EPTAsk me anything about being a Man, Korean Style - Page 14
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PetitCrabe
Canada410 Posts
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Z3kk
4099 Posts
Anyway, the questions I have are really numerous, really random, and really varied, but nothing particularly stands out at the moment so I'll refrain from asking your help unless there's an actual burning question haha Thank you for everything though! | ||
MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 27 2011 23:13 Thrill wrote: Hi, If you had no son(s) but a daughter and she would be your only child, would you raise her in accordance to Korean standardized cultural norms, or would you raise her differently? What i'm getting at is that you differentiate between western and Korean women - which model would you choose for your hypothetical daughter? Also - what would be your dream for her at a hypothetical age of 32: a) President - single, no children b) First Lady - married, three children Lastly, if you were given the choice before her birth - how would you attribute her "stats" if you had a sum total of 100% to distribute between: a) Beauty b) Intellect c) Artistic/Musical talent Thank you for your time and for the effort you've put into this thread. Very interesting question; I have a second son due in early May, but we plan to have 4 children, so we hope the next two will be daughters. Now the thing is, most Korean's can't choose how to raise their daughters and in many ways, I am the same way, fundamentally I am a Korean so that includes the good and the bad, there are things about westerns that annoy me to no end and there are things which I know I shouldn't do, like over react to bad manners, but I can't help it. A cousin of mine, raised in a very traditional household but raised in Canada, went to Cornell and married a very nice American guy from a very wealthy new england backgrounds, you know, something something the third of whatever and my mother says to me that my uncle is heartbroken and that she should have married a Korean American at least. And I laugh and say to my mother, 'Mom, do you think any real Korean man would want to marry a wife like that? She is only suitable for westerners' and my mother thought about it for a moment, and agreed. That is not to say I haven't been attracted to some wonderful western women, but again, those in particular had their PHDs and were already open to many different cultures. I went out with a Navy Lieutenant who was in intelligence and could speak like 5 languages and she was quite attractive and wonderful (although her diction was very military like, she used the words like 'obtain' or 'observe' rather than get or see lol), so many qualities that I was attracted too were perhaps not typically found in the average western lady, although Jessica Alba can make me her love slave anytime, um, if she wasn't married and I wasn't either ^^. But nowadays, women will chose as they chose, but if I had a choice in the matter, I'd raise her as an elite modern background Korean, but with international sensibilities. But keep in mind, that even family's now are changing as women have become much more financially independent, but in my opinion, still socially the same (so things like marriaging age is being pushed back, but I doubt most Korean women don't want to get married and have a child and the limitation on the number of children is financially influenced). Also, if you're from a Seoul based family or from a country or upper class but not Seoul background, then there are slight difference as well in how the daughters are treated. But of course, my dream would be that she be president, to say otherwise would be ignorant. But being first wife of a good man who is an exceptional president is great as well. But if we're talking about dreams, then president is good and plus if she can accomplish that by 32, holy crap, she'd be the youngest for the rest of history. But if you're talking something relatively more reasonable as she being 52 and president with no children, if she really wants it, then wonderful, the country can be her children, and I would be happy for her as any Korean father would be with such an exceptional achievement. But to even further make it a reasonable scenario; 33, no children, partner in PwC or 33, 2 children and married to a partner in PwC; the latter. What's the point? I don't need to actually have become a partner in PwC to show that I could have been, rather I want to do what brings out what life has to offer; for a man that is ambition, for a woman that can be ambition, but it also can be family as well as expressing that ambition through their children, their husband and even through social work, but slaving for money, what is the point, unless you were a man and had a family to support? I'd not wish anyone to simply slave at a corporate job for money and to be a 'career' person in personal identity only. Out of the three attributes, ideally I'd like to see it as: Beauty: 33.3% Intelligence:33.6% Musical/Artistic ability:33.1% Without beauty in Korea, she'd a have a miserable life as most women are attractive Without intelligence I'd think my wife had an affair Without musical artistic ability, she'd have no social skills But when I write these out, I expect that if the average girl had 100 points of attributes to work with, she'd have started off or was able to achieve 200 points, but you'd get my point that we do have a holistic view, just because I make them nearly all equal, I don't expect them to be all average, I expect them to be equally exceptional, regardless of her actual results, but that she has the potential to be. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 28 2011 00:16 Marksman wrote: The Mighty One, I have a question. You have the Mantra I AM A MACHINE. When and How did that become your mantra? At one point, I became one with my work, totally consumed. The work load and the challenge had become too much and I had no energy or will left to put my all into it, and even the thought of being a pussy or a loser was not enough to motivate me, so I gave it all up, all the complaints, the pain, the effort and I wrote in my MSN, I am a Machine. And then I was and then I did not think or feel, I just did. My bosses didn't like that, they thought I had gone over the edge, that they thought I was pushing myself too hard that I was going over the edge; but when you have great timing and the stars align, you want to maximize it; when everything is going to the shitter and you're the last man standing, you stand, and you fight. And I couldn't do that being the happy-go-lucky angry and passionate guy that I was, no I shut it all down and became the MACHINE. Now was this a good think for me in the long run, no. If you are in Machine Mode for too long, you become numb to everything; you have no joy, no hobbies, you don't waste time to listen to music or watch any type of TV or movies, you are completely separated from the world and you body hurts, the alarm bell goes off you wake up and you never actually sleep. So now I use it sparingly, because we aren't machines although I have day dreamed about being MightyAtom my entire life (AstroBoy for those in the US). ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 28 2011 03:12 Snuggles wrote: I like the answer you gave for the success question. I feel like it's a question I want to ask anyone before putting any trust into their words. There are different answers but anyone who has their head straight in life will give the same or a similar answer you gave. So here's another question. What is your opinion on Multi-level marketing? Very recently a bunch of my friends have been exposed to it. Including one very close one. I've read into MLM and it seems to me that there's a lot mixed opinions about it and I just don't know whats the real deal about MLM. Personally when I had my own run in with a Rep from a MLM company trying to bring me into his business, I absolutely HATED it. I consider myself a pretty open minded person, but I was really disgusted by how superficial his little presentation was. He would make claims that he worked for "Global Ten" companies, worked for Allianz as some division head of so-and-so sector. He showed me video recording of his dying father, and a picture of his sister with his neice. As to how much truth there was to his claims, I don't know, but after talking to another friend who met the same rep and heard different claims- there's probably not a whole lot. Because there's no reason to go from a job like that to a shitty rep in an MLM company. Well anyways, if I go on I'll be just ranting and venting about how I hate that sort of marketing. I just want to hear a valid opinion from a business guy like yourself MightAtom. Even if you like to do sales and have no formal business background, then MLM is a double edged sword because it actually requires a certain type of really hard seller type of personality (relentless, pushy, constantly networking and a real need for short term achievements). If you don't have this type of outlook, its very very hard to make MLM work. But once out of curiosity I visited one of these places on a whim (was in the middle of projects) and I go to the seminar and meet the recruiter. The guy had a half gold submariner watch on, firm hand shake, crisp suit and asked questions like,' what's your goal in life, how much do you want to be earning, you can do that now!' etc. So really a full on sales pitch and I was seated with a group of 8 individuals and the other people were really getting into it and answering the questions with a lot of passion like, 'I really want to get into something like this and really maximize my earning potential'; so I just patiently observed and then he asked me, how much do I want to be making 3 years from now and I said, mmm....at least 3 M a year, minimum. And he was like, 'Great, David has some great goals, etc, blah, blah.' and so for them it was like, I was stating what I was dreaming of hoping to make, when in fact, it actually my reasonable target to be making. So needless to say, as soon as it was for the next part of the seminar, I just asked to be excused, and while they did keep up the sales act with me for a last shot, it was clear that since even my diamond half gold datejust and even my ferragamos were probably more expensive than their suits; they just drop the pitch and thanked them for their time. But the fact is, they knew they were outclassed by me on so many professional levels, but they were sales guys and they didn't stop trying to recruit me until the very last second. A special breed. I didn't think were bad guys at, but different kinds of people, because some people who are really motivated to sell to everyone they know through their own social networks and through local business networks can be quite successful and also in how they recruit in MLM. But I'd say, the reason by it attracts so many people is that it looks like a short cut and I say this very clearly. In business you can get 'lucky,' but its because you took a lot of effort and little steps to prepare to be ready to take on opportunity when it arose. Luckiness in business is preparation. Don't waste your time if you feel this way, but don't judge them as losers, everyone is trying to do their thing, but for you, this probably isn't it. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 28 2011 08:19 PetitCrabe wrote: Do all Koreans listen to K-POP? is it limited to the female audience? What age range is targeted? Do you, as a manly korean man, listen to it? Yes and no, we don't think of it as K-pop, its just what is on the TV or radio when you go to the supermarket; but as a culture, sure there are hit song like the Wondergirl's, 'Tell me' when everyone was doing the dance. But its for young middle school girls mainly. Older people listen to english pop songs or have a diverse range of interests from Jazz or metal, but generally, we all love powerful Ballards (love songs etc). I personally do not listen at all to K-pop, but I watch the videos with my 2 year old son as we both like seeing young ladies dance in coordination in their unique fusion of cute and slightly sexy dance moves. But I'll rock a mean ballard any day of the week ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 28 2011 10:17 Z3kk wrote: Wow, I got a requested 30-day tempban and was stalking your thread nonstop because I really look up to you, your responses fascinated me, and all the questions asked were amazing, and now that I'm back on TL, I really can't think of anything to ask. This has been a terrible week for me--bad to worse--but I think I've really begun to change after going through these hardships (which were all 100% my fault)... Anyway, the questions I have are really numerous, really random, and really varied, but nothing particularly stands out at the moment so I'll refrain from asking your help unless there's an actual burning question haha Thank you for everything though! Good, I'll be here as long as I'll be here and just ask then you need too ^^ | ||
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haduken
Australia8267 Posts
I have this problem at work as if anytime I disagree with her it turns in to a huge argument which is not intended goal at all, it's incredibly frustrating and now I just let her have her way and do the best that I see fit. | ||
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DND_Enkil
Sweden598 Posts
Short about me, closer to 30 years old than 20, decent job (good pay, fun but no chance for advancement within the company) and has lived with my girlfriend for the last two years. I love her and we work well together and during the last two years we have become closer and closer and started building our life together, bying furniture together, planning vacations together etc. If things would have moved on in the same nice way i would have asked her to marry me in not a not to far future. (moving in together before marrige is common practise in sweden) Problem is that when we met she was studying, and then for a while she was unemplyed and just got a job a few months ago. And with that job our sexlife pretty much died. She works wierd hours she cant plan, are always tired and no longer have any interest/time over for sex. This includes weekends btw. I have talked about the issue with her and she says she is sorry about the situation but cant help being tired and not wanting to have sex. This has continued for some months now and i belive this will be the way our relationship will be for now, sex once/twice a month or at special occasions. I am not sure how i feel about this or how i should continue our relationship, obviously it is not enough to keep me happy. But on the other hand i love this girl, live with her and has started building a life together and do not want to throw that away because i am horny. I feel that at least for the following months/years there is very little chance for us to return to our previous sexlife, i have discussed it with her at lenght and that is how she feels right now. Now what should i do? On one hand i have the girl i love and who fit me so well in life, the time i invested with her and our possible future. On the other hand i am in a relationship where i am constantly feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. I feel like i need to make a decision one way or another, either i accept this as a part of my adult life and find happiness where i can in our relationship. Or i decide it is not enough for me, cut my losses, move out (or well kick her out...) and start over hoping to find a new girl to build a future with. P.S. being unfaitful or something like that is out of the question. | ||
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Snuggles
United States1865 Posts
