EPTHow can you tell if your married friend(who I may or may not be sleeping with) is looking for a way out of her marriage or just finding a way to tide herself over? Btw I do not condone my behavior in anyway.
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
How can you tell if your married friend(who I may or may not be sleeping with) is looking for a way out of her marriage or just finding a way to tide herself over? Btw I do not condone my behavior in anyway. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5713 Posts
On April 15 2015 08:32 Shotcoder wrote: Continuing what This man is saying ^^^^ How can you tell if your married friend(who I may or may not be sleeping with) is looking for a way out of her marriage or just finding a way to tide herself over? Btw I do not condone my behavior in anyway. Do you guys do other things than just fuck? If the answer is yes, she may be looking for another relationship. But either way, again, doesn't condone what you're doing. | ||
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XenOmega
Canada2822 Posts
Things or clues I should look for? I'd prefer not asking directly unless I'm sure (I am not the direct/courageous type)... I know that some girls are just nice to everyone. Also, I really don't want to create an awkward situation (since we are roommates) | ||
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Zooper31
United States5713 Posts
On April 15 2015 09:27 XenOmega wrote: Been living with my roommate (girl) for over 1 month. We get along pretty well. I find her interesting. That being said, I have no idea if she's interested in me. She keeps "joking" about us looking like a couple. We cook together, talk alot, do groceries, etc. Better than typical roommates-relationship, I guess. Things or clues I should look for? I'd prefer not asking directly unless I'm sure (I am not the direct/courageous type)... I know that some girls are just nice to everyone. Also, I really don't want to create an awkward situation (since we are roommates) Do you flirt with her at least? Next time she brings up you guys looking like a couple, throw something back at her along the lines of "I wouldn't mind that" or "hey what's so bad about that, I'm pretty awesome" see what she says, see if she agrees. | ||
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XenOmega
Canada2822 Posts
On April 15 2015 09:59 Zooper31 wrote: Do you flirt with her at least? Next time she brings up you guys looking like a couple, throw something back at her along the lines of "I wouldn't mind that" or "hey what's so bad about that, I'm pretty awesome" see what she says, see if she agrees. I am unsure how I look on the outside. I have pretty much 0 relationship experience. Any flirting done by me might not be conscious and I might not even realize it. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On April 15 2015 10:16 XenOmega wrote: I am unsure how I look on the outside. I have pretty much 0 relationship experience. Any flirting done by me might not be conscious and I might not even realize it. Do you ever touch her? | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States24130 Posts
On April 15 2015 09:27 XenOmega wrote: Been living with my roommate (girl) for over 1 month. We get along pretty well. I find her interesting. That being said, I have no idea if she's interested in me. She keeps "joking" about us looking like a couple. We cook together, talk alot, do groceries, etc. Better than typical roommates-relationship, I guess. Things or clues I should look for? I'd prefer not asking directly unless I'm sure (I am not the direct/courageous type)... I know that some girls are just nice to everyone. Also, I really don't want to create an awkward situation (since we are roommates) If you don't want it to get awkward don't go beyond roommates. I suppose it depends on what circumstances brought you to be roommates but those situations usually don't end well. Did you know her before becoming roommates, how old are you two, did you guys establish rules about bringing 'romantic partners' home, etc...? Just consider the possibility of hooking up and one of you not enjoying it for one reason or another. Pretty hard for things not to get awkward from there. I wouldn't make any moves unless you have some way to sort out the living arrangements when it gets awkward. The only way it doesn't get awkward is if you guys end up in a reasonably stable relationship until you naturally move on to your next living arrangements. highly unlikely though. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5713 Posts
