The Unofficial TeamLiquid Thread Hall of Fame - Page 4

So you want to train yourself in the ways of the troll? You have come to the right place.




According to the omnipotent and infallible Wikipedia, a troll is "someone who posts controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum or chat room, with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll

This is a very broad definition which leaves the doors wide open for any upcoming troll. There are many variations and venues for each troll to explore, and each troll can deconstruct a thread with class and finesse differently from the next.

It is important to note here that a troll's goal should always be to have the quality of a mosquito bite - itchy, persistent, glaring, and only worsened when irritated or provoked (in this case responded to). Whether your mosquito bite is ignored and swept aside or unleashes a frenzy is up to you and your mastery of the trolling way. What I'm saying is, go big or go home. Do you want to be one of those pussy-ass mosquitoes that gets swatted before it even mildly irks someone with its incessant buzzing, or do you want to be one of those radioactive mutant murderous malaria-infested mosquitoes that get swatted one hundred times, produce a million offspring with a thousand mates, infect a billion people and all their family trees, live for fifty years and die only to come back bigger and stronger than ever before? That's what I thought. This guide is for that latter class of hopeful trolls, the Phoenix Radioactive Infectious Mutant Immortal Troll. Yes, a PRIMITroll.




Every kind of troll has different demands of character. The beauty of trolling is that almost anyone can do it, you just have to know your strengths and weaknesses. The archetypes of trolls that I will describe to you will be rated by each of these requirements, so you can handpick which class is best for you.

1. Creativity
   Can you think of the most outlandish response to a post? Are you the acid-user of the forum that can paint a picture using ten thousand colors, while playing in the Philharmonic? Things to think about when choosing creativity-intensive archetypes.
   
2. Persistence
   Do you never quit something you start? Do you have a lot of free time on your hands that you are willing to waste in front of the computer screen pissing people off? If you are verbally stoned to death on the internet, can you persevere and come back for round 218? Has being wrong never stopped you from proving that you are right? Be the metaphorical mammoth tank of abuse as you break the Nazi trenches one mile per day, taking a hail of bullets for each post you make by choosing a persistence-based archetype.
   
3. Observation/Scrutiny
   Can you read a situation better than a Raphael Nadal can hit a beach ball with a tennis racket? Can you reveal the details of someone's race, ancestry, sexual orientation, romantic inability, and deepest fears by reading a handful of posts? Do you know exactly how to trigger an explosion from homemade products by adding that one little touch of your magic? If you fit into this category you have some of the basic tools for a few archetypes of deadly forum trolls.
   
4. Education (Nerdiness)
   Are you a living humanoid calculator-dictionary-virgin? Can you pick apart someone's fallacious argument about the superiority of Romulan irrigation techniques over that of the Vulcans? Do you masturbate by clasping a particle physics book by Hawking around your infant penis and thinking of how you would make a better spell check parser for Microsoft Word? If so then high ratings in this category are the best choice for you.
   
5. Animosity
   Do you kill kittens while sleepwalking? Do you wish to indulge in the vicious murder of inferior lifeforms, including 99% of the human population? Does everything piss you off to some degree? Have you went to anger-management courses by court order, only to decapitate every person in the building with a plastic spoon and then eat the SWAT team that was sent to slay you? Vent your rage through one of the animosity-based archetypes.
   

Each characteristic will be rated on a scale of 0-10 out of 10, with a + meaning that you need this level or more, - being this level or less. For example, for a requirement of 8+/10 creativity, you need to have an objective rating of 8 or above out of 10 to qualify. Some characteristics may vary based on the troll, even within an archetype, based on personal preference/interpretation of the class. Some classes that can be employed by polar opposites of one of the spectrum will have an "or" between two ratings.

Now that we have that out of the way, let us proceed to the classifications of trolls and examples of them from my expansive experience.





Here it is, the list of trolls made by yours truly, the only Master Troll professional, me. There are of course minor variations to each type of troll that you can explore and create, and you can mix archetypes to suit your style, or you can become a legend and develop your own trolling technique. However, look over these first to see if one of these can be your starting block to internet celebrity and infinite e-riches.




