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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
solidbebe
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Netherlands4921 Posts
July 28 2014 21:46 GMT
#10501
On July 29 2014 06:41 SoSexy wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 29 2014 06:16 Ghostcom wrote:
Girlfriend is right now on her way to Shanghai for a 6 month internship. I'm starting a new job friday. Don't know when I'll be able to visit. Whelp


Find a 'temporary' girlfriend whom boyfriend is away for a 6 month internship.

no
That's the 2nd time in a week I've seen someone sig a quote from this GD and I have never witnessed a sig quote happen in my TL history ever before. -Najda
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6191 Posts
July 29 2014 19:10 GMT
#10502
That sounds like bad advice if you're at all serious about the girl.
<3
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4783 Posts
July 29 2014 19:22 GMT
#10503
Yeah, I don't think I'll be doing that. Think I will stick to her, but the apartment is awfully quiet... Time to relearn how to live alone.
darthfoley
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States8004 Posts
July 29 2014 19:22 GMT
#10504
9 month "anniversary" coming up on August 1. I say anniversary in quotes because we're away from each other during the summer and it's not like we really celebrate them anyways.

Proud of myself though, it's my first relationship and I've really hit the jack pot.
watch the wall collide with my fist, mostly over problems that i know i should fix
NewSunshine
Profile Joined July 2011
United States5938 Posts
July 30 2014 01:50 GMT
#10505
On July 30 2014 04:22 darthfoley wrote:
9 month "anniversary" coming up on August 1. I say anniversary in quotes because we're away from each other during the summer and it's not like we really celebrate them anyways.

Proud of myself though, it's my first relationship and I've really hit the jack pot.

Also anniversary by definition refers to a year, so it sounds silly. Congrats either way though, it may be lonely for a bit, but you seem to have found something special.
"If you find yourself feeling lost, take pride in the accuracy of your feelings." - Night Vale
Zooper31
Profile Joined May 2009
United States5711 Posts
July 30 2014 03:13 GMT
#10506
On July 30 2014 10:50 NewSunshine wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 30 2014 04:22 darthfoley wrote:
9 month "anniversary" coming up on August 1. I say anniversary in quotes because we're away from each other during the summer and it's not like we really celebrate them anyways.

Proud of myself though, it's my first relationship and I've really hit the jack pot.

Also anniversary by definition refers to a year, so it sounds silly. Congrats either way though, it may be lonely for a bit, but you seem to have found something special.


Maybe he's celebrating not having a baby yet.
Asato ma sad gamaya, tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, mrtyor mamrtam gamaya
darthfoley
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States8004 Posts
July 30 2014 05:12 GMT
#10507
On July 30 2014 10:50 NewSunshine wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 30 2014 04:22 darthfoley wrote:
9 month "anniversary" coming up on August 1. I say anniversary in quotes because we're away from each other during the summer and it's not like we really celebrate them anyways.

Proud of myself though, it's my first relationship and I've really hit the jack pot.

Also anniversary by definition refers to a year, so it sounds silly. Congrats either way though, it may be lonely for a bit, but you seem to have found something special.


Yea you're right lol. Thanks man, appreciate it!

Also, every day of not having a baby is celebration for a 19 year old ;D
watch the wall collide with my fist, mostly over problems that i know i should fix
Calanthe
Profile Joined October 2012
United States145 Posts
August 01 2014 01:52 GMT
#10508
On July 28 2014 22:02 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 26 2014 01:46 Doodsmack wrote:
I have in my online profile that I'm quiet. In fact it's the first word in my profile. Went on a date last night she said she didn't think it's a good fit, I asked why just curious, she says because I seem kind of quiet and less outgoing than her.

I guess some people are retarded.


To be honest, you just sound like you got your manhood stepped on when she said you werent a fit. You could also see it like this: Even though you said you were quiet beforehand, she still went out on a date with you because of other factors. It didnt work out, so just move on.

Asking for a reason or feedback is generally a bad thing as it reinforces her belief that it really wasnt a match. People tend to be very defensive, so when you ask her for a reason its like you doubting her decision. At that point she probably has to make up a reason why you guys dont fit, and she then makes a decision she will 100% stick with as to why it didnt work out. Basically youre the one who is giving her the reason why you guys arent a good fit.

