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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 11 2014 18:19 SixStrings wrote: Is there a name for an arrangement in which every Monday you have to cook for her and tidy up her place while she's at work, then massage and get carnal with her so you can live rent free?
...prostitution. (not judging)
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On August 11 2014 08:32 LemOn wrote:so I met this girl at a wedding yeah 2 weeks back yeah Didn't date for 2years prior went over, no sex tho, well we did anything but. shes from a town 1hr on bus away, went to see her week later after some messages (email :D) was kinda weird she obvy didn't want to be seen as a slut so took it friendly, cold even no attempts at contact etc. you know the signs, went to her place since her ankle is dislocated couldnt go to pub talked for a long time, was hardcore friend danger zone alert. We can talk for hours it's rly fun. Im a online poker pro and used to work in sales and miss it so listening and talking is just entertaining  So you know I do standard stuff - bring up the topic that men can't be friends with chicks, how I was in a long relationship now I just wanna fuck around with bimbos and tell her what she thinks about being someone for a finite time just enjoy knowing there's no future (A bit cowardly she said). She was surprised apparently you don't bring that stuff up when you see smn for the 1st time sober but I had no choice. Used fear of loss was like 1am I had no bus home told her this is prolly it, no more emails since I can't be friends with chicks heading for the door I finally cracked her and she gave me like a clear signal, spent the night, saw her in a week, went for a kiss got the cheek treatment again talk myself over to hers after talking drinking on a riverside where theres parties for 8hrs, obvy implying that just fucking around is what I logically want not how I rly am so basically there's ambiguity about a relationship possibility there (you now keep em guessing but dont shut the door women are attracted to that apparently :D). Now I get an email that a friend pulled out of holidays in Bulgaria in a week and have the offer to go with her, her pal and an Austrian guy I also met at the wedding + his gf (he's funny, we get a long very well). Question I have for you studs - is that weird or not? I mean I like this chick we talk like friends but I avoided friendzone trap=perfect crime but it might be too soon to spend a week together? Right now Im inclined to snapcall personally cause it'll be fun what'd you do. P.S. Also day 42 of nofap challenge if that helps. Thinly veiled brag. Maybe I like her cause of nofap only? cause I like all women now, once I empty the clip multiple times on hols I might realize it's not her I rly like  Wow you should rewrite your post. This is absurdly difficult to read - I gave up halfway through.
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On August 11 2014 14:01 quadrob wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night  Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure Why do you need to tell her over IM that you want to phone her to apologize? Just CALL her if you want to do it. You don't need permission from someone or give notice to them before calling people. You have alot to learn when it comes to being a man and not being a BOY. You are being a boy and acting all nice, way overboard. You need to learn to be a MAN. If you want to ask her out then do it, if you want to call her to say hi or whatever then do it, stop thinking too much about what the outcome will be. You need to be confident in your choices, if you keep overthinking and second guessing the situation, girls can smell that a mile away. Girls want confidence and that's what attracts them, because you aren't afraid and are confident in your choices. my 2c
well in that specific case, it was really late (after 11oclock) and I wasnt sure whether she was still awake, but ye I do agree with your cents tho.
That being said, we've arranged to go on a date this Sunday and things are looking promising 
Even though I didnt use any of you guys' advice, it was useful just to use this thread as a platform to vent/sort out my feelings. So, cheers guys keep up the good work! 
