We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote: I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler:
I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
Walk away from this woman. She is already treating you bad: Making fun of your dick (?) Saying she wants to break up Has some pretty serious xenophobia issues
You think this 'relationship' can survive 6months/year long distance? I don't think so. Walk away before either of your get hurt more.
Agreed. It doesn't seem like she's taking your relationship that seriously, and she's certainly not treating you well.
I definitely disagree with CC's advice to threaten ending the relationship or to deceive her into thinking you care about her if you don't. You don't need a relationship built off that crap.
On August 20 2013 12:08 NotSorry wrote: Most girls pretend they don't want to get by on their looks but it's a load of horse shit.
Here they don't even pretend.
Got to respect the honesty at least.
I'm sure your statement can just as easily apply to guys, in that there are also plenty of guys out there who would like to get by doing the bare minimum of real work (by either utilizing their appearances or some other roundabout benefit to make life easier on themselves). And I doubt you can necessarily blame the person, if it works to their advantage. But the random cheap shot at "most girls" seems both unjustified and sexist.
I'm very open about getting by on my good looks ^ ^
Every time I see you post, I want to make a horrible pun or play-on words out of your name and what you write
Seems to be a reoccurring theme of trying to make relationships with bitches work. You're obviously selling yourself short and can always do better than what you currently have if she isn't treating you right know when to cut it off and move on.
On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf.
I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her.
I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no.
This has been reiterated a thousand times throughout this thread but I think you shouldn't be trying to label these outings. If you want to be more than friends, don't say "I want to be more than friends", you should act like you want to be more than friends. Be a little brave, reach for her hand or better yet, opportune kiss! Nothing is lamer than sitting down and telling her you like her more than a friend and asking her if she feels the same way (pretty much implied by asking her on a date).
Honesty and straightforwardness are lame? Jesus. There have already been plenty of people in this thread stating how confused they are with respect to their relationship status with a friend; telling them not to be direct and not to talk about it is exactly what they shouldn't do. They need to know where they stand, not overanalyze the situation based on the occasional action that could be misinterpreted.
Even if someone wants to feel out the situation before making any official declaration of moving forward, there still comes a time where the clarity is necessary. Communication through both your actions and your conversations are vital.
Being "straightforward" about wanting a relationship without building attraction (aka being considered a potential sexual partner) is pretty fucking lame, yes.
Telling a girl that you "want to be more than friends" is exactly what you're advocating against in your second paragraph. It's all talk and no action. It's the safest possible route one could pick and puts all the responsibility of a potential relationship on the girl. That's how real men make shit happen!
If someone is "confused" about their "relationship status" the only real more-than-friends-relationship that exists is in their head in the first place.
On August 20 2013 10:57 Bigtony wrote: I can't tell if my relationship with this woman I've been friends with for some time is becoming more intimate or I'm just misinterpreting. Previously we only hung out in groups or only if her brother was around also (I was friends with him before befriending her also) but lately we've been hanging out alone. I decided this week to call her up and ask her on a 'date' (rather than two friends hanging out with other people around) but she hasn't answered her phone in two days and I don't want to leave a voicemail/text.
IDK wtf.
I wouldn't call it a date when you ask her out bro. Just ask her if she wants to do said activity. Say you were gonna ask her to a movie or dinner, just pay for it and she'll know you consider it a date. After that will be a good time to be a little more intimate because she'll be thinking about how it "really is a date", I guarantee she's wondering the same thing you are, and you can bring that stuff up if you really want. Personally I think it's best to play it cool and not categorize what you got til you understand your own feelings for her.
I've already asked her to go do things casually as friends. She says yes but doesn't let me pay. If we were going out I don't think she'd let me pay either by the way, and I'm not sure I would offer that often. We are in the same profession (but not at the same place) and have limited funds. I'm pretty sure if/when we speak I'm going to be very blunt and ask her if she wants to go on a date date, because I'd rather not deal with the uncertainty. I'll be fine if she says no.
This has been reiterated a thousand times throughout this thread but I think you shouldn't be trying to label these outings. If you want to be more than friends, don't say "I want to be more than friends", you should act like you want to be more than friends. Be a little brave, reach for her hand or better yet, opportune kiss! Nothing is lamer than sitting down and telling her you like her more than a friend and asking her if she feels the same way (pretty much implied by asking her on a date).
