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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
On August 05 2014 18:41 DrCooper wrote: Okay, so you want a well mannered, nice, not slutty, not partying and not drinking type of girl, that is also really good in bed, is really cool and social and that has some common interests?  They surely exist. And then you wake up, all sweating... | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On August 05 2014 18:41 DrCooper wrote: Okay, so you want a well mannered, nice, not slutty, not partying and not drinking type of girl, that is also really good in bed, is really cool and social and that has some common interests? if you want a girl who is good in bed, you need a girl who had a lot of practice :D | ||
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phyren
United States1067 Posts
On August 05 2014 14:00 Livelovedie wrote: Bleh. I think I have come to the realization that its for the best that I break up with my girlfriend. We have been dating for almost two years at this point and have had almost all ups. Every time we go out together, or even if we just stay in and watch movies, we tend to have a lot of fun together, no matter what we do. Unfortunately, every time there seems to be a long-distance relationship, like the summer (we are college juniors) she stops being affectionate and giving me the love that I feel I need. Summer is rapidly coming to an end and we have facetimed/skyped a grand total of three times this summer with all of those times being at the beginning. All we ever do now is text and those have become a lot more sporadic on both ends it seems. There seems to be no desire for physical intimacy from her, as she has no mentioned wanting anything like that the whole summer which kind of hurts my ego, even though it maybe shouldn't. I can't even get a picture of her face from snapchat anymore. Some of her not skyping/facetiming me is her parent's disdain from me, but am I wrong to feel like she could find a way to facetime me when she is in the parking lot before work or stay late? I always text her every morning when I wake up to tell her I love her but now she responds later in the day when I know she has been up for awhile or she starts a conversation without saying that she loves me at all. She use to do the same when she went to bed, but I can't remember the last time she told me she loved me before she went to bed. All the times she says she loves me seem to be because of routine, not because she has became overwhelmed with the feeling, and I admittedly, have started to do the same. I have tried to bring up the lack of intimacy and love I am feeling but she shuts down when that happens and seems to be allergic to any sort of potential disagreement and conflict that can arise, even if it is necessary to work out a problem. When the fall semester resumes she will be going to London to study abroad and I will be going back to school where we usually see each other. I am graduating a semester early so there is only semester that we would see each other after that because I plan to go abroad next fall and then join the peace corps. She is working a lot now, admittedly, but she plans to go to law school and I honestly can't see her ever putting me in front of her work life. I don't blame her for that, because my plans after college put myself in front of her as well. I guess it sucks realizing we are selfish beings, but I realize that this is the time to be selfish if I don't want any regrets. If I felt like we had a solid basis to continue a long distance relationship I would try to make it work, but I feel like since we don't there are too many obstacles in the way. I am strongly considering ending it when we potentially meet up at the school in a couple weeks (she lives close to the school and I am arriving before she leaves for London) when I get there and I would prefer to not end it by text. It just sucks knowing that I might be ending something not because we hated each other, but because it just kind of lost that spark. I had something sorta like this happen with a gf of about a year and a half. I would argue we never really had that spark, or at least I didn't, but that we did enjoy our time together. Waiting until you actively dislike each other sucks though. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better had I ended things 4 or 5 months earlier. I think it depends on if you want to stay friends afterwards or not and how she feels about the same. Somehow, the things that you feel keep each other from being truly committed will eventually be things that keep you from even really liking each other as people if you try to force intimacy. However, I think those same difference might be not a big deal between friends. | ||
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zdfgucker
China594 Posts
On August 05 2014 18:41 DrCooper wrote: Okay, so you want a well mannered, nice, not slutty, not partying and not drinking type of girl, that is also really good in bed, is really cool and social and that has some common interests? You make it sound as if that's impossible. | ||
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farvacola
United States18818 Posts
On August 05 2014 19:33 Snotling wrote: if you want a girl who is good in bed, you need a girl who had a lot of practice :D You might be surprised at how untrue this can be. | ||
Liquid`Drone
Norway28553 Posts
Not that experience is irrelevant, not at all. But you can easily have great sex the 5th time you're having sex if you're both really into each other. | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On August 05 2014 21:23 Liquid`Drone wrote: yeah, I don't think it's really the case at all. The "mechanics" of sex is not the hard part of being a good lover. For a girl, it largely revolves around not having all the regular female inhibitions, and that's usually more a case of her being mature and comfortable around you. For a guy, it's largely about not being selfish. In addition to that, there's also this element of like, the two of you connecting in more than a pure physical penis is inside vagina way, and experience doesn't help much in that regard. Not that experience is irrelevant, not at all. But you can easily have great sex the 5th time you're having sex if you're both really into each other. you all take this very serious^^ | ||
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Calanthe
United States139 Posts
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Liquid`Drone
Norway28553 Posts
well the thing is that this is a dating thread where lots of young, confused and inexperienced men come in looking for advice. And it's actually a problem for quite a lot of guys that they struggle with lacking sexual confidence; their inexperience becomes a crutch keeping them from gaining experience because they are afraid to disappoint. And to be fair, the first time you're not gonna be great almost regardless of chemistry, but it's not like you need to have had a lot of sex before you turn into a capable lover - and that goes for both genders. | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On August 06 2014 00:48 Liquid`Drone wrote: well the thing is that this is a dating thread where lots of young, confused and inexperienced men come in looking for advice. And it's actually a problem for quite a lot of guys that they struggle with lacking sexual confidence; their inexperience becomes a crutch keeping them from gaining experience because they are afraid to disappoint. And to be fair, the first time you're not gonna be great almost regardless of chemistry, but it's not like you need to have had a lot of sex before you turn into a capable lover - and that goes for both genders. i guess you are right. still.... looking for an angel that fucks like a wildcat is a quite unrealistic goal. contrary to popular believe most people dont change their behavior al lot in bed imo. a girl who is really shy in real live will most likely not ride you like a racehorse (and yes, i know there are exeptions, but they are few and far between in my experience. | ||