You are greased lightning. You come in and strike hard and quick before anyone knows what happened. You kill the thread faster than an army of noobs. You seem to attack from a distance, since you are never found in the thread again, unless you are lurking to benefit from your destructive strike. People buy into the chaos in the wake of your one post, and the thread goes to shit, eventually to be closed by mods. This type of troll requires a good eye for how to initiate an insurrection, strife in the ranks of casual forum users, and you need to have the technology to make a normal thread into a spinning vortex of anger that sucks in innocent bystanders, moderators, and everyone in between.

This type of troll is pretty rare, as the technique required to perfect such an attack is either accidentally employed or honed over hours upon hours of forum experience. This type of troll usually has a low post-count and is eradicated from the target forum rather quickly due to the glaring trend in posting habit and the ratio of "good" posts to "bad" posts, which is probably close to 0:1.


Creativity: 5+/10
Persistence: 2/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 8+/10
Education/Nerdiness: 6-/10
Animosity: 6+/10


At first you must observe threads from a distance, lurking, thinking of when is the opportune time to strike and precisely how to word your one post. When the time is ripe, you attack like a thunderbolt from Zeus's mighty fist, smiting the previous topic into a smoldering heap of e-ashes. No one notices this, however, until a few pages of flaming later. That is your evil design. After some practice, you will find that you can walk into almost any thread and destroy the foundation on which it is built with little to no previous knowledge on the subject or its posters.

Something to note is that The One-Post Wonder is weak in 1 on 1 combat and thus should not engage a poster, but rather the entire thread/forum.



ME 1
      Thread Title: "Playing with APM <200"
      First post:
"My apm is too low blah blah can I still get to C level blah blah"
      Second post:
"APM is not as important as what you do with it blah blah no spam blah blah have at least 100 eapm blah blah"
      The One-Hit Wonder post:
"I MADE IT TO OLYMPIC WITH 90 APM, APM IS NOTHING LOL LOL. I mean it doesn't matter that I only bulldogged PvT on Longinus against C- white players from 3rd-world countries only right? So yea APM is for noobs!!!1!1"

E 1
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=89891




The Tank is a hero among trolls, granted that he is tanking the thread intentionally. A Tank can take an infinite amount of abuse and still keep going, pushing the limits of everyone's patience until he is either banned or abandoned in the hollowed-out remains of what was once a prosperous thread, aptly completing the metaphor by giving the troll a cave to reign superior in. The Tank can keep going for hours, even days in the same thread, stubborn to the last post. It is generally impossible to slay these trolls, which makes them the immortal heroes that they are.

This type of troll is relatively common in one form or another, but to find an expert Tank is to witness a never-ending battle between good and evil, and the rewards are great. This type of troll can either be incredibly stupid or incredibly arrogant, or both. The dangerous aspect of this kind of troll is that within many forum veterans, a Tank is sleeping, waiting to be awoken, often by another veteran. When this occurs, a Tank battle can occur, which is as epic as a Tank vs. Thread war.


Creativity: 8+/10 or 3-/10
Persistence: 9+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 5+/10 or 2-/10
Education/Nerdiness: 8+/10 or 1-/10
Animosity: 6+/10


Cancel any plans you have for a day, and prepare to engage in an epic battle. The key to this is your perseverance - you can never quit, and you will never quit, otherwise you are a pathetic noob and poser troll. Defeat is not an option - get banned or slay all your opponents are your 2 options. You must be prepared to surrender sleep, eating, and bathroom breaks unless you are on a laptop.

After you have accepted these conditions, the rest is easy. You come into a thread, get a reading on the general atmosphere and direction, and then make it your destiny to reverse every possible foundation that the thread was founded upon. You do this either by disagreeing with the general consensus with an ardent defense prepared (mini-example 1), by taking up a controversial stance that is probably wrong (ME 2), or by disagreeing with literally everyone (ME 3). Once again, you can never back down, even if people bring up facts, experience, and inconsistencies in your argument against you; these are but trivial blows to you, The Tank.

There are two types of tanks in terms of personality - some pretend to be innocent, and continue to troll under the guise of trying to defend their correct opinion. This usually leads to long battles that are relatively low on heat. Others are aggressive instigators, which force their wrong perceptions of the topic at hand down people's throats. The result of this is usually an instant flame-war, however it generally does not last long until a moderator comes in and bans you. Choose your path wisely.