Honesty and straightforwardness are lame? Jesus. There have already been plenty of people in this thread stating how confused they are with respect to their relationship status with a friend; telling them not to be direct and not to talk about it is exactly what they shouldn't do. They need to know where they stand, not overanalyze the situation based on the occasional action that could be misinterpreted.
Even if someone wants to feel out the situation before making any official declaration of moving forward, there still comes a time where the clarity is necessary. Communication through both your actions and your conversations are vital.
There is nothing more direct than holding a girls hand, looking at her and saying "yep, this is real". There's nothing dishonest or un-straightforward about using actions as opposed to words. What I'm commenting on is how most guys tend to express how they feel purely through words instead of actions and how ineffective it can be in terms of expressing how you feel.
It's pretty clear in this guy's case that he's romantically interested in his friend. He knows exactly how he feels. If he's willing to ask her to go on a 'date-date' then he knows where he stands - he's asking her out regardless of his inability to determine if she's into him. If you're going to tell her you like her more than a friend, you might as well show her. It's a much more compelling method of expressing your feelings. I personally believe a girl will take you much more seriously if you show her through actions that you like her instead of sitting her down and telling her you like her.
On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote: I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler:
I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
Walk away from this woman. She is already treating you bad: Making fun of your dick (?) Saying she wants to break up Has some pretty serious xenophobia issues
You think this 'relationship' can survive 6months/year long distance? I don't think so. Walk away before either of your get hurt more.
Agreed. It doesn't seem like she's taking your relationship that seriously, and she's certainly not treating you well.
I definitely disagree with CC's advice to threaten ending the relationship or to deceive her into thinking you care about her if you don't. You don't need a relationship built off that crap.
Yeah you are probably both right, but i am still attached to the girl she was at the beginning... i would never have taken the slightest of the shit she served me if she was like this from the start. I won't challenge her to break up or make any threats, i don't like using tricks like this it never leads anywhere.
Thing is she has always been in quite "stable" relationships before and never acted like this. She has a tendency to say things she won't do, like always speaking her mind out whatever the thought is, good or bad. And at least i prefer someone like this rather than someone who would think it and keep it for herself. Because in this case each worry and problem can be subject to discussion.
I told her we could stay together untill she figures out what she really wants. If she happens to really mean having sex with other guys it would be over. If not well fine, sex isn't great for both of us but that can always get better with time. Seeing how it's going the worst case would be a clean break up and we'd both have won a good friend.
There are always moments in a couple when one or both parts are throwing a bit of shit at each other. It's better to try fixing this rather than just saying "ok, next".
On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote: I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler:
I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
Walk away from this woman. She is already treating you bad: Making fun of your dick (?) Saying she wants to break up Has some pretty serious xenophobia issues
You think this 'relationship' can survive 6months/year long distance? I don't think so. Walk away before either of your get hurt more.
Agreed. It doesn't seem like she's taking your relationship that seriously, and she's certainly not treating you well.
I definitely disagree with CC's advice to threaten ending the relationship or to deceive her into thinking you care about her if you don't. You don't need a relationship built off that crap.
Yeah you are probably both right, but i am still attached to the girl she was at the beginning... i would never have taken the slightest of the shit she served me if she was like this from the start. I won't challenge her to break up or make any threats, i don't like using tricks like this it never leads anywhere.
Thing is she has always been in quite "stable" relationships before and never acted like this. She has a tendency to say things she won't do, like always speaking her mind out whatever the thought is, good or bad. And at least i prefer someone like this rather than someone who would think it and keep it for herself. Because in this case each worry and problem can be subject to discussion.
I told her we could stay together untill she figures out what she really wants. If she happens to really mean having sex with other guys it would be over. If not well fine, sex isn't great for both of us but that can always get better with time. Seeing how it's going the worst case would be a clean break up and we'd both have won a good friend.
There are always moments in a couple when one or both parts are throwing a bit of shit at each other. It's better to try fixing this rather than just saying "ok, next".
