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Moving Out:
Growing up is filled with many choices.
Lots of stuff has happened between my parents and I, she and I, and a lot of people and I. My relationship with my parents has definitely changed a ton in the last 3 months. They found out about some stuff that I had done that preferably my parents would never had found out about (It was all perfectly legal no substances or anything that I would regret. They just found out about the library girl :/)
Sooooo anyway, what ended up happening was that my phone got taken away since the beginning of may until jesus comes again. This would have made me unhappy except for the fact that I never used my phone in the first place so whatevs. Then they also pretty much disowned me financially and told me that I would have to pay for college. I was mad for like 2 hours before I resigned myself to my fate (Demanding that my parents pay for my college is self-entitled right ninazerg?)
Due to having to pay for my college and stuff I ended up job searching before summer started in order to get work and pay for school. My dad also kind of scared me saying some stuff about how they wouldn’t co-sign for loans and that I would have to work like 50 hours a week in order to pay for everything. Needless to say I’ve never really looked into the cost of things so I got scared and found myself work reaaaaal quick. I ended up with 3 jobs, I babysit (pays quite nice 15$/hour), I word at FredHutch (13$ an hour) and I work at mio sushi at greenlake which is minimum wage plus tips. I work about 30-40 hours a week and I’ve been having a nice time.
So as university of Washington school year is approaching I find myself with the a few more decisions. I can pay for my college tuition easily if I live at home (studying chemical engineering) or I could accept anywere from 12-20k student loans the government ones such as Stafford were you don’t pay back until you graduate and move out. These numbers are not including any financial aid I might receive from moving out, scholarships, or my parents giving me any money whatsoever. These numbers are me being purely financially independent and working about 20 hours a week at an average of 15$ an hour while im in school and working 30-40 hours a week during the summer, maybe less.
I would also say that these numbers are a bit on the high side for college debt because I am overestimating living expenses just to be on the safe side of planning my expenses. There is also a chance that my parents will pay for some stuff but I wouldn’t count on it.
Now to get to the meat of the matter! I have been debating whether to move out and enjoy my college life (cough cough freedom) or to just stick it out and live in a semi-prison were everything is watched. UGGG SOOO FRUSTRATING!!!
Benefits of this is that living at home if i don't get kicked out for a couple more months would drop how much debt i would end up with.
as for living expenses I’ve estimated the cost to be rent +250$ for living expenses such as food and phone. (All the places that I’m looking at are close to grocery stores and have a kitchen so that I can cook since I enjoy cooking.)
Any tips and advice as always would be appreciated!
Thanks
 
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if you were being an idiot, drinking yourself out of college and they're threatening to yank support for you i could see that?
doing all this because you visited a girl at 18 when you said you were somewhere else, lying because they're uptight for no reason? Yeah, I would be getting all my aid and loan forms filled out asap.
Do you really wanna live with that hanging over your head, anytime you do the slightest thing to upset them they threaten to yank it? you dont want the generosity of people who will lord it over you--life lesson moment right here. that is some major levels of manipulative bullshit and that is how you find yourself seething with resentment and your relationship totally deteriorates.
i dont know you obviously so it is impossible to comment on your work ethic, but it is possible to work through college, even ft, to make ends meet and pay rent yourself. you will never ever make enough to pay for your tuition in full, and youll go nuts trying.
my gut says to just take the loans and live on campus or if those staffords allow you to, put it towards off campus housing if it is cheaper. wish i could help you more there, but i was lucky and didnt have any loans. do your homework on researching that since it will pay off. off campus you have the perk of not having to deal with stupid campus police, strict noise and drinking rules and stuff, and you get to pick your roommates. downside is that if you are not particularly social, you dont get forced into meeting people on your floor as you would living on campus.
if you have the loans to fall back on, then you dont have to freak out about having to work to make ends meet. instead, you can work at a level that still allows you to meet priorty 1: succeeding in school. the amount of work that will require differs for everyone, but work and school in undergrad is absolutely doable. just be sure to live tightly, save when you can this way you have an egg to throw at your loans when you gotta start paying them.
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I need some backstory on this library girl. Did you go the library and rape her? If not then what the fuck are your parents doing? That is not parenting, that's some huge bullshit. If all you did was go out and talk (or even just have sex) with a girl while surrounded by library books, then you need to distance yourself from these terrible people.
So unless there are more details, from what you've presented here so far your parents are terrible parents and any distance you can get until you graduate will be priceless.