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 01 2011 17:49 haduken wrote: How do you deal with angry female managers and yes this is a serious question. I have this problem at work as if anytime I disagree with her it turns in to a huge argument which is not intended goal at all, it's incredibly frustrating and now I just let her have her way and do the best that I see fit. This is a very serious question. It depends why they are so angry, whether or not it comes from the pressures of trying not to look stupid in a male dominated position; or that she isn't really smart enough to deal with the position and simply reacts as anyone would react when they are in over their head. IF it is first part, be charming, make her smile and ask her what she thinks, and say, look I have this issue, what do you think. Then say thanks instead of telling her that she is wrong or whatever. Then go back to her and say, mmm...I thought about it, but I'm still having issues with it, what you think about so and so approach? So then the response may be better at this point because she knows you already tried her way. You may want to set her up by making her feel good about her answers; because if every time to go to her, you argue with her, then obviously she gets the mind set that you are going to attacker her anyways. If she is actually in over her head and really can't do the job; try to have some social time with her, let her know that you think that the job is tough and that you're gonna try your best to support her. If she opens up and starts to use you for support and work then great. If not, then let her shoot herself in the foot over the long run, but always cover your ass by simply asking 1 time very nicely and when she goes bonkers, you say, ok, just letting you know. This way, when the shit does hit the fan, you can say that you did ask her, but she ignored you, RATHER than not telling her at all and then look like you were irresponsible. DO NOT TRY TO OVERTHROW HER, let her fuck herself and even it takes time, just let it go. Plus always remember, no matter how evil a woman is, a woman is a woman and if you give her care (as in she knows you can support her) then they will usually ease up. But again, in a male competitive situation, she may be pressured to try to do everything on her own. Btw everyone, I'm on an extended business trip and the last 2 days when writing responses, I've been just going on 4 hours of sleep, so if my grammar is horrible lately, please understand, I'm writing these posts in between my other work and right before I go to bed. Cheers. | ||
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SkyLegenD
United States304 Posts
I have a few for now: What kind of friends should I make in college if I want to be successful? Is it better to have a few close 'blood-brother' friends or a lot of 'just friends'? As you are a Christian, at what age is it right for a 'true man' to have sex? | ||
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hammeronetime
United States64 Posts
Also, any book/author recommendations for learning how to negotiate? | ||
Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
On March 02 2011 02:38 MightyAtom wrote: This is a very serious question. It depends why they are so angry, whether or not it comes from the pressures of trying not to look stupid in a male dominated position; or that she isn't really smart enough to deal with the position and simply reacts as anyone would react when they are in over their head. IF it is first part, be charming, make her smile and ask her what she thinks, and say, look I have this issue, what do you think. Then say thanks instead of telling her that she is wrong or whatever. Then go back to her and say, mmm...I thought about it, but I'm still having issues with it, what you think about so and so approach? So then the response may be better at this point because she knows you already tried her way. You may want to set her up by making her feel good about her answers; because if every time to go to her, you argue with her, then obviously she gets the mind set that you are going to attacker her anyways. If she is actually in over her head and really can't do the job; try to have some social time with her, let her know that you think that the job is tough and that you're gonna try your best to support her. If she opens up and starts to use you for support and work then great. If not, then let her shoot herself in the foot over the long run, but always cover your ass by simply asking 1 time very nicely and when she goes bonkers, you say, ok, just letting you know. This way, when the shit does hit the fan, you can say that you did ask her, but she ignored you, RATHER than not telling her at all and then look like you were irresponsible. DO NOT TRY TO OVERTHROW HER, let her fuck herself and even it takes time, just let it go. Plus always remember, no matter how evil a woman is, a woman is a woman and if you give her care (as in she knows you can support her) then they will usually ease up. But again, in a male competitive situation, she may be pressured to try to do everything on her own. Btw everyone, I'm on an extended business trip and the last 2 days when writing responses, I've been just going on 4 hours of sleep, so if my grammar is horrible lately, please understand, I'm writing these posts in between my other work and right before I go to bed. Cheers. strong | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
1) What should I start doing now to cultivate decision-making? prioritizing with heavy schedules? 2) What situations, books, and other experiences should I throw myself to develop/mature nunchi? 3) If you wrote your ass-lazy undergraduate self a guide to college, how would it look (in addition to 530-10 and fuck off rest of day post) | ||
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RoosterSamurai
Japan2108 Posts