While this is true you should never accept shitty behaviour towards you no matter what. If something bothers you it's better to say it right away than taking her shit, it means you have boundaries and respect yourself and she will respect you for that.
On August 20 2013 06:14 VayneAuthority wrote: I don't even know why you'd want to touch any girl that tries to "shit test" you or any of that other stupid shit, but I guess I have to thank the class acts that go out there and trudge through the street rat trash so I don't have to.
And this, gentlemen, is the kind of resentful misogynistic asshole you can become if you refuse to come to terms with female sexuality and let your ego run wild.
You wanna know why women test men? So they don't end up with guys like you.
On August 20 2013 06:14 VayneAuthority wrote: I don't even know why you'd want to touch any girl that tries to "shit test" you or any of that other stupid shit, but I guess I have to thank the class acts that go out there and trudge through the street rat trash so I don't have to.
And this, gentlemen, is the kind of resentful misogynistic asshole you can become if you refuse to come to terms with female sexuality and let your ego run wild.
You wanna know why women test men? So they don't end up with guys like you.
I think it gets worse for him. He won't understand what's happening and end up being manipulated over and over until he hates most women. Ooops, already happened .
I feel "shit test" is getting massively over used for any time of negative reaction rather than it's intended purpose of a pick up qualification. Once you've already picked up a woman that kind of behavior is her just being a bitch or whore. Pick ups are a numbers game, you can't change every hot girl into your long term girl because odds are you wouldn't want anything to do with at least half of them outside of sex. So why waste time on manipulative tactics when you can just move on to the next girl that isn't a bitch/whore?
On August 20 2013 10:10 goMERICA wrote: TL;DR Check out Tinder, the new online dating app, for it is the most popular thing out right now and the online dating medium most likely to lead to you actually meeting someone. I and many people I know have had good success with it.
These types of apps do seem like the future of not only dating but social interaction in a lot of ways. Not sure if this is a good thing or not! I would venture a guess that Tinder is not going to be the last iteration of this kind of app. But shit, it got released for android last month so I'm going to have to try it out. I was pissed when I bought my S4 and there was no android version out yet. I know one chick (attractive) who met her current bf through the app so I'd say it has possibilities.
On August 20 2013 06:14 VayneAuthority wrote: I don't even know why you'd want to touch any girl that tries to "shit test" you or any of that other stupid shit, but I guess I have to thank the class acts that go out there and trudge through the street rat trash so I don't have to.
And this, gentlemen, is the kind of resentful misogynistic asshole you can become if you refuse to come to terms with female sexuality and let your ego run wild.
You wanna know why women test men? So they don't end up with guys like you.
do you even know what misogynistic means? you throw that word around quite a lot and never when it should actually be used
On August 20 2013 06:14 VayneAuthority wrote: I don't even know why you'd want to touch any girl that tries to "shit test" you or any of that other stupid shit, but I guess I have to thank the class acts that go out there and trudge through the street rat trash so I don't have to.
And this, gentlemen, is the kind of resentful misogynistic asshole you can become if you refuse to come to terms with female sexuality and let your ego run wild.
You wanna know why women test men? So they don't end up with guys like you.
I think it gets worse for him. He won't understand what's happening and end up being manipulated over and over until he hates most women. Ooops, already happened .
man, filter posts makes everything you say hilarious
On August 20 2013 22:57 NotSorry wrote: I feel "shit test" is getting massively over used for any time of negative reaction rather than it's intended purpose of a pick up qualification. Once you've already picked up a woman that kind of behavior is her just being a bitch or whore.
No, its just her being a woman. It's her needing a reminder of how awesome her man is.
Pick ups are a numbers game, you can't change every hot girl into your long term girl because odds are you wouldn't want anything to do with at least half of them outside of sex. So why waste time on manipulative tactics when you can just move on to the next girl that isn't a bitch/whore?
Aww. Did the little girl hurt your inflated ego? If your woman is too much for you to handle, send her my way
On August 20 2013 06:14 VayneAuthority wrote: I don't even know why you'd want to touch any girl that tries to "shit test" you or any of that other stupid shit, but I guess I have to thank the class acts that go out there and trudge through the street rat trash so I don't have to.
