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Moving Out:
Growing up is filled with many choices.
Lots of stuff has happened between my parents and I, she and I, and a lot of people and I. My relationship with my parents has definitely changed a ton in the last 3 months. They found out about some stuff that I had done that preferably my parents would never had found out about (It was all perfectly legal no substances or anything that I would regret. They just found out about the library girl :/)
Sooooo anyway, what ended up happening was that my phone got taken away since the beginning of may until jesus comes again. This would have made me unhappy except for the fact that I never used my phone in the first place so whatevs. Then they also pretty much disowned me financially and told me that I would have to pay for college. I was mad for like 2 hours before I resigned myself to my fate (Demanding that my parents pay for my college is self-entitled right ninazerg?)
Due to having to pay for my college and stuff I ended up job searching before summer started in order to get work and pay for school. My dad also kind of scared me saying some stuff about how they wouldn’t co-sign for loans and that I would have to work like 50 hours a week in order to pay for everything. Needless to say I’ve never really looked into the cost of things so I got scared and found myself work reaaaaal quick. I ended up with 3 jobs, I babysit (pays quite nice 15$/hour), I word at FredHutch (13$ an hour) and I work at mio sushi at greenlake which is minimum wage plus tips. I work about 30-40 hours a week and I’ve been having a nice time.
So as university of Washington school year is approaching I find myself with the a few more decisions. I can pay for my college tuition easily if I live at home (studying chemical engineering) or I could accept anywere from 12-20k student loans the government ones such as Stafford were you don’t pay back until you graduate and move out. These numbers are not including any financial aid I might receive from moving out, scholarships, or my parents giving me any money whatsoever. These numbers are me being purely financially independent and working about 20 hours a week at an average of 15$ an hour while im in school and working 30-40 hours a week during the summer, maybe less.
I would also say that these numbers are a bit on the high side for college debt because I am overestimating living expenses just to be on the safe side of planning my expenses. There is also a chance that my parents will pay for some stuff but I wouldn’t count on it.
Now to get to the meat of the matter! I have been debating whether to move out and enjoy my college life (cough cough freedom) or to just stick it out and live in a semi-prison were everything is watched. UGGG SOOO FRUSTRATING!!!
Benefits of this is that living at home if i don't get kicked out for a couple more months would drop how much debt i would end up with.
as for living expenses I’ve estimated the cost to be rent +250$ for living expenses such as food and phone. (All the places that I’m looking at are close to grocery stores and have a kitchen so that I can cook since I enjoy cooking.)
Any tips and advice as always would be appreciated!
Thanks
 
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if you were being an idiot, drinking yourself out of college and they're threatening to yank support for you i could see that?
doing all this because you visited a girl at 18 when you said you were somewhere else, lying because they're uptight for no reason? Yeah, I would be getting all my aid and loan forms filled out asap.
Do you really wanna live with that hanging over your head, anytime you do the slightest thing to upset them they threaten to yank it? you dont want the generosity of people who will lord it over you--life lesson moment right here. that is some major levels of manipulative bullshit and that is how you find yourself seething with resentment and your relationship totally deteriorates.
i dont know you obviously so it is impossible to comment on your work ethic, but it is possible to work through college, even ft, to make ends meet and pay rent yourself. you will never ever make enough to pay for your tuition in full, and youll go nuts trying.
my gut says to just take the loans and live on campus or if those staffords allow you to, put it towards off campus housing if it is cheaper. wish i could help you more there, but i was lucky and didnt have any loans. do your homework on researching that since it will pay off. off campus you have the perk of not having to deal with stupid campus police, strict noise and drinking rules and stuff, and you get to pick your roommates. downside is that if you are not particularly social, you dont get forced into meeting people on your floor as you would living on campus.
if you have the loans to fall back on, then you dont have to freak out about having to work to make ends meet. instead, you can work at a level that still allows you to meet priorty 1: succeeding in school. the amount of work that will require differs for everyone, but work and school in undergrad is absolutely doable. just be sure to live tightly, save when you can this way you have an egg to throw at your loans when you gotta start paying them.
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I need some backstory on this library girl. Did you go the library and rape her? If not then what the fuck are your parents doing? That is not parenting, that's some huge bullshit. If all you did was go out and talk (or even just have sex) with a girl while surrounded by library books, then you need to distance yourself from these terrible people.
So unless there are more details, from what you've presented here so far your parents are terrible parents and any distance you can get until you graduate will be priceless.
In the meantime I'll skim your previous blogs looking for the girl info. Edit: too much work.
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On July 19 2013 05:54 CecilSunkure wrote:
I need some backstory on this library girl. Did you go the library and rape her? If not then what the fuck are your parents doing? That is not parenting, that's some huge bullshit. If all you did was go out and talk (or even just have sex) with a girl while surrounded by library books, then you need to distance yourself from these terrible people.
So unless there are more details, from what you've presented here so far your parents are terrible parents and any distance you can get until you graduate will be priceless.
