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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 06 2014 04:59 TheFish7 wrote:
People's habits change drastically when they get to college. It's a bunch of people who in most cases have been living with their parents and then suddenly there isn't anyone looking at them under the microscope anymore. Some people who rarely partied in high school will become huge partiers when they get to college. Others (although rarely these days) will find a passion in academics and bury their nose in the books. College is pretty much the only time in life, imo, where its OK to go out and get silly on a regular basis. If you're not doing at least some of that you're missing out, and if you're not meeting people who are doing it you're missing out on some excellent people. I don't think I need to caution anyone on these forums about taking this idea too far and picking up drug habits, alcoholism, etc. Basically the % of people who go out to party in college is much higher than that group of people in high school. It's less clique-y and more inclusive and not just the obnoxious cool kids who go out. In my experience anyway.
But whatever you do go into college with an open mind, and make sure to make friends you can hang out with when you're not going out as well.
Thank you, this is reassuring. The thing I hated most about high school's social scene was that I was never invited anywhere until I got good skin, so I guess I have some baggage that makes me a bit cynical about things like this. I'll try to keep my stereotypes to a minimum or at least on hold, though
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The college social scene is much broader. There are many more people for one, and you will meet nice girls that you have things in common with eventually. Without too much effort other than maintaining a broad social circle, which is good practice at unversity anyway. If you're only 17 you shouldn't expect too much and try to force te issue though. It's nothing to panic about yet.
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I haven't dated in 2 years now, can anyone help how to get back into the game again? i've always been a very individualistic person but i feel now i would like to find someone to talk with and all that stuff again
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On August 07 2014 05:33 Copymizer wrote:
I haven't dated in 2 years now, can anyone help how to get back into the game again? i've always been a very individualistic person but i feel now i would like to find someone to talk with and all that stuff again
Find someone with similar interests who you can feel at ease with, but most importantly, don't settle. I hadn't had a girlfriend in 2-3 years before I started seeing the girl I'm seeing now. She's the first girl I've been able to sit around, playing a board game and drinking a craft beer with and I've never been happier. Don't commit to the first girl you find, and don't feel bad if you leave one girl for another one who may be better for you. As long as you're not a total douchelord about it, there's really nothing wrong with breaking up with somebody.
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Guys I've got a question I guess I'd like your opinions on. How much physical contact between female and male friends do you expect and feel is appropriate for when you just want to be friends?
Background (very long and pointless maybe):
I come from a protestant christian culture and therefore most people I meet and socialise with are quite conservative in their views and values (read: sex-after-marriage type of culture). All my female friends so far in my life have always followed this type of mentality when socialising, like for instance minimal physical contact with people of the other sex that you are not dating.
Now, I've recently met this girl that I like and I'm relatively sure she likes me back, but what bugs me is that although she's still the classic conservative-church going girl like all my other friends, she's a lot more physical in showing her affection, especially towards guys (hugs, roughing up hair, cuddling, scratching chin/beard etc). Now I know she's had A LOT of problems with guys that keep on falling for her and although I account it to the fact that she's unintentionally "leading them on," she doesn't realise it herself I think.
I really like my personal space when socialising with girls that I'm not dating and tend to limit my physical contact to the hello/goodbye hug and the occasional playful push or so. I've always felt personally that I like to limit my physical contact to only girls I would want to go out with / are dating.
This is something that's been bugging me a bit and would like to hear your thoughts on the matter. GO!
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On August 11 2014 02:45 Hoender wrote:
Guys I've got a question I guess I'd like your opinions on. How much physical contact between female and male friends do you expect and feel is appropriate for when you just want to be friends?
Background (very long and pointless maybe):
I come from a protestant christian culture and therefore most people I meet and socialise with are quite conservative in their views and values (read: sex-after-marriage type of culture). All my female friends so far in my life have always followed this type of mentality when socialising, like for instance minimal physical contact with people of the other sex that you are not dating.
Now, I've recently met this girl that I like and I'm relatively sure she likes me back, but what bugs me is that although she's still the classic conservative-church going girl like all my other friends, she's a lot more physical in showing her affection, especially towards guys (hugs, roughing up hair, cuddling, scratching chin/beard etc). Now I know she's had A LOT of problems with guys that keep on falling for her and although I account it to the fact that she's unintentionally "leading them on," she doesn't realise it herself I think.