And this, gentlemen, is the kind of resentful misogynistic asshole you can become if you refuse to come to terms with female sexuality and let your ego run wild.
You wanna know why women test men? So they don't end up with guys like you.
do you even know what misogynistic means? you throw that word around quite a lot and never when it should actually be used
Oh boy! The Parrot wants to debate semantics! Thanks, but no thanks. I don't have the time or energy to teach you English.
On August 20 2013 10:10 goMERICA wrote: TL;DR Check out Tinder, the new online dating app, for it is the most popular thing out right now and the online dating medium most likely to lead to you actually meeting someone. I and many people I know have had good success with it.
These types of apps do seem like the future of not only dating but social interaction in a lot of ways. Not sure if this is a good thing or not! I would venture a guess that Tinder is not going to be the last iteration of this kind of app. But shit, it got released for android last month so I'm going to have to try it out. I was pissed when I bought my S4 and there was no android version out yet. I know one chick (attractive) who met her current bf through the app so I'd say it has possibilities.
You sound like like one of those paid forum posters Apps? I don't know, I've always had a better time when I go out or whatever without the intention of hooking up, with dating sites you know both sides want to date so its different, its just wierd for me... idk
On August 19 2013 01:26 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote: I think i'm kind of in the same situation as the guy a 1-2 pages ago with open relationship ( well, not yet ). I had quite some doubts about posting or not but hey, let's try this. Dunno if i'm looking for advices or if it's just for the sake of speaking about it to random people that i'll most likely never meet :p I've always been a faithfull reader of this thread, i think it's really interesting to see testimonies of all kinds of relationships, good or bad. I will fill in details because i did like myself to read some detailed stories here, so i'm gonna put it all in a spoiler:
I'm in a semester of study in China; and going for my last year this september after what i plan to work in Canada. I met a lovely chinese women here 2 years older than me (i'm 23). She studied in UK for 2 years and is quite "westernized", not the type of introverted shy chinese girl we might picture in our mind. She's stunningly beautiful, interesting and everything one might wish for. I wasn't chasing girls at that time because I'm more towards long lasting relationships and i didn't want a short relation during exchange, but he we happened to speak a lot that night beside the pool table when it was out turn to wait. I think it helped that i was the only guy around that table who was not dead drunk with a beggar style or with jerk manners, so everytime she end up loosing a game she comes to sit beside me and chat. I keep her company untill 6am when metro opens again, I find myself surprisingly comfortable to chat with her; and we exchange phone numbers and instant messaging IDs.
The following day i receive a gentle morning text and we chat during hours on the chinese MSN. Seems like we share a lot of similar opinions and values. When i go to another bar with friends 2 days later i ask if she wants to come and we spend another good moment together. She likes games and pools, never gets drunk (i don't like drunk people much ). From here on i see a morning text everyday when i wake up, go on a week trip with my roomates, and still naturally chat with her daily.
Even though it sounds all great i'd never think i would like a girl like her, really beautiful & sexy & stylish & rich parents (very Oo), which would have make me think she's really shallow, and indeed it turns out she is half shallow. But to compensate she's really kind, honest, like games (pool, phone games, card games / mahjong .. ), doesn't drink much. Back from the trip we date a few times, coffees, restaurants, bars , cinemas. And we end up having sex one night.
Starting from here keep in mind that she mention more or less seriously an intention to break up about every 2 weeks ( worrying about future because she prefers long lasting relationships too or less understandable reasons ). I convince her not to, but not in the desperate way, at this point i want to keep things going until we both leave China. Turns out she's going to study in Canada starting from september ( and i go back to France at the same time ), and she wants to settle and live there after getting the citizenship. For me this opens new prospects since it means we can meet again in 6 month or 1 year, so it's difficult but not impossible to think about a long term relationship if the long distance holds.
We keep dating in all kinf of places, i take care of restaurants, she takes care of movies (is about the same price un china ) and spend nights at my place until we get on a second trip. By then it's been a bit over two months and the morning texts have stopped for a while from her. The more i know her and the more i discover how shallow she is and it bugs me even though she's still great and caring. She starts to mention that she's not sexually satisfied because she craves for a huge dick ( 18-20 cm minimum pretty common uh?) and i find it quite weird because the G spot is like 5-6 cm. And she starts having a really contradictory behaviour, sometimes saying she doesn't like to have sex but always teasing for it. Finally she starts speaking about wanting to have sex with other guys but that she loves me and wants to spend her life together.