ME 1
      Thread Title: "Bisu for Bonjwa"
      First post:
"Bisu should be considered a bonjwa due to his dominant performance"
      Second-Nth post:
"I completely agree, Bisu did blah blah blah #1 PR blah blah ELO PvP blah rape Savior blah"
      Tank post:
"Bisu is beyond terrible, how can anyone consider making him a bonjwa?"
      Response:
"Are you retarded? Bisu is the best!"
      Tank post:
"He lost to _____ (noob player here)"
      Response:
"Who cares? He still has the highest ELO and 3 MSL badges."
      Tank post:
"MSLs aren't worth shit, I'm pretty sure Stork is the better player."
      Response:
"Stork has a losing record against Bisu in the past year and has been getting raped over and over in the past few months."
      Tank post:
"Record doesn't matter you idiot, what matters is their play man, their PLAY. You are all noobs and wouldn't understand."

etc. etc.

Note how it really doesn't matter who is posting the responses or any of the posts.

ME 2
      Thread Title: "Women push for equality in all aspects of life in Cambodia"
      Tank post:
"Women are inferior creatures due to God's design. They even can't pee while running without having it drip down their leg. That is evolutionary evidence that women should be treated worse than dogs."
      Response:
"Are you serious? Women don't need to pee running blah blah blah bigger brain blah blah."
      Tank post:
"Why do you think women have been inferior in every non-pussy society since the dawn of time? Everyone knows that they are stupider, weaker, and that they bleed from their vaginae which clouds their judgment. I thought that everyone knew this and people were just being PC and shit."

etc. etc.

ME 3
      Thread Title: "Should gun laws be tightened in the US?"
      First post:
"Gun possession is too high and is causing deaths yearly blah blah blah constrict gun licenses blah blah."
      Tank post:
"Don't be a pussy, men have a right to defend themselves."
      Response:
"Yea, people need guns to have power over the government as granted in the constitution."
      Tank post:
"Are you retarded? How can a bunch of fat rednecks take down the fucking US army? Moron."
      Response:
"Exactly, it doesn't matter if we have guns or not in terms of protection against the government, and if no one had guns then there would be no need for guns for protection, so let's ban all civilian firearms."
      Tank post:
"Fuck that what if some idiot comes into your house with a knife, I want a fucking gun to shoot him with."

etc. etc.




The Sniper is a meticulous troll who selects his target carefully, plans his attack to the minutest of details. He is similar to the other ranged-combat troll, The One-Post Wonder, but this troll specializes in one-on-one combat. Instead of causing strife by attacking the thread topic, he chooses a victim and proceeds to humiliate them in a one-on-one flame war that is meant to ruin the reputation of the victim and their ability to post with any sort of credibility in the future if they do not aptly defend themselves. Snipers pick on bigheads (Example 2), or easy targets, when they are bored and doing off-hand trolling, or when they are just starting out as an aspiring Sniper. Targetting forum veterans, moderators, or anyone of status in a thread/forum is generally reserved to the experienced Sniper who has survived his fair share of one-on-one encounters (E 1).

The Sniper can often be weak against a topic-related war, or against a mass of supporters of the victim, if they have any sort of flaming or trolling experience and if they are too great in number for the Sniper to aptly defend the counter-attack. The Sniper's weakness in crowd control is generally made up by his ability to prevent such measures by choosing the right target and eliminating them swiftly.

This type of troll is pretty rare in the purest form, but acts of Sniping performed by other kinds of trolls happen from time to time, most commonly by The Pyro. However, an obvious favoritism shown towards Sniping is what makes this troll a Sniper.


Creativity: 8+/10
Persistence: 6+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 9+/10
Education/Nerdiness: 7+/10
Animosity: 8+/10


You have to begin by flaming noobs when they are clearly in the wrong on a subject. By gaining experience you can begin to learn the ins and outs of one-on-one flamewar, especially if you are obviously correct and will have backing if necessary. As you progress down the path of the Sniper, your ability to take on posters other than bigheads increases, and you can begin to target people who have committed nothing wrong in that particular thread or forum, basing your attacks on personal information you have from the victim's past posts. This helps you identify tendencies and trigger-topics that would set off the victim into a violent rage, which you can either leave to fester by not responding or assault in head-to-head combat and subdue with superior preparation and a clear mindset.



