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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On March 01 2015 08:31 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote:
a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys I'm impressed no one took the bait on this. My sexist upbringing (outside of my home) is screaming to make a joke but my better angels have prevailed. Show nested quote +On March 01 2015 05:50 GoTuNk! wrote:On March 01 2015 05:34 LemOn wrote:On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote:
a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys A wife should have it all no? Good both from logical standpoint, be a good match personality and value wise and very strong attraction should be there too? (attraction between you, she doesn't have to be necessarily attractive from society's standpoint) A wife is for forming a family and having kids. You should have an idea of the type of family you want and the traits a woman should have to be that. For example I think want a traditional family when I marry (wayy in the future) so I want a girl who has traditional values. Not marry w/e girl stands you for a long time. I personally don't think breeding or child rearing is a necessity in a quality marriage though? I may be misunderstanding but by your description, a woman who has no intentions of child-rearing would not be what a 'wife is for'?
I might not have expressed myself clearly. I meant to either form a "home" or form a "home" AND have children. I want children so child-rearing would be a role requirement.
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On March 01 2015 08:39 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On March 01 2015 08:31 GreenHorizons wrote:On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote:
a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys I'm impressed no one took the bait on this. My sexist upbringing (outside of my home) is screaming to make a joke but my better angels have prevailed. On March 01 2015 05:50 GoTuNk! wrote:On March 01 2015 05:34 LemOn wrote:On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote:
a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys A wife should have it all no? Good both from logical standpoint, be a good match personality and value wise and very strong attraction should be there too? (attraction between you, she doesn't have to be necessarily attractive from society's standpoint) A wife is for forming a family and having kids. You should have an idea of the type of family you want and the traits a woman should have to be that. For example I think want a traditional family when I marry (wayy in the future) so I want a girl who has traditional values. Not marry w/e girl stands you for a long time. I personally don't think breeding or child rearing is a necessity in a quality marriage though? I may be misunderstanding but by your description, a woman who has no intentions of child-rearing would not be what a 'wife is for'? I might not have expressed myself clearly. I meant to either form a "home" or form a "home" AND have children. I want children so child-rearing would be a role requirement.
I thought that was probably what you meant more or less. Just wanted to be clear.
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On February 26 2015 06:05 Livelovedie wrote:
Should I give up on tinder as a serious way to meet someone to go on a date with or is it my profile that seems to be lacking?
You tried OkCupid? Seems to be quite strong in the Western regions from what I've seen?
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On March 01 2015 05:34 LemOn wrote:
A wife should have it all no? Good both from logical standpoint, be a good match personality and value wise and very strong attraction should be there too? (attraction between you, she doesn't have to be necessarily attractive from society's standpoint)
Hmm. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up marrying my current girlfriend and I guess the thing that makes us work is that we've got similar core values (and as such we have similar future goals with regards to lifestyle and children) whilst also having different but complementary skill sets. It's nice because we both make each others' lives easier and more pleasant with 'minimal effort' because the other person considers it to be a much harder or stressful task than it is to us.
Intimacy is another large one because I feel that intimacy is something that is (at least traditionally) only attained through your partner whilst other things (such as hobbies) can be attained through friends. As in, it's considered taboo to seek intimacy outside your relationship but it's fine to enjoy hobbies with people other than your partner. So as such finding someone who shares your views on intimacy is kinda important.
Lastly, I think timing is understated... Girlfriend and I joked that if her and I had met five years ago there is almost no way that we would have been able to enjoy a functional relationship both because we were both in different headspaces to where we are now - and we weren't ready to settle down - so what we were seeking was more thrill and less stability.
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How likely do you think it is that a girl has "Is in a relationship" on facebook but really isn't?
Went to a party, talked a lot to a girl, added her on facebook, she messaged me and it resulted in me saying we
should go to the bar and play dart which she responded yes to.
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On March 04 2015 05:24 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How likely do you think it is that a girl has "Is in a relationship" on facebook but really isn't?
Went to a party, talked a lot to a girl, added her on facebook, she messaged me and it resulted in me saying we
should go to the bar and play dart which she responded yes to.
It's possible, people do mess around on facebook for jokes. However, it is more likely that she is either looking for a friend, or if it is obviously romantic, cheating on her boyfriend.