He doesn't even know if he's flirting or not and has no relationship experience. I'd say probably never. I'd suggest avoid doing anything because chances are incredibly high that it's just going to end up being an awkward experience for them both. Or if you don't give a fuck and genuinely believe she likes you, do what I said and give it a shot. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 15 2015 09:27 XenOmega wrote: Been living with my roommate (girl) for over 1 month. We get along pretty well. I find her interesting. That being said, I have no idea if she's interested in me. She keeps "joking" about us looking like a couple. We cook together, talk alot, do groceries, etc. Better than typical roommates-relationship, I guess. Things or clues I should look for? I'd prefer not asking directly unless I'm sure (I am not the direct/courageous type)... I know that some girls are just nice to everyone. Also, I really don't want to create an awkward situation (since we are roommates) NEVER ask a girl if she is into you; she will always say NO in one way or another. Not with this particular girl, but in general you flirt and take it from there to kissing, doing stuff together and sex. You become attractive to a woman by doing that, woman are not like man that see a girl and pretty much inmediatately decide wether they like them or not. The process is what makes you attractive to them for the most part. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On April 15 2015 10:16 XenOmega wrote: I am unsure how I look on the outside. I have pretty much 0 relationship experience. Any flirting done by me might not be conscious and I might not even realize it. Don't try to sleep with your roommate. | ||
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shin_toss
Philippines2589 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On April 15 2015 04:40 capu wrote: I'm a tad too serious about this I will give you that. I'm pretty serious person about certain things anyway. You seem to have more cynical look on things and that line about making her ask for exclusivity sounds pua stuff. Do you think asking exclusivity / bringing it up yourself makes you seem needy? I think it's all about your own attitude and games like that scream insecurity. I don't think I could be upfront about it without getting an ultimatum then and there. It's kind of sleazy to think there's no exclusivity before explicitly agreeing on it. Such discussion might not ever take place because monogamy is the norm and you just expect it. On the other hand, not being upfront would mean I'd have to lie about my whereabouts and activities and it would put me in a difficult spot somewhere down the line. I've already had to lie once and felt bad about it. I mean I like being on my own and having the opportunity to talk to different women/potentially do more with them. Really at the beginning I don't know a person well enough to say right off the bat that I want to be only with her - not after the first month, and certainly not after one date. It probably is an insecurity, but I find that I prefer women that are into me as much as I am into them that's why I let them bring it up first and having that "mental freedom" where I am with her because I want to despite having choice not because of some stated commitment. Besides, women tend to like freedom themselves and most guys are needy trying to "lock them down" themselves, I was certainly like that before - I've done that because I felt insecure about deserving to be with her and needed that reassurance, I couldn't be with them just because. There's never a reason to lie or play games by the way? If a girl brings it up, just be honest, and ask her what she wants. You'd be surprised how girls react when you tell them that they are awesome, you love spending time with them but that you want to get to know them some more before getting serious. I kind of think if you show green light after the first date you have to explore that option before moving on. If you keep searching for new people that means you weren't happy with the first date and dating her further is a waste of time unless you just want to sleep around, of course. You don't need to actively search for new people, just basically living your life and if there's an opportunity you have the option to explore it. It's not about not being happy, nor that it's a waste of time? You can't possibly get to know a person on one date enough. It's a much longer process, and trust me, women take it as a longer process themselves they will rarely want to commit to you in the first few weeks. The girl A has a lot of the qualities I look for so it seems I have made my choice even thought I opened the discussion. Even if things won't work out with A I couldn't have been too mad about B so it's not really a loss. I'll see A again tomorrow and depending on that I'll decide what I'm going to do about B. I can't imagine any self respecting woman putting up with that (being upfront) unless she is also seeing multiple men. The very least she'd be more reserved around me. Moreover, if a woman told me she is seeing other people I'd stop dating her because I don't want to fight over her affections, so it's better not to tell even if you do IMO. I would also doubt how serious she is about the potential new relationship. I guess it's also what you consider dating because I think the dating period may span out for months before making it official and perhaps dating here tends to get more intimate faster. Am I just too uptight about these things or do other people think the same way At this point, you are pre-judging, and projecting into the future badly. You don't even know these women and you "made your choice" ? Please  | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On April 15 2015 06:05 Najda wrote: It's not about bringing it up, most people will not have to. It's about what kind of image you are putting forth. Are you acting more like a boyfriend or are you acting like a casual lover? Which do you want to be? It's about trying to stay congruent with a single relationship role and then bringing it up if it seems like she is getting the opposite idea. Do you guys talk on the phone often? Hold hands in public? Hang out in the day and not have sex? You're more of a boyfriend. Or is it that everytime she texts you, you just cut the conversation and tell her to come over for some fun. Then you're more of a lover. And then what is it you want? You can't expect to be the boyfriend of multiple girls, but you can be the once a week fling for multiple girls. You have to establish your role early and make it clear to her through your actions, not necessarily your words. Yeah this is what I mean - you're never a "boyfriend" of multiple girls. That stage shouldn't happen right off the bat anyways. I'm talking about the dating phase - where you are feeling each other out, go on dates, don't know each other's friends/family... whatever being a boyfriend means to you. And gradually slide towards the boyfriend/girlfriend committed status as you get to know each other better, and girls usually let you know themselves by bringing it up/talking about the future etc. (I'm for one pretty clueless, that's why I let them bring it up - it takes girls a lot longer usually, but if you just observe their behavior without forcing them into it with an open mind it's pretty easy to spot when that happens) | ||
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kaykaykay
Singapore637 Posts
work out, get a job, be busy? | ||
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Skilledblob
Germany3392 Posts
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On April 15 2015 20:07 Skilledblob wrote: masturbate And be busy. Possibly busy finding another girl. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7032 Posts
I mentioned a while before that I was interested in pairing off two friends of mine, but I realized why it doesn't seem to happen: they're both terminally shy and refuse to look people in the eyes.  | ||
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
On April 15 2015 09:01 Zooper31 wrote: Do you guys do other things than just fuck? If the answer is yes, she may be looking for another relationship. But either way, again, doesn't condone what you're doing. At first no, but it went from drinking together and fucking to watching movies, making dinner, and playing video games. She also went to an event that the tickets and everything were provided by my workplace and a bunch of my coworkers were there. I've asked this question to both of my friends who know what's going on(Have no affiliation with the married woman at all) and both keep telling me she's looking for a way out. I'm kinda just along for the ride but wouldn't mind if something developed you know? We've been friends for a long time before this so I don't know if that has a lot to do with the comfort level she has with the situation so I haven't really pushed her for an answer or gotten too attached in the process. | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States24130 Posts
On April 16 2015 05:49 Shotcoder wrote: At first no, but it went from drinking together and fucking to watching movies, making dinner, and playing video games. She also went to an event that the tickets and everything were provided by my workplace and a bunch of my coworkers were there. I've asked this question to both of my friends who know what's going on(Have no affiliation with the married woman at all) and both keep telling me she's looking for a way out. I'm kinda just along for the ride but wouldn't mind if something developed you know? We've been friends for a long time before this so I don't know if that has a lot to do with the comfort level she has with the situation so I haven't really pushed her for an answer or gotten too attached in the process. She may be, but the logistics of getting out of a marriage are pretty tough. For many people it's easier (practically not usually emotionally) for everyone to just ignore it/not ask questions. As it stands now she gets her cake and eats it too. Unless she doesn't have younger kids, minimal shared assets, and absolutely can't stand anything about her husband, she probably just wants more than she is getting from her husband but doesn't desire to stop getting what she does from him. | ||
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
On April 16 2015 05:54 GreenHorizons wrote: She may be, but the logistics of getting out of a marriage are pretty tough. For many people it's easier (practically not usually emotionally) for everyone to just ignore it/not ask questions. As it stands now she gets her cake and eats it too. Unless she doesn't have younger kids, minimal shared assets, and absolutely can't stand anything about her husband, she probably just wants more than she is getting from her husband but doesn't desire to stop getting what she does from him. Exactly how I was treating it. | ||
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