In the meantime I'll skim your previous blogs looking for the girl info. Edit: too much work.
Library girl was the first 3 blogs and the finale. Basically i went to the library to study after telling her i didn't have any feelings for her. Then she came into the study room gave me a bj and that was the end of it. Then she asked if i had feelings for her and then i still said no. Then i never really talked to her again.
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why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol
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On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol
I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings.
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You parents sound like a bunch of prison guards. As far as I am concerned it is a parents job to make sure that they can afford education. At least that what my parents did and it is what I am gonna do. By the time children go to college people are usually mid career and they should be able to chip in.
The thing is that it is difficult to estimate expenses and I think that you are severely underestimating them. And you are overestimating how much you can work. 20 hours a week next to your studies is a lot. Maybe it's manageable during freshman year or if you study some bs liberal art major. But studying chemical engineering while working 20 hours a week for four years is gonna be hard.
Still, I think you did a good job by getting this many jobs and working hard. That is very good and it shows that you can take care of yourself.
My advice: considering that you will study chemical engineering in a good university and the fact that you seem to be dedicated to work hard and earn cash wherever you can, I'd say move out. If you work hard you can keep the debt somewhat limited and with a chemical engineering major it won't be much of a problem anyway.
The question is whether added value to your personal and social life of moving out, as well as the benefit of establishing yourself as an independent person, are worth 700-800$ a month. I think it is worth it.
I think your parents have much bigger issues than you. Maybe moving out will help them see it.
By the way, I really think they should contribute to your higher education financially, in one way or another.
Oh and PSII: what you did with the library girl was quite childish. Definite lack of finesse and you didn't apply yourself.
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LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them.
As for school I don't think you can work and go to school. You should go to school to make something of yourself, and you should go with total focus. I think you should move out and take at least one year off to come to terms with your own identity. Perhaps a more solid plan would be to make something for yourself, give your parents some distance, and then reconnect with them. After seeing you as an independent man perceptions can change. This is what I did, and honestly my parents were about 10x worse than yours. I'm at my dream school now.
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On July 19 2013 06:06 SliceAndDice wrote:
You parents sound like a bunch of prison guards. As far as I am concerned it is a parents job to make sure that they can afford education. At least that what my parents did and it is what I am gonna do. By the time children go to college people are usually mid career and they should be able to dip in.
The thing is that it is difficult to estimate expenses and I think that you are severely underestimating them. And you are overestimating how much you can work. 20 hours a week next to your studies is a lot. Maybe it's manageable during freshman year or if you study some bs liberal art major. But studying chemical engineering while working 20 hours a week for four years is gonna be hard.
Still, I think you did a good job by getting this many jobs and working hard. That is very good and it shows that you can take care of yourself.
My advice: considering that you will study chemical engineering in a good university and the fact that you seem to be dedicated to work hard and earn cash wherever you can, I'd say move out. If you work hard you can keep the debt somewhat limited and with a chemical engineering major it won't be much of a problem anyway.
The question is whether added value to your personal and social life of moving out, as well as the benefit of establishing yourself as an independent person, are worth 700-800$ a month. I think it is worth it.
I think your parents have much bigger issues than you. Maybe moving out will help them see it.
By the way, I really think they should contribute to your higher education financially, in one way or another.
I ended up doing running start for pharmacy school, and just recentaly changed majors. For the next two years i will only be taking 1-2 classes a quarter to finish math pre-reqs , during the last 2 years is when i will take on most of the debt because i won't be working very much with full time school, probably just enough to live off of
as for library girl: i know what i did was childish and i made sure to apologize to her afterwards. And made sure not to repeat the same mistake again with she (as in making sure I knew what i was getting into and what i wanted)
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On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them.
My dads a pastor T.T
EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time.
EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet
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On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T
I editted my post.
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Damn that's a shitty situation, I didn't really mind commuting to college for 4 years from home but my parents never treated me like a 12-year-old. It's probably worth it to GTFO while you can even if it means working a bit extra because your parents sound like nuts, just make sure you have confidence in your academics and be extra careful to stay away from bullshit degrees that won't get you a decent job right off the bat.
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On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet
It's totally possible to attend school and knock out general ed studies while working. But you have to think about things in terms of what steps to take and how they help achieve your goals. So you need some goals, or in other words priorities.
If you're going to school your #1 priority should be getting hired straight from school. If that isn't what you want then you damn well better not attend school. School isn't and shouldn't be about freedom; it's about growing. It's an expensive and efficient investment and ought to be thought of like so.
I think the most optimal way to attend school is to make the best of the investment. So I believe going while working isn't the best way to go about it. Moving out and spending time to identify yourself is a pre-requisite to making the best of school, and is also essential for the rest of your life. Not only will you get these benefits, but spending some time making a living on your own can also let your parents reconnect with you with a more respectful relationship.
Edit: To give you a frame of reference it took my parents a year to call and apologize for how they treated me. I of course apologized for the things I did wrong to them too, despite thinking that their wrongs were much worse.