In the meantime I'll skim your previous blogs looking for the girl info. Edit: too much work.
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On July 19 2013 05:54 CecilSunkure wrote:
I need some backstory on this library girl. Did you go the library and rape her? If not then what the fuck are your parents doing? That is not parenting, that's some huge bullshit. If all you did was go out and talk (or even just have sex) with a girl while surrounded by library books, then you need to distance yourself from these terrible people.
So unless there are more details, from what you've presented here so far your parents are terrible parents and any distance you can get until you graduate will be priceless.
In the meantime I'll skim your previous blogs looking for the girl info. Edit: too much work.
Library girl was the first 3 blogs and the finale. Basically i went to the library to study after telling her i didn't have any feelings for her. Then she came into the study room gave me a bj and that was the end of it. Then she asked if i had feelings for her and then i still said no. Then i never really talked to her again.
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why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol
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On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol
I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings.
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You parents sound like a bunch of prison guards. As far as I am concerned it is a parents job to make sure that they can afford education. At least that what my parents did and it is what I am gonna do. By the time children go to college people are usually mid career and they should be able to chip in.
The thing is that it is difficult to estimate expenses and I think that you are severely underestimating them. And you are overestimating how much you can work. 20 hours a week next to your studies is a lot. Maybe it's manageable during freshman year or if you study some bs liberal art major. But studying chemical engineering while working 20 hours a week for four years is gonna be hard.
Still, I think you did a good job by getting this many jobs and working hard. That is very good and it shows that you can take care of yourself.
My advice: considering that you will study chemical engineering in a good university and the fact that you seem to be dedicated to work hard and earn cash wherever you can, I'd say move out. If you work hard you can keep the debt somewhat limited and with a chemical engineering major it won't be much of a problem anyway.
The question is whether added value to your personal and social life of moving out, as well as the benefit of establishing yourself as an independent person, are worth 700-800$ a month. I think it is worth it.
I think your parents have much bigger issues than you. Maybe moving out will help them see it.
By the way, I really think they should contribute to your higher education financially, in one way or another.
Oh and PSII: what you did with the library girl was quite childish. Definite lack of finesse and you didn't apply yourself.
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LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them.
As for school I don't think you can work and go to school. You should go to school to make something of yourself, and you should go with total focus. I think you should move out and take at least one year off to come to terms with your own identity. Perhaps a more solid plan would be to make something for yourself, give your parents some distance, and then reconnect with them. After seeing you as an independent man perceptions can change. This is what I did, and honestly my parents were about 10x worse than yours. I'm at my dream school now.
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On July 19 2013 06:06 SliceAndDice wrote:
You parents sound like a bunch of prison guards. As far as I am concerned it is a parents job to make sure that they can afford education. At least that what my parents did and it is what I am gonna do. By the time children go to college people are usually mid career and they should be able to dip in.
The thing is that it is difficult to estimate expenses and I think that you are severely underestimating them. And you are overestimating how much you can work. 20 hours a week next to your studies is a lot. Maybe it's manageable during freshman year or if you study some bs liberal art major. But studying chemical engineering while working 20 hours a week for four years is gonna be hard.
Still, I think you did a good job by getting this many jobs and working hard. That is very good and it shows that you can take care of yourself.
My advice: considering that you will study chemical engineering in a good university and the fact that you seem to be dedicated to work hard and earn cash wherever you can, I'd say move out. If you work hard you can keep the debt somewhat limited and with a chemical engineering major it won't be much of a problem anyway.
The question is whether added value to your personal and social life of moving out, as well as the benefit of establishing yourself as an independent person, are worth 700-800$ a month. I think it is worth it.
I think your parents have much bigger issues than you. Maybe moving out will help them see it.
By the way, I really think they should contribute to your higher education financially, in one way or another.
I ended up doing running start for pharmacy school, and just recentaly changed majors. For the next two years i will only be taking 1-2 classes a quarter to finish math pre-reqs , during the last 2 years is when i will take on most of the debt because i won't be working very much with full time school, probably just enough to live off of
as for library girl: i know what i did was childish and i made sure to apologize to her afterwards. And made sure not to repeat the same mistake again with she (as in making sure I knew what i was getting into and what i wanted)
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On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them.
My dads a pastor T.T
EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time.
EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet
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On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T
I editted my post.
