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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 06 2015 20:23 LemOn wrote: So you can do this simple thing: - do nofap no porn for at least a week, then spend time with her, and if there's no arousal, no Cowper's fluid after spending time with her then you are good to go for a friendship. This is honestly one of the weirdest suggestions I've ever heard. Do you actually do this? It's pretty hilarious though. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Like we are so used to judging women by their absolute beauty, and rating them compared to what the magazines tell us is correct, etc. Or by our rationality based on their "on paper" qualities like cleverness etc. The society developed this rigid scale of beauty and desirable partners... But love is not about rational part of the brain, it's about chemistry and chemical reactions (testosterone, neurotransmitters for sexual part, vasopressin, oxytocin for long term attachment) between two people, and this attraction is not a choice. We just screw that up by letting our judgement get in the way. And this is one way I find out what the body wants when the head's being stupid - it's just so much easier (hard in case of wanting to be friends in case of last poster) when you have natural chemistry with a girl, rather than judging her by looks and some arbitrary compatibility methods. Sure you can do that when you are looking for a wife, but the chemistry must be a pre-requisite anyways even in that case. Like I was on a date with a girl - she didn't look much like her online pictures, was a bit chubby I'd rate her a 4.5 if I was in a Skype group where jackasses rate girls all the time (what happens in poker skype groups xD). but when I went for a piss after 1hr of being with her- lots of Cowper's fluid, and sure enough, we are just helluva compatible I've been seeing her off and on, nothing serious for some 3 months now and we always have a great time without even trying or much effort necessary. And I was with this great looking competitive dancer forensic chemistry student - nothing. And sure enough, 3 dates passed and it was a lot of effort for nothing. Since then I'm using this thing with every girl - I'm not sure if I like her unless I check my pants :D I tend to romanticize and project past and future on women a lot, but this no bullshit method just tells you how it is and bypasses your rational brain. I came to dislike the PUA approach quite a bit, seeing women as targets, trying to get every single one - for me it's simply about getting yourself out there and finding that high mutual effortless attraction, and letting the other women go no matter how hot in society's standards they might be instead of trying to build it artificially, it's so much simpler that way. And this is one of the straightforward methods besides a subjective feeling when you just know and conversation and touching is easy and natural, you both hold effortlessly eye contact right form the getgo etc.  And you can simply flip it on it's head and look for lack of the signs if you are looking for a friend I guess - I'd always try to avoid spending loads of time while being single with a girl that frienzoned me that I have high level of attraction towards. Can't see that scenario making me happy/ending well but you guys might convince me otherwise. | ||
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ticklishmusic
United States15977 Posts
Going off my post a coupe days ago: a friend of a good friend came down for spring break-- her sister lives here, she came with some friends as well. We met once over the summer, and that time and this one we hit it off pretty well. There was some mutual attraction this time which I discounted/ didn't act on because she's out of state, but was apparently pretty obvious to my roommate and some of the people we hung out with. This threw a pretty big wrench into my stable little world of forever aloneness. I'm being forced to kind of think about what if's and potential or missed opportunities. I don't know what's going on with this girl. I need my friend to let me know what she's thinking. Then I can either make a move, unlikely as it it is to succeed, or just shrug it off and return to being forever alone. I'm having trouble sleeping (more so than usual, my insomnia comes from another girl actually, but that's another story). Absolutely exhausted, almost manic or slightly hysterical in social settings. To top it off, my roommates aren't helping. I told one of them, and well, he honestly has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. Wasn't much help. Today he comes home to complain because he met a girl at a date party, they hit off well, and then today he was talking to another girl in one of his classes and now has to choose between them. Absolutely insensitive. My other roommate is in a stable relationship which I can't blame him for, but it does add little extra sting to the entire situation. | ||
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ticklishmusic
United States15977 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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Sir_Figs
Canada9 Posts
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ticklishmusic
United States15977 Posts