So what you might as well just say is "that's cool, I had a nice time but I agree that we aren't a good fit, I wish you luck in the future!" Leave her as the coolest guy in the world, you might just get a second chance as she suddenly is doubting to why she wouldnt be a good fit for you. It gives you a better feeling for the next date, as you apparently are confident enough to say no to girls. And being confident is quite attractive!

If anyone's curious, this is what well-executed negging looks like.

On July 29 2014 06:16 Ghostcom wrote:
Girlfriend is right now on her way to Shanghai for a 6 month internship. I'm starting a new job friday. Don't know when I'll be able to visit. Whelp


Didn't you guys just hit the nine-month mark? Skype it up!
my heart's the bitter buffalo
dravernor
Profile Blog Joined May 2013
Netherlands6191 Posts
August 01 2014 04:53 GMT
#10509
On August 01 2014 10:52 Calanthe wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 28 2014 22:02 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
On July 26 2014 01:46 Doodsmack wrote:
I have in my online profile that I'm quiet. In fact it's the first word in my profile. Went on a date last night she said she didn't think it's a good fit, I asked why just curious, she says because I seem kind of quiet and less outgoing than her.

I guess some people are retarded.


To be honest, you just sound like you got your manhood stepped on when she said you werent a fit. You could also see it like this: Even though you said you were quiet beforehand, she still went out on a date with you because of other factors. It didnt work out, so just move on.

Asking for a reason or feedback is generally a bad thing as it reinforces her belief that it really wasnt a match. People tend to be very defensive, so when you ask her for a reason its like you doubting her decision. At that point she probably has to make up a reason why you guys dont fit, and she then makes a decision she will 100% stick with as to why it didnt work out. Basically youre the one who is giving her the reason why you guys arent a good fit.

So what you might as well just say is "that's cool, I had a nice time but I agree that we aren't a good fit, I wish you luck in the future!" Leave her as the coolest guy in the world, you might just get a second chance as she suddenly is doubting to why she wouldnt be a good fit for you. It gives you a better feeling for the next date, as you apparently are confident enough to say no to girls. And being confident is quite attractive!

If anyone's curious, this is what well-executed negging looks like.

Show nested quote +
On July 29 2014 06:16 Ghostcom wrote:
Girlfriend is right now on her way to Shanghai for a 6 month internship. I'm starting a new job friday. Don't know when I'll be able to visit. Whelp


Didn't you guys just hit the nine-month mark? Skype it up!

Agreed. Skype is actually pretty great for that sort of thing.
<3
r.Evo
Profile Joined August 2006
Germany14080 Posts
August 01 2014 04:56 GMT
#10510
On August 01 2014 10:52 Calanthe wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 28 2014 22:02 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
On July 26 2014 01:46 Doodsmack wrote:
I have in my online profile that I'm quiet. In fact it's the first word in my profile. Went on a date last night she said she didn't think it's a good fit, I asked why just curious, she says because I seem kind of quiet and less outgoing than her.

I guess some people are retarded.


To be honest, you just sound like you got your manhood stepped on when she said you werent a fit. You could also see it like this: Even though you said you were quiet beforehand, she still went out on a date with you because of other factors. It didnt work out, so just move on.

Asking for a reason or feedback is generally a bad thing as it reinforces her belief that it really wasnt a match. People tend to be very defensive, so when you ask her for a reason its like you doubting her decision. At that point she probably has to make up a reason why you guys dont fit, and she then makes a decision she will 100% stick with as to why it didnt work out. Basically youre the one who is giving her the reason why you guys arent a good fit.

So what you might as well just say is "that's cool, I had a nice time but I agree that we aren't a good fit, I wish you luck in the future!" Leave her as the coolest guy in the world, you might just get a second chance as she suddenly is doubting to why she wouldnt be a good fit for you. It gives you a better feeling for the next date, as you apparently are confident enough to say no to girls. And being confident is quite attractive!

If anyone's curious, this is what well-executed negging looks like.