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On March 04 2015 05:24 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How likely do you think it is that a girl has "Is in a relationship" on facebook but really isn't?
Went to a party, talked a lot to a girl, added her on facebook, she messaged me and it resulted in me saying we
should go to the bar and play dart which she responded yes to.
Some girls will do it so less guys send them "those" messages. Could be what the other guy said too though. I say at best there's a 40% chance she's single or practically so.
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Yeah, probably going to go on that "date" at least, if it can even be called one. She is studying something computer related so I guess it could be to deter some nerds. Tried to facebook stalk my best but can't see any special comments from any guy.
She asked me if she was going to see me at a party in which is in about a month which is why I was thinking she was interested. We talked a bit about training playing dart which the party is related to, then she mentioned that you can train at the local pub and there is where I asked if she wanted to play a game there.
I'm probably overthinking a shitload.
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I'm 23 years old and I want to have a relationship... however not a long term relationship.
I see this girl around my local library (as I like studying here not at college) and she's really attractive. Problem is, I hate the waiting period that often exists between getting to know each other and going to be together.
Some girls sleep with you after the 3rd date, others don't because they don't want to.
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On March 11 2015 14:01 QuantumTeleportation wrote:
I'm 23 years old and I want to have a relationship... however not a long term relationship.
I see this girl around my local library (as I like studying here not at college) and she's really attractive. Problem is, I hate the waiting period that often exists between getting to know each other and going to be together.
Some girls sleep with you after the 3rd date, others don't because they don't want to.
If you're looking for "easy" women who just want to hook up, I'd imagine that going out to a bar or club would be more up your alley than lurking in a library, if the stereotypes have any truth to them.
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Mexico2170 Posts
Yeah, although I'm not one to go with sterotypes usually, i have to agree here with DarkPlasmaBall. However, who knows really, its tollay posible, but i don't understand what you are asking. How to tell the girl you wan't a short casual relationship in an easy way?
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I got a question for you guys. What do you think about "staring" at people as away to show that you like them. For example, if if in my classrom there's a girl that i like, i usually glance at her now and then you know, hoping we will look at each other and stuff. Also, since i like the girl, is like..visually pleasing to see her right? I don't mean this in a creepy way "i stare at them all class long", but you know, once or twice during the class.
But i have had mixed experiences with that..There are girls that i've found that they look at me because they like me, however, once there was this girl that one day i found she was staring at me, so i looked at her for a moment, then afte rlike 10 min, i looked again, and then she started back, and so on and on. Next day she tells me "stop staring at me, everytime i turn my head you are looking me" And i'm like "what? but you stared first i though you li..forget it.." (we became friends after that though haha).
So...fast forward a few months, theres this girl in my class, that you know, now and then looks me, she does that since the first day i met her. We have crossed our gazes once in a while. The thing is, some days she will barely look at me (like once at the beggining of the class), and some days she will look at me and even mantain his gaze for a few seconds when i look at her. I try not to look at her much though, because you know, i don't want to creep her out haha.
So my question would be... whats your experience with "stares"? Do you look at people you like frequently? Do you think girls specially glance over a guy they like or just look around and whatever cross their sights is what they look at? <.<
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Looking at you and quickly averting her eyes as soon as you catch her staring could be interpreted as her having a crush. A several second staring competition without her cracking a smile however would not.
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[Phantom], does she smile at you, or just stare at you? If you're interested, you should definitely smile at her when you catch her eye  And then if she returns the smile, you should talk to her after class. Introduce yourself, make a remark about something that happened in class, ask where she's off to next, etc.
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Long time lurker but I feel I need to get something off my chest. it all started over four years ago I meant a women on a website called pof. At the time she was knocked up and having a baby. While her past relationships have been really tough on her. I got to know her and we even went on a few dates. Her son was born and over time I got to know him (I was a little scared being a nerd and all I didn't know how to act towards someone else's kid).
Last year this women and I went camping for 10 days with her whole family, that may of been one of the highlights of my life. After three years I figured maybe it was time to ask her out. She then had a melt down and didn't talk to me for 3 months. iv always let her re enter my life. After 4 years of holding hands once and her 4 friends with benefits later. Our first time having sex I just found out I am going to be daddy. she told me that a week before I went and saw her she slept with someone else. unsure of what to think of this women and my future with her. she says she is going to have my baby and after 4 years of interesting history, am unsure if I can ever date her or marry her the pain that iv been put through has been rather rough.