On April 07 2015 22:38 Ghostcom wrote: I don't see why your roommates are in any way insensitive. You want to be able to talk with them about your problems and they want to be able to talk with you about theirs. Your attitude is akin to that of a child who is told he can't have cake and then throws the entire cake on the floor so no one can have it. Oh yeah, so it's probably my fault for not expanding more on this. So I came back and wanted to talk to my roommate about it. And he basically told me "yeah, so it's not my problem, can't help lol thxbai". | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 07 2015 15:14 ticklishmusic wrote: So I've been pretty accustomed to being forever alone-- I've had relationships and almost-relationships that have ended through little fault of my own. I do often catch myself wishing I'd done something different, that I'd find someone, etc. Anyways, I'm a big romantic. But still, it's a certain sort of stability which is tolerable enough. Going off my post a coupe days ago: a friend of a good friend came down for spring break-- her sister lives here, she came with some friends as well. We met once over the summer, and that time and this one we hit it off pretty well. There was some mutual attraction this time which I discounted/ didn't act on because she's out of state, but was apparently pretty obvious to my roommate and some of the people we hung out with. This threw a pretty big wrench into my stable little world of forever aloneness. I'm being forced to kind of think about what if's and potential or missed opportunities. I don't know what's going on with this girl. I need my friend to let me know what she's thinking. Then I can either make a move, unlikely as it it is to succeed, or just shrug it off and return to being forever alone. I'm having trouble sleeping (more so than usual, my insomnia comes from another girl actually, but that's another story). Absolutely exhausted, almost manic or slightly hysterical in social settings. To top it off, my roommates aren't helping. I told one of them, and well, he honestly has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. Wasn't much help. Today he comes home to complain because he met a girl at a date party, they hit off well, and then today he was talking to another girl in one of his classes and now has to choose between them. Absolutely insensitive. My other roommate is in a stable relationship which I can't blame him for, but it does add little extra sting to the entire situation. I don't want to be offensive but with that kind of attitude you'll remain on the foreveralone island forever. When you want a girl you hit on her and go after her; not doing a move when you can is a massive turn off for woman. You don't ask other people to intercede for you or stop yourself from going after her because of vague problems that might arise in your imaginary future relationship. You should not be losing sleep over girls or thinking about them in general; what you should do is actually engaging them when you are with them (not think about them afterwards) All of the above is pretty general stuff, but it seems to me your attitude towards woman in general is not conducive to sucess with the other gender as you seem to be needy and unconfident (I might be wrong, this is my impression from your post) | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
Oh, and I had sex with a guy for the first time. Gotta say, not my cup of tea. It wasn't exactly gross, but neither did it do much for me, so I don't think I'll give that another go. Silver lining: two dates lined up later this week, fingers crossed I can break my gloomy spell and be confident and reasonably fun again. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 08 2015 03:25 SixStrings wrote: So after being a bit down in the dumps after ending it with my last lady-friend, I'm trying to get back off of the monogamy train. I would want a monogamous (?) relationship, if I knew it were leading somewhere, but until I find a girl I like enough to even consider a long-distance relationship, I will just be "playing field" until I move in September. Oh, and I had sex with a guy for the first time. Gotta say, not my cup of tea. It wasn't exactly gross, but neither did it do much for me, so I don't think I'll give that another go. Silver lining: two dates lined up later this week, fingers crossed I can break my gloomy spell and be cofident and reasonably fun again. WAT | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
Ah right, for that to make sense I have to add that I'm moving to the US in September for a year, so any relationship I enter in now basically has an expiry date, which isn't really a pleasant situation. That's bringing me down a bit and I figured I might as well stop trying for now. | ||
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18234 Posts