E 1
Chill creates an account "iatent" which resemebles "latent" in order to troll FakeSteve[TPR] via PM, predicting FS's reaction fully:
+ Show Spoiler +
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=91879&currentpage=11

E 2
The target in a "Post Your Pictures" thread. This is what we in the academy classify as a bighead:
+ Show Spoiler +

This is how you target and snipe the victim to the point of them leaving due to embarrassment. Note that use of sarcasm in the direct and indirect (poor spelling to emulate the poster, for example) form is abundant.

+ Show Spoiler +




The Artist is a very unique type of troll. Whereas other trolls try to invest little of something, be it thought, time, or effort, The Artist generally invests a lot of all three and then some. Being the Artist isn't easy because of this, and should be left to high-end experienced trolls.

The Artist's main means of attack comes, as you should have guessed by now, through pictures as opposed to words. This type of attack generally requires more than the base level of information that other trolls use. The Artist has to look into people's profiles or past posts for material, as direct defacement of people's pictures to provoke a reaction and support from other forumers is the most common conduct. There are other alternatives, like graphs, and pictures that are not based on photos, but these tend to be less offensive as it doesn't feel like you are directly defacing that person's persona on the internet.

To be a successful ArtisTroll you must have a keen eye for things that you can turn into a caricature to mock the victim, and you must also do so in a way that is comedic enough that you get the support of others. This way the ArtisTroll is in fact a public terrorist, much like politicians, who gets away with trolling right under the nose of others, while still successfully humiliating the target. The other benefit of being The Artist is that responses are seldom appropriate, because the popularity you gain becomes your defense - people will lash out against weak attempts at verbal or animated retorts. This is why veteran posters have an added bonus when they become The Artist.

When an Artist meets another Artist, epic battles may be ahead, showcasing the capabilities of either troll. These encounters are rare, as Artists are also rare. The Artist is also largely a personal attacker, rarely branching out to attack a topic or group, with Maddox being a notable exception.


Creativity: 8+/10
Persistence: 7+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 8+/10
Education/Nerdiness: 4+/10
Animosity: 6+/10



Practice. Choose your weapon, which is generally one of two things: MSPaint or Photoshop. You should be made aware however of the implications and the cost/benefit of either choice:

MSPaint - Shows that you don't care enough, although ironically MSPaint pieces tend to be just as hard to do well and are rarely successful. The con is that it is a very rigid tool, and thus is not as flexible or easy to work with to suit your Artist needs.

Photoshop - Shows that you care too much, especially if you make a really solid piece. This ironically works against you. The pro is that it is easy to use once mastered and is very flexible in a master Artist's hands.

To practice your skills, you make an account at www.gaiaonline.com , go to the Chatterbox thread, and find "Post Your Picture" threads, and start hammering out pieces. Target people who have an obvious deficiency of some sort, like if they are anything but white, too fat, too skinny, too emo, too goth, too camwhore, too normal, etc. etc. Get a measure of how well your work is being received, try doing creative things, get better with your weapon of choice, then use it with lethal power when you encounter an adversary.



E 1
Smixiggit:


E 2
Hot_Bid's charts:


E 3
Various GaiaOnline victims (NSFW?):
+ Show Spoiler +

E 4


E 5
Maddox:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=images1




The Pyro is the most vicious of all individual trolls. Specializing in blind hateful attacks directed anyone and anything, The Pyro is often seen as just a flaming version of some sort of Sniper/Tank combination. Pyros set shit off and they set it off big, any thread with a Pyro is guaranteed to go to shit without proper moderation. This is also why the forum life-span of Pyros is rather short, as they tend to get banned as fast as adbots and the like. However, the amount of repressed nerd and emo range is like an everflowing volcano that continuously spawns new Pyros, replacing the previous ones shortly after they are banned. They specialize in attacking one or two people at once, then spreading the flames to every person in the topic. They have been known, however, to attack the whole topic/populace immediately, but these are often the same Pyros who have their flames put out even faster by the moderators.

Some may argue that there is a little Pyro in every troll, but the true Pyros stand out from the rest as those vicious fuckers that have a 100% trolling via insult record. Some are creative with the shit they spew, some are a broken record of the same old insults used as adjectives, verbs, nouns and metaphors. By the way, I don't think examples are necessary.