There was no negging mentioned in that post whatsoever. You're confusing something.
"We don't make mistakes here, we call it happy little accidents." ~Bob Ross
LeeDawg
Profile Joined April 2012
United States1306 Posts
August 01 2014 07:03 GMT
#10511
Meeting my (somewhat new) girlfriend's parents sometime in the next few days. I'm usually really good with parents, but I'm a bit apprehensive this time, since I'm their oldest daughter's first boyfriend, and they are born and raised in a very different culture. Her parents are immigrants from India, who were in an arranged marriage, and though my girlfriend and her sister are born and raised American, her parents are still in a bit of what could maybe be called a culture conflict. They want their children to be "westernized" so to speak, but they also hold their traditional values and, according to her, have a hard time accepting things, such as her spending the night at my place. Apparently it was a minor issue that I have a beard, even. We're both in our early 20's, out of school, and I have a full-time career, but to them, we shouldn't sleep together until we're married.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? My girlfriend, with whom I am totally smitten, to say the least, has assured me it will be totally fine, but the culture thing has me quite nervous.
:-)
Ghostcom
Profile Joined March 2010
Denmark4783 Posts
August 01 2014 11:43 GMT
#10512
On August 01 2014 13:53 dravernor wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 01 2014 10:52 Calanthe wrote:
On July 28 2014 22:02 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
On July 26 2014 01:46 Doodsmack wrote:
I have in my online profile that I'm quiet. In fact it's the first word in my profile. Went on a date last night she said she didn't think it's a good fit, I asked why just curious, she says because I seem kind of quiet and less outgoing than her.

I guess some people are retarded.


To be honest, you just sound like you got your manhood stepped on when she said you werent a fit. You could also see it like this: Even though you said you were quiet beforehand, she still went out on a date with you because of other factors. It didnt work out, so just move on.

Asking for a reason or feedback is generally a bad thing as it reinforces her belief that it really wasnt a match. People tend to be very defensive, so when you ask her for a reason its like you doubting her decision. At that point she probably has to make up a reason why you guys dont fit, and she then makes a decision she will 100% stick with as to why it didnt work out. Basically youre the one who is giving her the reason why you guys arent a good fit.

So what you might as well just say is "that's cool, I had a nice time but I agree that we aren't a good fit, I wish you luck in the future!" Leave her as the coolest guy in the world, you might just get a second chance as she suddenly is doubting to why she wouldnt be a good fit for you. It gives you a better feeling for the next date, as you apparently are confident enough to say no to girls. And being confident is quite attractive!

If anyone's curious, this is what well-executed negging looks like.

On July 29 2014 06:16 Ghostcom wrote:
Girlfriend is right now on her way to Shanghai for a 6 month internship. I'm starting a new job friday. Don't know when I'll be able to visit. Whelp


Didn't you guys just hit the nine-month mark? Skype it up!

Agreed. Skype is actually pretty great for that sort of thing.


We'll be skyping tomorrow and so far I have had the news/radio running in the background in the apartment to avoid the silence. Funny how quickly you get used to having someone around - I lived alone for pretty much 5 years prior to this and actually enjoyed it.
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-08-01 22:40:48
August 01 2014 22:33 GMT
#10513
Noticed on /r/okcupid that all the new critiques were from guys and the rare ones from girls got several times more replies. Wondered what the ratio was and found this:

http://www.businessinsider.com/girls-on-okcupid-2013-11

The article is obviously sensationalistic but it does say that dating from a woman's perspective is very tiring. Like half your messages are just "hey bbgrl u want sum fuk?" It shows that online dating is harder than in person for guys by ratios and that you really need to be specific if you're not looking for casual encounters (in which case craigslist and tinder work a bit better than okc).
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
The_Masked_Shrimp
Profile Joined February 2012
425 Posts
August 02 2014 03:30 GMT
#10514
On August 01 2014 16:03 LeeDawg wrote:
Meeting my (somewhat new) girlfriend's parents sometime in the next few days. I'm usually really good with parents, but I'm a bit apprehensive this time, since I'm their oldest daughter's first boyfriend, and they are born and raised in a very different culture. Her parents are immigrants from India, who were in an arranged marriage, and though my girlfriend and her sister are born and raised American, her parents are still in a bit of what could maybe be called a culture conflict. They want their children to be "westernized" so to speak, but they also hold their traditional values and, according to her, have a hard time accepting things, such as her spending the night at my place. Apparently it was a minor issue that I have a beard, even. We're both in our early 20's, out of school, and I have a full-time career, but to them, we shouldn't sleep together until we're married.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? My girlfriend, with whom I am totally smitten, to say the least, has assured me it will be totally fine, but the culture thing has me quite nervous.