 For the record, I don't think SoSexy deserved the shitstorm he got for that post of his. He is a creepy dude who is completely lacking in self-reflection, but who are we to tell him he's a horrible human being? This thread is not really here for advice and any advice here needs to be taken with a heavy dose of "it comes from the internet": it's a place to tell your dating stories. SoSexy did exactly that. I don't even believe he was expecting sympathy, just dropping by to vent at something he perceived as unfair (regardless of whether that latter part is true). I thought Puerk's comment was actually spot on and rather funny, but shit just devolved from there (and SoSexy had a good part in that too). I will miss his stories. It was always interesting to read how incredibly weird some people are. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On April 08 2015 03:44 SixStrings wrote: Ah right, for that to make sense I have to add that I'm moving to the US in September for a year, so any relationship I enter in now basically has an expiry date, which isn't really a pleasant situation. That's bringing me down a bit and I figured I might as well stop trying for now. Sex with a guy was the wat targeted towards, how'd that come by? Like even If I wanted I wouldn't get a boner, did you just take it in the butt or something? And that mindset of not caring about the future is the best anyways I find, do whatever's fun, focus on the present | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States23713 Posts
On April 08 2015 04:39 LemOn wrote: Sex with a guy was the wat targeted towards, how'd that come by? Like even If I wanted I wouldn't get a boner, did you just take it in the butt or something? And that mindset of not caring about the future is the best anyways I find, do whatever's fun, focus on the present Yeah I don't know much about gay sex, but being 'into it' seems like a requirement for it to really happen. Otherwise it sounds painful/uneventful. Unless we're counting oral/mutual masturbation as 'sex'? | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On April 08 2015 04:39 LemOn wrote: Sex with a guy was the wat targeted towards, how'd that come by? Like even If I wanted I wouldn't get a boner, did you just take it in the butt or something? I didn't think I'd have to supply details, but basically this: His GF is into it, I was drunk, she got me hot... yada yada... No penetrative sex. | ||
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farvacola
United States18855 Posts
On April 08 2015 03:58 Acrofales wrote: SixStrings refusing to be outdone by SoSexy. This thread continues to deliver For the record, I don't think SoSexy deserved the shitstorm he got for that post of his. He is a creepy dude who is completely lacking in self-reflection, but who are we to tell him he's a horrible human being? This thread is not really here for advice and any advice here needs to be taken with a heavy dose of "it comes from the internet": it's a place to tell your dating stories. SoSexy did exactly that. I don't even believe he was expecting sympathy, just dropping by to vent at something he perceived as unfair (regardless of whether that latter part is true). I thought Puerk's comment was actually spot on and rather funny, but shit just devolved from there (and SoSexy had a good part in that too). I will miss his stories. It was always interesting to read how incredibly weird some people are. This is going to come down to a weighing of values. On one hand, I can see why one might argue in favor of the idea that the telling of dating stories should be left entirely judgment free, as it, like you said, encourages the exchange of ideas that otherwise might not come out into the open. On the other, and this is the camp I belong in, is the argument that "storytelling" among men as it concerns women is one of the places in which men can have a positive impact on how men collectively treat women. Objectification as a storytelling device and a method of building rapport with fellow male listeners is incredibly common, and I among others consider it an affirmative duty to speak up when faced with plain-faced rhetorical and figurative subjugation because it oftentimes bleeds through into how men actually treat women. My experiences having attended two of the largest English-speaking universities in the world tell me that there is still a real problem regarding men treating women like things or animals instead of other actual people, and when someone recalls an encounter using language that effectively does that very thing, I'm gonna point out how ass backwards that is. All that being said, in the event that TL moderators see fit to close down this thread from all outside judgment, I'd be more than happy to pretend that it simply doesn't exist. And yes, I know, I'm a bleeding heart feminist pussy liberal who just doesn't realize what feminism is doing to our social fabric, but I daresay that there are plenty of others on this site who see things as I do  | ||
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Shiragaku
Hong Kong4308 Posts
On April 08 2015 05:10 SixStrings wrote: I didn't think I'd have to supply details, but basically this: His GF is into it, I was drunk, she got me hot... yada yada... No penetrative sex. I understand how you feel man. Something similar happened to me when I was 15. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On April 08 2015 05:42 Shiragaku wrote: I understand how you feel man. Something similar happened to me when I was 15. Oh, 'happened to me' is a tad bit dramatic in my case. I was drunk, but not to the point that I can 'blame' the alcohol. This wasn't a case of borderline rape or sinister seduction, just a guy being pissed, frisky and adventurous. | ||
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