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United States1655 Posts
Damn that's a shitty situation, I didn't really mind commuting to college for 4 years from home but my parents never treated me like a 12-year-old. It's probably worth it to GTFO while you can even if it means working a bit extra because your parents sound like nuts, just make sure you have confidence in your academics and be extra careful to stay away from bullshit degrees that won't get you a decent job right off the bat.
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On July 19 2013 06:10 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:09 CecilSunkure wrote:
LOL that's a classic mistake. You really gotta think things through. For example, I never have my gf text me anything like that. I have siblings, roommates, friends around and it's way too easy for personal stuff to get around.
Clear your texts or something geez lmao
Despite how funny this is, your parents are ridiculous. I'm guessing they are pretty uptight church goers? Honestly if they just talked about sex and relationships openly with you, you'd probably have less a desire to go out and figure things out yourself.
My advice is still to distance yourself, but chill out on what you experience. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Make some priorities and then execute them. My dads a pastor T.T EDIT: I would have about 8k saved up before school started and im looking for somewhere that would be like 1 bus to work and UW. I think with 10 credits a quarter for the first year and 5 credits a quarter the second year i could work 20 hours easiyl the second year and maybe 15 hours a week the first year. about 5 hours a week would be babysitting at night time were i just watch the house and make sure nothing happens while the parents are out. Prime study time. EDIT#2: I also realize the need for a solid plan which is why i haven't committed to anything yet
It's totally possible to attend school and knock out general ed studies while working. But you have to think about things in terms of what steps to take and how they help achieve your goals. So you need some goals, or in other words priorities.
If you're going to school your #1 priority should be getting hired straight from school. If that isn't what you want then you damn well better not attend school. School isn't and shouldn't be about freedom; it's about growing. It's an expensive and efficient investment and ought to be thought of like so.
I think the most optimal way to attend school is to make the best of the investment. So I believe going while working isn't the best way to go about it. Moving out and spending time to identify yourself is a pre-requisite to making the best of school, and is also essential for the rest of your life. Not only will you get these benefits, but spending some time making a living on your own can also let your parents reconnect with you with a more respectful relationship.
Edit: To give you a frame of reference it took my parents a year to call and apologize for how they treated me. I of course apologized for the things I did wrong to them too, despite thinking that their wrongs were much worse.
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On July 19 2013 06:05 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings.
yeah she was gonna snoop through your phone and didnt have to because she found something before she could
get out asap or youre gonna be miserable dude that is not a way to live life. more than anything, the dangling of your future your head over this stuff of all things... there is a lot of messed up stuff here, but the money thing is like holy shit bad
contact the school, explain your situation and ask to be directed to who you need to talk to re: loans, financial aid, rooming. start looking for off campus housing to to see what that that costs. there is surely a place on campus where you can find other students looking for off campus housing
this is one of those things where if you get out now, you at least have a chance of having a decent relationship again. i wouldnt trust my parents a damn bit if i were you at that point. if you stay through college, you will regret it 100%. what do you think is gonna happen when you inevitably drink? are you gonna sneak around and lie about going to meet girls til you're legally able to drink? this is perfect ground for resentment if you stay. like cecil said, if you get out, they might respect you as an independent adult. if not, well then you dont have to deal with that bullshit any longer.
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On July 19 2013 06:27 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2013 06:05 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 19 2013 06:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
why on earth would you tell them that..??? not that it at all merits their response, but still man lol I didn't tell them that, My phone was sitting on the table and there was a super cute cat picture for my wallpaper. My mom picks up the phone and goes aaww soo cute. Then i get a sexmessage from she and my mom's face drops and phone gets taken away and they found out about the library and she (two different girls) She and I have mutual feelings. yeah she was gonna snoop through your phone and didnt have to because she found something before she could get out asap or youre gonna be miserable dude that is not a way to live life. more than anything, the dangling of your future your head over this stuff of all things... there is a lot of messed up stuff here, but the money thing is like holy shit bad contact the school, explain your situation and ask to be directed to who you need to talk to re: loans, financial aid, rooming. start looking for off campus housing to to see what that that costs. there is surely a place on campus where you can find other students looking for off campus housing this is one of those things where if you get out now, you at least have a chance of having a decent relationship again. i wouldnt trust my parents a damn bit if i were you at that point. if you stay through college, you will regret it 100%. what do you think is gonna happen when you inevitably drink? are you gonna sneak around and lie about going to meet girls til you're legally able to drink? this is perfect ground for resentment if you stay. like cecil said, if you get out, they might respect you as an independent adult. if not, well then you dont have to deal with that bullshit any longer.