This kid didn't have anything to do with what she or I have done. so am going to stand in front of this shit fan and see how it turns out. I won't turn my back on my kid. I just wish her and I would of worked out differently.
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That's a really tough situation, chaos22 :/ Best of luck! I'm sure you'll make a great father
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On March 11 2015 16:27 chaos22 wrote:
Long time lurker but I feel I need to get something off my chest. it all started over four years ago I meant a women on a website called pof. At the time she was knocked up and having a baby. While her past relationships have been really tough on her. I got to know her and we even went on a few dates. Her son was born and over time I got to know him (I was a little scared being a nerd and all I didn't know how to act towards someone else's kid).
Last year this women and I went camping for 10 days with her whole family, that may of been one of the highlights of my life. After three years I figured maybe it was time to ask her out. She then had a melt down and didn't talk to me for 3 months. iv always let her re enter my life. After 4 years of holding hands once and her 4 friends with benefits later. Our first time having sex I just found out I am going to be daddy. she told me that a week before I went and saw her she slept with someone else. unsure of what to think of this women and my future with her. she says she is going to have my baby and after 4 years of interesting history, am unsure if I can ever date her or marry her the pain that iv been put through has been rather rough.
This kid didn't have anything to do with what she or I have done. so am going to stand in front of this shit fan and see how it turns out. I won't turn my back on my kid. I just wish her and I would of worked out differently.
That story sounds a lot like a trap baby. Meaning she got pregnant by one of these other 'friends' but there is no way she want's them to be the father. Not sure how benefits work in Canada but the timing sounds close to when her benefits (for being pregnant/a new mother) would lapse also.
It's a reasonably common technique in the US to maintain government support. The woman usually has social issues (often stemming from childhood abuse) that prevent her from forming a 'normal' relationship so they float from one asshole to another keeping a 'good' guy on the line. When the benefits are about to run out they go and get pregnant from whoever they can (or whichever preferred genetic donor they can lure in) then randomly sleep with the good guy and tell him it's his kid.
From that point they can't really lose. Many 'good' guys just presume it's theirs (the woman usually doesn't openly admit to sleeping with someone else so close) and take the responsibilities. Some 'good' guys know it's probably not theirs and they take care of it anyway. Both groups usually try to work out a relationship with the mom but without help/counseling their is usually not a lot of hope.
The other option is getting it tested, which I would do unless you are absolutely sure you want to take care of this child regardless. Which would mean a lot of legal bullshit (not exactly sure how much in Canada).
If it's not yours I say get as far away as possible. Change you number shut down facebook whatever you have to do to keep her from contacting you.
If it is your kid (you've had it tested or decided you don't care who got her pregnant) you should fight for parental rights. That kid will need you if it is going to have a chance. Chances are she won't want you around for anything more than to be her manservant so a relationship has almost 0 chance of working.
If you decide you have to try to make it work, get help/counseling. It's not going to happen without it, you'll just be torturing yourself and setting the kid up to grow up in a negative household. imo.
TLDR: Get the kid paternity tested, decide what you would do with either result. If you pick trying to 'make it work' you will need at least semi-professional help
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On March 11 2015 16:27 chaos22 wrote:
Long time lurker but I feel I need to get something off my chest. it all started over four years ago I meant a women on a website called pof. At the time she was knocked up and having a baby. While her past relationships have been really tough on her. I got to know her and we even went on a few dates. Her son was born and over time I got to know him (I was a little scared being a nerd and all I didn't know how to act towards someone else's kid).
Last year this women and I went camping for 10 days with her whole family, that may of been one of the highlights of my life. After three years I figured maybe it was time to ask her out. She then had a melt down and didn't talk to me for 3 months. iv always let her re enter my life. After 4 years of holding hands once and her 4 friends with benefits later. Our first time having sex I just found out I am going to be daddy. she told me that a week before I went and saw her she slept with someone else. unsure of what to think of this women and my future with her. she says she is going to have my baby and after 4 years of interesting history, am unsure if I can ever date her or marry her the pain that iv been put through has been rather rough.
This kid didn't have anything to do with what she or I have done. so am going to stand in front of this shit fan and see how it turns out. I won't turn my back on my kid. I just wish her and I would of worked out differently.
