Dating: How's your luck? - Page 531

On August 15 2014 02:25 xDaunt wrote:
That said, I find it hilarious that she somehow thinks that just giving a blowjob makes her less "easy" than if she had sex with him.

On August 13 2014 07:45 SoSexy wrote:
Super shocked right now.

I met a girl few weeks ago. Last weekend we hung out a lot, went to parties, she went to my house etc. Then today she spent the whole afternoon at my place, we had dinner and then we started to get sexy. We went to the bedroom, we took our clothes off, then I performed oral sex on her. She then took off my jeans and asked 'do we have to go to the bathroom? it's gonna get messy here' and I was like 'well I have condoms don't worry'.

She went CRAZY. She started talking about how I thought she is a slut and how can I think of fucking a girl I've only been knowing for some weeks. I replied 'well, I could have different ideas about you, but I just gave you oral sex and you took off my pants'. She started blabbing about how two people could do only 'warm-up stuff' and that I have a sick idea of people. I replied that my idea is simply what 99% of people think o.o

Man, she was really SO pissed off. I don't think I'll hear from her anytime soon...I have no intention to apologize, since I basically did what every man would have done in that same situation o.o

On August 15 2014 12:51 evilfatsh1t wrote:
me and my girlfriend are going through the roughest patch weve ever had to experience. i think this is probably going to end up as a breakup. mixed feelings because i still like her a lot but i just dont see us being together in the long term (unless she changes, shes not someone i would want to marry and settle down with). how long do you guys think getting over a break up takes?

On August 15 2014 12:21 IgnE wrote:
just logic the girls till they calm down. "oral sex is sex. it doesnt make you less of a slut to only blow me. calm down and help me get this condom on."

On August 15 2014 11:43 aTnClouD wrote:

She had a common freakout before sex. The worst way to handle it is through logical discussion. Remember that logic doesn't usually work with people, especially girls

On August 15 2014 12:51 evilfatsh1t wrote:
me and my girlfriend are going through the roughest patch weve ever had to experience. i think this is probably going to end up as a breakup. mixed feelings because i still like her a lot but i just dont see us being together in the long term (unless she changes, shes not someone i would want to marry and settle down with). how long do you guys think getting over a break up takes?

On August 16 2014 06:41 waffelz wrote:


My (first) exgirlfriend broke up with me a few month ago, one of my female friends said that its about 1 month of grief per year spent together atleast. From my single expirence, I can say it definitly differes if you "lost" something, or realized that it wasnt ment to be. Since you are sure that she is not future-wife-material for you and most likely wont change, you might have already taken a big step forward. At least for me, that made at least the "missing her"-part much easier. Besides that, the already mentioned advices work really well: spending time with your friends/stuff you like. But dont forget to safe some time for yourself, so you can think about it and it is better to do that in some kind of set time instead of having sad feels when sitting in ther bus/train because you kept yourself from dealing with it mentally by spending all your freetime. Sport also works really well. I made some kind of shedule for me, where I planned when I go swimming (sport greatly releaves stress. It doesnt help much with the thoughts of missing someone/feeling lonely, but it still takes away a lot of stress) and made sure to have some time for myself where I could deal with it mentally or maybe just do something alone. Key is to still being able to be alone.


Besides that, I am actually now asking for advice myself, even though it is also more of a move-on advice than dating advice that I need.
So as I already said, my former girlfriend of 6 years, which where my first girlfriend, left me about 5 month ago. About a month after the breakup, I was in the clear about everything she had done and realized that nothing of worth was lost. That led to me almost immediately not missing her anymore. I can honestly say that I dont have any problem with her leaving me, but what she did still haunts me/that she was (morally) able to do it, and I have trouble shaking it off. To keep it as short as possible:
Before we startet dating, we knew each other for about a year. We where together for 1 year, when circumstances made me moving out and she moved in with me shortly after. We both where in school back then. Earlyer she had a ton of problems with her family(including being raped by her older brother at the age of 11, her parents never knew about that), suffered from depression and was going nowhere with her life. She admitted that without me, she most likely would have killed herself already, she already tried once but failed and her parents played it down (especially her mother strongly clinged on the pictuere of a nice and happy traditional family). Over the course of the first 2 years we lived together, I managed to help her with most of her problems. I managed to boost her confidence to a acceptable level, I helped her winning over her depression and lack of ability to be alone/to think about herself. I helped her to get rid of a ton of problems, like almost being unable to socialise ( I only tried to change the stuff that would hinder her later on, otherwise I mostly accepted her). Together, we succeded our A-level exams, which she would have failed alone (not because of intelligent reasons, but because she wouldnt been able to deal with the stress back then/would have grown lonely since she never relly got in touch with the rest of the year). While doing all that, I also had to work besides school. My father aided me financially, but of course I still had to work. After our A-level exams, I started to study while she decided to start an apprenticeship in a field she was kind of interested in. I convinced her to apply at a big local company and she got accepted. As it turned out, she greatly enjoyed it and had great success. Only downside was, she wasnt payed very well, even for an apprentice, so again I had to work, even more than before (and more than most of the other students) while almost keeping in time for my studies. Later on, the costs rise because of the need of tools etc., I also let her keep most of her money.
Since her job was a very niche one, her school was far away, so she had block instruction, which lasted about 2-3 weeks. Since it was the first time that she realy socialized with all of her collegaues, I didnt want her to not be able go partying with her collegues, so I didnt mind (that much) her spending most of her money thats left over on that, since it clearly was good for her mental health.