Creativity: 2-/10 or 7+/10
Persistence: 5+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 4-/10
Education/Nerdiness: 2-/10 or 5+/10
Animosity: 9+/10


This one is easy, all you have to do is target anyone or anything and insult them in any way possible. If you do this enough before you are banned, you will by then have probably destroyed the topic. Keep an eye out for forums where there is little to no post limit, as you have to strike fast and everywhere before you are caught and banned. See the Troll Tools for some materials especially useful to this archetype.




The Bash Brothers are two or more trolls working together. Generally these two trolls have similarly low intelligence and belong to the same type of troll, which is usually some sort of Pyro/Tank mixture. The game is, one Brother starts the war, and when he is attacked by someone, the other Brother(s) steps in and defends his accomplice, creating a sense of majority rule. However this tactic can only be used once per forum, or per thread if the forum is very big.

Bash Brothers are pretty pathetic creatures and are incompetent without the support of the other, since their major strategy is once again strength in numbers, like the weak Zerg. They can be organized or not.


Creativity: 4-/10
Persistence: 4+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 4-/10
Education/Nerdiness: 3-/10
Animosity: 7+/10


Just find a buddy and piss some people off, it doesn't take much finesse or premeditation. Use examples from The Tank as your fundamentals.


E 1
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=94180




The Insurrectionist has a unique approach to trolling; instead of being reactionary like most trolls, The Insurrectionist starts his own war. This involves the person starting a thread that initiates a war amongst the posters shortly after. One thing to note is that the most diabolical of Insurrectionists cover up the fact that they are trolling the visitors to their thread that the topic carries on for pages and pages until the heat starts to rise and tempers are being lost left and right, all because of the Insurrectionist's dastardly plan. Of course there are also members of this archetype that are far less subtle.

Insurrectionists tend to somewhat overlap with the Troll? category because it seems so counter-intuitive that someone would approach trolling in such a way. My personal belief is that we will see many more Insurrectionists in the future, which will perfect the disguise technique I mentioned previously and will further blur the arrow separating them from the Troll?s, which would make their forum life-expectancy that much longer. Imagine a future where it is uncertain whether even one of the threads you frequent on a website is NOT a troll thread? I, the Troll Master, and going to have nightmares about this. Why? Because Insurrectionists are actually cutthroat bitches on the inside, partaking in cannibalism of trolls and the consumption of moderators and innocents alike. The scwizard thread is a perfect example of this.


Creativity: 2-/10 or 7+/10
Persistence: 5+/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 4-/10
Education/Nerdiness: 2-/10 or 5+/10
Animosity: 9+/10


I wish I could tell you, but this is the one field of trolling where I have minimal experience. I will try to assess the basics of this subject, but anyone wishing to know further should PM either scwizard or HamerD for in-depth analysis. Here are two convenient links for you to do so:

scwizard
HamerD

Anyways, the fundamentals of Insurrection should be as follows:

1. Make an interesting thread title, or one that would attract many viewers. The more people respond to your thread, the greater your success at trolling, and the more likely they are to eventually argue, which also increases your trolling level.
Example 1: "Fiancee` is having an affair please help"
Example 2: "Discuss MBS & Automine here"

2. Make a bold or provocative statement in the OP. To set the mood you need to either entice your audience with a far-fetched or fucked up story (a la HamerD), or make a definitive statement about something that is really not true (scwizard). However you have to make sure it is not too blatant, otherwise there will be too many people on one side of the argument, and then they will only flame you and not each other, which diminishes the troll value of the thread.

3. Keep fanning the flames with new posts of the same nature. Use tactics that The Tank would use to continue the flamewar that has become your topic.

4. Plead innocence when confronted by a mod. You'll get away with it if you did this right. You asshole.


E 1
HamerD:
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=91566

E 2
scwizard:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=91879

E 3
HeavOnEarth:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=94180

E 4
Chef:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=83099
^ Great one BTW



The Ninja is usually a forum veteran that has a darker side that he keeps hidden in order to preserve his rank and status, but sometimes it is also the new poster who has experience in other forums. To put it plainly, it's hard to spot Ninjas unless you know what trends to look for, one of which I will detail for you below.

Ninjas are the more docile kind of trolls, as they rarely start wars or battles with other posters; they mostly post for their own amusement in a manner similar to the "Meow" scene in Super Troopers. New trolls should try this out when they are feeling more peaceful just to see how many people catch on.


