Dating: How's your luck? - Page 611

On April 13 2015 02:08 JoeCool wrote:
Any advice on how to flirt/begin a conversation with a (fem.) barkeeper?
I went to a metal club last friday - couple of my friends go there every friday, I join them as often as possible - and there was this hot chick working at the bar, I ordered a couple of whiskies (she gave me the first one for 1/2 price) but somehow missed the opportunity to chat with her.

On April 13 2015 03:36 Acrofales wrote:

Barkeepers are people too. You approach them the same way you approach anybody. Just keep in mind that she is working and may not have time to hang around. Very quick chat, get her number, phone her when she's off work.

On April 13 2015 12:59 Zooper31 wrote:
She seems like an attention whore who has a big ego and probably gets around more than you think. If you can get past that and actually believe you can trust her in a far-away city by herself then go for it. Idk lots of red flags for me man, she's probably a fun girl but not one I'd want a long term relationship with.

On April 13 2015 07:25 LemOn wrote:

Good stuff here:
http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/trippadvicecom/how-to-talk-to-girls/e/ep-11-how-to-pick-up-bartenders-waitresses-hostesses-37004629

Basically, don't bother in peak times. Don't become a regular. Go there (sober) when shifts are swapping like 3pm when it's quiet and she's bored and you can get her full attention

On April 13 2015 08:52 docvoc wrote:

Be careful about picking up bartenders, they're in a position where a lot of people approach them and them taking numbers while on duty can be seen as bad business etiquette. I'm not saying don't try, I'm saying don't piss her off if you want to go there often.

On April 13 2015 12:15 Fyodor wrote:
I don't know what to do.

Starts with a girl, she had initiated the conversation. Sweet as can be and I would say about 7.5/10 good looking also. She sends me messages every day asking how my day was, etc. I'm into it although it's all pretty innocent. We agree on a date, she knocks down like 4 different places before settling on a pretty casual diner. I get by the table she does not get up for a kiss/hug. I find that weird but I sit down.

She's very polite when talking, like in the texts. She tells me she is a lawyer working in contracts (beats my salary quite handily I'd imagine) She has that poker face going now and I feel as the evening goes she glances away more and more and doesn't smile. I feel that things are going badly so I try to be bolder and just grab a hold of the conversation topics and be more assertive. Has no effect. Date ends and I'm like whatever I'm gonna go jerk off and sleep. We hug and I'm halfway turned to leave and she very softly says " Text me sometime". I'm like this is the worst date I ever had in my life, why the hell would you say that. So I text her, she replies back politely. I text her again and she replies a day later and just apologizes that she didn't reply very fast as she "is very busy lately". I jokingly poke fun saying that she is hanging on talking to me only out of politeness and she says no but doesn't say anything else to start a conversation. Then I basically tell her to fuck right off (semi-politely). I move on after that. (She had not been so distant prior to meeting me)

Get back on the horse. start messaging with about 5 different girls that I like. All of a sudden this random, pretty average looking girl asks me to apologize for what I did yesterday. I'm like uhh I was with my family all day yesterday, you sure you have the right person? She says I was too drunk to remember. I'm like I didn't drink shit yesterday you're clearly lost. Then she admits she was trolling me. I just give her a sad face and think "fuck me I fell in her trap". She replies back with "but why are you sad?" then I realize it was just an awkward conversation starter to get my attention. I tell her that I actually like her style and we just keep talking complete random quasi-nonsense for two nights in a row. All of a sudden she asks me "let's be serious for a second, be honest, why are you on tinder? I just tell her "honestly it's mostly to have sex often. Hopefully with the same person" She tells me that she likes my answer. We continue our nonsense joke talk and in the middle of it I ask her out and she is surprised I asked so soon to meet her. I stick to my guns and we agree to meet at a fancy bar. I realize that I don't know nothing about her and that we've exclusively joked around. I end up offending her a little at one point but then bring it back by saying that I need to get to know her better. She playfully says that this is what the date is for. Then she asks what my plans are *with her* for the night. Sounds suggestive so I play along and say I plan to drink a little and then have sex with her. She replies that this counts as "getting to know each other". Can't tell if she's serious or not as we had been doing a lot of sarcasm and double entendres. I bring condoms. just in case.