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On July 19 2013 06:05 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings.
yeah she was gonna snoop through your phone and didnt have to because she found something before she could
get out asap or youre gonna be miserable dude that is not a way to live life. more than anything, the dangling of your future your head over this stuff of all things... there is a lot of messed up stuff here, but the money thing is like holy shit bad
contact the school, explain your situation and ask to be directed to who you need to talk to re: loans, financial aid, rooming. start looking for off campus housing to to see what that that costs. there is surely a place on campus where you can find other students looking for off campus housing
this is one of those things where if you get out now, you at least have a chance of having a decent relationship again. i wouldnt trust my parents a damn bit if i were you at that point. if you stay through college, you will regret it 100%. what do you think is gonna happen when you inevitably drink? are you gonna sneak around and lie about going to meet girls til you're legally able to drink? this is perfect ground for resentment if you stay. like cecil said, if you get out, they might respect you as an independent adult. if not, well then you dont have to deal with that bullshit any longer.
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On July 19 2013 06:27 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:05 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings. yeah she was gonna snoop through your phone and didnt have to because she found something before she could get out asap or youre gonna be miserable dude that is not a way to live life. more than anything, the dangling of your future your head over this stuff of all things... there is a lot of messed up stuff here, but the money thing is like holy shit bad contact the school, explain your situation and ask to be directed to who you need to talk to re: loans, financial aid, rooming. start looking for off campus housing to to see what that that costs. there is surely a place on campus where you can find other students looking for off campus housing this is one of those things where if you get out now, you at least have a chance of having a decent relationship again. i wouldnt trust my parents a damn bit if i were you at that point. if you stay through college, you will regret it 100%. what do you think is gonna happen when you inevitably drink? are you gonna sneak around and lie about going to meet girls til you're legally able to drink? this is perfect ground for resentment if you stay. like cecil said, if you get out, they might respect you as an independent adult. if not, well then you dont have to deal with that bullshit any longer.
Off campus housing i've been looking at already and have places potentially lined up, i'm just nervous on pulling the trigger
@cecil chemical engineering is something i like studying and i plan to get a job out of it the moment im done with college.
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how much do you make a month and what are you fixed expenses??
i would probably at least talk to your advisor at school about aid, loans etc before you do anything like that. id help you more, but i know dick about that. but there are certain types of loans you should be able to get money for living expenses for. knowing you have that to fall back on will lighten you load. work if you can, but you are not bound to work to pay your rent--you have the loans if you cant, if you start falling behind in school, etc.
what is your fixed expenses like? car, phone (sounds like you need a new one now), health insurance (if your parents are real dickheads about this your school should have something), do you need a laptop? if you dont have a car, how far is the bus, how much is a round trip to and from school, to and from the grocery store
you like cooking now, which is a huge boost. most people in your shoes are woefully incompetent, and if theyre not eating out and pissing away money, theyre probably eating horribly, tons of canned soup and crap for $3/can when you can do better tasting and more healthy stuff for a fraction of the price.
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On July 19 2013 07:04 QuanticHawk wrote:
how much do you make a month and what are you fixed expenses??
i would probably at least talk to your advisor at school about aid, loans etc before you do anything like that. id help you more, but i know dick about that. but there are certain types of loans you should be able to get money for living expenses for. knowing you have that to fall back on will lighten you load. work if you can, but you are not bound to work to pay your rent--you have the loans if you cant, if you start falling behind in school, etc.
what is your fixed expenses like? car, phone (sounds like you need a new one now), health insurance (if your parents are real dickheads about this your school should have something), do you need a laptop? if you dont have a car, how far is the bus, how much is a round trip to and from school, to and from the grocery store
you like cooking now, which is a huge boost. most people in your shoes are woefully incompetent, and if theyre not eating out and pissing away money, theyre probably eating horribly, tons of canned soup and crap for $3/can when you can do better tasting and more healthy stuff for a fraction of the price.
Fixed expenses are just food and cellphone bill. Im getting a road bike before UW starts, that and the upass which is unlimited bus fare included into tuition along with a phone will get me were i need to pretty fast. The places im looking at are close to UW so i can walk/5minute bike/1bus to school. Also happens to be pretty central to my work places 15 minutes to get to either of them through bus or biking. I won't be needing a car, and my parents while harsh would still keep me on their health insurance, Laptop i already have as well as a desktop that i built myself around 6 months ago. Grocery store is also not soo much of an issue. I'm going to schedule an appointment with an advisor so i can talk to them about that sort of stuff.
Even if i don't get the road bike i have a hybrid which is fast enough, i just kind of want a road bike
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I used to have a love in Seatlle. 
Awesome place to live, it seemed, when I visited her.
Move the f*ck out.
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i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine
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On July 19 2013 07:20 QuanticHawk wrote:
i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine
currently monthly is anywere from 1800-2400 depending on how much i want to work. during school im probably looking at 1120 a month assuming i work 20 hours a week solidly.
The babysitting is a regular thing anywere from about 4-8 hours a week. If i did it during school i would also probably baby sit at night which pays 20$ instead of 15.