Creativity: 6+/10
Persistence: 4-/10
Observation/Scrutiny: 6-/10
Education/Nerdiness: 5-/10
Animosity: 2-/10


Analyze situations while listening to popular music like Linkin Park or something of the sort and try to integrate the lyrics you hear/remember into your posts. Simple!


E 1

E 2

E 3





The Troll? is a mystery to all, even experienced trolls themselves. The enigma lies in the name itself, in the fact that there is a question there. Is this person really a troll or are they actually so stupid/ignorant/arrogant/pathetic? It is impossible to tell, and anything they say on the matter just furthers the paradox. I can't begin to describe these forum creatures, but they had to be brought to light for further investigation and scrutiny, because I have a feeling that if an Insurrectionist-led future of forums does not occur, the Troll?s will be the most powerful non-moderator users simply because of their mysterious qualities and super-troll powers. Here are some examples:



E 1
CharlieMurphy, most lethal troll or biggest idiot?:
+ Show Spoiler +
E 2
Has anyone else ever considered if this guy is even real? HamerD:
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=91566

E 3
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081017195134AAWT7Ez

E 4
tiffany: you probably drive a civic, i drive an m3
surfer4life: you have never seen a car in your life

E 5
WingSandRockX
surfer4life
stimey
mitsy
baal
Wizard
latent
scwizard
Raithed
Physician
iscout4u
MoltkeWarding
Chibi
OakHill

^ Search those on Team Liquid





These are the tools of the trade, made readily available to you in an organized list.

BASIC TROLLING SITES

www.GaiaOnline.com
Difficulty: Easy

www.m3forums.com
Difficulty: Easy

www.answers.yahoo.com
Difficulty: Medium

www.teamliquid.net
Difficulty: Hard

www.clanbnu.net
Difficulty: Very Hard

IP PROXIES

http://hidemyass.com/proxy-list/

INSPIRATION

www.maddox.xmission.com

www.tuckermax.com

TeamLiquid:
Hot_Bid
Chill
Frits
Physician
HamerD
CharlieMurphy
InControl{88}
FakeSteve[TPR]
SonuvBob
latent
scwizard
WingSandRockX
surfer4life
stimey
mitsy
baal
Wizard
Raithed
Rekrul
SpiritoftheTunA
Zulu_nation8
iscout4u
MoltkeWarding
Chef
OakHill
Chibi




Now that you have come to the near-end of this long-ass guide, it's time for a quiz to see what your new-found troll capabilities are!

Choose one of the following posts or topics, quote it and troll it as hard as you can in this thread. The winner will get an honorable mention at the end of the SC 2 Beta Key challenge! I will try to get the winner into the PX (Pony Express) as well somehow.

THREAD 1
+ Show Spoiler +

THREAD 2
+ Show Spoiler +

POST 1
+ Show Spoiler +

POST 2
+ Show Spoiler +






Poll: Which troll type would you want to be?
(Vote): The One-Post Wonder
(Vote): The Tank
(Vote): The Sniper
(Vote): The Artist
(Vote): The Pyro
(Vote): A Bash Brother
(Vote): The Insurrectionist
(Vote): The Ninja
(Vote): Troll?


Hope you enjoyed my guide n_n;

EDIT: 12:06 AM June 15th EST, Spelling errors.

*snip by request

Topic: "Nerdrage at its best"









***Racenilatr Special Feature***






*** ***

This is my stomping of the vastly uneducated opinions of others in the following threads:
Blind CJ Fanboyism
Blind STX Fanboyism

Just kidding. I just thought this format was rather cool, and decided to make one before anyone else (hopefully?) about the King of Kings, the Emperor's Palace, SK Telecom T1.




That's right, S-K-mother-fucking-T-One. Ever seen a great game played by Rainbow? Canata? Midas? Best? Fantasy? Bisu? Oov? Boxer? Oh, you have? Well then SKT1 is in your head, subliminally telling you the truth everyone should know by now: SKT1 is the best team in the history of StarCraft.

And this is why they will win this year's Proleague.

[1] Gluttony



Everyone is talking about hungry this, want to win that, yadda yadda eye of the tiger bullshit.

