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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 22 2015 00:48 Ghostcom wrote:
Taking 24 hours to respond "me too, thanks" does seem a little slow to be honest. If you are not interested why not tell her so? Regardless of how long it was between responses, sending a text like that seems to be initiating an overly accusatory and aggressive tone and is a big turn off to me. It sets up a negative vibe where he is immediately on the defensive with someone he barely knows. To me that is suggestive of insecurity and low self-confidence. How long he takes to respond matters very little compared to how the date went. If it was good then it was good and there's a chance, if not then whatever. The fact that she puts so much importance in response time is alarming in my opinion.
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it's slow, but small talk text when you barely know someone is tedious and better saved for in person, and no matter how you feel about that, you dont owe someone shit after one date
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On February 22 2015 01:01 calgar wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2015 00:48 Ghostcom wrote:
Taking 24 hours to respond "me too, thanks" does seem a little slow to be honest. If you are not interested why not tell her so? Regardless of how long it was between responses, sending a text like that seems to be initiating an overly accusatory and aggressive tone and is a big turn off to me. It sets up a negative vibe where he is immediately on the defensive with someone he barely knows. To me that is suggestive of insecurity and low self-confidence. How long he takes to respond matters very little compared to how the date went. If it was good then it was good and there's a chance, if not then whatever. The fact that she puts so much importance in response time is alarming in my opinion.
This exactly plus I actually was busy.
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Taking 24 hours to reply suggests a lack of interest. Gotta keep the passion going man. Doesn't mean she's right though just saying responding a bit faster shows that you are willing to make some time for her.
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Some people just take forever to respond. Soon after I got my first phone I met a girl I was very interested in. When she texted me it would sometimes take me 3 days to respond, because I'm just terrible with phones. In general, I agree with you, it's just not always the case.
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On February 21 2015 11:21 Bigtony wrote:
I went out on a first date to bar trivia with a girl from okc. She did not look that attractive on her profile but pictures are deceiving and I like trivia and maybe she has a great personality? Date went well, we lost in trivia, no big deal. She's not any more attractive in real life (nor is she less). She texts me yesterday afternoon "I had a good time blah blah." I text back this afternoon, "Me too thanks!"
She just replied "well why did it take you so long to respond? ha." I text back "Just busy." 99% sure she blocked my number because it sent as a text message instead of imessage.
update: she "broke her phone." hrm.
lol
After a date when I didn't write anything a girl texted me the next day "Oh yeah I got home safely...thanks for asking.[a name she knows I don't like]"
not a girlfriend material bro 
Btw I still do think the guys are right, if you did like her you should either respond faster, or take your time, but when you do respond ... ask her out again so she feels appreciated. That's why girls write after a date anyways, they want to see you again
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On February 22 2015 17:07 LemOn wrote:After a date when I didn't write anything a girl texted me the next day "Oh yeah I got home safely...thanks for asking.[a name she knows I don't like]" not a girlfriend material bro
I had the same thing happening to me twice. After that I started sending text at s time i think girls got home after a date (add a couple of minutes), asking them if they got home safely. And i allways got VERY positive responses.
This seems very important to a lot of girls, even if they only have to walk a couple of minutes in bright daylight through a very safe city...
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On February 22 2015 17:36 Snotling wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2015 17:07 LemOn wrote:After a date when I didn't write anything a girl texted me the next day "Oh yeah I got home safely...thanks for asking.[a name she knows I don't like]" not a girlfriend material bro I had the same thing happening to me twice. After that I started sending text at s time i think girls got home after a date (add a couple of minutes), asking them if they got home safely. And i allways got VERY positive responses. This seems very important to a lot of girls, even if they only have to walk a couple of minutes in bright daylight through a very safe city...
why is that? I doubt I'm being rude by not asking?
Besides, seeing if she writes first after a date just lets me know how much she's interested and gives the opportunity to set up another date when she does contact me.
"Hey I had fun last night" or other stuff girls write like "hey how are you?" when you didn't write in a few days.