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On August 12 2014 03:52 Hoender wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2014 14:01 quadrob wrote:On August 11 2014 05:07 Hoender wrote:Ahzz, I agree with you: I should be a bit more forward in general. I know for a fact I'm one of the most physically awkward people that I know. Greenhorizens: thats exactly what I'm afraid of, although I don't want to and won't believe you. She's a really caring person and I'd rather think its more that she's too naive to realise what her physical advances does to guys. That being said, I don't want her to change the way she is if it's in her mind only being innocent and friendly (which I can buy into because she's a lot younger than me ><). In that case, I think I could live with it, or atleast give it a shot. also sidestory: So she's not talking to me over IM anymore since yesterday evening. I've only recently started suspecting that she likes me and in my retarded "oooh she mustn't know I like her, because if she knows and she doesn't feel the same it will be weird and we wont be friends" style, I didnt spend a lot of time with her at a party the weekend. There were a lot of old friends there that I haven't seen for a whole year and I felt I needed to atleast talk a bit with them aswell, not realising that she couldn't stay late. So I almost didnt even talk to her that night  Not sure what to do now, I've told her over IM that I want to phone her to apologise, but she's not responding :/ This whole episode might all just be in my head tho, so now I'm completely unsure Why do you need to tell her over IM that you want to phone her to apologize? Just CALL her if you want to do it. You don't need permission from someone or give notice to them before calling people. You have alot to learn when it comes to being a man and not being a BOY. You are being a boy and acting all nice, way overboard. You need to learn to be a MAN. If you want to ask her out then do it, if you want to call her to say hi or whatever then do it, stop thinking too much about what the outcome will be. You need to be confident in your choices, if you keep overthinking and second guessing the situation, girls can smell that a mile away. Girls want confidence and that's what attracts them, because you aren't afraid and are confident in your choices. my 2c well in that specific case, it was really late (after 11oclock) and I wasnt sure whether she was still awake, but ye I do agree with your cents tho. That being said, we've arranged to go on a date this Sunday and things are looking promising  Even though I didnt use any of you guys' advice, it was useful just to use this thread as a platform to vent/sort out my feelings. So, cheers guys keep up the good work! 
That's good to hear, just think less and enjoy you 2 hanging out. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't there's many other girls for you to discover :o
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Guys,
I kinda need your help with some stuff, and i hope you guys can give me some advice 
Oke, so I'm in this group of colleagues and some roommates of me, and we hang out all the time. There is this 1 girl though, and i kinda feel I'm falling in love with her.
I'll give you guys some back-story first.
I've started working there last November, and we quickly became sorta good friends or not sure how to call it, we timed lunchbreaks together. And just talk and talk alot. Lately another colleague of us left us, and quickly after that me and her and 2 other colleagues became alot closer, and started to hangout after work aswell. like go to parties, or hangout at my house or another of their house, last saturday, things happend, The girl i am talking about has a Boyfriend as of right now, though, i know things are not going well between them(i don't know the dude really good, only seen him like two times or something).
So last saterday, she confessed to me she cheated on him, and had sex with somebody else. She also told me she wants to break up with him. And don't want to continue with the other dude.
I told her, i won't tell her BF about the cheating, she has to do that herself (i don't know if she will though) but after she confessed it to me. things kinda changed between us somehow, we cuddled alot that day, and somehow i felt there was a spark between her and me. like having my arm around her, she keeps getting close to me. And i have seriously no idea what to do.
She is one of the few female friends i have, and i kind of want to confess to her, that i am in love with her. But her telling me that she cheated, kinda broke my hearth a bit from the inside. Since i will always have doubts about it if she will not do that to me, if anything will happen between us. And also, i seriously don't want to lose her as a friend,
So like i said we work together. Though she is starting school again in like 2 weeks, and she will work alot less then, and i will probably see her alot less aswell, i kinda think i need to be open about it. but i seriously have no idea how.
I'm like so bad at doing the "talk" i'm just a bit scared that maybe she won't be in to me, and our friendship will die out because of that.
So please give me your best advice guys
Also sorry for any weird English, i tried my best, but it's not my native language.
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The cheating thing would really be setting off red flags for me...
