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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 20 2013 10:46 Salazarz wrote: lol wow, after seeing all the posts with 'insights' on dating and 'handling women' from Cloud it's mind-blowingly funny (albeit not completely unexpected) to see him trying to hook up with a wrist-cutting teenager :p
btw. you're a supposedly grown-up man trying to date a high schooler. It's creepy. As in, really "get the hell away from her" kind of creepy.
As in you deserve an ass whoopin kind of creepy.
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I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf.
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On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf.
You'll know once you ask her out on a date
I agree with your decision to not just leave a message. You can also ask her face to face.
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On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf.
I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her.
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Forgot to add that if they got you in the friend zone she will probably insist that she split the bill with you or tell you after you pay that y'all ain't dating.
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On August 20 2013 10:55 goMERICA wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 10:46 Salazarz wrote: lol wow, after seeing all the posts with 'insights' on dating and 'handling women' from Cloud it's mind-blowingly funny (albeit not completely unexpected) to see him trying to hook up with a wrist-cutting teenager :p
btw. you're a supposedly grown-up man trying to date a high schooler. It's creepy. As in, really "get the hell away from her" kind of creepy. As in you deserve an ass whoopin kind of creepy. Too many terrible fathers out there, I'm always getting hit on by 18-19yr old girls and I sure as hell am not going to turn them down from some fun just because they are in highschool.
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Ok I used to date this girl I met online. There was this forum in my country which I browse frequently, and within it resides a section in which people can post their info (age, hobbies, preferences) etc so other people can message them in hopes of getting a partner.
Now this girl was reasonably attractive (slim, fair, cute face), but she said that she quite disliked people who asked for pictures immediately, she felt that they were very shallow and only in it for the looks. I think I chatted with her for a couple months before I knew how she looked like. Not sure whether other girls online feel this way or not.
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Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit.
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It's the single most important thing. Especially online when people can say whatever they want and you don't know the truth. Pics are #1 priority to prove you're actually who you say you are. Irl looks are the first thing we all notice and base our actions around.
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On August 20 2013 12:08 NotSorry wrote: Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit. Here they don't even pretend.
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On August 20 2013 12:29 Garnet wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 12:08 NotSorry wrote: Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit. Here they don't even pretend. Got to respect the honesty at least.
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On August 20 2013 11:06 goMERICA wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf. I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her.
I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no.
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On August 20 2013 13:32 Bigtony wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 11:06 goMERICA wrote:On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf. I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her. I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no. This has been reiterated a thousand times throughout this thread but I think you shouldn't be trying to label these outings. If you want to be more than friends, don't say "I want to be more than friends", you should act like you want to be more than friends. Be a little brave, reach for her hand or better yet, opportune kiss! Nothing is lamer than sitting down and telling her you like her more than a friend and asking her if she feels the same way (pretty much implied by asking her on a date).
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On August 20 2013 14:45 maggle wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 13:32 Bigtony wrote:On August 20 2013 11:06 goMERICA wrote:On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf. I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her. I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no. This has been reiterated a thousand times throughout this thread but I think you shouldn't be trying to label these outings. If you want to be more than friends, don't say "I want to be more than friends", you should act like you want to be more than friends. Be a little brave, reach for her hand or better yet, opportune kiss! Nothing is lamer than sitting down and telling her you like her more than a friend and asking her if she feels the same way (pretty much implied by asking her on a date).
Honesty and straightforwardness are lame? Jesus. There have already been plenty of people in this thread stating how confused they are with respect to their relationship status with a friend; telling them not to be direct and not to talk about it is exactly what they shouldn't do. They need to know where they stand, not overanalyze the situation based on the occasional action that could be misinterpreted.
Even if someone wants to feel out the situation before making any official declaration of moving forward, there still comes a time where the clarity is necessary. Communication through both your actions and your conversations are vital.
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On August 20 2013 13:04 NotSorry wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 12:29 Garnet wrote:On August 20 2013 12:08 NotSorry wrote: Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit. Here they don't even pretend. Got to respect the honesty at least.
I'm sure your statement can just as easily apply to guys, in that there are also plenty of guys out there who would like to get by doing the bare minimum of real work (by either utilizing their appearances or some other roundabout benefit to make life easier on themselves). And I doubt you can necessarily blame the person, if it works to their advantage. But the random cheap shot at "most girls" seems both unjustified and sexist.
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On August 20 2013 14:45 maggle wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 13:32 Bigtony wrote:On August 20 2013 11:06 goMERICA wrote:On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf. I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her. I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no. This has been reiterated a thousand times throughout this thread but I think you shouldn't be trying to label these outings. If you want to be more than friends, don't say "I want to be more than friends", you should act like you want to be more than friends. Be a little brave, reach for her hand or better yet, opportune kiss! Nothing is lamer than sitting down and telling her you like her more than a friend and asking her if she feels the same way (pretty much implied by asking her on a date).
I'm not labeling our past outings; they definitely were not dates. She's attractive and an all around great person who I could see myself having a serious relationship with and I think our friendship is on that path, so I'm making a move to see if she sees the same thing.
So your advice is that instead being bold as fuck and telling her my feelings and asking her how she feels is that I should try to hold her hand or sneak a kiss without permission?
That's really bad advice.
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On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler: + Show Spoiler +I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
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On August 20 2013 15:10 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler: + Show Spoiler +I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
Walk away from this woman. She is already treating you bad: Making fun of your dick (?) Saying she wants to break up Has some pretty serious xenophobia issues
You think this 'relationship' can survive 6months/year long distance? I don't think so. Walk away before either of your get hurt more.
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On August 20 2013 15:02 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2013 13:04 NotSorry wrote:On August 20 2013 12:29 Garnet wrote:On August 20 2013 12:08 NotSorry wrote: Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit. Here they don't even pretend. Got to respect the honesty at least. I'm sure your statement can just as easily apply to guys, in that there are also plenty of guys out there who would like to get by doing the bare minimum of real work (by either utilizing their appearances or some other roundabout benefit to make life easier on themselves). And I doubt you can necessarily blame the person, if it works to their advantage. But the random cheap shot at "most girls" seems both unjustified and sexist. I'm very open about getting by on my good looks ^ ^
I'm also an open sexist pig, I know all women are whores, the only question is price. Just like all men are assholes, even if they pretend to white knight and be different.
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