This is not a Disney movie, this is not Mighty Ducks 5 or Rocky 6. This is real fucking life. Where I come from there is a very appropriate expression about real life:



Tell me, how much preparation goes into a Proleague play-off match, a set, a season? How much preparation will the current #1 team go through for the final match? How much did they have to go through to post such dominant results that they had the exclusive luxury of throwing their fans a bone from the throne by fielding aging and amateur players against their long-time rivals, KT(F)?

Answer: A fucking lot.

Now realize that previous to this finals, they have the most proleague gold medals and the most individual league medals. These people clearly know how to prepare and clutch a finals win. These people are GOOD at what they do, which is WINNING.

Like I said, this is real life competition, even if it is battled in a virtual world. The strong succeed, the weak fail and falter and get shat on. And SKT1 has been downing Big Macs and laxatives so that as soon as whichever pathetic excuse for a team steps up to the challenge of facing SKT1 in the finals, they can unleash a shitstorm of rape and horror. That is assuming the opposing team doesn't realize their obvious pipedream and forfeits. Note how it doesn't matter which team is in question here. NEWS FLASH! In a conventional hierarchy, they would be the jester (Sparkyz), dunce (Soul), fat and injured guard (Khan) and hopeless pretenderspaupers (CJ) in the Court of King SKT1. Suckas gonna get their asses beat.

[2] Roster of Champions



I touched upon this earlier, but it needs to be made more evident how retarded strong SKT1's line-up is. Here we go:


Everyone knows there are 3 Kings in the pro scene right now. Those 3 Kings are none other than Flash, Jaedong, and Bisu. I'm not going to go into why Bisu is better than both of them.
Well okay, I will:
+ Show Spoiler +
That last statement aside, Bisu's record tends to go unnoticed when it comes to comparison between the three of them. He only sports a measly 64.26%, compared to Jaedong's 68.64% and Flash's 67.02%. What people don't seem to remember is the fact that Bisu won 2 MSLs before Jaedong had his OSL win and before Flash had pubic hair. What people don't seem to remember is that he was just a guy doing his noobie attempt at a dark horse run, up until the moment when he came all over that Thai hooker's face and realized "Wait, I'm fucking Bisu." That's when the last bonjwa of BW fell. And he fell at Bisu's knees.

Although he has been eliminated from the OSL by some spectacular Queen play, sealing his status as officially cursed by the OSL Gods, he is still an indisputably impenetrable force. #1 ELO Peak anyone?

1 win short of being in a three-way tie for most wins this season, he has a much better winning percentage, and was only denied that title because SKT1 decided to send the kids and the Emperor out to play against KT. Bisu has been the BEST player in this Proleague, hands down. What will he have to bring to the table in the finals? 1 Win, 2 if SKT1 decides to play a prank by making it seem like they can lose by dropping a few games for it to come down to ace match, so that Bisu can laugh in the face of whatever pathetic opponent stands before him as he attacks him on 5 fronts. Let's see what his chances are by MU:

PvP: No contest.
PvZ: Jaedong, otherwise no contest (Queens included).
PvT: No contest, except Flash or Fantasy, both of which he will not be facing.

1-0 SKT1-ChoboTeam.



Fantasy is the next hot thing. His TvP is the best. His TvZ was revolutionary. His TvT is... not as good as Flash's but definitely top-tier. Fantasy, fresh off of 2 OSL silvers, this kid has been a consistently dominating force everywhere in the pro scene.

This kid, like Bisu and Boxer in his prime, is not just results - it's about the flair. Have you seen his game vs. Stork? His games vs. Bisu? His games vs. Jaedong? This kid is a fucking monster when it comes to dropship harass and multitask. In the game vs. Stork, the epic match of dropships between a PvT specialist (even if he is slumping, tell me that game was not high-calibre) and a TvP annihilation machine, he displayed his stellar control, and had the macro to back it up. I don't see any Protoss except Bisu, maaaybe Jangbi (if he stops slumping), taking him down. And you know he will probably be playing TvP in the finals. Yea, chalk that one up for SKT1. 2-0.



Best... Oooh Best... OSL silver medalist to JulyZerg, a ZvP guru, Best is a mixed bag of ridiculously strong skills and a few glaring deficiencies. His PvZ... Let's not go there. Oh wait, it doesn't matter anyway, since no one is stupid enough to send him out for PvZ.