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On August 13 2014 00:28 Riquora wrote:Guys, I kinda need your help with some stuff, and i hope you guys can give me some advice  Oke, so I'm in this group of colleagues and some roommates of me, and we hang out all the time. There is this 1 girl though, and i kinda feel I'm falling in love with her. I'll give you guys some back-story first. I've started working there last November, and we quickly became sorta good friends or not sure how to call it, we timed lunchbreaks together. And just talk and talk alot. Lately another colleague of us left us, and quickly after that me and her and 2 other colleagues became alot closer, and started to hangout after work aswell. like go to parties, or hangout at my house or another of their house, last saturday, things happend, The girl i am talking about has a Boyfriend as of right now, though, i know things are not going well between them(i don't know the dude really good, only seen him like two times or something). So last saterday, she confessed to me she cheated on him, and had sex with somebody else. She also told me she wants to break up with him. And don't want to continue with the other dude. I told her, i won't tell her BF about the cheating, she has to do that herself (i don't know if she will though) but after she confessed it to me. things kinda changed between us somehow, we cuddled alot that day, and somehow i felt there was a spark between her and me. like having my arm around her, she keeps getting close to me. And i have seriously no idea what to do. She is one of the few female friends i have, and i kind of want to confess to her, that i am in love with her. But her telling me that she cheated, kinda broke my hearth a bit from the inside. Since i will always have doubts about it if she will not do that to me, if anything will happen between us. And also, i seriously don't want to lose her as a friend, So like i said we work together. Though she is starting school again in like 2 weeks, and she will work alot less then, and i will probably see her alot less aswell, i kinda think i need to be open about it. but i seriously have no idea how. I'm like so bad at doing the "talk" i'm just a bit scared that maybe she won't be in to me, and our friendship will die out because of that. So please give me your best advice guys Also sorry for any weird English, i tried my best, but it's not my native language.
Based on your story, this girl is kinda just being "close" to you, like cuddling and stuff only because she views you as a friend. Why I say this is because she told you about how she cheated and she came to you for comfort because she knew you'd listen and support her even if she were in the wrong. Alot of girls start to get touchy and give false signals when they are in this state.
If I were you I'd wait it out and observe her. She just cheated on her boyfriend someone she liked alot... would you just want to jump in with this kind of girl that quickly? If you rush into it, even if she were to take your offer, she might be taking it because she wanted to use you. Think about it carefully, if she cheated on her boyfriend what makes you think she wouldn't cheat on you? Don't be so naive, you really should give her time to stabilize herself before thinking of having a relationship with her.
You think you are falling in love but I feel like you only feel that way because you just don't know too many girls or dont have much experience from the way you talk. If you need to do the "talk" and "confess" then you really have no game or experience when it comes to dating.
This is just my 2c
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On August 13 2014 00:28 Riquora wrote:Guys, I kinda need your help with some stuff, and i hope you guys can give me some advice  Oke, so I'm in this group of colleagues and some roommates of me, and we hang out all the time. There is this 1 girl though, and i kinda feel I'm falling in love with her. I'll give you guys some back-story first. I've started working there last November, and we quickly became sorta good friends or not sure how to call it, we timed lunchbreaks together. And just talk and talk alot. Lately another colleague of us left us, and quickly after that me and her and 2 other colleagues became alot closer, and started to hangout after work aswell. like go to parties, or hangout at my house or another of their house, last saturday, things happend, The girl i am talking about has a Boyfriend as of right now, though, i know things are not going well between them(i don't know the dude really good, only seen him like two times or something). So last saterday, she confessed to me she cheated on him, and had sex with somebody else. She also told me she wants to break up with him. And don't want to continue with the other dude. I told her, i won't tell her BF about the cheating, she has to do that herself (i don't know if she will though) but after she confessed it to me. things kinda changed between us somehow, we cuddled alot that day, and somehow i felt there was a spark between her and me. like having my arm around her, she keeps getting close to me. And i have seriously no idea what to do. She is one of the few female friends i have, and i kind of want to confess to her, that i am in love with her. But her telling me that she cheated, kinda broke my hearth a bit from the inside. Since i will always have doubts about it if she will not do that to me, if anything will happen between us. And also, i seriously don't want to lose her as a friend, So like i said we work together. Though she is starting school again in like 2 weeks, and she will work alot less then, and i will probably see her alot less aswell, i kinda think i need to be open about it. but i seriously have no idea how. I'm like so bad at doing the "talk" i'm just a bit scared that maybe she won't be in to me, and our friendship will die out because of that. So please give me your best advice guys Also sorry for any weird English, i tried my best, but it's not my native language. Eh, just go for it. Tell her to break up with her bf and date her. Life is too short to second guess yourself like that. A lot of times cheating is a symptom, not the cause of a relationship souring.
Edit: wait, she'll still be a colleague after school starts for her? Hmm.. I would reconsider depending on how closely you'll work together. As they say here, don't dip your pen in company ink.
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On August 13 2014 00:53 TheFish7 wrote: The cheating thing would really be setting off red flags for me...
Yeah, that is kinda my problem aswell, I’m not really sure if I will ever be able to trust her.
