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you dont want the generosity of people who will lord it over you
I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate.
How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
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On July 19 2013 07:44 HaRuHi wrote:I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate. How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
Honestly, I love my parents a lot. However I do realize that we disagree on stuff and that both of us have over reacted to certain things that the other has done. However, moving out would not mean that I never talk to them again, I would still go out of my way to see them and have a relationship with them.
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
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On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best.
Be weary of who you accept advice from.
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On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from.
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
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On July 19 2013 08:08 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
I understand 
Still! With world views one ought to go for what they believe is right. Perhaps this is really what your friend meant, but going for "what makes you happy" and "what you believe to be right" are different.
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On July 19 2013 08:11 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:08 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
I understand Still! With world views one ought to go for what they believe is right. Perhaps this is really what your friend meant, but going for "what makes you happy" and "what you believe to be right" are different.
What is right huh?...
I'll have to give that some thought.
Thanks Cecil
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On July 19 2013 07:44 HaRuHi wrote:I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate. How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
yeah my whole advice to get out now was specifically to be able to have a relationship later because that is the type of stuff where it deteriorates real fast. you dont give them the ability to lord shit over you, to manipulate you, you dont have that animosity betwen you anymore
sucks you have to do that, but hey, that is the cards you are dealt
On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from.
care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on
On July 19 2013 07:40 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 07:20 QuanticHawk wrote:
i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine currently monthly is anywere from 1800-2400 depending on how much i want to work. during school im probably looking at 1120 a month assuming i work 20 hours a week solidly. The babysitting is a regular thing anywere from about 4-8 hours a week. If i did it during school i would also probably baby sit at night which pays 20$ instead of 15. How much do you think food expenses would be if i cooked every meal for the most part. i've heard estimates on anywere from like 140-300 which makes me a bit nervous Alot of the roomshares im looking at have wireless internet throughout the house provided by landlord or already factored into rent. I would say my rent limit would be about 550$ a month with everything included.
i think the golden rule is your rent (not all the other stuff) should not be higher than 20 or 30% i kinda forget. again, not to beat a dead horse, but you obviously know at this point to talk to your loan people. either way you should work
and yeah look around a lot of places will have landlords who pay some utilties. cable factored into rent honestly isnt that huge... i pay $100/mo (split by me and roommate) and that is internet and cable with some movie channels. split that by four and it aint much at all, and not having it as part of your deal allows you guys to get a plan that works for you. you should be looking for a bigger place so it is you and 3 other people. the more people, the less you pay, and you really wanna try to do that in college working pt. cut corners and save while living like a hobo is acceptable.
as far as food, a single person spending $300/mo on groceries for only themselves is either rich, fat or an idiot, or a mix of all three. 150 is still on the higher side of things for an individual. you can do much less. it all depends how much you cook, what you wanna cook, how much premade shit you wanna buy, and how smart you are at shopping.
http://www.budgetbytes.com/
awesome site for budget eating while still tasting good. if you have a something awful account, there are a bunch of threads on cheap cooking.
shopping sdoesnt seem that hard but it really takes a bit of thinking otherwise youll end up wasting a lot of produce and stuff. on top of that, you gotta recognize when there are some good sales that you dont pass up. yesterday chicken breasts were on sale for 1.75... that is stupid low. i bought 15lbs and whatever i dont cook by tomorrow is getting frozen in 1.5-2lbs bags. rotissery chicken at stores are oftne a great deal. my place has them as low as $4 sometimes. that is typically cheaper at a per pound price than uncooked boneless breasts. you can make a lot of stuff with the white meat and the dark, and then you use the bones and make your own broth and save $$. recently ive been on a kick with flanks and london broil since it has been on sale a lot. cheap and flavorful if you do it right, and with decent bread youve got yourself a filling lunch.
also, once you get the hang of what you are doing as far as shopping and cooking, you can make a lot of food and your costs sare split in half. there are a lot of cheapo stews chilis sauces etc that reheat very well.
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So you think something closer to 125$ a month for food, and about 50$ for my phone would be the fixed expenses that I have.
Im not too big of a TV watcher, and most of the stuff i do watch is what i find online for free or rented from the library cause i hate waiting for next weeks episodes.
Edit: i'll be back in a few hours got some tennis and other stuff to do. Thanks for all the help soo far.
At the below comment: Waiting until winter has occured to me as well. I'm looking at places currently but if i don't find a place i like then i won't spend more money just to move out. I'm just unsure of if i do find a place i really like do i take it? And i think the answer might be yes...
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Stay home!
I am the only one saying it but make and save your money and just deal with it for a little bit. See if anything changes with you and your parents and if things get way bad, you can just bounce during winter or something.
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honestly without knowing how much you cook, how competent you are and how much you know about food shopping o na budget i cant tell for sure. i can tell you that is certainly doable just for groceries, and you could def do lower if you wanted. kick around that site i linked. there's a lot of good ideas there. you can do cajun red beans and rice really cheap, like a big ol pot with probably a dozen servings for under $15 total. it is really all effort level and being smart.
tv you can easily do much cheaper than that. i keep my cable because i love sports and i hate having to watch that on non hd streams.
obviously, if you werent in the situation you are with your parents, staying at home would be advisable. it just seems like a really poor idea given how controlling they are, and how much of a recipe that is for disaster with a 19 year old college student.
also, i know youve got $$ saved, but dont forget about furnishing your place. im not even talking about paintings and non essentials. decent kitchen stuff isnt exactly cheap even if youre not going for crazy chef stuff. some things you can skimp on, but stuff like knives and pans you probably wanna get halfway decent stuff that will last you a bit more than the dollar store stuff will. things like microwaves, glasess, crock pots, plates and other things you can get at the thirft store for nothing. dont discount garage sales: just a couple weeks ago i got a brand new sandwich/burger press, and a sushi plate set for $5 each.
also, for the love of god, dont pick up curbside or craiglist couches. that is asking for bed bugs. budget corner at bobs or something, dont fuck with that
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On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on
Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually).
