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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 27 2011 09:59 Pretty Aluminum wrote:My girl story. + Show Spoiler +I am a really introverted guy. I’m 17 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’ve never even hugged a girl outside of my mother. I don’t really talk to girls at all and when I do it comes off as extremely awkward and I typically just make a fool of myself. I don’t go to any parties because I think I will have to talk to girls there and I try to avoid all social events. Whenever I’m with my group of friends and a girl walks up to it and starts talking I normally look at my shoes and just stand there not saying anything until she is gone.
The only time I’ve been around a girl for extended period of time outside of school was when I went to my friends Halloween party last year. Typically when my friend has parties he doesn’t really invite girls and it’s more of a guy’s only thing. This year however he invited a bunch of girls and it was extremely awkward for me the entire night. I remember just sitting in his basement with half of my friends drunk (I don’t drink so I can’t use that to help take away my nerves) not being able to talk about anything. My hands were sweaty as can be. I just sat there dead silent.
Occasionally a group of my friends would come over to me and talk to me for a couple of minutes before getting up to talk or to dance or to drink, but usually I was just alone on the couch not drinking sitting there with a stupid smile on my face like I had just had a really funny conversation with somebody. So finally I get up and walk over to the table where all the food is at. He’s got like some chips laid out and some other snacks. So I start eating a couple and that is when it happens. Four of the girls just run up to me and start dancing around me. I just stood there. There was literally nothing I could do there to stop myself from looking like a loser.
Eventually after like a minute of me not moving and not saying anything they all walked away and everyone at the party was just laughing at me. It was humiliating. I just sat back down on the couch waited like ten minutes and then pretending I got a call and had to take off. That way nobody would think I left just because of the girls dancing around me. After that I stopped going to parties. I stopped talking to girls. And I started despising everyone person I know in real life.
Most introverted people are intelligent,  I don't think you despise anyone really, deep down you despise yourself maybe? It would be wise to take up some form of recreational activity, I hope you are well coordinated, martial arts really helps with self confidence (surely you are familiar with MMA?).
Also I recommend you read a book called 'The Game' by Neil Strauss, it might help with your approach to women, also alcohol in moderation has been proven to be good for you, 5-10 standard drinks would help you open up mate. 
You need to be more ruthless, it seems you wear your heart on your sleeve. If you're no good at dancing, don't dance. If you want to improve your dancing go to night clubs and force it upon yourself. It is far easier than you think .
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+ Show Spoiler +I am a really introverted guy. I’m 17 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’ve never even hugged a girl outside of my mother. I don’t really talk to girls at all and when I do it comes off as extremely awkward and I typically just make a fool of myself. I don’t go to any parties because I think I will have to talk to girls there and I try to avoid all social events. Whenever I’m with my group of friends and a girl walks up to it and starts talking I normally look at my shoes and just stand there not saying anything until she is gone.
The only time I’ve been around a girl for extended period of time outside of school was when I went to my friends Halloween party last year. Typically when my friend has parties he doesn’t really invite girls and it’s more of a guy’s only thing. This year however he invited a bunch of girls and it was extremely awkward for me the entire night. I remember just sitting in his basement with half of my friends drunk (I don’t drink so I can’t use that to help take away my nerves) not being able to talk about anything. My hands were sweaty as can be. I just sat there dead silent.
Occasionally a group of my friends would come over to me and talk to me for a couple of minutes before getting up to talk or to dance or to drink, but usually I was just alone on the couch not drinking sitting there with a stupid smile on my face like I had just had a really funny conversation with somebody. So finally I get up and walk over to the table where all the food is at. He’s got like some chips laid out and some other snacks. So I start eating a couple and that is when it happens. Four of the girls just run up to me and start dancing around me. I just stood there. There was literally nothing I could do there to stop myself from looking like a loser.
Eventually after like a minute of me not moving and not saying anything they all walked away and everyone at the party was just laughing at me. It was humiliating. I just sat back down on the couch waited like ten minutes and then pretending I got a call and had to take off. That way nobody would think I left just because of the girls dancing around me. After that I stopped going to parties. I stopped talking to girls. And I started despising everyone person I know in real life.
Dood thats the saddest thing I have ever read. I hate it for you that you feel like you cant open up and even make small talk with other people. Can I ask you a serious question? What is the difference in talking to one of you close friends and a random person (be it a chick or a guy)? Take those feelings of "I have nothing interesting to say" or "No one is gonna care about that" and throw that shit out the window. I was an introvert for a long time as well. I say i was because I am in sales now and I cannot afford to be. I had a situation like this happen to me once as well. Similar setup I was nervous not doing anything or saying anything at this party and these chicks PULLED me onto the dance floor thingy and started dancing on me. The difference is that for some reason I had an epiphany that night and just started letting loose! All of a sudden the next day these chicks were all comfortable with me and wanted to hang out and introduce me to their friends and this eventually led to lots of new friendships and dating experiences in college.