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 01 2011 20:21 DND_Enkil wrote: You answers so far has really inspired me and i have decided to turn to you for advice regarding my relationship. Short about me, closer to 30 years old than 20, decent job (good pay, fun but no chance for advancement within the company) and has lived with my girlfriend for the last two years. I love her and we work well together and during the last two years we have become closer and closer and started building our life together, bying furniture together, planning vacations together etc. If things would have moved on in the same nice way i would have asked her to marry me in not a not to far future. (moving in together before marrige is common practise in sweden) Problem is that when we met she was studying, and then for a while she was unemplyed and just got a job a few months ago. And with that job our sexlife pretty much died. She works wierd hours she cant plan, are always tired and no longer have any interest/time over for sex. This includes weekends btw. I have talked about the issue with her and she says she is sorry about the situation but cant help being tired and not wanting to have sex. This has continued for some months now and i belive this will be the way our relationship will be for now, sex once/twice a month or at special occasions. I am not sure how i feel about this or how i should continue our relationship, obviously it is not enough to keep me happy. But on the other hand i love this girl, live with her and has started building a life together and do not want to throw that away because i am horny. I feel that at least for the following months/years there is very little chance for us to return to our previous sexlife, i have discussed it with her at lenght and that is how she feels right now. Now what should i do? On one hand i have the girl i love and who fit me so well in life, the time i invested with her and our possible future. On the other hand i am in a relationship where i am constantly feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. I feel like i need to make a decision one way or another, either i accept this as a part of my adult life and find happiness where i can in our relationship. Or i decide it is not enough for me, cut my losses, move out (or well kick her out...) and start over hoping to find a new girl to build a future with. P.S. being unfaitful or something like that is out of the question. 1. Sex needs to be there, its part of expressing love and being a man/human, if you're horny its good thing and still horny for her. While being constantly feeling unsatisfied and frustrated is not the end of the world, as you may feel this if we both were apart for long distance travel or if your wife was pregnant, for it to be an indefinite thing, well frankly speaking, its bad, you do need both love and sex. 2. The biggest issue here is, is she trying her best to still try to satisfy you or more to the point, make an effort to prioritize her, regardless of her work. What this means is, if she knows you are horny, does she try to do something, anything to satisfy you or does she simply think you need to understand her and deal with it. In this case, you may think, you're the bad guy because you should care enough about your woman to just understand, but where is the understanding on her part. 3. You love her, that is a strong statement, and from your description, you have put a lot of mature, honest and deep thought into this, now, on the flip side, her work seems very stressful or intense along with the weird working hours. The fact is that women need sleep to feel regular, if women don't get enough sleep, their hormones get fucked up and they get bad skin etc. But, you need to ask her, when does this job get more regular or start to get easier; in many professional jobs such as accountant or consultant, it isn't until the 2nd year of work do things get easier, so you really may need to wait a year. While I'm sure you've been supportive, you may wish to really explore, why is she so run down/tired beyond the obvious answers, because sex 1 or 2 times a month is really way too infrequent, especially if you both were quite sexually active before hand. So really get to know her job and you guys might be able to talk it through. 4. If this job is the be all and end all of her career, well she has no choice, but ask her to consider to get a job that doesn't make her some tired; its a reasonable request as she basically is even too tired to have sex. But what you should do in the meantime is go on a vacation for a few days, let her sleep in and get a couple nights of really good rest in and then see what happens; if the spark is still there, its just that she maybe is really just way to tired. But even if she, she needs to consider about the health of this relationship, UNLESS, she really is tied to this job and if there is the light at the end of the tunnel. But you can request this, why because if you both love each other then you need to try to fix things; not just talk about it, but take some action and if someone says, you're so selfish to make her quit her job to have sex, tell em to fuck off, because this isn't about sex, but about someone who you love that is so tired that she basically can't have sex and it is straining the relationship apart. You can be considerate, but only if she is considerate as well, work can't be an excuse that ends all conversation on the matter, that is selfish on her part. She also