"Yeah me too I liked [why i actually liked about her]", or reminder of a story from the date. I'd love to see you again, when are you free next time?"
It just works smoothly, and I prefer to get into a habit of texting just to set up when we see each other again, not starting a back and forth.
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On February 22 2015 18:44 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On February 22 2015 17:36 Snotling wrote:On February 22 2015 17:07 LemOn wrote:After a date when I didn't write anything a girl texted me the next day "Oh yeah I got home safely...thanks for asking.[a name she knows I don't like]" not a girlfriend material bro I had the same thing happening to me twice. After that I started sending text at s time i think girls got home after a date (add a couple of minutes), asking them if they got home safely. And i allways got VERY positive responses. This seems very important to a lot of girls, even if they only have to walk a couple of minutes in bright daylight through a very safe city... why is that? I doubt I'm being rude by not asking?
dont really know, im just donig what works for me. if i had to guess women like it because it shows you care about her and it gives them a sence of beeing protected? something like that
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Sounds disingenuous if you aren't really afraid they'll get home safely though.
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Nope its courtesy - a social ritual. And it is therefore percieved by all involved parties as exactly that and not as something disingenuous.
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Guys - what's your experience with dating single moms?
Obviously with no long term plans I will be very honest about that with her.
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On February 23 2015 07:43 LemOn wrote:
Guys - what's your experience with dating single moms?
Obviously with no long term plans I will be very honest about that with her.
My experience is that it's very important that she knows that, because it's likely that it's long-term that she's looking for.
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rly? I'd think they'd be more for loose relationships no? Or is it like dad for the kid thing?
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On February 23 2015 08:19 LemOn wrote:
rly? I'd think they'd be more for loose relationships no? Or is it like dad for the kid thing?
At least in my case. She was looking for a daddy for the kid. I'm sure it depends on the situation and the girl. I can see a lot looking for the long-term, though. Whether it be an unplanned pregnancy and the dad didn't stick around or something else, having a kid will grow you up quick and kind of end the "fling" stage.
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On February 23 2015 08:48 Dalguno wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2015 08:19 LemOn wrote:
rly? I'd think they'd be more for loose relationships no? Or is it like dad for the kid thing? At least in my case. She was looking for a daddy for the kid. I'm sure it depends on the situation and the girl. I can see a lot looking for the long-term, though. Whether it be an unplanned pregnancy and the dad didn't stick around or something else, having a kid will grow you up quick and kind of end the "fling" stage.
Yeah so what's the best way to break it to her. It's not the kid, I love kids - makes her even more interesting . But I don't want to get committed, period - struggling poker pro that wants to travel. I just realized I'm actually good with women and am new to the whole dating thing so wanna keep exploring that
Met online, had a date today, she said she has <2hrs, lasted 4 we rly click together, loads of touching, both literally crying from laughter a couple times, kiss at the end some texting after. I don't want to be a jerk so e.g. go to another date, if things escalate just be honest before it gets to sleeping with her should be fine? How did the one you dated react when you said you don't wanna be serious?
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On February 23 2015 09:04 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On February 23 2015 08:48 Dalguno wrote:On February 23 2015 08:19 LemOn wrote:
rly? I'd think they'd be more for loose relationships no? Or is it like dad for the kid thing? At least in my case. She was looking for a daddy for the kid. I'm sure it depends on the situation and the girl. I can see a lot looking for the long-term, though. Whether it be an unplanned pregnancy and the dad didn't stick around or something else, having a kid will grow you up quick and kind of end the "fling" stage. Yeah so what's the best way to break it to her. It's not the kid, I love kids. But I don't want to get committed, period - struggling poker pro that wants to travel. I just realized I'm actually good with women and am new to the whole dating thing so wanna keep exploring that Met online, had a date today, she said she has <2hrs, lasted 4 we rly click together, loads of touching, kiss at the end some texting after. I don't want to be a jerk so e.g. go to another date, if things escalate just be honest before it gets to sleeping with her should be fine? How did the one you dated react when you said you don't wanna be serious?