STOP DESPISING LIFE AND EVERYONE IN IT~!
The more you hate the less your gonna feel like talking/interacting with people, and the less you feel like talking/interacting with people the more your gonna hate.
protip: The next time you are sitting there staring at your shoes and a girl tries to talk to you. Say " I Like you shoes" (act like you were looking at hers and try not to be creepy just friendly)
girls go through ALOT of effort to make sure what they are wearing impresses people. Say this and watch how the conversation unfolds!
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On October 27 2011 05:02 Disciple7 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 26 2011 10:50 The KY wrote:On October 26 2011 10:40 Disciple7 wrote:I started talking to this girl at work for about a week. Mostly texting, we've never hung out. Then she posted this gem of a status on FB: "If you can't get someone out of your head, then maybe they're supposed to be there " My friend is going out with her friend. He told me it was about me, since I told him to ask. Help. The fuck, you don't need help. Keep texting, ask her to hang out. No doubt she already knows you told your friend to ask whether it was about you. Seriously, no doubt at all, girls tell eachother everything like that. You're in, keep going, don't pussy out, ask her out for coffee or food or something. To all the responses in general. Am I the only one that views that status as negative? There is NO WAY she should be that into me right now. I think the problem is the fact that I was just talking to her cause she's mildly hot... I have no feelings whatsoever right now, so the fact that she likes me already just puts me off. I've had a few girlfriends and none of them have ever fallen for me THAT fast. Maybe I'm the one being weird, should that NOT put me off? Also if this helps for perspective on the situation: I'm 17.
I don't think anyone can tell you what you should think of the situation, but putting you off sounds like you're going to take the avoidance path and hope it goes away. If you're not interested and she continues to pursue you, you're going to have to be straight up and tell her NICELY you're not interested, and leave the "but we can still be friends" crap out of it. That will happen if it's supposed to, but no one likes hearing that. If you're put off by it then you're put off by it, but don't lead her on, and if you know you'll never be interested, tell her you're not (cause once you do, that's usually it lol).
You'll find some women that jump in both feet without a second thought (your case), and others who you might ask out, call and won't hear back from for weeks leaving you wondering what the hell is going on. They're both extremes which is why they both don't generally feel "right" (your case can be overwhelming, latter there's a lot of uncertainty) so you've got to make a decision and stick to it.
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Pretty Aluminum, work on being sociable to anybody you come across throughout your daily life. Doesn't matter if you don't like hw they look or anything. Doesn't matter if you are in a shitty environment like that party. Make the best of it. I'm sure at least one of the girls there could feel a lot like you do(or has in the past) but has a different attitude about how to deal with it.
If you are used to being social with random nobodies then that will break you out of your comfort zone. Which can help you become less nervous around ladies your age. Though you'll still be super nervous around ladies until you learn to stop being so desperate for having one to be involved in. Breaking out of that comfort zone will even help with social dynamics in the workplace and school for the rest of your life. So...it's good to get that awkwardness outta the wya early on dude.
Your attitude was your own worst enemy that night.
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While "The Game" has entertainment value, I wouldn't use it for pickup material. First of all, that shit is old and is no longer relevant in terms of attracting women. Second, I'd recommend going to http://postmasculine.com/ which is a way better site for becoming attractive as it teaches you to be authentic and confident without bullshit material.
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havent dated for over a year  I'm 19 about to turn 20 in dec. So sad lol
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On October 28 2011 09:31 JujuXG wrote:havent dated for over a year I'm 19 about to turn 20 in dec. So sad lol
dont be sad, you should honestly date someone who you feel a connection with, rather then someone who you feel is just a "girlfriend" to you. It makes things feel just that more especial.
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Was forced to do partner work with a girl for my communication class (required in college, really?). Anxiety level was almost nonexistant. Then today had huge anxiety when buying pens from cashier. Ugh this anxiety is so random sometimes.
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On October 28 2011 14:00 adacan wrote:
Was forced to do partner work with a girl for my communication class (required in college, really?). Anxiety level was almost nonexistant. Then today had huge anxiety when buying pens from cashier. Ugh this anxiety is so random sometimes.
drink more water, anxiety is a chemical reaction your brain has when you feel stressed in any way, when you're full hydrated, and by this i mean, when you use the bathroom it will make its self vary apprent. Your brain wont feel NEARLY as stressed.
unless that is, it's clinical in which case, like every abnormality, from the major to the arbitrary, there is a medicine for that.
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F***ing finally! Ive went on 3 internet dates in total and the 3rd is the charm it seems. The first two were pretty heartbreaking as Ive written in this thread, but now this one is different and it feels like we both are in love (: Im going to her place for the weekend and I dont see how it can fail after we've seen eachother once and had fun ect.