How much do you think food expenses would be if i cooked every meal for the most part. i've heard estimates on anywere from like 140-300 which makes me a bit nervous
Alot of the roomshares im looking at have wireless internet throughout the house provided by landlord or already factored into rent.
I would say my rent limit would be about 550$ a month with everything included.
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you dont want the generosity of people who will lord it over you
I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate.
How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
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On July 19 2013 07:44 HaRuHi wrote:I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate. How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
Honestly, I love my parents a lot. However I do realize that we disagree on stuff and that both of us have over reacted to certain things that the other has done. However, moving out would not mean that I never talk to them again, I would still go out of my way to see them and have a relationship with them.
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
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On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best.
Be weary of who you accept advice from.
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On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from.
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
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On July 19 2013 08:08 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
I understand
Still! With world views one ought to go for what they believe is right. Perhaps this is really what your friend meant, but going for "what makes you happy" and "what you believe to be right" are different.
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On July 19 2013 08:11 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:08 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
I've known this friend for 10 years. This advice was mostly aimed at the religious issue that he knows i have. He also knows that no matter what I do i will strive to have a good relationship with them
I understand Still! With world views one ought to go for what they believe is right. Perhaps this is really what your friend meant, but going for "what makes you happy" and "what you believe to be right" are different.
What is right huh?...
I'll have to give that some thought.
Thanks Cecil
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On July 19 2013 07:44 HaRuHi wrote:I just read through this whole blog, because I just had a major fallout with my dad. I got so mad, that I basicly was like stunned for a whole day. And I could not keep that rage, and for a moment I thought about just saying goodbye to him, innerly, forever. But then I realised how happy I am to have a dad. I was expecting something else from a parent, so I got disappointed, big deal. I will cherrish what I got, and even though he is manipulative, I will just focus on the good sides, live my life the way I see fit and always welcome him, when he decides to be there for me in a way I can appreciate. How I guess we relate is that we both wish our parents would just accept us with all our flaws, support us regardless of our mistakes, love unconditionally. My advice, do the same for them, cherrish what you got, move out if you have to, but don`t let anger take away your parents, love them to the best of your ability, accept what is, but live YOUR life.
yeah my whole advice to get out now was specifically to be able to have a relationship later because that is the type of stuff where it deteriorates real fast. you dont give them the ability to lord shit over you, to manipulate you, you dont have that animosity betwen you anymore
sucks you have to do that, but hey, that is the cards you are dealt
On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from.
care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on
On July 19 2013 07:40 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 07:20 QuanticHawk wrote:
i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine currently monthly is anywere from 1800-2400 depending on how much i want to work. during school im probably looking at 1120 a month assuming i work 20 hours a week solidly. The babysitting is a regular thing anywere from about 4-8 hours a week. If i did it during school i would also probably baby sit at night which pays 20$ instead of 15. How much do you think food expenses would be if i cooked every meal for the most part. i've heard estimates on anywere from like 140-300 which makes me a bit nervous Alot of the roomshares im looking at have wireless internet throughout the house provided by landlord or already factored into rent. I would say my rent limit would be about 550$ a month with everything included.
i think the golden rule is your rent (not all the other stuff) should not be higher than 20 or 30% i kinda forget. again, not to beat a dead horse, but you obviously know at this point to talk to your loan people. either way you should work
and yeah look around a lot of places will have landlords who pay some utilties. cable factored into rent honestly isnt that huge... i pay $100/mo (split by me and roommate) and that is internet and cable with some movie channels. split that by four and it aint much at all, and not having it as part of your deal allows you guys to get a plan that works for you. you should be looking for a bigger place so it is you and 3 other people. the more people, the less you pay, and you really wanna try to do that in college working pt. cut corners and save while living like a hobo is acceptable.
as far as food, a single person spending $300/mo on groceries for only themselves is either rich, fat or an idiot, or a mix of all three. 150 is still on the higher side of things for an individual. you can do much less. it all depends how much you cook, what you wanna cook, how much premade shit you wanna buy, and how smart you are at shopping.
http://www.budgetbytes.com/
awesome site for budget eating while still tasting good. if you have a something awful account, there are a bunch of threads on cheap cooking.
shopping sdoesnt seem that hard but it really takes a bit of thinking otherwise youll end up wasting a lot of produce and stuff. on top of that, you gotta recognize when there are some good sales that you dont pass up. yesterday chicken breasts were on sale for 1.75... that is stupid low. i bought 15lbs and whatever i dont cook by tomorrow is getting frozen in 1.5-2lbs bags. rotissery chicken at stores are oftne a great deal. my place has them as low as $4 sometimes. that is typically cheaper at a per pound price than uncooked boneless breasts. you can make a lot of stuff with the white meat and the dark, and then you use the bones and make your own broth and save $$. recently ive been on a kick with flanks and london broil since it has been on sale a lot. cheap and flavorful if you do it right, and with decent bread youve got yourself a filling lunch.
also, once you get the hang of what you are doing as far as shopping and cooking, you can make a lot of food and your costs sare split in half. there are a lot of cheapo stews chilis sauces etc that reheat very well.