I really like my personal space when socialising with girls that I'm not dating and tend to limit my physical contact to the hello/goodbye hug and the occasional playful push or so. I've always felt personally that I like to limit my physical contact to only girls I would want to go out with / are dating.
This is something that's been bugging me a bit and would like to hear your thoughts on the matter. GO!
This is really all up to what we've gotten used to or grown up with. For example, someone who has grown up in an enviroment where the family giving hugs etc to each other on daily basis is normal will probably share this same way of showing friendly affection for others too to some extent. Some who have barely been touchy on any point of their life since childhood probably feel weird with sudden physical contact.
Both kinds of people can end up doing the same thing while having a different meaning behind it. However, even if you haven't expressed much physical contact up to this point it doesn't mean you have to keep doing so, you can learn to express yourself in different ways without it having to be a big deal and I believe this to be a stronger mindset in general. There is a big difference in showing your affection and having sex with someone before marriage. I'd argue that in general it's very difficult to get seriously attracted to another person if there is no sexual tension allowed between the two parties.
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On August 11 2014 02:45 Hoender wrote:
Guys I've got a question I guess I'd like your opinions on. How much physical contact between female and male friends do you expect and feel is appropriate for when you just want to be friends?
Background (very long and pointless maybe):
I come from a protestant christian culture and therefore most people I meet and socialise with are quite conservative in their views and values (read: sex-after-marriage type of culture). All my female friends so far in my life have always followed this type of mentality when socialising, like for instance minimal physical contact with people of the other sex that you are not dating.
Now, I've recently met this girl that I like and I'm relatively sure she likes me back, but what bugs me is that although she's still the classic conservative-church going girl like all my other friends, she's a lot more physical in showing her affection, especially towards guys (hugs, roughing up hair, cuddling, scratching chin/beard etc). Now I know she's had A LOT of problems with guys that keep on falling for her and although I account it to the fact that she's unintentionally "leading them on," she doesn't realise it herself I think.
I really like my personal space when socialising with girls that I'm not dating and tend to limit my physical contact to the hello/goodbye hug and the occasional playful push or so. I've always felt personally that I like to limit my physical contact to only girls I would want to go out with / are dating.
This is something that's been bugging me a bit and would like to hear your thoughts on the matter. GO!
From my personal (observational) experience girls like that know exactly what they are doing, they just don't see anything wrong with it. They know they can get a guy all worked up and get whatever they want, then when the guy starts pursuing something more, she flips it and makes him sound like a creeper/stalker. Or if they were more clearly friends (or she thinks there is still more for her to extract) she might just say the "I'm saving it till marriage" line which is usually BS.
Even if you were to date her she would continue flirting with other guys the same way (because she doesn't see it as clear flirting). You would find yourself in a position where as her boyfriend you would just be getting the type of attention she shows all of her guy friends (perhaps more often). I say she is a tease and a waste of your time unless you reeeeeaaaallly want to deal with all that. I sincerely doubt it, since you are so conservative about touch and she would constantly be touching other guy 'friends'.
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Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know.
Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot.
also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night 
Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/
This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure
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On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure
Girls smells desperation like Vampires smells blood.
As soon as you become desperate, you are no longer attractive to her which is why she is responding.
Stop that.
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On August 11 2014 05:56 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure Girls smells desperation like Vampires smells blood. As soon as you become desperate, you are no longer attractive to her which is why she is responding. Stop that.
half the population of the earth is vampires
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On August 11 2014 05:57 ComaDose wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2014 05:56 Xiphos wrote:On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure Girls smells desperation like Vampires smells blood. As soon as you become desperate, you are no longer attractive to her which is why she is responding. Stop that. half the population of the earth is vampires
You go ahead and believe that.
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Crisis averted, I'm glad I called her - got to tell her stuff that needed to be said. 
edit: Xiphos I agree with you about the whole desperate = unattractive thing, but I'm not going to change the way I am to get a girl. If that's what it takes it's not worth it to me.
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On August 11 2014 06:22 Hoender wrote:Crisis averted, I'm glad I called her - got to tell her stuff that needed to be said. edit: Xiphos I agree with you about the whole desperate = unattractive thing, but I'm not going to change the way I am to get a girl. If that's what it takes it's not worth it to me.
That's your decision. It really depends on how how you want to get the a girl, some want to optimize their time/effort/money on a girl by being not desperate, others want to pour their emotions to her and spend a load of cash on a girl just to get a date.