And to the people who think that the look is everything, no its not. Im a bit overweight I think and so, but I can talk to people because Im hmm "oversocial".. Just go talk to girls and dont think about it too much and everything will be fine! Relax and most importantly be yourself.
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Man, I feel old. I've been married for about 5 years now to an incredibly smart and beautiful girl .
You guys have to eventually realize that girls can only be attracted to somebody that has confidence in themselves (of course there are rare exceptions). If you don't like you, why should they?
Throughout high school I never dated anybody, never had any outward self-confidence and eventually distanced myself from pretty much anybody I knew in high school to start exploring the real world. High school dating vs long-term typically doesn't work out because you need to grow up before you are really going to find a truly long-lasting relationship. As a matter of fact, I don't socialize with anybody I did in High School because the real world is such a different place and it will naturally distance you from people you really don't have much or anything in common with.
I guess what I'm getting at is that dating can be fun and cute and stir up all sorts of emotion around high school and early college (high school part 2), but you won't really learn much until you truly become confident in yourself and let your interests take you places other than your basement and your school.
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On October 27 2011 09:59 Pretty Aluminum wrote:My girl story. + Show Spoiler +I am a really introverted guy. I’m 17 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’ve never even hugged a girl outside of my mother. I don’t really talk to girls at all and when I do it comes off as extremely awkward and I typically just make a fool of myself. I don’t go to any parties because I think I will have to talk to girls there and I try to avoid all social events. Whenever I’m with my group of friends and a girl walks up to it and starts talking I normally look at my shoes and just stand there not saying anything until she is gone.
The only time I’ve been around a girl for extended period of time outside of school was when I went to my friends Halloween party last year. Typically when my friend has parties he doesn’t really invite girls and it’s more of a guy’s only thing. This year however he invited a bunch of girls and it was extremely awkward for me the entire night. I remember just sitting in his basement with half of my friends drunk (I don’t drink so I can’t use that to help take away my nerves) not being able to talk about anything. My hands were sweaty as can be. I just sat there dead silent.
Occasionally a group of my friends would come over to me and talk to me for a couple of minutes before getting up to talk or to dance or to drink, but usually I was just alone on the couch not drinking sitting there with a stupid smile on my face like I had just had a really funny conversation with somebody. So finally I get up and walk over to the table where all the food is at. He’s got like some chips laid out and some other snacks. So I start eating a couple and that is when it happens. Four of the girls just run up to me and start dancing around me. I just stood there. There was literally nothing I could do there to stop myself from looking like a loser.
Eventually after like a minute of me not moving and not saying anything they all walked away and everyone at the party was just laughing at me. It was humiliating. I just sat back down on the couch waited like ten minutes and then pretending I got a call and had to take off. That way nobody would think I left just because of the girls dancing around me. After that I stopped going to parties. I stopped talking to girls. And I started despising everyone person I know in real life.
Saddest post ever. With only 2 posts I don't know if this is real or not but I hope not. My advice would try and make friends online to actually keep up somewhat of a social life. Skype, not in game typing or anything like that. Eventually, I hope you will get more confortable keeping a conversation that you can talk to girls and not feel self conscious. Saying the best way to get girls is confidence and actually going to a party without drinking and being confident is hard for most guys because it forces them to change their personality. I hope you will break out of this mold that your in though.
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On October 28 2011 09:31 JujuXG wrote:havent dated for over a year I'm 19 about to turn 20 in dec. So sad lol
Avoid dating mate, you need to increase your sexual potency for when you should be dating (around the age of 25, given you've got a career job and you're looking into purchasing a home). But until then, stick to one night stands.
Don't waste your time and money now, you should be travelling around the world, experiencing women of different cultures.
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What's with the stream advertisement at the bottom of the OP?
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On October 29 2011 07:29 Kibibit wrote:
What's with the stream advertisement at the bottom of the OP?
Cause I get paid a nickel for every person who asks about it. thanks, i can now feed my family a packet of ramen tonight :D
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Love is overrated. Also not everyone can be good looking or have great personalities. I would have to say I am towards the bottom of the barrel in all departments, but I have contentedly resigned myself to my quotidian circumstances
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I'm not a good looking guy. I'm short. I have lots of acne scars. I'm overweight. I watch My Little Pony without shame.
But dating is going great. Once I finally figured it out, it became easy. If I wanted the woman of my dreams, I'd have a better chance if I worked on myself first. So I focused on leveling up myself. Both my career and my confidence. I waited until I was 30 before I started looking seriously. Until then, I just fooled around.
Great success. My fiance has a Ph.D. in engineering and makes six figures. When I was in my early 20s, women like her wouldn't even look twice at me. It all came down to confidence and the career to back it up. Having a great career is like a cheat code for dating. All the confidence in the world doesn't matter if you're unemployed or work at Burger King. At least for a guy with my body!