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So you think something closer to 125$ a month for food, and about 50$ for my phone would be the fixed expenses that I have.
Im not too big of a TV watcher, and most of the stuff i do watch is what i find online for free or rented from the library cause i hate waiting for next weeks episodes.
Edit: i'll be back in a few hours got some tennis and other stuff to do. Thanks for all the help soo far.
At the below comment: Waiting until winter has occured to me as well. I'm looking at places currently but if i don't find a place i like then i won't spend more money just to move out. I'm just unsure of if i do find a place i really like do i take it? And i think the answer might be yes...
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Stay home!
I am the only one saying it but make and save your money and just deal with it for a little bit. See if anything changes with you and your parents and if things get way bad, you can just bounce during winter or something.
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honestly without knowing how much you cook, how competent you are and how much you know about food shopping o na budget i cant tell for sure. i can tell you that is certainly doable just for groceries, and you could def do lower if you wanted. kick around that site i linked. there's a lot of good ideas there. you can do cajun red beans and rice really cheap, like a big ol pot with probably a dozen servings for under $15 total. it is really all effort level and being smart.
tv you can easily do much cheaper than that. i keep my cable because i love sports and i hate having to watch that on non hd streams.
obviously, if you werent in the situation you are with your parents, staying at home would be advisable. it just seems like a really poor idea given how controlling they are, and how much of a recipe that is for disaster with a 19 year old college student.
also, i know youve got $$ saved, but dont forget about furnishing your place. im not even talking about paintings and non essentials. decent kitchen stuff isnt exactly cheap even if youre not going for crazy chef stuff. some things you can skimp on, but stuff like knives and pans you probably wanna get halfway decent stuff that will last you a bit more than the dollar store stuff will. things like microwaves, glasess, crock pots, plates and other things you can get at the thirft store for nothing. dont discount garage sales: just a couple weeks ago i got a brand new sandwich/burger press, and a sushi plate set for $5 each.
also, for the love of god, dont pick up curbside or craiglist couches. that is asking for bed bugs. budget corner at bobs or something, dont fuck with that
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On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on
Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually).
I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly.
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Hi again, MeatMachine
I'm sorry to hear about your recent woes, all I can say is stay in school, eat that debt like a motherfucker, and land a good job when you get out of college.
So listen, I was raised in a strict religious household, wherein any sexual activity was INCREDIBLY EVIL outside of the marriage. But I can almost safely say that my parents would not have pulled the carpet out from under if they knew about some of the stuff I've done. My own mother knew I out drinking one night and got stopped by a cop on the street. Her response was a smile as she said, "Meh, dad doesn't need to know." I only mention this because I really don't understand how this is really all stemming from your perfectly healthy and normal shenanigans. You're not an addict and you're not in jail, you're a smart kid going to college, I don't get what their flippin' problem is D:
If you write another sad blog, I'll just drive to Seattle and give you a beer (or 10) to help you relax a little, but I'm glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders.
PS stay home and focus on succeeding in college, being in school without "having" to work is a blessing that you should take advantage of while you can.
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On July 19 2013 10:20 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Hi again, MeatMachine
I'm sorry to hear about your recent woes, all I can say is stay in school, eat that debt like a motherfucker, and land a good job when you get out of college.
So listen, I was raised in a strict religious household, wherein any sexual activity was INCREDIBLY EVIL outside of the marriage. But I can almost safely say that my parents would not have pulled the carpet out from under if they knew about some of the stuff I've done. My own mother knew I out drinking one night and got stopped by a cop on the street. Her response was a smile as she said, "Meh, dad doesn't need to know." I only mention this because I really don't understand how this is really all stemming from your perfectly healthy and normal shenanigans. You're not an addict and you're not in jail, you're a smart kid going to college, I don't get what their flippin' problem is D:
If you write another sad blog, I'll just drive to Seattle and give you a beer (or 10) to help you relax a little, but I'm glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders.
PS stay home and focus on succeeding in college, being in school without "having" to work is a blessing that you should take advantage of while you can.
HI MDJ!!!
My mom would be like im gonna have to tell your father everything and he will deal with you. And honestly I could stay at home but I would still have to work since as it stands now i still have to pay for college I just woudln't have to work as much. (work is also quite enjoyable)
I'm also not that sad, i just feel like i would enjoy the freedom more im just not sure of the cost.
@Cecil keep the big brother senses coming! :D My friends parents are also quite religious (he's muslim) but he believes in what he does without his parents telling him what to do. Me not soo much...
@Hawk believe it or not, i do have money set aside for furnishing and paying the last rent and app fee. the 6k saved is primarily just for tuition dollars. I should have around 8-9k by september 1st which is if I move out.
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So you still want the beer, right? I got tons.
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On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons.
There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away.