Off campus housing i've been looking at already and have places potentially lined up, i'm just nervous on pulling the trigger
@cecil chemical engineering is something i like studying and i plan to get a job out of it the moment im done with college.
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how much do you make a month and what are you fixed expenses??
i would probably at least talk to your advisor at school about aid, loans etc before you do anything like that. id help you more, but i know dick about that. but there are certain types of loans you should be able to get money for living expenses for. knowing you have that to fall back on will lighten you load. work if you can, but you are not bound to work to pay your rent--you have the loans if you cant, if you start falling behind in school, etc.
what is your fixed expenses like? car, phone (sounds like you need a new one now), health insurance (if your parents are real dickheads about this your school should have something), do you need a laptop? if you dont have a car, how far is the bus, how much is a round trip to and from school, to and from the grocery store
you like cooking now, which is a huge boost. most people in your shoes are woefully incompetent, and if theyre not eating out and pissing away money, theyre probably eating horribly, tons of canned soup and crap for $3/can when you can do better tasting and more healthy stuff for a fraction of the price.
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On July 19 2013 07:04 QuanticHawk wrote:
how much do you make a month and what are you fixed expenses??
i would probably at least talk to your advisor at school about aid, loans etc before you do anything like that. id help you more, but i know dick about that. but there are certain types of loans you should be able to get money for living expenses for. knowing you have that to fall back on will lighten you load. work if you can, but you are not bound to work to pay your rent--you have the loans if you cant, if you start falling behind in school, etc.
what is your fixed expenses like? car, phone (sounds like you need a new one now), health insurance (if your parents are real dickheads about this your school should have something), do you need a laptop? if you dont have a car, how far is the bus, how much is a round trip to and from school, to and from the grocery store
you like cooking now, which is a huge boost. most people in your shoes are woefully incompetent, and if theyre not eating out and pissing away money, theyre probably eating horribly, tons of canned soup and crap for $3/can when you can do better tasting and more healthy stuff for a fraction of the price.
Fixed expenses are just food and cellphone bill. Im getting a road bike before UW starts, that and the upass which is unlimited bus fare included into tuition along with a phone will get me were i need to pretty fast. The places im looking at are close to UW so i can walk/5minute bike/1bus to school. Also happens to be pretty central to my work places 15 minutes to get to either of them through bus or biking. I won't be needing a car, and my parents while harsh would still keep me on their health insurance, Laptop i already have as well as a desktop that i built myself around 6 months ago. Grocery store is also not soo much of an issue. I'm going to schedule an appointment with an advisor so i can talk to them about that sort of stuff.
Even if i don't get the road bike i have a hybrid which is fast enough, i just kind of want a road bike
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I used to have a love in Seatlle. 
Awesome place to live, it seemed, when I visited her.
Move the f*ck out.
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i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine
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On July 19 2013 07:20 QuanticHawk wrote:
i should asked but what do you make monthly? obviously your hours vary a bit so try to do a rough estimate for all your jobs. is the babysitter thing regular??
bike is a solid idea just make sure you get yourself a good lock. it will eventually pay itself off on what youre save on gas/bus + you get a free workout.
i dont know the area but if you say you can get by without a car, id say do it. youll have to be a bit smarter about your grocery shopping though, or get your roommate with a car to do it. if youre smart about shopping and cook a good amount you can definitely keep your expenses way down. whenever you are looking at places, assuming utilities are on your dime, see if you can figure out what previous tenants were paying for gas/elec/water, etc (you should be able to call the energy provider and ask). cable is another easy one. google packages where you are so you know what to expect. nice thing about roommates is you can split that stuff.
all this stuff is doable. just dont run around like a headless chicken and youll be fine
currently monthly is anywere from 1800-2400 depending on how much i want to work. during school im probably looking at 1120 a month assuming i work 20 hours a week solidly.
The babysitting is a regular thing anywere from about 4-8 hours a week. If i did it during school i would also probably baby sit at night which pays 20$ instead of 15.
How much do you think food expenses would be if i cooked every meal for the most part. i've heard estimates on anywere from like 140-300 which makes me a bit nervous
Alot of the roomshares im looking at have wireless internet throughout the house provided by landlord or already factored into rent.
I would say my rent limit would be about 550$ a month with everything included.
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