don't make sex jokes and it will be fine !
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
August 02 2014 03:32 GMT
#10515
On August 02 2014 07:33 obesechicken13 wrote:
Noticed on /r/okcupid that all the new critiques were from guys and the rare ones from girls got several times more replies. Wondered what the ratio was and found this:

http://www.businessinsider.com/girls-on-okcupid-2013-11

The article is obviously sensationalistic but it does say that dating from a woman's perspective is very tiring. Like half your messages are just "hey bbgrl u want sum fuk?" It shows that online dating is harder than in person for guys by ratios and that you really need to be specific if you're not looking for casual encounters (in which case craigslist and tinder work a bit better than okc).


This just in: girls get a lot of messages on dating sites. I don't get why that's worth writing an entire article about.
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
August 02 2014 03:44 GMT
#10516
On August 02 2014 12:32 Najda wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 02 2014 07:33 obesechicken13 wrote:
Noticed on /r/okcupid that all the new critiques were from guys and the rare ones from girls got several times more replies. Wondered what the ratio was and found this:

http://www.businessinsider.com/girls-on-okcupid-2013-11

The article is obviously sensationalistic but it does say that dating from a woman's perspective is very tiring. Like half your messages are just "hey bbgrl u want sum fuk?" It shows that online dating is harder than in person for guys by ratios and that you really need to be specific if you're not looking for casual encounters (in which case craigslist and tinder work a bit better than okc).


This just in: girls get a lot of messages on dating sites. I don't get why that's worth writing an entire article about.

Did you read the article?

He made an account as a girl as a bit of an experiment. It's not just that they get a lot of messages, but rather they types of messages received and the reason why so many profiles ask for specific types of first comments to make sure their profiles were actually read. I think this stuff is important to know but if you already knew it all the more power to you.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
Slayers_Red.Cracker
Profile Joined March 2011
36 Posts
August 02 2014 12:48 GMT
#10517
Yesterday I had a "weird" situation in the elevator. A girl entered, and she looked in the mirror. When she entered I obviously checked her out for a few seconds, then I just looked in the mirror as well for no real reason whatsoever. Chance made us lock eye-contact through the mirror, which we held for about 5 seconds. Then I looked away from the mirror, and we locked eye-contact directly for another 5 seconds. When she reached her floor she said "bye", and I just smiled back at her, completely relaxed.

Afterwards, when the hormones were firing up as if I just got injected with XTC, I was fairly certain that I could have walked up to her right then and there. I would have lifted her chin slightly and tenderly with my right hand and just kissed her full on the mouth. And it would have been completely natural. But I didn't do that, and for no reason at all. Because in the moment I wasn't thinking. In the moment we were simply in a world of just the two of us, where we were locking eye-contact.

So I wonder, if I'd ever meet her again, whether we could have such a moment again, or if one or both of us becomes nervous, or maybe we start thinking and rationalizing instead of just enjoying the moment. Or we get disappointed in the other, because one of us created a perfect "dream moment" in our heads, which is better than reality.

I guess I'm a little bit melancholic at the moment and I like to linger on the possibilities of love ^^
SixStrings
Profile Blog Joined August 2013
Germany2046 Posts
August 02 2014 14:17 GMT
#10518
Mildy bummed because the 18yo who spent a weekend at my place and with whom I had one hell of a time already has a new guy.

Not unexpected, and I realise I'm being rather naive about it, but I didn't think she'd move on that quickly.

In other news, there's now this girl I'm genuinely interested in. We met thrice in as many days, had ridiculous sex, she's age appropriate, she's fun and clever and interesting and active and even well off. The only problem is that she lives in my town, but spends half of the year in another city, like 300 miles away.

Do you think that's a recipe for disaster? Do you reckon I should pursue anyway?
Slayers_Red.Cracker
Profile Joined March 2011
36 Posts
August 02 2014 16:12 GMT
#10519
You already know the answer. Life has ups and downs, might as well enjoy the ride :D Just go for it.
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-08-03 04:56:36
August 03 2014 04:52 GMT
#10520
Update for y'all: Broke up with the GF today because she tried to get physically violent with me (not the first time) and the last time she did it, I told her things would be over if she ever did it again. I'm hurting a lot right now, but I can take some solace in knowing that it's truly for the best.
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
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