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On July 19 2013 13:11 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons. There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away.
have fun with at least four more years of that if you stay home man
also, should you move out, in addition to whatever furnishing you gotta do, dont forget youre gonna have to put down a deposit too. you definitely want a couple g's set aside that are untouchable in the event of some kinda disaster. you sound like you got a good start though.
honestly man, considering your age, you sound pretty together and youll be fine once you get out there.
On July 19 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually). I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly.
ok i gotcha. at first i thought you were disagreeing with the live you life how you want, not how your parents want sentiment
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On July 19 2013 13:24 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 13:11 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 13:09 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So you still want the beer, right? I got tons. There's no question about drugs and alcohol getting me kicked out of the house. Girls just get everything taken away. have fun with at least four more years of that if you stay home man also, should you move out, in addition to whatever furnishing you gotta do, dont forget youre gonna have to put down a deposit too. you definitely want a couple g's set aside that are untouchable in the event of some kinda disaster. you sound like you got a good start though. honestly man, considering your age, you sound pretty together and youll be fine once you get out there. Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 09:51 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:54 QuanticHawk wrote:On July 19 2013 08:07 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 08:04 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
My best friend gave me similar advice. Its your life you shouldn't have to do everything to please your parents, do what makes you happy.
How old is this friend? Your parents deserve a great deal of respect, but as you become an adult you have to make your own choices. You shouldn't just "do what makes you happy". That's selfish and immature (in most cases), as I suspect this "friend" is as well. You should do what you believe to be right, or believe to be best. Be weary of who you accept advice from. care to elaborate on this because it seems rather odd and everything else youve said here has been spot on Yeah sure. I was thinking this friend was talking about world views and religion, and I've had some experience with really bad advice that doesn't contribute to personal growth at all... I just feel, from my own experience, that you need to be really clear between doing what makes you happy and what you think is right. It's easy to muddy the two, and often times younger dudes rely way too much on the opinions of their peers (which are just as ignorant as they are usually). I guess you can say my older brother senses are tingling and I jumped at this too harshly. ok i gotcha. at first i thought you were disagreeing with the live you life how you want, not how your parents want sentiment
Honestly I think it would be wisest for me to move out Jan 1st. I would be able to save up more money, and see exactly how much i need to focus on school to get really good grades and how much i would be able to work at the same time. Its also not unheard of for people to stay at the library on test nights, and i can just use those to get a day off from my parents if needed.
EDIT: then there are times like right now. there are rows of tables here. I have my laptop on the table and she sits right behind me. She leaves for like 10 minutes, i move to another table. And she moves herself right behind me, the ever faithful prison warden
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Uh
Okay, I didn't think it was to this extreme
You need to leave
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My own mother fully admitted to snooping in my room, and was unapologetic, but she did NOT follow me around
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On July 19 2013 13:44 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Uh
Okay, I didn't think it was to this extreme
You need to leave
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My own mother fully admitted to snooping in my room, and was unapologetic, but she did NOT follow me around
I'm still at my house but still...
I feel like sometimes I'm being childish but other times i feel like they might be too harsh on stuff.
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Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs*
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On July 19 2013 13:58 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 13:44 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Uh
Okay, I didn't think it was to this extreme
You need to leave
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My own mother fully admitted to snooping in my room, and was unapologetic, but she did NOT follow me around I'm still at my house but still... I feel like sometimes I'm being childish but other times i feel like they might be too harsh on stuff.
Yeah it's hard to tell from your own perspective. You always hear about other dudes, especially on TL, that complain about their parents. Usually they are brats. But just take it from the rest of us: your parents are being mean to you and you should move and spend some time on your own.
I think you shouldn't expect to fully attend school, but you can knock out some gen. ed courses without much a problem. Just pay for like 3 credits to start off and see how it goes. You can always take more classes later, but once you actually move out you can't commit to too much without knowing what you can handle.
And if you have 6k saved up you're in a great spot. I moved out, out of state with 600 dollars and no job at all
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On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs*
probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC
@Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to?
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i mean, i would say under ideal circumstances tough it til jan because you can save more and try and figure out what you can do as far as work/school/life balance... but shit dude. get the fuck out lol
i think you could do a bit more than 3 credits, but i agree, take it easy at first until you know what you can do. but as cecil said, others have gone out in way worse positions than you are. if you are smart about what you are doing you will be totally fine.
seriously, tomorrow morning, get your ass to your financial aid office. talk loans and all that stuff. get some info and come back and ask questions here and someone more in the know will come along. i provide glib comments and occasional good advice. finance aint my stuff.
sept 1 is ok i am sure you can keep your head low til then. but i had seen this play out enough when i was your age. your situation will not end well if you stay at home
youll be better for it though man. youre getting a jump on being an adult. most people your age have zero savings, no job, and would struggle to make ramen. youll be fine.
a second thing: i wouild go look up food stamps in your state. once you start up school you will be on a much lower income. you have no car, and with limited income you might qualify. you can a good hunk of change that way. look it up without applying. they might ding you for having that much savings, but you can also cash it out, and put it in a safe deposit box since bank accounts make fucking nothing in interest these days. then it doesnt appear. option two would be investing in silver, which is not necessarily a bad idea since it is low now, but it is also risky.
