learn how to lift weights. Do that. Get off your lazy butt and do it. Get in pristine shape, the best possible shape you could push yourself to.
2) Buy new clothes. Dont wear your Team Liquid limited edition headband and underwear unless youve got muscle underneath it. Wear clothes that are cool looking and fashionable.
3) Come back here and message me. I challenge ANYONE here to do what I just suggested, (getting in good shape and taking care of your looks) and show me that theyre still failing in the dating department. I guarantee you, right here right now, you will see what you have been missing all along.
Why do douchebag guys get the girls all the time? 9 times out of 10, its cuz they look good. Period.
All that confidence and swag comes with being confident in your appearence. You can be an intellectually competent dude and fellow Starcraft player, but if you look like trash the girls will keep treating you as such.
Im not trolling, and I hope you dudes seriously take what I said into consideration. I myself am personally striving to be the most attractive I can be (even though Ive been in a relationship for 8 years or so), and the increasing attention I get outside of my relationship is definetly becoming a confidence booster.
I cant believe I went for so long thinking of a billion reasons why I wasnt paid attention too. And it was as simple as that, if your ugly and unattractive why should you expect to have girls grovel for you?
Look good, and you will feel good, the ladies who start to ask YOU for time should be enough evidence of that. I would not consider myself a shallow guy at all and as much as it pains me to say this, this post has as lot of truth to it. I don't think it explains it all, but it is definitely a great place to start. Girls really do pay attention to how you treat your body. I would like to expand upon this post a bit with some other details that MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD and that are things that won't take 6 days a week in the gym to accomplish. 1. SHOWER - this might sound really self explanatory but you have no idea how much BO deters women, and how often I see guys trying to pick up girls when they are smelling bad. Wow it is unreal, be honest with yourself and if you have even the slightest BO make sure you are taking regular showers and using a scented deodorant. Seriously, if you smell bad say good by to your girl prospects. And if you have a bo problem just keep a small stick of deodorant or cologne (don't use too much! and dont use AXE unless your 13 years old please) in your bag/car/pocket. 2. Physical Hygiene. this is another one that seems pretty easy but so many people don't follow it (myself included at times). You don't have to get a fresh hair cut every week but groom yourself up a bit. If you have long nails/dirt underneath them get red of them. Make sure your hair isn't greasy. Wear decent clothes... you don't always have to be dressed up but don't present yourself in an unappealing manner. I know you may love your old baneling shirt that you game in all the time but don't wear that out when you are looking to talk to girls. I think the above post does a good job talking about getting in shape but I have to say I would start with a lot of running! Running with tone you up and help remove any fat you have. A tone body is a winning body as far as women are concerned. Lets talk a little bit about conversational topics. 1. I know that we all love our nerdy topics, including starcraft. This does not mean that you should bring these topics up in small talk with girls. Girls really don't mind nerdiness, they really dont (mostly)! BUT most girls don't want to be bombarded with nerdiness as a conversation starter. Girls will find your nerdiness cute later... when you introduce them to it ... later... but if you open up a conversation talking about starcraft or chemistry or whatever else girls are going to take it as too much. It is just a part of our culture. This is not to say that you should hide your personality though. Just sensor yourself a little bit at first. While different people have different ideas of what works best when talking to girls my style is to be observant, patient, and humorous. Some people swear by aggressive approaches in conversation. For me, this just seems really ineffective as you may end up pissing off/ creeping girls out. (also seems kind of of d-bagish) I like to take a friendly approach to the situation. Talk a bit, learn some information about her, remember it, and bring it back up later in the form of a joke or slight tease. You would be very surprised by how much girls notice when you remember things that they said or did. Girls really like directed attention. Yeah sure you could walk up to 100 girls and say the same thing to all of them and maybe get a couple responses but thats very generic with a low success rate. Plus how would you ever know that you are talking to a girl that you would actually have an interest in 6 months or 2 years down the road? I feel like a personal approach is much better. Yeah, it requires a bit more work but if you actually want to talk to a girl it should be easy to do. Bah this has just turned into ramblings by this point.