She starts sounding really bitchy but at least she's always honest. For now i don't really know what to think of it, we can't even know if the long distance will work. So i'm just staying in at least untill we both leave China, because we still have good times together and sex is fine but not great ( i wouldn't have thought for such a stunning woman ). She's always been in close relationship and didn't think about doing open until recently. I think i might have been in love with the girl she pretended to be during the first weeks but she's starting to either reveal her true self or change for the worst. She seemed really openminded at start but i found out she has many taboos and questions she avoids answering and even might be xenophobic (towards black people) and race elitist ( strongly believe chinese people are better than everyone because their blood is pure wtf ). But for me it's not too bothersome because many chinese share such thoughts, a little of cultural clash to overcome mmh
So i guess i'll just see what happens but i think for a serious lasting relationship the monogamy is the most stable formula, especially for kids sake. So i guess i'll maybe pass on this woman if she really means her intentions to seek fun with other men while being in a stable relationship. She's changing her mind way too often about important points like this one, doesn't seem very balanced. Notice it's just a concept for now and she didn't do anything yet. And i don't feel like she would really do it, she got quite affected from the break up with her ex and i sense she still has some trauma about it ( and some bad dreams ), she kind of built a shell and is somewhat afraid to get seriously invested in a serious relationship again.
I don't know if i expressed all this clearly, wouldn't want to make her seem like a despicable person, she's really nice to hang out with and chat with and we'll probably stay in very good terms if it doesn't end up working. I feel like i make it sound worst than it really is when i reread myself, we talk with her about every point i mentioned though and that's good. Now i'm looking at all this with some kind of perspective, it strangely doesn't affect me that much. We leave China in 2-3 weeks so i'm just like "wait and see".
You're too worried about what she wants, you aren't actually challenging her Start talking like you could break it off/find someone else etc You don't have to be serious, but she has to think you are
Walk away from this woman. She is already treating you bad: Making fun of your dick (?) Saying she wants to break up Has some pretty serious xenophobia issues
You think this 'relationship' can survive 6months/year long distance? I don't think so. Walk away before either of your get hurt more.
Agreed. It doesn't seem like she's taking your relationship that seriously, and she's certainly not treating you well.
I definitely disagree with CC's advice to threaten ending the relationship or to deceive her into thinking you care about her if you don't. You don't need a relationship built off that crap.
Yeah you are probably both right, but i am still attached to the girl she was at the beginning... i would never have taken the slightest of the shit she served me if she was like this from the start. I won't challenge her to break up or make any threats, i don't like using tricks like this it never leads anywhere.
Thing is she has always been in quite "stable" relationships before and never acted like this. She has a tendency to say things she won't do, like always speaking her mind out whatever the thought is, good or bad. And at least i prefer someone like this rather than someone who would think it and keep it for herself. Because in this case each worry and problem can be subject to discussion.
I told her we could stay together untill she figures out what she really wants. If she happens to really mean having sex with other guys it would be over. If not well fine, sex isn't great for both of us but that can always get better with time. Seeing how it's going the worst case would be a clean break up and we'd both have won a good friend.
There are always moments in a couple when one or both parts are throwing a bit of shit at each other. It's better to try fixing this rather than just saying "ok, next".
How would she feel if you vocalized that you'd like to sleep with other women or if you complained about the lack of sex, etc? Things should go two ways, and you should make her realize that. It's normal to crave other partners from time to time, especially if you are both young and the fact that she vocalizes it is good, at least she isn't cheating behind your back. I think its a good idea not to jump the gun here and to really evaluate how serious she is about this. Talking it out is always good. In some ways, this could even be her 'testing' you to see how attached you are to her. Don't take it lying down, but don't just give up either.
So the app recognizes someone nearby who uses Tinder as well? That's quite an ingenious idea. I could definitely see this work. It's basically a way of making public: "I'm available, let's chat!"
EPT
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