On August 13 2014 01:31 c0ldfusion wrote: Eh, just go for it. Tell her to break up with her bf and date her. Life is too short to second guess yourself like that. A lot of times cheating is a symptom, not the cause of a relationship souring. Edit: wait, she'll still be a colleague after school starts for her? Hmm.. I would reconsider depending on how closely you'll work together. As they say here, don't dip your pen in company ink.
She will be a colleague yes, but we will probably not work much together, if we even will work together even.
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On August 13 2014 02:08 Riquora wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2014 01:31 c0ldfusion wrote: Eh, just go for it. Tell her to break up with her bf and date her. Life is too short to second guess yourself like that. A lot of times cheating is a symptom, not the cause of a relationship souring. Edit: wait, she'll still be a colleague after school starts for her? Hmm.. I would reconsider depending on how closely you'll work together. As they say here, don't dip your pen in company ink. She will be a colleague yes, but we will probably not work much together, if we even will work together even.
There you go, you have your answer.
(That's my advice at least.)
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On August 13 2014 00:28 Riquora wrote: She is one of the few female friends i have, and i kind of want to confess to her, that i am in love with her. But her telling me that she cheated, kinda broke my hearth a bit from the inside. Since i will always have doubts about it if she will not do that to me, if anything will happen between us. You're mixing things up. There is an insane difference between someone being unfaithful in the middle of a regular relationship or someone being unfaithful in a relationship that's already going badly with the "cheating" being equal to the persons realization that they need to end the relationship.
Yes, they're both technically doing the same thing, the motivations and things leading up to them are completely different however and they should be treated as such. From the information you gave us there is zero evidence that she has a tendency to cheat in a relationship - for all we know she even stayed longer in the relationship than she was actually attracted.
And also, i seriously don't want to lose her as a friend. If you're afraid of losing her you won't be able to build a (sexual) relationship with her unless she takes the reigns. It's that simple.
I'm like so bad at doing the "talk" i'm just a bit scared that maybe she won't be in to me, and our friendship will die out because of that. Don't do a talk. If, when it comes to your values, you perceive sleeping with her as something bad while she's still technically in a relationship, don't do it. Go as far with her as you believe it to be in line with your values and then make it clear what those values are and that you think it's simply wrong to go further without her being "officially" out of her relationship.
Doing some kind of talk before anything actually happened between you two puts the entire responsibility for a potential relationship onto her instead of sharing it equally. Don't be that guy.
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On August 11 2014 08:32 LemOn wrote: Now I get an email that a friend pulled out of holidays in Bulgaria in a week and have the offer to go with her, her pal and an Austrian guy I also met at the wedding + his gf (he's funny, we get a long very well). Question I have for you studs - is that weird or not? I mean I like this chick we talk like friends but I avoided friendzone trap=perfect crime but it might be too soon to spend a week together? Right now Im inclined to snapcall personally cause it'll be fun what'd you do.
It's not week with her, it's week long trip with a bunch of people. If you sence kind of adventure you should go even with bunch of strangers/alone. I can't comment on friendzone aspect, sorry.