Beyond health (which includes not being fat) and hygiene, appearance actually matters very little. Yes, it's good to be confident while not arrogant and a little outspoken while not annoying, because people in general, not just girls, feel comfortable around those types of people. In terms of actual success in long term relationships and not just "getting girls" . . . . well it really depends on how well the personality of the other person matches with yours.
In fifty years, we'll all look like shit.
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On November 02 2011 05:09 couches wrote:lol "any guy can learn how..." *doesnt explain a damn thing about it* way to just copy paste from what sounds like some kind of internet infomercial
Sorry, I had the same reaction when I read that letter 10 months ago.
The guy's name is Dave Di Angello, get some of his books or subscribe to his newsletter. He gives very simple examples of how to be ''Cocky and Funny'', which is a very successful technique that I've used to charm my girlfriend.
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On November 02 2011 05:34 Krowser wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2011 05:09 couches wrote:On November 02 2011 04:02 Krowser wrote:.
And ANY guy can learn how... lol "any guy can learn how..." *doesnt explain a damn thing about it* way to just copy paste from what sounds like some kind of internet infomercial Sorry, I had the same reaction when I read that letter 10 months ago. The guy's name is Dave Di Angello, get some of his books or subscribe to his newsletter. He gives very simple examples of how to be ''Cocky and Funny'', which is a very successful technique that I've used to charm my girlfriend.
There you go man. Now people interested can follow up instead of just go "wha?"
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Luck has been pretty good lately but I have not taken advantage. I don't plan on dating until after university. It is just not a priority. I had my fun back in high school. I have had to turn down 2 dates in the past month. I will admit I don't normally have woman be so bold as ask me out most of the time they are more subtle about it and it doesn't happen so frequently.
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How's my luck?
We dated for 4 days, had sex 2 outta four of those days with out a condom. We broke up and never talked to each other again, and now 4 months later i get a phone call from her saying "I'm pregnant".
yea.....................
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She just said she likes me as a friend.
I just cheesed 1-1-1d three times in a row, and im not stopping. Her fault.
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Just some back ground info. I'm 20 years old and my dating life has been pretty dry for the past 3 years. I'm pretty introverted but not like... Never talk with people etc.
This chick in my Chem Lab class gave me a Mix CD about a few weeks ago that was clearly asking me out... We went out on 2 dates on the last one kissed her, all cute you know : P. I thought it was going well... I had fallen head over heels for her by now. Shes quirky, fun, attractive, someone I could be myself around. I thought she felt the same, we talked for 3 hours on the phone once, just talking and laughing. I have hard enough time talking with people for 30 mins.
I was going to ask her if she wanted to take the relationship to the next level, bf/gf. I tried calling her for a few days with no return calls. When I woke up today I checked facebook... Shes now in a relationship with some other guy.
I feel devastated, was I to slow? friend zoned myself? I don't understand : (
edit: Let alone shes still my Lab partner.... Its going to be so awkward on Monday.
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On November 05 2011 21:39 Gleve wrote:
Just some back ground info. I'm 20 years old and my dating life has been pretty dry for the past 3 years. I'm pretty introverted but not like... Never talk with people etc.
This chick in my Chem Lab class gave me a Mix CD about a few weeks ago that was clearly asking me out... We went out on 2 dates on the last one kissed her, all cute you know : P. I thought it was going well... I had fallen head over heels for her by now. Shes quirky, fun, attractive, someone I could be myself around. I thought she felt the same, we talked for 3 hours on the phone once, just talking and laughing. I have hard enough time talking with people for 30 mins.
I was going to ask her if she wanted to take the relationship to the next level, bf/gf. I tried calling her for a few days with no return calls. When I woke up today I checked facebook... Shes now in a relationship with some other guy.
I feel devastated, was I to slow? friend zoned myself? I don't understand : (
edit: Let alone shes still my Lab partner.... Its going to be so awkward on Monday.
Something similar happened to me once,, xD talk about a punch in the face xD
Haven't been on a date in a looong time,, been thinking about getting back into it,, i wonder how it will go xD
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EPT