I get there first and sit at the table. She texted me she got lost on the way so she'll be a few minutes. I go to the restroom to check myself out and boost my confidence. When she arrives she is the single most beautiful girl that's ever agreed to spend any time with me one on one. When I go in for the hug and kiss I feel her boob dig into my chest so I'm pretty happy. We sit down and she takes off her coat. Noticed she's dressed very conservatively in expensive designer clothes. Bit like the cold bitch lawyer I had talked to before. Normally girls on first dates basically throw their cleavage at me. I start to think there is no way this gorgeous model-level chick that doesn't flaunt her cleavage would want to have sex on the first date. Decide she was not serious. We just talk for a while but I learn she's studying Law as part of a double bachelor. My heart sinks and I think well that's just my freaking luck. Another high-powered, well off, gorgeous girl to trample my self-esteem again. We finish our drinks and the conversations were actually really good. She drove here so I ask for the bill after our one drink. We talk a little more and we decide to leave. It's raining a bit so I tell her I'll bring her to her car at least. (makes no sense in hindsight) When I get to her car I go "is that your car?" and she sarcastically says "no, that's not a car". I then take it one level further and pretend it's not a car and go to sit on it like it was a rock. She found it funny and tells me to get in the car because she doesn't want to get wet. We talk while in there and when there's a silence she just stares directly at me and I think she wants to make out. I just keep talking and miss the signal a couple times. I'm confused as all hell about what's going on. Maybe she just dressed conservatively and actually wants to make out in her car after just meeting. She asks me what I want to do next for the night so then I'm like "yep, ok, she means business" we agree to go to her place. I get there and she wants to do some cleaning and places me in the living room. I go to restroom in the meantime. When I get back she is laying down on the couch. I go towards her and sit down while she is still laying there. We kiss but she complains that my breath smells like beer. She downplays her complaint after but I'm a bit off balance about how to take it from there... We keep talking for a bit but then I lift up her shirt. She had mocked my abs in a playful way when snapchatting. (she had not sent anything remotely sexy) so I give her the pretense that I'm lifting up her shirt because I get to see if she's any fitter than I am. Flat tummy and perfect skin. Holy shit. Refers to her body as perfect and dream-like. She also talks about how much she's right wing and loves money a lot (I don't have that much money but she doesn't know that, yet. I'm smart-ish and sophisticated-ish so I can pull off a deception. But I need to act quick before she realizes I don't got much going on career wise.) She then complains I didn't say much since getting to her place. I decide to go the fuck all-in. I say "black". she looks at me confused but I run my hand from her neck to her shoulder to expose her bra strap. Black as predicted. Told her "see, I'm starting to know you".

She had a blank look on her face for a few seconds. "Fuck me already", she finally says. I pick her up and get her to her room. She was very light. She asks me if I'm gentle or rough. I had not placed myself on the rough/gentle scale yet. Naturally I say I'm very gentle. She sighs and begs for me to give it to her rough. I turn her around to take her pants off thinking I'm impressing her by taking command like that. Nope, she complains every step of the way. How I didn't get hard right away, how I wasn't looking at her body, how I wasn't touching her, holding her hard enough. She asks if I've even done a one night stand before. In the end though, what she did like was my stamina and my willingness to finger/cunnilingus. Multiple orgasms later she's beat and asks what I want to do now. I ask if I can stay the night as getting back home would be tricky. She seems happy to have me over saying the last guy just wanted to leave afterwards. Not sure if she's just being polite or what but we talk then have sex again and don't sleep much. Notice her tattoo on her back and she says it's chinese characters for "exceptional". Gets a double meaning when you look at it while drilling her from behind.

Morning comes and she gives me a great kiss before I leave then smiles. I was across town so I had my dad pick me up. Naturally he asks wtf I was doing in that part of town. I'm coy at first but end up spilling the beans. He's happy I wasn't just getting smashed on drugs. He still tries to give me a speech about safe sex.

Few hours later she texts me "I'm tired, it's your fault". I text back "you're welcome". Then she talks about her schoolwork, we add each other on facebook. Not that many friends for such a hot girl. She tells me she's into video games and anime and watching netflix and how she's basically a rotten ass nerd. Obviously I'm nerdy too so we had some good convos about that. She said she loves how people take pictures of her at cons when she's not even wearing a costume.

So I get confused. She said one night stand but here she is texting me like crazy every day. I tell her I want to fix her computer really badly and that I should come over. She agrees. We have a lot of sex again then cuddle and talk for hours.

Pump the breaks you may say. "Can you pray tell where your problem lies?" I hear you accuse me. Well this "relationship" is on a timer. She is going back home at the end of the month in a far-away city. School season is almost over. Not coming back until September. Not only that, I have a girl in sight that, despite not firing me up quite like this one, I could see myself loving for a long time. She is young, sweet, innocent, pretty, etc. We've been on a date and still talking.

Not sure how to play this out. What would you do?