For me, it went like this: We went on a couple of dates, went really well. Third time she brought her kid along, and it just felt a little weird for me and I felt less attracted to her. This wasn't me being a jerk, just me realizing that I'm not ready for a kid. I realized quickly that if it kept going the way it had, that's how it would end up, is a relationship based on my personality and what she was looking for. So I just told her. She was disappointed obviously but it wasn't awful. I feel bad for her because it's been happening to her a lot lately (accidental pregnancy, guys don't want to commit).
Definitely tell her ASAP. It's not fair to her if you don't, especially if that is what she wants from it.
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Would like your guy's input on a tricky situation. So I've been with my girlfriend for a bit over a year. Three months into our relationship she finds out she's pregnant, and just 2 months ago our daughter was born. I wouldn't take back having her for the world, because I love my daughter to death. I go to school full time, and she is busy 24/7 with our kid, and we don't live together so I can only visit once or twice a week.
I had noticed once she was born and things settled down that she would never text or call me, and she was physically distant when I was over. Just found out today she was physically distant because she's very afraid and anxious about getting pregnant again, so she doesn't want to have sex (or really even kiss or touch) and she isn't sure for how long. So whenever I'm over she hardly will touch me and it really upsets me. She knows this now and I don't think she's going to do anything to actively remedy it. She pegs never talking to me as just being too damn busy, which I kinda understand but I don't know if I fully buy it. If she really cared I think it would be possible to manage a text once every few days. We just talked about it in depth today. At the end of our conversation she tells me that she loves me, but she would understand if I want to end the relationship because my needs aren't being met.
I'm really tempted to, they aren't being met and I don't feel our relationship is nearly as important to her as our child. It doesn't even really feel like we are in one right now. I love her, and she loves me too I'm quite sure but I'm not happy. I kinda want to but I'd feel like a fucking asshole for doing so. But if things are gonna continue on like this maybe its the best thing for both of us? I'm really not sure what to do.
Edit: When we talked about it it was by phone, gonna visit wed and talk face to face
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On February 23 2015 11:06 Kenshin_915 wrote:
Would like your guy's input on a tricky situation. So I've been with my girlfriend for a bit over a year. Three months into our relationship she finds out she's pregnant, and just 2 months ago our daughter was born. I wouldn't take back having her for the world, because I love my daughter to death. I go to school full time, and she is busy 24/7 with our kid, and we don't live together so I can only visit once or twice a week.
I had noticed once she was born and things settled down that she would never text or call me, and she was physically distant when I was over. Just found out today she was physically distant because she's very afraid and anxious about getting pregnant again, so she doesn't want to have sex (or really even kiss or touch) and she isn't sure for how long. So whenever I'm over she hardly will touch me and it really upsets me. She knows this now and I don't think she's going to do anything to actively remedy it. She pegs never talking to me as just being too damn busy, which I kinda understand but I don't know if I fully buy it. If she really cared I think it would be possible to manage a text once every few days. We just talked about it in depth today. At the end of our conversation she tells me that she loves me, but she would understand if I want to end the relationship because my needs aren't being met.
I'm really tempted to, they aren't being met and I don't feel our relationship is nearly as important to her as our child. It doesn't even really feel like we are in one right now. I love her, and she loves me too I'm quite sure but I'm not happy. I kinda want to but I'd feel like a fucking asshole for doing so. But if things are gonna continue on like this maybe its the best thing for both of us? I'm really not sure what to do.
Edit: When we talked about it it was by phone, gonna visit wed and talk face to face
While I have zero experience with these things (yet to have a child) when reading this my first thought was that it's potentially post natal depression?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression
Well. My thoughts were either post natal depression or that she is trying to cause a breakup for whatever reason.
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She did develop it, but she started taking medication for it. She hasn't really told me tons about how she's doing with it tbh, but I'm assuming okay. I wouldn't like to think she is trying to cause one, but she doesn't seem to really care in any passionate way about preserving it.
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EPT