Whatever floats your boat.
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On August 11 2014 06:22 Hoender wrote:Crisis averted, I'm glad I called her - got to tell her stuff that needed to be said. edit: Xiphos I agree with you about the whole desperate = unattractive thing, but I'm not going to change the way I am to get a girl. If that's what it takes it's not worth it to me.
The question should never be about getting a girl or a guy. The question is if personal change is worth it to you if you'd like to be with someone of your choice.
Personally, I'd rather be with someone who could be with others but chose me instead and the other way around because I believe that is a much more stable variant than the opposite. The ability to choose your potential partners among many is what makes someone not desperate about a specific person, if you don't want said ability and the benefits (and responsibility that comes along with it) being desperate is totally fine. Just don't complain about the outcome you get from it, in the end it's your personal choice.
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so I met this girl at a wedding yeah 2 weeks back yeah
Didn't date for 2years prior
went over, no sex tho, well we did anything but. shes from a town 1hr on bus away,
went to see her week later after some messages (email :D) was kinda weird she obvy didn't want to be seen as a slut so took it friendly, cold even no attempts at contact etc. you know the signs, went to her place since her ankle is dislocated couldnt go to pub talked for a long time, was hardcore friend danger zone alert. We can talk for hours it's rly fun. Im a online poker pro and used to work in sales and miss it so listening and talking is just entertaining
So you know I do standard stuff - bring up the topic that men can't be friends with chicks, how I was in a long relationship now I just wanna fuck around with bimbos and tell her what she thinks about being someone for a finite time just enjoy knowing there's no future (A bit cowardly she said). She was surprised apparently you don't bring that stuff up when you see smn for the 1st time sober but I had no choice. Used fear of loss was like 1am I had no bus home told her this is prolly it, no more emails since I can't be friends with chicks heading for the door I finally cracked her and she gave me like a clear signal, spent the night, saw her in a week, went for a kiss got the cheek treatment again talk myself over to hers after talking drinking on a riverside where theres parties for 8hrs, obvy implying that just fucking around is what I logically want not how I rly am so basically there's ambiguity about a relationship possibility there (you now keep em guessing but dont shut the door women are attracted to that apparently :D).
Now I get an email that a friend pulled out of holidays in Bulgaria in a week and have the offer to go with her, her pal and an Austrian guy I also met at the wedding + his gf (he's funny, we get a long very well). Question I have for you studs - is that weird or not?
I mean I like this chick we talk like friends but I avoided friendzone trap=perfect crime but it might be too soon to spend a week together?
Right now Im inclined to snapcall personally cause it'll be fun what'd you do.
P.S. Also day 42 of nofap challenge if that helps. Thinly veiled brag. Maybe I like her cause of nofap only? cause I like all women now, once I empty the clip multiple times on hols I might realize it's not her I rly like 
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On August 08 2014 13:53 LeeDawg wrote:Show nested quote +On August 07 2014 05:33 Copymizer wrote:
I haven't dated in 2 years now, can anyone help how to get back into the game again? i've always been a very individualistic person but i feel now i would like to find someone to talk with and all that stuff again Find someone with similar interests who you can feel at ease with, but most importantly, don't settle. I hadn't had a girlfriend in 2-3 years before I started seeing the girl I'm seeing now. She's the first girl I've been able to sit around, playing a board game and drinking a craft beer with and I've never been happier. Don't commit to the first girl you find, and don't feel bad if you leave one girl for another one who may be better for you. As long as you're not a total douchelord about it, there's really nothing wrong with breaking up with somebody.
Thanks that was useful mate. I used to date this girl for about 2 years, it never got serious but the way we talked together with ease and just enjoying each others company was unlike any other girl + she was breathtakingly beautiful like above above. Because i was never upfront with her it all just faded. Even tho it's 2 years now and i haven't talked to her since, i still dream about her and us being together and enjoying it. Which sucks because i want to forget it. But i feel i've learned from my experience with her to move on and find some1 interesting and this time be clear about my intentions, if ofcourse i feel she matches me and likewise.
It's fucked up because your brain doesn't easily forget the good moments with the opposite gender which back then i'd wish lasted forever. Forgetting your first love is hard
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On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure
Why do you need to tell her over IM that you want to phone her to apologize? Just CALL her if you want to do it. You don't need permission from someone or give notice to them before calling people. You have alot to learn when it comes to being a man and not being a BOY. You are being a boy and acting all nice, way overboard. You need to learn to be a MAN.
