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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 596
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44323 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On February 24 2015 14:33 lastpuritan wrote: Started taking french courses in university. blablab Sounds to me like the keeper" but you are afraid that others will think she is ugly or something and thus asking us what to do to sort of justify not being with her. If she is all that you say I'd say at least try. | ||
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Kenshin_915
Canada139 Posts
On February 24 2015 18:40 WonnaPlay wrote: I disagree strongly with the argument from Fayth and yours. Ofcourse it's very hard to read a situation, where you can't look the other person in their eyes, but I wouldn't easily claim that she is lying about it. I have read most of your (Kenshin) posts regarding this situation and man, it's tough. However, women think alot different than we do. They tend to "Test" things when they have doubts about someone. These are the 'facts', that I draw this scenario from : "Trying to manipulate into dumping you" "Being very distant after giving birth" "Says she still loves you" and this "well this is awkward because I'm thinking about it". So we talk on the phone, I push for keeping it going and she says the idea of me waiting around for her while she can't fulfill my needs kills her. She says she's unhappy, that our relationship is no longer "healthy" because of her problems with intimacy, and that I'd probably end up becoming more and more unhappy as I waited around (probably true)" I will tell you this same scenario, from a different perspective and make of it what you will It's just another option, I'm not saying at all that she's thinking like this, but just keep it in mind: She is in love with you heavily, but thinks she can't make you happy and that you will leave her anyways in the long term. So if you would leave now, she would hurt less, you would hurt less and the baby would get hurt less in the end. She thinks she's fat,worn out,tired and not sexy anymore since giving birth She thinks that you're only staying with her due to your baby, not because of her. She thinks that if she just pushes you away, you can be happy, because she thinks she is not good enough for you. You're an engineering student with a bright future, she is a low level mom, with a troubled family. Why WOULD you stay with her? (I'm not saying I think this in the slightest, just her train of possible thoughts) IF this is the case, then she would try to push you away as soon as possible (i.e. now), so she won't get hurt as much. I know my fair share of girls and eventhough this situation is uncharted territory for me, alot of girls will think in such scenario's. If you think from this perspective, what is your conclusion then Kenshin? Do you still think she is manipulating you, or do you think this might be a scenario? Just be carefull with the girl whatever you decide. It is the mother of your child It's definitely possible, I appreciate the fresh perspective. Obviously because it happened so recently, it's going to be hard for me to consider a scenario where she isn't just a mega bitch, because my heart has just been ripped out. That's just human nature I suppose. I'll try to be as understanding as I can be tho, like you said she's our childs mother. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25310 Posts
On February 17 2015 10:34 waffelz wrote: Even though there are always 2 sides of a story, that really sounds fucked up on her part. I got this one ex who up to this day is a huge pain since we no longer have any connection and she still talks shit about me, despite her being the one who cheated on me and exploited me, but luckily there are no children involved. All I can say is that it really seem like you are a men one can look up to. I genuinely wish that things change for the better for you. Well been a while since I responded here but this among other supportive posts were greatly appreciated. We had another argument lately and she said she'd demand mediation to 'make me understand my son comes first'. IMO it was an attempt to play some kind of hardball but I was actually very up for this idea, fingers crossed. Especially since my own dad died about a year before the wee dude came along I'm very sentimental about doing the same kind of things we did together when I was young and so far this hasn't happened because she seemingly doesn't understand the concept of 'having to work to make money'. Seeing her tomorrow when she drops him, she seemed to lose enthusiasm for this plan when I expressed a willingness to go along with it, hence my perception of it being a bargaining chip of sorts, but fingers crossed! Had a nice 'dirty weekend' in Dublin with my girlfriend but the visa issues are still there, at this stage she can't even come and split the visits and come up to see me for risk of being stopped on the border until her visa gets renewed, which is a lengthly and seemingly idiotic process. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain17989 Posts
On February 25 2015 07:06 Wombat_NI wrote: Well been a while since I responded here but this among other supportive posts were greatly appreciated. We had another argument lately and she said she'd demand mediation to 'make me understand my son comes first'. IMO it was an attempt to play some kind of hardball but I was actually very up for this idea, fingers crossed. Especially since my own dad died about a year before the wee dude came along I'm very sentimental about doing the same kind of things we did together when I was young and so far this hasn't happened because she seemingly doesn't understand the concept of 'having to work to make money'. Seeing her tomorrow when she drops him, she seemed to lose enthusiasm for this plan when I expressed a willingness to go along with it, hence my perception of it being a bargaining chip of sorts, but fingers crossed! Had a nice 'dirty weekend' in Dublin with my girlfriend but the visa issues are still there, at this stage she can't even come and split the visits and come up to see me for risk of being stopped on the border until her visa gets renewed, which is a lengthly and seemingly idiotic process. That sounds strange. All the cases of visa renewal that I know of, you are either straight-up given, or can apply for (without problems) a temporary document allowing you to travel while your visa renewal is being processed. She should look into that, because Ireland should have this too. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25310 Posts