On April 14 2015 03:06 Najda wrote:
I work at a bar, and yesterday we had a stall at an event in town where we sat around, drank, ate food and talked to patrons about coming to our bar. Going to the event was Girl A, the event coordinator/bartender, Girl B, a model friend of the owner, one male bartender, our manager, and myself.

Long story short, we had fun at the event minus the manager being a bit of a sleeze, and then myself and the two girls hung out afterwards for a couple hours. At one point Girl A asks me if I would ever date an older woman (I'm 24, the girls are 29/32) and I just responded that I don't discriminate. They both say they only date men older than themselves. At a point later in the evening, she says "I have something for you" and gives me her personal business card. When she leaves she gives me a prolonged hug goodbye.

If it weren't for that one commend about only dating older men I'd think she was interested in me, but because of that I'm not sure. Was she just giving me her card an extension of friendship or does she want me to pursue her?

On April 14 2015 03:06 Najda wrote:
I work at a bar, and yesterday we had a stall at an event in town where we sat around, drank, ate food and talked to patrons about coming to our bar. Going to the event was Girl A, the event coordinator/bartender, Girl B, a model friend of the owner, one male bartender, our manager, and myself.

Long story short, we had fun at the event minus the manager being a bit of a sleeze, and then myself and the two girls hung out afterwards for a couple hours. At one point Girl A asks me if I would ever date an older woman (I'm 24, the girls are 29/32) and I just responded that I don't discriminate. They both say they only date men older than themselves. At a point later in the evening, she says "I have something for you" and gives me her personal business card. When she leaves she gives me a prolonged hug goodbye.

If it weren't for that one commend about only dating older men I'd think she was interested in me, but because of that I'm not sure. Was she just giving me her card an extension of friendship or does she want me to pursue her?

On April 14 2015 03:11 Acrofales wrote:

Stop wondering what she wants, and figure out what you want. Then act on it.

EDIT: And I don't mean that in a creepy way. I mean that in a "be direct, and don't try to be friends when you want sex" kinda way.

On April 15 2015 00:20 capu wrote:
Does anyone here have experience with dating multiple women? I lined up dates with two different girls and they both were good looking, smart, nice and wanted to see me again. I had made both of the arrangements before meeting them. I like the other better so it isn't difficult for me to make a choice when push comes to shove but the sleaze ball in me would like to keep the other as an insurance if things didn't work out.

In a situation like this how long do you think one could keep dating multiple girls and where do you draw the line? sex? If you'd get caught you could easily shrug it off by saying you didn't know you were exclusive yet. I think if my 2nd date goes well with the number 1 I will let the other go, because I would hate seeing my number 1 kissing or holding hands with someone else. Moreover, I think if I kept playing with them both eventually I wouldn't be able to keep either of them, or am I too naive in thinking like this so early. This is my first time saying no to an attractive lady and I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. :D

On April 15 2015 04:40 capu wrote:
I'm a tad too serious about this I will give you that. I'm pretty serious person about certain things anyway. You seem to have more cynical look on things and that line about making her ask for exclusivity sounds pua stuff. Do you think asking exclusivity / bringing it up yourself makes you seem needy? I think it's all about your own attitude and games like that scream insecurity. I don't think I could be upfront about it without getting an ultimatum then and there. It's kind of sleazy to think there's no exclusivity before explicitly agreeing on it. Such discussion might not ever take place because monogamy is the norm and you just expect it. On the other hand, not being upfront would mean I'd have to lie about my whereabouts and activities and it would put me in a difficult spot somewhere down the line. I've already had to lie once and felt bad about it.

I kind of think if you show green light after the first date you have to explore that option before moving on. If you keep searching for new people that means you weren't happy with the first date and dating her further is a waste of time unless you just want to sleep around, of course. I think I have already fallen a bit for the mentality 'there's always something better' but I'm tired of introductions and telling the same stories over and over. The girl A has a lot of the qualities I look for so it seems I have made my choice even thought I opened the discussion. Even if things won't work out with A I couldn't have been too mad about B so it's not really a loss. I'll see A again tomorrow and depending on that I'll decide what I'm going to do about B.

I can't imagine any self respecting woman putting up with that (being upfront) unless she is also seeing multiple men. The very least she'd be more reserved around me. Moreover, if a woman told me she is seeing other people I'd stop dating her because I don't want to fight over her affections, so it's better not to tell even if you do IMO. I would also doubt how serious she is about the potential new relationship. I guess it's also what you consider dating because I think the dating period may span out for months before making it official and perhaps dating here tends to get more intimate faster.

Am I just too uptight about these things or do other people think the same way?