If you want to ask her out then do it, if you want to call her to say hi or whatever then do it, stop thinking too much about what the outcome will be. You need to be confident in your choices, if you keep overthinking and second guessing the situation, girls can smell that a mile away. Girls want confidence and that's what attracts them, because you aren't afraid and are confident in your choices.
my 2c
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On August 11 2014 09:11 Copymizer wrote:Show nested quote +On August 08 2014 13:53 LeeDawg wrote:On August 07 2014 05:33 Copymizer wrote:
I haven't dated in 2 years now, can anyone help how to get back into the game again? i've always been a very individualistic person but i feel now i would like to find someone to talk with and all that stuff again Find someone with similar interests who you can feel at ease with, but most importantly, don't settle. I hadn't had a girlfriend in 2-3 years before I started seeing the girl I'm seeing now. She's the first girl I've been able to sit around, playing a board game and drinking a craft beer with and I've never been happier. Don't commit to the first girl you find, and don't feel bad if you leave one girl for another one who may be better for you. As long as you're not a total douchelord about it, there's really nothing wrong with breaking up with somebody. Thanks that was useful mate. I used to date this girl for about 2 years, it never got serious but the way we talked together with ease and just enjoying each others company was unlike any other girl + she was breathtakingly beautiful like above above. Because i was never upfront with her it all just faded. Even tho it's 2 years now and i haven't talked to her since, i still dream about her and us being together and enjoying it. Which sucks because i want to forget it. But i feel i've learned from my experience with her to move on and find some1 interesting and this time be clear about my intentions, if ofcourse i feel she matches me and likewise. It's fucked up because your brain doesn't easily forget the good moments with the opposite gender which back then i'd wish lasted forever. Forgetting your first love is hard
This is what happens when you dont make your intentions clear to begin with and she probably thought of you more of a good/close friend rather than someone she'd want to have a relationship with. It's good that you learn from this experience, it's hard I know to forget but when you find another, you will forget about those old "good" memories pretty fast.
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Is there a name for an arrangement in which every Monday you have to cook for her and tidy up her place while she's at work, then massage and get carnal with her so you can live rent free?
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On August 11 2014 08:32 LemOn wrote:so I met this girl at a wedding yeah 2 weeks back yeah Didn't date for 2years prior went over, no sex tho, well we did anything but. shes from a town 1hr on bus away, went to see her week later after some messages (email :D) was kinda weird she obvy didn't want to be seen as a slut so took it friendly, cold even no attempts at contact etc. you know the signs, went to her place since her ankle is dislocated couldnt go to pub talked for a long time, was hardcore friend danger zone alert. We can talk for hours it's rly fun. Im a online poker pro and used to work in sales and miss it so listening and talking is just entertaining So you know I do standard stuff - bring up the topic that men can't be friends with chicks, how I was in a long relationship now I just wanna fuck around with bimbos and tell her what she thinks about being someone for a finite time just enjoy knowing there's no future (A bit cowardly she said). She was surprised apparently you don't bring that stuff up when you see smn for the 1st time sober but I had no choice. Used fear of loss was like 1am I had no bus home told her this is prolly it, no more emails since I can't be friends with chicks heading for the door I finally cracked her and she gave me like a clear signal, spent the night, saw her in a week, went for a kiss got the cheek treatment again talk myself over to hers after talking drinking on a riverside where theres parties for 8hrs, obvy implying that just fucking around is what I logically want not how I rly am so basically there's ambiguity about a relationship possibility there (you now keep em guessing but dont shut the door women are attracted to that apparently :D). Now I get an email that a friend pulled out of holidays in Bulgaria in a week and have the offer to go with her, her pal and an Austrian guy I also met at the wedding + his gf (he's funny, we get a long very well). Question I have for you studs - is that weird or not? I mean I like this chick we talk like friends but I avoided friendzone trap=perfect crime but it might be too soon to spend a week together? Right now Im inclined to snapcall personally cause it'll be fun what'd you do. P.S. Also day 42 of nofap challenge if that helps. Thinly veiled brag. Maybe I like her cause of nofap only? cause I like all women now, once I empty the clip multiple times on hols I might realize it's not her I rly like
My dick made me do it. I had no choice... I would personally not go, but i would also not try to crack the defenses of a girl, so...
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EPT