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25310 Posts
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
On February 25 2015 23:15 Wombat_NI wrote: Ok scratch my prior hopeful post that was a fucking disaster lol. Can't catch a break with this ex of mine, going to have to come up with another plan... pfff, what happened now?  Your situation reminds me so much of my ex... My god, I'm happy I never had children with her. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6181 Posts
Visas are horrible things. Really really horrid things. | ||
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Livelovedie
United States492 Posts
It seems like a lot of girls on here want guys to use pickup lines, but the whole using a pickup line to try to convince a girl to like you seems to defeat the mutuality of what dating should be in my mind so usually I just introduce myself and ask them how their day is going. Do I need to change my introduction up? My bio has what university I go to, the music type i like, my general desire to improve myself constantly, a mention of liking sports, and liking chips and salsa. I want to convey enough about me to show that I genuinely want to date, but maybe this is holding my profile back? I kinda hate the idea of putting up some trivial quote or some irrelevant reference but it seems to be all the rage on tinder. My pics are a selfie of me at a wedding, me in a funny in hat, me hiking with my brother in law, a picture of me with a guy in a lobster costume, an airport selfie, and a picture of me covered in paint. Any advice on needing to change this up? Should I give up on tinder as a serious way to meet someone to go on a date with or is it my profile that seems to be lacking? | ||
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farvacola
United States18826 Posts
To put it another way, during my Tinder dates, I thought to myself on three separate occasions, "I'm probably gonna get a cold from this goddamnit." Luckily I didn't, but I don't use Tinder anymore  | ||
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Livelovedie
United States492 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On February 26 2015 06:05 Livelovedie wrote: I'm sure there are probable a lot of posts like this but I figure I would ask anyways. I recently made a tinder after running into a bit of a dry spot in college in terms of female interest. I've been on for about a week and I've maybe gotten ten matches (3 of which seemed fake) and two conversations, which seems, well, underwhelming. I'm not a gorgeous model or anything but I would probably rate myself as a 7 so I figured after swiping probably close to 500 girls right at this point that I would have a few more matches. Even stranger to me, is that when I do get matched with someone they don't seem to want to talk which defeats the whole concept of tinder in my mind. It seems like a lot of girls on here want guys to use pickup lines, but the whole using a pickup line to try to convince a girl to like you seems to defeat the mutuality of what dating should be in my mind so usually I just introduce myself and ask them how their day is going. Do I need to change my introduction up? My bio has what university I go to, the music type i like, my general desire to improve myself constantly, a mention of liking sports, and liking chips and salsa. I want to convey enough about me to show that I genuinely want to date, but maybe this is holding my profile back? I kinda hate the idea of putting up some trivial quote or some irrelevant reference but it seems to be all the rage on tinder. My pics are a selfie of me at a wedding, me in a funny in hat, me hiking with my brother in law, a picture of me with a guy in a lobster costume, an airport selfie, and a picture of me covered in paint. Any advice on needing to change this up? Should I give up on tinder as a serious way to meet someone to go on a date with or is it my profile that seems to be lacking? 1) Use Flamite - Google Chrome Extension that lets you see all photos at once and autoswipe all to right. Then bother with matches only, a time saver. 2) That intro is boring as hell - good looking girls get shitloads of matches you won't stand out. Don't introduce yourself, instead start with like "Her name"! and then actually specifically tell her what you like about her from her photos profile etc. and ask about it. Either her looks or what she's doing - just don't be generic If you don't like anything and need to think of cringey stuff to get her to talk to you- don't bother rly if dating is what you want not one nighter. That should help you to get a more personal vibe as well as get a conversation going. Invite her for an afternoon cup of coffee fast if you like her answers, to get to know more about her interests instead. I hear that DTF girls expect a bar/her place right away. Put the most exciting stuff about you in the bio, one or two sentences really not an essay - you take the fun of discovering what you do out of it And I dunno, I actually found some girls that want to date through online dating, it just takes time but it's great if you don't like the cold approach. Just expect a lot of dates that will be kinda meh, as it's hard to know if you actually like the girl until you see her. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25310 Posts
On February 26 2015 05:16 WonnaPlay wrote: pfff, what happened now? Your situation reminds me so much of my ex... My god, I'm happy I never had children with her. Well we had an argument of sorts in which she suggested third party mediation. When she was last over I brought up the idea again and offered to pay it all. 'Oh no I don't want to do it, I just said it to make you realise your priorities lie with your son.' This then leads to an argument which I tried to defuse by saying 'I want to go to mediation so it doesn't escalate into an argument'. Essentially the main bone of contention for me is that I view parenthood as more than facetime. It's about instilling your values upon a small developing person, it's about them being acquainted with your family and feeling part of that framework among a fucking load of things. Highlights of the ensuing argument from her quote wise include: 'I do 95% of the work with him'. I have him all day Wednesday (and previously overnight and leave him at daycare at 1pm on Thursday. He's also in daycare 3 other days during the week. 