His PvP is what the fuck is there even need to talk about his PvP? Yea.

His PvT is also stellar, which is why I made that steamrolling comment there. You think the game is going normally and Best might even be behind at points because he generally doesn't do flashy micro like Stork has at times and Bisu does almost daily, then the camera flashes up to the rally point outside his natural and all you hear is surprised Korean "OOOH"s going off from crowd and commentators alike because the screen is just a block of zealots and goons. It's like this kid was locked in the SKT1 basement for a few months, with his face chained to a TV playing Reach vs. Oov on Mercury over, and over, and over again. Best then proceeds to stream, no, tsunami the units into the Terran base, often directly and without arbiter assistance. Yea, it's like that.

So once again, who can beat him?

PvP: Stork and Jangbi. Oh wait, they are probably alcoholics and going through anti-depressants like kids through PEZ dispensers. Kal? Maybe. Maybe on that day your predictions will stop sucking, too. Not likely though.
PvZ: Anyone including your D- friend who compstomps. Too bad he won't be playing that.
PvT: Can you think of a Terran in the remaining teams that can reasonably take him down? You can make a case for SkyHigh, and it would be a good one if the PL finals happened a few months ago.

3-0.

The other wins should be easy to gather after that, even with a relatively stale remainder of the team. Not saying that they are bad - just not as good as these 3. Except TheZerg. TheZerg sucks.

[3] Revolutionism



SKT1 has Boxer (the first true progamer in existence), Oov, Fantasy, Bisu, Midas to a lesser degree... What do all of these have in common? Revolutionism. I know it's not a word. It is now. Because this article is about SKT1. And SKT1 has Revolutionism in full flare.

The ability to change the face of the game to extent that these 5 players have is unrivaled, individually (IMcompletelyfactualO) and especially in unison. What does this represent? Intelligence. I don't think I need to go into why intelligence is a winning aspect of this game, do I? Just consider the fact that this factors into EVERYTHING - the tailoring of the games, the whole set, the pre-existing abilities and concepts, the depth of their game knowledge, the depth of their ability to prepare counter-strategies before and on the day of the match...

[4] History



This kind of ties together all of my previous points - it's the essence of the team, the connotation of the mere name of SKT1 in the pro scene, the "culture" and the ki and the chakra and the whatever the fuck. It's just what they're made of. They are like the ominous presence in the deep darkness. They are the people who radiate confidence when they enter a room, putting everyone's ego and resolve in the drain.

With the Emperor and the Bonjwa Oov undoubtedly at the helm of the SKT1 flagship as master and apprentice, coach and player, the power of the team is undeniable in both pride and support. What I mean by pride is not the hubris which would come naturally to being on this team, I mean the necessity to maintain an image and to perform. You are willing to surrender more for a legacy than you would be if you knew that a loss would be "just another loss." SKT1 does not have those. SKT1 wins. And SKT1 will win this PL finals.

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P.S.: I don't mean to offend anyone; it's late, I'm high, and I wanted to spice things up a bit. I'm just fanboyin', yo.

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EDIT:


I was going to, but I felt it didn't need to be said because I kept referring to them being in the finals. Also, although my post was douchebaggery, I recognize the fact that fatigue (due to playing from say the beginning of play-offs) to the finals is significant when compared to the champions who sat on their throne for a while. However, you have to think of 3 things:

1) Individual leagues. Bisu and Fantasy are in leagues. Not saying that no one else is, but it's safe to say they won't be super-fresh and energetic either. They will be working hard, even besides the finals prep.

2) They don't know who they face until the winner is announced. There is too much to prepare for if you try to plan for 4 or even 2 teams - I imagine that most of their in-depth work starts as soon as the finals are set, much like how the team that just won starts at that moment as well. Sure there could be some pre-planning, but how specific can you get?

3) Fatigue can be overcome by guts. I laughed about "eye of the tiger" in my post, but I have to admit that there is that dark horse magic that creeps into your skull if you are a team like STX and you make it to the finals from the play-offs. Same can be said about Lecaf, but in terms of solidifying their status as near-equals to SKT1 should they come to the finals - and they will be out to prove that they are in fact superior.

So, I decided not to include it. I guess I will put this in at the end, thanks!