Unfortunately, there is a downside to waiting so long:
+ Show Spoiler +
Poll: When do you plan on getting married?Never (13) 43% 30+ (9) 30% 25-29 (6) 20% 20-24 (2) 7% <20 (0) 0% 30 total votes Your vote: When do you plan on getting married? (Vote): <20
(Vote): 20-24
(Vote): 25-29
(Vote): 30+
(Vote): Never
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On October 29 2011 07:24 meatbox wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2011 09:31 JujuXG wrote:havent dated for over a year I'm 19 about to turn 20 in dec. So sad lol Avoid dating mate, you need to increase your sexual potency for when you should be dating (around the age of 25, given you've got a career job and you're looking into purchasing a home). But until then, stick to one night stands. Don't waste your time and money now, you should be travelling around the world, experiencing women of different cultures.
Yeah second this, I'm 20 and I came out of a on-and-off relationship of just under 3 years (when I was 18) and told myself I wouldn't get into another relationship for ages (and was having a ball being single) yet 6 months later I found myself in a relationship again...been there for 18 months and she is awesome so I wasn't going to turn her down just for the sake of being single, but goddamn I miss being single sometimes. My mates went to Thailand for about 4-5 weeks a couple of months ago and told me all the fun they had meeting new people over there, hooking with 6 different girls some nights and it made me sad as hell.
TLDR: it is hypocritical of me saying this but seriously there is plenty of time to settle down when you are older, enjoy being single in your teenage years/early 20s, the babes will stay the same age whilst you keep getting older, may as well have a crack at them whilst you are in your prime!
Also don't listen to whoever said read 'The Game'...as interesting as it may be its all horseshit lol most women are smart enough to see through that crap, you are much better off learning to build confidence in a more natural way (as in being confident with yourself) instead of using shitty magic tricks and palm reading trying to be someone that you are not.
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On October 27 2011 09:59 Pretty Aluminum wrote:My girl story. + Show Spoiler +I am a really introverted guy. I’m 17 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’ve never even hugged a girl outside of my mother. I don’t really talk to girls at all and when I do it comes off as extremely awkward and I typically just make a fool of myself. I don’t go to any parties because I think I will have to talk to girls there and I try to avoid all social events. Whenever I’m with my group of friends and a girl walks up to it and starts talking I normally look at my shoes and just stand there not saying anything until she is gone.
The only time I’ve been around a girl for extended period of time outside of school was when I went to my friends Halloween party last year. Typically when my friend has parties he doesn’t really invite girls and it’s more of a guy’s only thing. This year however he invited a bunch of girls and it was extremely awkward for me the entire night. I remember just sitting in his basement with half of my friends drunk (I don’t drink so I can’t use that to help take away my nerves) not being able to talk about anything. My hands were sweaty as can be. I just sat there dead silent.
Occasionally a group of my friends would come over to me and talk to me for a couple of minutes before getting up to talk or to dance or to drink, but usually I was just alone on the couch not drinking sitting there with a stupid smile on my face like I had just had a really funny conversation with somebody. So finally I get up and walk over to the table where all the food is at. He’s got like some chips laid out and some other snacks. So I start eating a couple and that is when it happens. Four of the girls just run up to me and start dancing around me. I just stood there. There was literally nothing I could do there to stop myself from looking like a loser.
Eventually after like a minute of me not moving and not saying anything they all walked away and everyone at the party was just laughing at me. It was humiliating. I just sat back down on the couch waited like ten minutes and then pretending I got a call and had to take off. That way nobody would think I left just because of the girls dancing around me. After that I stopped going to parties. I stopped talking to girls. And I started despising everyone person I know in real life.
i'm 20 and i've never kissed a girl, because i don't give a fuck. i'm not bad looking or anything, and i've actually had random people come up to me and say i look like christian bale lol. i just hate talking to people, but for some reason people enjoy striking up small talk with me and i will mingle with them, mostly just asking them what they do (since i don't do shit, i literally have 0 friends to do anything with, don't really want to do anything either). i have found many women attractive, but none that i ever wanted to actually be with. but, knowing women, i know i will go through a few that will cheat on me and i'm ready for this. i'm not the type of guy who will EVER cheat on my woman, but i am ready for a woman to cheat on me and move on etc.
don't be discouraged if you've never been with a woman before. for some reason in our society it's looked as cool to be a player and get a lot of women. i value intelligence more and bettering yourself.
edit: and to add, i had many friends in elementary/junior/high school, which i would go to parties and drink (starting in 8th grade, obv not ele lol) and shit, actually had a girl that i think was interested in me take me back behind this shed at a party but some dickhole walked up and she got scared to make out then haha. i know what it is like to have friends and do shit with them, but i really just enjoy being alone.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/EbCwY.jpg)