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On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to?
Truck broke down lol
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On July 19 2013 14:29 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to? Truck broke down lol
:/ glad i asked you for used car advice 
If I find a place i like ill go check it out then!
for chemical engineering the first year would be 2 classes a quarter and the second one would be 1 class a quarter. If i don't find a place to move in then i will take a stacked course load for the first quarter and make the rest of them easier for when i move out or just start the 2 quarter year first.
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How much are you getting in aid. It matters dude. Also, there is federal loan forgiveness for certain majors, etc. You could look into that. Finally, I would HEAVILY suggest trying to get a work-study job or a paying internship working for a professor you like.
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On July 19 2013 14:40 docvoc wrote:
How much are you getting in aid. It matters dude. Also, there is federal loan forgiveness for certain majors, etc. You could look into that. Finally, I would HEAVILY suggest trying to get a work-study job or a paying internship working for a professor you like.
no Aid, when i applied my parents made enough that i didn't qualify for the aid that UW gives. To be fair they don't really give any unless you qualify for the husky promise which i don't. This would probably change if i move out and claim independent on my FAFSA but i haven't factored in anything like that, and i feel that it is better not to plan on receiving something like that and just think of it as a bonus.
I'm going to public state uni so for 4 years at current tuition dollars i would be at 45k for the whole thing. I will look into the certain majors thing. I haven't taken any classes yet so i have yet to meet a professor i like.
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On July 19 2013 14:43 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:40 docvoc wrote:
How much are you getting in aid. It matters dude. Also, there is federal loan forgiveness for certain majors, etc. You could look into that. Finally, I would HEAVILY suggest trying to get a work-study job or a paying internship working for a professor you like. This would probably change if i move out and claim independent on my FAFSA but i haven't factored in anything like that, and i feel that it is better not to plan on receiving something like that and just think of it as a bonus.
yeah dont plan on it but certainly ask an advisor about it. explain your situation and just say i am moving out, my parents will not be paying
fafsa are notoriously bastards about aid. i got denied because my parents made over their limit, even though i was the oldest of four and three of us were within five years of each other
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On July 19 2013 14:39 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:29 MountainDewJunkie wrote:On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to? Truck broke down lol :/ glad i asked you for used car advice
Hey, I gave great advice about shopping for a decent car lol. And I'm well aware that when you buy cheap, you get cheap. I don't regret it but I highly recommend that if anyone has more than the pile of change I used to buy my car, use it to get the most reliable thing you can.
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On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to?
What are the dates for, like moveout dates? I moved to WA.
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On July 19 2013 14:53 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to? What are the dates for, like moveout dates? I moved to WA.
Ya tentative move out dates. Before fall quarter or before winter quarter, i thought you were always in washington.
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On July 19 2013 15:06 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 14:53 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to? What are the dates for, like moveout dates? I moved to WA. Ya tentative move out dates. Before fall quarter or before winter quarter, i thought you were always in washington.
Nope my parents are an 8 hour drive away!
Whichever is easiest for you, both dates are fine. What matters is apartment/living situation + jobs/loans, etc.
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On July 19 2013 15:23 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 15:06 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:53 CecilSunkure wrote:On July 19 2013 14:12 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 14:04 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ah, youth. It can sure suck. Although being an adult has been pretty terrible as well. *shrugs* probably cause you live in snohomish \_(O.O)_/ and drive a truck without AC @Cecil, you think sept1 or just rough it until jan1, and what state did you go to? What are the dates for, like moveout dates? I moved to WA. Ya tentative move out dates. Before fall quarter or before winter quarter, i thought you were always in washington. Nope my parents are an 8 hour drive away! Whichever is easiest for you, both dates are fine. What matters is apartment/living situation + jobs/loans, etc.
Ya, i think i don't know if i will move out unless i see something i really like such as decent living place for sub 500$ with utilities. It might not happen but it could, and if it doesn't then i get a quarter to find out how much i can handle and accomplish in order to find a balance between school and work.
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I seriously don't get parents like this. If my mother ever saw me with a girl in high school she'd have been the happiest woman on earth (unfortunately, that didn't happen). How does it even make any sense?
I'd move out, asap. Living alone is far better than with your parents, especially when they're like that
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Keep preparing to move out... Before you sign paperwork have a sit down with your parents. Don't ask them for permission, but talk to them as an individual concerned with your future (which ultimately is WHY they make the rules they do). Just test the waters to see if the thought of you being out from under their wings/roof/rules might make them reconsider how they perceive and treat you.
If your parents can find a way to relax you'd be much better off living at home and having less to worry about in terms of money. Unfortunately, if your parents can't see you as an individual you're best off moving.