'You can see him anytime, you're not bothering' - I suggested picking him up from daycare an hour early, taking him to the park with me (directly opposite) and taking him over to hers for the usual time he gets picked up. Apparently this isn't acceptable as 'we're paying for it' and it 'interrupts his routine' 'A judge will laugh you out of court' - Literally the next sentence she mentions her mother's alcoholism and as she minds him a lot yeah GL with that. 'I don't care about your romantic life' - When I (imo rightly) complained about her lack of accomodation for a one-off visit from my GF who I see maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks. Not her responsibility, but my current work hours are literally based around her university schedule, she gets weekends off (I don't) and can go on weekend trips with her BF because of this. 'He's always a state when you give him back' - Complete, fucking, horseshit. Staff at the daycare have even made jokes about how he's always much better groomed when I drop him off than the rest of the week. Last time (indeed every time I have him) he gets his bath that he loves, after the nail cutting horrors that he despises. That and a multitude of other shit I can't even be bothered conveying to you relative strangers. My mum is super meek which doesn't help as she wouldn't say boo to a goose but even she was apoplectic with this latest exchange. Her dad then texted me about being concerned for his welfare and basically getting together with him, her, me my mum etc which I'm hopeful about being productive. Genuinely he has very little idea of how much of an unreasonable cunt she is towards me and has a lot of time for me, so fingers crossed. Things with my gf are looking up as well, she's got some courses that will temporarily sort her visa issues so hoping that goes well! Had a good trip down to Dublin to go visit there so I'll keep at it, albeit if she does get deported I'll be monstrously fucking mad lol. ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/jHjzDBL.jpg) | ||
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lastpuritan
United States540 Posts
On February 24 2015 18:52 WonnaPlay wrote: You're just in denial. We love sex, we hate commitments. When your ex has cheated on you, it is almost impossible to open yourself up again. I think it is pretty wrong to spy on her while she sleeps, but that's maybe because you're not capable of trusting someone. You have to do it yourself but ; if this KEEPER is really all you say she is, and your friends also tell you to get with her, I will tell you this : Get fucking over your Ex and fucking get your shit together! It's been how long since your ex??? Sure having sex with alot of different women is great, but it will get boring. Do whatever, but think to yourself; If I let this girl walk, will I hate myself for it in 5 years time? To me, she seems smarter and more fun than you're saying here. Also she's a beast in bed, which will only get better over time.. It also seems she can be trusted, which I think is one of the most important things for you. (after your ex shit). I wont hate myself for anything, because how can i say, i lost something about these love stuff. It has been almost a year now, but still whenever i date, i find a little about my ex in every of em or i start to think whatever i do, this will end up with the same ending, imo, if you are not marrying a girl that you would - when you are ready- and she thinks the same, that relation is ultra weak and she is eager to cheat on you, but if you two are not seeking something strong and probably wont marry each other but have a good time instead, that relation lasts longer. My two cents and entire date life. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On February 28 2015 14:18 lastpuritan wrote: I wont hate myself for anything, because how can i say, i lost something about these love stuff. It has been almost a year now, but still whenever i date, i find a little about my ex in every of em or i start to think whatever i do, this will end up with the same ending, imo, if you are not marrying a girl that you would - when you are ready- and she thinks the same, that relation is ultra weak and she is eager to cheat on you, but if you two are not seeking something strong and probably wont marry each other but have a good time instead, that relation lasts longer. My two cents and entire date life. If she really was a keeper wife material you'd just know right and wouldn't have to ask anyone? It's not just about logical stuff it's about the attraction too ? | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote: a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys A wife should have it all no? Good both from logical standpoint, be a good match personality and value wise and very strong attraction should be there too? (attraction between you, she doesn't have to be necessarily attractive from society's standpoint) | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On March 01 2015 05:34 LemOn wrote: A wife should have it all no? Good both from logical standpoint, be a good match personality and value wise and very strong attraction should be there too? (attraction between you, she doesn't have to be necessarily attractive from society's standpoint) A wife is for forming a family and having kids. You should have an idea of the type of family you want and the traits a woman should have to be that. For example I think want a traditional family when I marry (wayy in the future) so I want a girl who has traditional values. Not marry w/e girl stands you for a long time. | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States23228 Posts
On March 01 2015 04:17 ROOTFayth wrote: a wife is a lot more than just attraction and having a good time, what the fuck guys I'm impressed no one took the bait on this. My sexist upbringing (outside of my home) is screaming to make a joke but my better angels have prevailed. On March 01 2015 05:50 GoTuNk! wrote: A wife is for forming a family and having kids. You should have an idea of the type of family you want and the traits a woman should have to be that. For example I think want a traditional family when I marry (wayy in the future) so I want a girl who has traditional values. Not marry w/e girl stands you for a long time. I personally don't think breeding or child rearing is a necessity in a quality marriage though? I may be misunderstanding but by your description, a woman who has no intentions of child-rearing would not be what a 'wife is for'? | ||
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