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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 16 2013 11:55 TheFish7 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone I know this feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I can't stop thinking about girls like this BECAUSE they show 0 signs of interest in me. Like some reverse psychology or something.
In this spot right now...trying to use the advice given here to 'think of the things you dislike about her' but it doesn't work at all for me >.< Drives me crazy that the girl doesn't have any interest in me in 'that way' because as far as I can tell we are quite compatible to at least go on a date or something >.>
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On July 16 2013 05:32 HardlyNever wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 05:03 Zooper31 wrote:On July 15 2013 22:43 kaluro wrote:Is there a "Post your picture" thread around yet? If not, we should make one. Search feature left me resultless. I am really curious about the faces behind the people posting here. Or we could just post our picture(s) in here? This is me: + Show Spoiler +A lot of different opinions about my facial hair. Women seem to be positive about it while guys keep telling me to get rid of it. I personally like it atm, gives my outer character a good twist. ![[image loading]](https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/970945_10151797054868573_343337333_n.jpg) I'm 100% positive I've seen you're picture on TL before and 2-3 of them at that. It was about if you were good looking or not if I remember or something along the lines of how easy it is to pick up girls. I'm also 100% positive now that you're just trying to brag about your looks and fishing for compliments. Cmon guy... I think someone like that would probably just make a separate thread to brag about it. Oh...
Haha and the first poster is Bigasia! That thread makes so much sense.
Seriously kaluro, I bet your intentions are pure, but just like sarcasm, modesty doesn't carry over well on the internet. Just food for thought.
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Wow this thread is still going...
I met this older women from a dating site and I have to say I wasn't the least disappointed that I decided to meet her. I was reluctant at first due to the 7 year age difference but the level of maturity and confidence is 10 times that of 18 y/o girls. Makes having a real conversation and getting to know the person so much easier. She usually takes the initiative which is a nice change as I don't have to be thinking on my toes all the time. Not to mention, makes for a healthy relationship as I know she'll tell me outright if she doesn't like something instead of being all passive.
I guess this turned out to be a rant, release, and positive type post(having met someone who I can be me with and actually relax around)
But, honestly girls who don't know what they want is the most frustrating thing ever...
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On July 16 2013 08:03 Shiori wrote:Show nested quote +It's completely irrelevant where for example an anxiety comes from. What matters is understanding the actual emotions behind the superflous "I'm afraid of xyz" and an understanding of how we connect emotions with our perceptions. This basic concept is true whether it comes to being afraid of approaching women, looking at spiders or of sitting inside a car. The only relevant variable that actually changes between people is the intensity by which the negative associations are connected with the perception itself. You're also making a mistake by saying "we" need to understand how "we" connect emotions with "our" perceptions. Not everyone does these things in the same way, which is why there isn't some catch-all cognitive behavioural therapy for every patient. Figuring out how I allow emotions to affect my perceptions and choices is something that takes a lot of time and self-reflection, and it's not the same way that my brother does it.
Yes, people do, yes there is. Every single anxiety disorder has a certain trigger and a certain response. It doesn't matter whether your trigger is seeing spiders, being with too many people or flying on a plane and it doesn't matter whether your response is hiding in a corner, punching people or panicking to the point of unconsciousness.
That's why also all therapies are incredibly similar between patients no matter the actual cause of the anxiety.
Show nested quote +Learning where an anxiety comes from is cool and all but it won't help you in getting rid of it, it's encouraging a logical approach to an emotional issue. Anxiety isn't something you can easily isolate from the rational component of your mind, because it affects the rational component of your mind. In addition, if you advocate understanding emotions, then you're necessarily advocating a logical approach to an emotional issue, because "understanding" is something we do with our rational faculty. Generally speaking, we get anxious for reasons. Usually those reasons appear to be one thing but can wind up being something completely different or unexpected once you peel away the layers by elimination. Sometimes some treatments work and sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's enough to cure anxiety to just exposure yourself to something really terrifying, but other times that doesn't do anything.
Maybe you should read my posts again and look at the actual content, not what you want to interpret into it.
Logical approach to an anxiety: "I am afraid of spiders. This fear is irrational and there is no reason to be afraid of spiders." (note how close this was to doc's (sorry doc <3) initial response despite it being a comparably small issue) ~ That's a logical approach to an emotional problem. It's bullshit and doesn't help anyone involved. It however is an obvious first solution for pretty much anyone who suffers from an anxiety, because it's the most common solution suggested by peers and because it sounds logical. ("Don't be such a pussy wtf there is no reason to be afraid.")
Understanding the emotional issue behind it is, as I suggested earlier in this thread, is achieved by asking "Stupid questions" until there's no layer left to expose. If we're talking about something that might have strong triggers (PTSD (especially flashbacks!), fear of loss as some examples) doing this without a professional next to you is a horrible idea. Your daily run of the mill problem isn't in that category in most cases.