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not co-signing on loans is really dangerous...That means you have to rely on YOUR OWN CREDIT (wtf is that right) to buy shit like a car, house, other expensive necesities in life. ANd your credit rating wont be too good either because of the debt youll acquirer from the school loans if you have them after you graduate
On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet
oh...your dad is a pastor. oooohhhh. Um.....how exactly would your dad, a pastor, be able to pay for your college? I can only think of the reasons that your a single sibling and that he is using his life savings to help pay for college for ya. Did they also say anything about praying for you or having you in their prayers as well?
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Get the fuck out of that household. If your parents are that unsupportive of you and are willing to intentionally damage your future, then they are not an asset - they are a liability. What if during your college they decide that they want to kick you out? What would you do in that instance?
Find a place, make some friends, collaborate.
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On July 19 2013 21:42 Race is Terran wrote:not co-signing on loans is really dangerous...That means you have to rely on YOUR OWN CREDIT (wtf is that right) to buy shit like a car, house, other expensive necesities in life. ANd your credit rating wont be too good either because of the debt youll acquirer from the school loans if you have them after you graduate Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet oh...your dad is a pastor. oooohhhh. Um.....how exactly would your dad, a pastor, be able to pay for your college? I can only think of the reasons that your a single sibling and that he is using his life savings to help pay for college for ya. Did they also say anything about praying for you or having you in their prayers as well?
he probably meant cosign on school loans. as little as a pastor would make, he surely has bettter credit than a 19 year old kid
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On July 19 2013 23:56 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 21:42 Race is Terran wrote:not co-signing on loans is really dangerous...That means you have to rely on YOUR OWN CREDIT (wtf is that right) to buy shit like a car, house, other expensive necesities in life. ANd your credit rating wont be too good either because of the debt youll acquirer from the school loans if you have them after you graduate On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet oh...your dad is a pastor. oooohhhh. Um.....how exactly would your dad, a pastor, be able to pay for your college? I can only think of the reasons that your a single sibling and that he is using his life savings to help pay for college for ya. Did they also say anything about praying for you or having you in their prayers as well? he probably meant cosign on school loans. as little as a pastor would make, he surely has bettter credit than a 19 year old kid
ha I think almost anyone has better credit than a 19 year old kid with student debt.
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On July 19 2013 23:56 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 21:42 Race is Terran wrote:not co-signing on loans is really dangerous...That means you have to rely on YOUR OWN CREDIT (wtf is that right) to buy shit like a car, house, other expensive necesities in life. ANd your credit rating wont be too good either because of the debt youll acquirer from the school loans if you have them after you graduate On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet oh...your dad is a pastor. oooohhhh. Um.....how exactly would your dad, a pastor, be able to pay for your college? I can only think of the reasons that your a single sibling and that he is using his life savings to help pay for college for ya. Did they also say anything about praying for you or having you in their prayers as well? he probably meant cosign on school loans. as little as a pastor would make, he surely has bettter credit than a 19 year old kid
my parents make about 85k a year together. My dad has a doctorate in theology, but he also has a bachelors or masters in math and a masters in teaching and education. So he teaches IB calculus. He doesn't like to rely on other people for financial stuff and so he doesn't have to cater his message to get money.
And I doubt my parents would cosign on anything.
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i would live at home. Would make you work harder and keep you focused.
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On July 20 2013 03:50 doner0 wrote:
i would live at home. Would make you work harder and keep you focused.
Gotta learn to do this on your own.
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On July 20 2013 06:30 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On July 20 2013 03:50 doner0 wrote:
i would live at home. Would make you work harder and keep you focused. Gotta learn to do this on your own.
I would say i'm a focused person when it comes to things that matter. I started college when i was 16 and i could have gone to pharmacy school if I had really wanted it but I decided that wasn't the direction i wanted to take and that chemical engineering would satisfy me more.
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working hard and keeping focused sure dont seem to be a problem here, and if you have a problem with that, i would say the best way to fix it is to actually get out there and adress the problem and learn self control, not shut yourself in and hope it goes away (it wont)
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When I went to university, I stayed at home to save money. Working construction during the summer, and paying for little in the way of expenses, I was able to pay off my student loans within the first year after I was done.
However, life at home was soooo brutal. You have no freedom. Even if your parents are really nice, there will be a lot of tiny things that you wish you could do, but can't because you're not the proprietor of the house. Just tons of stupid small stuff that you think won't be that big of an issue.
Stuff like:
Wanting peace and quiet when you're doing hw/studying
Buying food and hoping no one else has any
Spending your free time on the PC/TV without getting interrupted or hassled
Bringing friends or girls back to the house and having your plans ruined because someone else is occupying the area of the house you were hoping to entertain them in
I moved out when I was 23 and after spending three months on my own, I wish I could have gone back and moved out when I was 18. And when you have no safety net, you really rise to the occasion. It's actually quite amazing the stuff I've accomplished in my life because I was forced to do things on my own. I'm not saying everything becomes a breeze when you move out, but when you really want something, you find ways to make it work.
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This isn't a decision.
Move out. Life gets much better after you do, trust me.
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EPT