That story sounds a lot like a trap baby. Meaning she got pregnant by one of these other 'friends' but there is no way she want's them to be the father. Not sure how benefits work in Canada but the timing sounds close to when her benefits (for being pregnant/a new mother) would lapse also.
It's a reasonably common technique in the US to maintain government support. The woman usually has social issues (often stemming from childhood abuse) that prevent her from forming a 'normal' relationship so they float from one asshole to another keeping a 'good' guy on the line. When the benefits are about to run out they go and get pregnant from whoever they can (or whichever preferred genetic donor they can lure in) then randomly sleep with the good guy and tell him it's his kid.
From that point they can't really lose. Many 'good' guys just presume it's theirs (the woman usually doesn't openly admit to sleeping with someone else so close) and take the responsibilities. Some 'good' guys know it's probably not theirs and they take care of it anyway. Both groups usually try to work out a relationship with the mom but without help/counseling their is usually not a lot of hope.
The other option is getting it tested, which I would do unless you are absolutely sure you want to take care of this child regardless. Which would mean a lot of legal bullshit (not exactly sure how much in Canada).
If it's not yours I say get as far away as possible. Change you number shut down facebook whatever you have to do to keep her from contacting you.
If it is your kid (you've had it tested or decided you don't care who got her pregnant) you should fight for parental rights. That kid will need you if it is going to have a chance. Chances are she won't want you around for anything more than to be her manservant so a relationship has almost 0 chance of working.
If you decide you have to try to make it work, get help/counseling. It's not going to happen without it, you'll just be torturing yourself and setting the kid up to grow up in a negative household. imo.
TLDR: Get the kid paternity tested, decide what you would do with either result. If you pick trying to 'make it work' you will need at least semi-professional help. Your reaction so far suggests your better off than many dads so I wouldn't worry about that part.
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On March 11 2015 14:40 [Phantom] wrote:
So my question would be... whats your experience with "stares"? Do you look at people you like frequently? Do you think girls specially glance over a guy they like or just look around and whatever cross their sights is what they look at? <.<
I have a habit of death staring people. If you can smile when you look at her, sure by all means - do it, otherwise DO NOT FUCKING DO IT. I was at a party about a year ago and I was at the dancefloor, locked eyes with a girl and started moving towards her. As I was moving forward she was backing. She kept backing and after a while I got the hint. My friends told me later that I looked like I was going to murder her. Inside joke now that I can scare away any girl among me and my friends now.
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On March 11 2015 16:27 chaos22 wrote:
Long time lurker but I feel I need to get something off my chest. it all started over four years ago I meant a women on a website called pof. At the time she was knocked up and having a baby. While her past relationships have been really tough on her. I got to know her and we even went on a few dates. Her son was born and over time I got to know him (I was a little scared being a nerd and all I didn't know how to act towards someone else's kid).
Last year this women and I went camping for 10 days with her whole family, that may of been one of the highlights of my life. After three years I figured maybe it was time to ask her out. She then had a melt down and didn't talk to me for 3 months. iv always let her re enter my life. After 4 years of holding hands once and her 4 friends with benefits later. Our first time having sex I just found out I am going to be daddy. she told me that a week before I went and saw her she slept with someone else. unsure of what to think of this women and my future with her. she says she is going to have my baby and after 4 years of interesting history, am unsure if I can ever date her or marry her the pain that iv been put through has been rather rough.
This kid didn't have anything to do with what she or I have done. so am going to stand in front of this shit fan and see how it turns out. I won't turn my back on my kid. I just wish her and I would of worked out differently.
It sounds like you deserve a lot better. She has friends with benefits when she is sort of raising a kid with you? Doesn't sound like a girl I would like to be with. Especially when she gets another kid. I'm sure we're not getting the entire story but I would definitely back off. Let her handle it, even though you might have bonded with the kid and you don't want to fuck his life up. You need to think about your needs as well.
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Not a rant, just wanted to say that after spending my 26th birthday never having had a real relationship, I'm so glad to be dating a lovely girl now. Sometimes it just takes time to meet the right person after sifting through dozens of hopeless dates, and when that person comes around things happen so quickly that you forget you were forever alone just months ago.
Yay so happy Keep looking guys!
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