I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly.
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Hi again, MeatMachine
I'm sorry to hear about your recent woes, all I can say is stay in school, eat that debt like a motherfucker, and land a good job when you get out of college.
So listen, I was raised in a strict religious household, wherein any sexual activity was INCREDIBLY EVIL outside of the marriage. But I can almost safely say that my parents would not have pulled the carpet out from under if they knew about some of the stuff I've done. My own mother knew I out drinking one night and got stopped by a cop on the street. Her response was a smile as she said, "Meh, dad doesn't need to know." I only mention this because I really don't understand how this is really all stemming from your perfectly healthy and normal shenanigans. You're not an addict and you're not in jail, you're a smart kid going to college, I don't get what their flippin' problem is D:
If you write another sad blog, I'll just drive to Seattle and give you a beer (or 10) to help you relax a little, but I'm glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders.
PS stay home and focus on succeeding in college, being in school without "having" to work is a blessing that you should take advantage of while you can.
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On July 19 2013 10:20 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Hi again, MeatMachine
I'm sorry to hear about your recent woes, all I can say is stay in school, eat that debt like a motherfucker, and land a good job when you get out of college.
So listen, I was raised in a strict religious household, wherein any sexual activity was INCREDIBLY EVIL outside of the marriage. But I can almost safely say that my parents would not have pulled the carpet out from under if they knew about some of the stuff I've done. My own mother knew I out drinking one night and got stopped by a cop on the street. Her response was a smile as she said, "Meh, dad doesn't need to know." I only mention this because I really don't understand how this is really all stemming from your perfectly healthy and normal shenanigans. You're not an addict and you're not in jail, you're a smart kid going to college, I don't get what their flippin' problem is D:
If you write another sad blog, I'll just drive to Seattle and give you a beer (or 10) to help you relax a little, but I'm glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders.
PS stay home and focus on succeeding in college, being in school without "having" to work is a blessing that you should take advantage of while you can.
HI MDJ!!!
My mom would be like im gonna have to tell your father everything and he will deal with you. And honestly I could stay at home but I would still have to work since as it stands now i still have to pay for college I just woudln't have to work as much. (work is also quite enjoyable)
I'm also not that sad, i just feel like i would enjoy the freedom more im just not sure of the cost.
@Cecil keep the big brother senses coming! :D My friends parents are also quite religious (he's muslim) but he believes in what he does without his parents telling him what to do. Me not soo much...
@Hawk believe it or not, i do have money set aside for furnishing and paying the last rent and app fee. the 6k saved is primarily just for tuition dollars. I should have around 8-9k by september 1st which is if I move out.
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So you still want the beer, right? I got tons.
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On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons.
There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away.
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On July 19 2013 13:11 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons. There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away.
have fun with at least four more years of that if you stay home man
also, should you move out, in addition to whatever furnishing you gotta do, dont forget youre gonna have to put down a deposit too. you definitely want a couple g's set aside that are untouchable in the event of some kinda disaster. you sound like you got a good start though.
honestly man, considering your age, you sound pretty together and youll be fine once you get out there.
On July 19 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually). I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly.
ok i gotcha. at first i thought you were disagreeing with the live you life how you want, not how your parents want sentiment
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On July 19 2013 13:24 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 13:11 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons. There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away. have fun with at least four more years of that if you stay home man also, should you move out, in addition to whatever furnishing you gotta do, dont forget youre gonna have to put down a deposit too. you definitely want a couple g's set aside that are untouchable in the event of some kinda disaster. you sound like you got a good start though. honestly man, considering your age, you sound pretty together and youll be fine once you get out there. Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually). I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly. ok i gotcha. at first i thought you were disagreeing with the live you life how you want, not how your parents want sentiment
Honestly I think it would be wisest for me to move out Jan 1st. I would be able to save up more money, and see exactly how much i need to focus on school to get really good grades and how much i would be able to work at the same time. Its also not unheard of for people to stay at the library on test nights, and i can just use those to get a day off from my parents if needed.
EDIT: then there are times like right now. there are rows of tables here. I have my laptop on the table and she sits right behind me. She leaves for like 10 minutes, i move to another table. And she moves herself right behind me, the ever faithful prison warden
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Uh
Okay, I didn't think it was to this extreme
You need to leave
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My own mother fully admitted to snooping in my room, and was unapologetic, but she did NOT follow me around
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On July 19 2013 13:44 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Uh
Okay, I didn't think it was to this extreme
You need to leave
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My own mother fully admitted to snooping in my room, and was unapologetic, but she did NOT follow me around
I'm still at my house but still...
I feel like sometimes I'm being childish but other times i feel like they might be too harsh on stuff.
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Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs*
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EPT