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farvacola
United States18818 Posts
Generally, you're probably right, but the general case is almost useless in these sorts of discussions. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On August 05 2014 18:05 Kleinmuuhg wrote: If you drink occasionally but find girls attractive who dont drink then thats maybe a little weird but fine. It only gets hypocritical if you criticise them for drinking and ask them to stop. When people say, "I don't want a girl who drinks" most of the time they are casting aspersions on the character of any girl that drinks, not stating a preference rooted in practical compatibility or the like. There's an element of censure in a statement like "I don't want a girl who drinks" that is not present in a statement like "I wouldn't want to date a service worker because they would always be working on the weekends." | ||
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GreenHorizons
United States22673 Posts
On August 06 2014 02:30 IgnE wrote: When people say, "I don't want a girl who drinks" most of the time they are casting aspersions on the character of any girl that drinks, not stating a preference rooted in practical compatibility or the like. There's an element of censure in a statement like "I don't want a girl who drinks" that is not present in a statement like "I wouldn't want to date a service worker because they would always be working on the weekends." Kind of weird I hadn't thought about how a work schedule (something as simple as working weekends [not like constantly traveling]) could really prevent someone from meeting/getting to know someone who could be 'the one'. Yeah most people don't have a problem with drinking itself it's usually what they do while or after drinking that is the problem. Not to mention that heavy consistent drinking is usually masking a deeper larger problem. From my experience it is usually what is commonly referred to as 'daddy issues'. | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On August 06 2014 02:42 GreenHorizons wrote: Kind of weird I hadn't thought about how a work schedule (something as simple as working weekends [not like constantly traveling]) could really prevent someone from meeting/getting to know someone who could be 'the one'. Yeah most people don't have a problem with drinking itself it's usually what they do while or after drinking that is the problem. Not to mention that heavy consistent drinking is usually masking a deeper larger problem. From my experience it is usually what is commonly referred to as 'daddy issues'. Addendum: You can't meet "the dream girl".... ...unless you have already pushed your own perfection to the limit. Every men or women dream about meeting "the one" that they want to spent the rest of their lives together. They would have a list of things to look for in a person. But however, relationship is a two-way street, you can't expect to meet the perfect girl if you aren't perfect yourself. The girl(s) that you are attracting directly correlate your own self worth and this goes the same to girls too. If the guys you ended up with are messed up, it only means that you have mental issues yourself. In the western civilization, many guys wants to get laid but only want to have sex with the upper echelon that have Victoria secret bodies, fucks like a pornstar while still have angelic qualities and are interested in their interests. Meanwhile, he have a mediocre job, out of shape, and can't even hold a conversation. A lot of women wants to have guys with 6-packs, wealthy, and a sweet charm mouth. In the midst, she is drowning in sweets, go out party, get drunk/high often, and have a cunty attitude. Both genders are having entitlement issues. It is important to have realistic standard of who are you able to date and always improve yourself to get better quality of girls. | ||
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Chocolate
United States2350 Posts
On August 05 2014 14:08 IgnE wrote: Seems a bit hypocritical to say you like going to social events that involve drinking but that you aren't "sure if [you] actually like the girls that do that kind of stuff." I phrased this a bit weirdly, and I suppose it is slightly hypocritical, but the girls that go out to party just don't appeal to me very much. I like to have a good time with my friends and all, but the girls that are there typically are either girlfriends or girls that are known to put out easily. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6175 Posts
Personally, I would just prefer to date a non drinker. Sure, one or two drinks is fine, even the very very occasional 'piss up' but there is no way in hell I am going to spend my life with someone who can't seem to have fun without a beer in hand. And my step father is a great example of why I don't like that. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On August 06 2014 03:25 Chocolate wrote: I phrased this a bit weirdly, and I suppose it is slightly hypocritical, but the girls that go out to party just don't appeal to me very much. I like to have a good time with my friends and all, but the girls that are there typically are either girlfriends or girls that are known to put out easily. But you haven't even been there yet. | ||
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eviltomahawk
United States11133 Posts
On August 06 2014 03:25 Chocolate wrote: I phrased this a bit weirdly, and I suppose it is slightly hypocritical, but the girls that go out to party just don't appeal to me very much. I like to have a good time with my friends and all, but the girls that are there typically are either girlfriends or girls that are known to put out easily. This sounds like a gross generalization. Depending on the type of party or the school, it's possible to meet a lot of decent people there, not just stereotypical chronic party-goers. Smaller, more intimate events hosted by friends or people you have connections to may still have people that you could be interested in. | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On August 06 2014 03:25 Chocolate wrote: I phrased this a bit weirdly, and I suppose it is slightly hypocritical, but the girls that go out to party just don't appeal to me very much. I like to have a good time with my friends and all, but the girls that are there typically are either girlfriends or girls that are known to put out easily. Don't think about it too much. The key at your age is just to be around a lot of girls. You're seventeen. You don't know what you want -- you only think you do. Almost as importantly, there's little that's less stable than a seventeen to twenty year old girl. Girls continuously change -- often dramatically -- in all sorts of ways until they turn about 25 or so. If you go into dating at your age with the idea that you're looking for something specific in a girl (beyond the most superficial considerations), you're setting yourself up for trouble by aiming at a moving target. Don't worry about things like similarity of interests or whatever. Just learn to be comfortable around girls, figure out which ones might be fun to be around, and then ask those girls out. Everything else will take care of itself in time. | ||
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TheFish7
United States2824 Posts
But whatever you do go into college with an open mind, and make sure to make friends you can hang out with when you're not going out as well. | ||
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