needs to let you know, when things can change, no matter how tired she is and if you both know that her work will normally be difficult for x number of months, well then accept it because you love one another. BUT IF YOU KNOW HER, to be a considerate person and even right now she is being considerate and loves you, but simply is at her limits, then support her; rub her feet, tell her, baby, its a rough time right now, but I love you and you'll figure it out, I know you will. And give her a bit more time to figure it out, and if she can't because the job is just too fucked, if you both want this to work, she should find another job because wtf is the point to have a job if don't have each other. For one year, I was on business travel 8 months throughout the year; at the time my wife was pregnant with our first child. I would be away for a month or even a month and a half at the time. My wife endured. I came home one day and my wife was sitting on the bed, singing to our unborn child, and I listened to her and she recited about 15 children songs straight and I realized that that is what she had been doing in my absence, just waiting for me to come home and for our baby to be born and it broke my heart that I put work so much in front of her and wasn't there to give her joy during this time. We can put work first and think its for the best, but we lose sight that this time is just the one time we have with each other. We need to make sacrifices to move forward in life, but once we lose that consideration, we aren't enduring it together, but enduring it apart. and for what end? Find out what makes her tired, take a vacation, ask her to change jobs, because you love her. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 01 2011 22:23 Snuggles wrote: Ahh yes.. another reason to love TL. Always a good place to find good legitimate and sound advice. Thanks MightyAtom. I feel pretty bad for being so judgmental of people in MLM businesses. But now I know better =) Let people be as they are, all people need to eat. But don't feel bad cause anyway, it was just your natural reaction and that is definitely not for you ^^ | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 02 2011 10:57 SkyLegenD wrote: Guys, please ask more questions to MightyAtom-hyung! This thread is too good to die! I have a few for now: What kind of friends should I make in college if I want to be successful? Is it better to have a few close 'blood-brother' friends or a lot of 'just friends'? As you are a Christian, at what age is it right for a 'true man' to have sex? We make friends as we do, its the one thing in life that fate really just throws our way, but trying to dictate what types of friends you make may make you superficial in some sense, because on what basis are you deciding to pick your 'friends' on? But in college you'll meet a lot of people, so if you're gonna filter it, hang around people who will challenge you in what you think is fair, right, wrong and who are genuinely seeking to understand and not just argue for the sake of arguing. And never hang out with people who complain all the time, waste of time. I have a few close brothers, but also some friends who I don't have so many similar interests, but who have challenged me to broaden my mind whenever we have shared time together, so just let your natural personality dictate it. As a Christian, I can only say, age it doesn't matter, only that when you have sex, it is with the one you love. Now I've failed at this countless times, but the first woman I had a real sexual relationship with, I loved deeply and would not be made to feel ashamed that, even as Christian or criticism from my Christian peers that I had done something wrong. No, we were in love and that is how we expressed our love. There is a pithy staying: lust can't wait to take, but love can wait to give, but I say, if you're honest and both in love, fully enjoy it because having sex when you are in love, is something wonderful than just having sex for whatever other reason and you'll know when that is. | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On March 02 2011 13:11 hammeronetime wrote: I'm in the process of starting a (small) business and I have to deal with contractors and sales reps from vendors. My questions are what are some negotiation insights involved in getting the best deal possible and after that, ensuring that terms are meet to my satisfaction? Also, any book/author recommendations for learning how to negotiate? You need to find someone you trust in the industry that can sit down with and have a list of these questions and be able to ask through and get their response. They will immediately know the answers and set you straight. In any time you're in a new business environment, no matter how much reserach or preparation you do, it will not make sense or be enough until you have someone who is veteran of that industry simply answer a host of questions for you. It will connect all the dots. The issue is as well, you may get the best deal, but the worst performance. The best overall book is for negotiations:' You can negotiate everything' Herb Cohen I've read a lot of book on negotiation and 99% of them are bullshit strategies, this will give you the right mind set which is aggressive, but reasonable. But get a veteran to answer your questions, 30 mins with them will save 3 months of mistakes right off the bat. | ||
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