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On August 13 2014 00:28 Riquora wrote:Guys, I kinda need your help with some stuff, and i hope you guys can give me some advice  Oke, so I'm in this group of colleagues and some roommates of me, and we hang out all the time. There is this 1 girl though, and i kinda feel I'm falling in love with her. I'll give you guys some back-story first. I've started working there last November, and we quickly became sorta good friends or not sure how to call it, we timed lunchbreaks together. And just talk and talk alot. Lately another colleague of us left us, and quickly after that me and her and 2 other colleagues became alot closer, and started to hangout after work aswell. like go to parties, or hangout at my house or another of their house, last saturday, things happend, The girl i am talking about has a Boyfriend as of right now, though, i know things are not going well between them(i don't know the dude really good, only seen him like two times or something). So last saterday, she confessed to me she cheated on him, and had sex with somebody else. She also told me she wants to break up with him. And don't want to continue with the other dude. I told her, i won't tell her BF about the cheating, she has to do that herself (i don't know if she will though) but after she confessed it to me. things kinda changed between us somehow, we cuddled alot that day, and somehow i felt there was a spark between her and me. like having my arm around her, she keeps getting close to me. And i have seriously no idea what to do. She is one of the few female friends i have, and i kind of want to confess to her, that i am in love with her. But her telling me that she cheated, kinda broke my hearth a bit from the inside. Since i will always have doubts about it if she will not do that to me, if anything will happen between us. And also, i seriously don't want to lose her as a friend, So like i said we work together. Though she is starting school again in like 2 weeks, and she will work alot less then, and i will probably see her alot less aswell, i kinda think i need to be open about it. but i seriously have no idea how. I'm like so bad at doing the "talk" i'm just a bit scared that maybe she won't be in to me, and our friendship will die out because of that. So please give me your best advice guys Also sorry for any weird English, i tried my best, but it's not my native language. Here's the most important thing to keep in mind: you clearly have problems with what she did (and a lot of other guys would, too). You're probably never going to be able to put those problems behind you. It's not the kind of thing that can be rationalized away. Therefore, whatever relationship that you have with this girl will likely have a relatively short expiration date. There's nothing wrong with this. You just need to keep it in mind when you're deciding how to proceed. So if you want to just have some fun with her, by all means, go ahead and suggest that she break up with her boyfriend and start dating her. If you're looking for something more permanent, you're probably fishing in the wrong hole.
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Super shocked right now.
I met a girl few weeks ago. Last weekend we hung out a lot, went to parties, she went to my house etc. Then today she spent the whole afternoon at my place, we had dinner and then we started to get sexy. We went to the bedroom, we took our clothes off, then I performed oral sex on her. She then took off my jeans and asked 'do we have to go to the bathroom? it's gonna get messy here' and I was like 'well I have condoms don't worry'.
She went CRAZY. She started talking about how I thought she is a slut and how can I think of fucking a girl I've only been knowing for some weeks. I replied 'well, I could have different ideas about you, but I just gave you oral sex and you took off my pants'. She started blabbing about how two people could do only 'warm-up stuff' and that I have a sick idea of people. I replied that my idea is simply what 99% of people think o.o
Man, she was really SO pissed off. I don't think I'll hear from her anytime soon...I have no intention to apologize, since I basically did what every man would have done in that same situation o.o
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Sounds like that was more her being weird than you, she's probably insecure about herself being seen as "easy"
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thats fucking dumb. you warm up to have sex, not as an end in itself.
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On August 13 2014 07:45 SoSexy wrote: Super shocked right now.
I met a girl few weeks ago. Last weekend we hung out a lot, went to parties, she went to my house etc. Then today she spent the whole afternoon at my place, we had dinner and then we started to get sexy. We went to the bedroom, we took our clothes off, then I performed oral sex on her. She then took off my jeans and asked 'do we have to go to the bathroom? it's gonna get messy here' and I was like 'well I have condoms don't worry'.
She went CRAZY. She started talking about how I thought she is a slut and how can I think of fucking a girl I've only been knowing for some weeks. I replied 'well, I could have different ideas about you, but I just gave you oral sex and you took off my pants'. She started blabbing about how two people could do only 'warm-up stuff' and that I have a sick idea of people. I replied that my idea is simply what 99% of people think o.o
Man, she was really SO pissed off. I don't think I'll hear from her anytime soon...I have no intention to apologize, since I basically did what every man would have done in that same situation o.o
So she went crazy after allowing you to do her, but not after she returned the favor. She's a crazy mofo and I guess it's good you found out sooner rather than later. Though it sucks if she blue balled you during that encounter basically.
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So she went crazy after allowing you to do her, but not after she returned the favor. She's a crazy mofo and I guess it's good you found out sooner rather than later. Though it sucks if she blue balled you during that encounter basically.
Just from the sounds of it she was intending to return the favor but the issue was that she was intending to simply return the favor whilst he was expecting sex? In which case she wasn't really intending to blue ball the guy.
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The lesson is to keep your mouth shut when a girl is giving you a blowjob.
That said, I find it hilarious that she somehow thinks that just giving a blowjob makes her less "easy" than if she had sex with him.
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Riquora, don't shit where you eat and don't date cheaters.
SoSexy, she's crazy. One might say that after that incident, she's not... + Show Spoiler +
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