"I am afraid of spiders." - "Why?" - "Because they scare me" - "Why?" - "Cause they look gross and they feel gross." - "Why gross?" - "They got hairy legs and so many of them and feel like insects" - "So are you afraid of insects in general?" - "Yes" - "Why?" - "They feel like insects and can bite and sting" - "Why is it a problem if they feel like insects(1)/can bite/can sting?(2)" - (1)"Because they feel like insects and I'm afraid of insects." / (2)"Because it hurts and can swell." - "Why is that a problem?" - "Because I was once stung by a wasp and it did swell super huge."
That's from a session from someone who is "afraid of spiders" written out, reduced to the actual emotional issues. What starts out as "I'm afraid of spiders" now turned into two different things: 1) "I'm afraid of insects because I don't like the way they feel" (technically this is a generalization as well, in this case a rather obvious one to resolve though) and 2) "An insect hurt me when I was little and I'm afraid of it happening again."
THOSE are results one can work with, beyond the extremely obvious treatments to a generalized concept (e.g. Flooding / Systematic Desensitation) because they're reduced to their emotional core issues and not approached with logical findings in mind. As a random sidenote you can guess what happens when you try and treat the above client for his "fear of spiders", without checking the emotions behind it like that. =P
Similarly to how every patient has very simple original situations (trigger -> response), and similar to how specific treatments don't differ much between patients (basics of any behavioural therapy are the same), there are very broad categories of people who respond well to different treatments. Therapists who are strong in their field don't need to drag you through 20 different forms of treatment to find something that works for you because it's not a difficult task to understand which parts of a specific treatment work better than others and guide you towards things that have a higher chance of success.
tl;dr: That's why "I'm afraid of approaching women" / "I'm afraid my gf is cheating on me" shouldn't be turned into "Well just do it a million times" / "Just talk about it with her / figure it out on your own" if you actually care about the situation improving for the person who's asking for advice.
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On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone
Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me.
Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier.
Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/
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On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/
I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year!
Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D
#foreveralone #FML :D :D
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On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D
Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now.
EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her?
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On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her?
I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D
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On July 16 2013 19:57 inimenesc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her? I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D
I meant talked with her about the possibility of you two dating.
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On July 16 2013 20:03 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 19:57 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her? I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D I meant talked with her about the possibility of you two dating.
I have done that as well. She actually is taken so sucks for me.(i was like 4 months late)
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On July 16 2013 20:07 inimenesc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 20:03 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:57 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her? I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D I meant talked with her about the possibility of you two dating. I have done that as well. She actually is taken so sucks for me.(i was like 4 months late)
Was she actually taken at the time you actually started talking to her? If that is the case, thats why you always let your intentions be known before talking to the girl. Save you a lot of trouble, "Oh wait your taken? kthx bye gonna hit on other sloots."
Also if she wasn't taken then you obviously didn't make your intentions known at first and missed your chance. So moral of the story is tell her you find her attractive when you first see her.
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On July 16 2013 20:34 BigAsia wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 20:07 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 20:03 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:57 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her? I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D I meant talked with her about the possibility of you two dating. I have done that as well. She actually is taken so sucks for me.(i was like 4 months late) Was she actually taken at the time you actually started talking to her? If that is the case, thats why you always let your intentions be known before talking to the girl. Save you a lot of trouble, "Oh wait your taken? kthx bye gonna hit on other sloots." Also if she wasn't taken then you obviously didn't make your intentions known at first and missed your chance. So moral of the story is tell her you find her attractive when you first see her.
Well i first saw her 3 years back, but did not see her that way, actually we didnt even talk at all.
Well, there are other fish in the sea 
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On July 16 2013 12:35 B.I.G. wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 05:32 HardlyNever wrote:On July 16 2013 05:03 Zooper31 wrote:On July 15 2013 22:43 kaluro wrote:Is there a "Post your picture" thread around yet? If not, we should make one. Search feature left me resultless. I am really curious about the faces behind the people posting here. Or we could just post our picture(s) in here? This is me: + Show Spoiler +A lot of different opinions about my facial hair. Women seem to be positive about it while guys keep telling me to get rid of it. I personally like it atm, gives my outer character a good twist. I'm 100% positive I've seen you're picture on TL before and 2-3 of them at that. It was about if you were good looking or not if I remember or something along the lines of how easy it is to pick up girls. I'm also 100% positive now that you're just trying to brag about your looks and fishing for compliments. Cmon guy... I think someone like that would probably just make a separate thread to brag about it. Oh... Haha and the first poster is Bigasia! That thread makes so much sense. Seriously kaluro, I bet your intentions are pure, but just like sarcasm, modesty doesn't carry over well on the internet. Just food for thought.
Apparently so I don't mind too much though, just having fun on the forums and if a few people think I'm a show off, so be it  !
This is what I replied to them two ->
+ Show Spoiler +On July 16 2013 05:50 kaluro wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 05:03 Zooper31 wrote:On July 15 2013 22:43 kaluro wrote:Is there a "Post your picture" thread around yet? If not, we should make one. Search feature left me resultless. I am really curious about the faces behind the people posting here. Or we could just post our picture(s) in here? This is me: + Show Spoiler +A lot of different opinions about my facial hair. Women seem to be positive about it while guys keep telling me to get rid of it. I personally like it atm, gives my outer character a good twist. I'm 100% positive I've seen you're picture on TL before and 2-3 of them at that. It was about if you were good looking or not if I remember or something along the lines of how easy it is to pick up girls. I'm also 100% positive now that you're just trying to brag about your looks and fishing for compliments. Cmon guy... Hey now, no need to be rude. I posted a picture (or two) in here once, on request. If you look at my post history you'd clearly see I'm humble and anything but a show off. I try to give genuine advice and I only post self experiences here, I never once said I was good looking or like 'ohh look at me', since I find that irrelevant, hell I never even mentioned my looks, except for once where I said "I don't think I'm that special looking but here's a pic" since someone requested one, as he thought my looks had an impact on my experiences. Today, what.. months? later, I decided to take the initiative in getting to know the members on the general forum, their faces. It's lame and annoying if you request photos from other members, while not posting one yourself. So I took the initiative and posted 3 pictures total, in a new thread. if finding a picture of me a total of two times in the 2+ years i've been a member here, offends you - I'm sorry. But there's nothing I can do to fix that for you.
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On July 16 2013 19:57 inimenesc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 19:31 Ghostcom wrote:On July 16 2013 19:00 inimenesc wrote:On July 16 2013 18:09 Meow-Meow wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone Haha, I can relate to this so much, I'm looking at her right now, she's like a four feet away from me. Indifference can be difficult to deal with, but one has to suck it up, I suppose. If she weren't such an interesting person, it'd be so much easier. Releaf is near, though: she's leaving next week. \o/ I had/have a serious high school crush. But no worries, high school ended this year! Oh wait, i will be attending same medical school with her for next 6 years (at least I will get an awesome job after all this pain). Hip hip hurray :D #foreveralone #FML :D :D Is there a reason you have not tried talking to her? If you want to become a doctor you might as well start training on those people skills now. EDIT: Or am I misunderstanding and you have talked with her and she was not interested? In which case, unless it happened yesterday, why are you still mulling over her? I have talked to her a lot, thats why the crush remains, well, people tell real crushes last for 6-12 months, so i have only about few months to suffer more :D
I had a crush last for 4 and 1/2 years :/
I even dated someone else for like a year of that time and slept with multiple other women, but still the feelings persisted.
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Hey let's not turn this thread into pics and narcissism. Btw kaluro is ugly
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r.Evo I think we actually agree haha but just differ on the terminology we're using. I think continually asking questions to get to the root of the issue of anxiety is a logical way of analyzing anxiety, and that's exactly what I meant. I think we're using "emotional" in two different ways lol.
But I totally agree with you that solving these issues isn't just about doing stuff a million times (although that does actually work for a lot of phobias, but not for generalized anxiety). I disagree that all anxiety disorders are the same, though, because some of them actually don't have clear triggers.
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Can we not turn this thread into one about anxiety disorders, because that isn't what its about. Also don't think I don't give a shit about anxiety cuz I had that chit for awhile, so I know how bad it is. Anyways back on topic
I had a crush last for 4 and 1/2 years :/
I even dated someone else for like a year of that time and slept with multiple other women, but still the feelings persisted.
4 and 1/2 years is fucked up brah. Oneits big time. How long have u known her
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On July 16 2013 12:31 Resent wrote:Show nested quote +On July 16 2013 11:55 TheFish7 wrote:On July 16 2013 05:37 ma5ta wrote:
Hows my luck with dating? Well, the girl that I can't stop thinking about happens to work near me but shows absolutely 0 signs of interest in me. But what else is new. #foreveralone I know this feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I can't stop thinking about girls like this BECAUSE they show 0 signs of interest in me. Like some reverse psychology or something. In this spot right now...trying to use the advice given here to 'think of the things you dislike about her' but it doesn't work at all for me >.< Drives me crazy that the girl doesn't have any interest in me in 'that way' because as far as I can tell we are quite compatible to at least go on a date or something >.>
Then fucking ask her on one. Jeez.
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Been texting this girl who isn`t my girlfriend. I don't even know why. Has I dun goofed? Pics of texts below. brb mirin my text game
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/gKHeyOM.jpg)