Only problem we had with it was, I dont drink alcohol. I never forbid her to drink or even asekd her to, but she promised me anyways that she also will stop drinking (part of her family is czech, and as cliche as it sounds, that part of her family is a little bit to much into drinking, even though they still manage their life properly. Her mother for instance leads a store of an international shoe-store, but she also drinks heavily when she got problems/the general mood on festivitys starts to change and then it gets very uncomfortable for everyone). She hold true to her promise, until she met her new colleagues during the block instruction. Bad part was, I heard it from a friend, I signaled her that I knew that there is something we need to talk about. She then admitted it, we had a long discussion and in the end, she promised not to drink again (my problem wasnt her drinking alcohol, it was her breaking her promise, but more about that later on). After the breakout it turned out she was drinking during all theese 3 years when she was away on block instruction. This was one of the only 2 arguments we had, where I didnt give in.

1 1/2 years ago, things still seemed fine, besides me feeling the need to slow down my studies, after a acute hearing loss (which I mostly recovered from, besides a slight deafness and a very small tinnitus). In all these (almost) 6 years, I took care of her and really made all efforts to be a good partner. I was by no means perfwect, mistakes happen, but I always tried to improve. In march, out of nowhere, tha hammer dropped. She told me that she felt unloved and that ther is a new colleague that she feels atracted to. By that time I didnt knew the truth so I believed her. I admitted that I hadnt payed her the same amount of attention as before. At that time, I dealt with being behind with my studies/generally feeling unhappy with my field of study and more important, the terminal illness of my closest friend which I accompanyed on the end of april this year on his trip to swiss for assisted dying til the end. I asked her if I she still can give me a chance, or if it is already set and done. Just a week ago, everything seemed fine and went as usual, 2 weeks before she even had birthday and let me made her a expensive present. valentines day also was spend in a usual patnerhsip-manner, so I naturally assumed that it was a sudden feel just like she told me and that it could be fixed. I asked her to try to avoid this colleague (which would be possible without problems) so I could had a real chance. End of the story was I had to find out that she didnt stick to the agreement and was quote "just sitting the 2 weeks off". After that, I told her she had 1 month to leave my place, upsets her greatly. She then got back to her parents almost immediatly, and even though I tried to keep things mature and her saying that stuff is still allrigt, I already could feel that she basicly wanted me to get out of her life forever and completely.

This was all was very hurtfull, but I managed to stick to the logic conclusion: Feelings change. There is nothing you can do about it/no real fault. It would be maybe nicer if she had told me the week her feelings started/ I would have acted differently, but still, everything went kind of right - my close friends however didnt felt that way. They got somewhat annoyed by the fact that I was still defending her since they believed that she did lot worse. I told them that unless there is proof, I wont engage in such assumption.
Since I always pray "I like a hideous truth more than a beautiful lie", they got some proof, and boy did it hurt.

This new guy came into the company about 4 month before our breakup. About 2.5/3 month before our breakup, she started to kind of flirt with him, about 2 month before our breakup they started cuddling/kissing already, 1 month before our breakup, they had sex on multiple occasions (maybe even earlyer, but there was no real proof for that), there even was one case where they rented a hotel room while she told me that she was spending the night at a friends place(which wasnt unusual since railroad connections where a bitch and I never really asked, I just wanted to know when she would come home very late/only at the next day - funnily after the breakup she told 2 of my female friends that I had been extremely jealous and confining), so basicly she jumped between the beds. Basicly, the reality kicked my stupid idealism right in the face, after charging for almost 6 years. That the new one himself had a girlfriend untill she broke up with me is another note.

There a 3 simple things, that I expect from a relationship(which I always made clear):
honesty towards your partner
trust in your partner
loyalty towards your partner

In the end, I got none of them. In that regard, I am kind of extreme, but I value honesty, trust, loyalty and promises greatly. I am the stupid guy, that rather lies next to the bedside of a friend than run away and let him on his own whiel he gets beaten up. I am the one that only rarely gives promises, but then does everything reasonable to keep them. I know that most people are different from that, and dont expect anything else, but getting betrayed like that, after so much I did for her just seems unreal. I basicly safed her from suicide, helped her to get her life together and buold her up to the point where she is now. Of course that doesnt mean that she has to bee with me forever, feelings change, but even without that I think I deserve some honesty. Cheating on someone for ~3 month, depending on your definition of cheating, and still acting like evertything is fine after you where together for 6 years and he helped you in such a big way is just brutal. Also I know for sure that she feels like she never did anything wrong. I overheard her in the train complaining to her new boyfriend about how I "made it like she immediatly turned towards him after the breakup in front of a friend" on which he agreed. Sad truth is, both should know fairly well that she turned towards him atleast 2 month before she broke up - Im not sure, but I think that small detail isnt the source of her complain...

When I met my best friend in swiss (we stayed there for 3 days before the procedure took place),we talked alot, also about my breakup (even though I tried to avoid that topic, I didnt wanted to worry him / tried to spend the last days in a nice manner). He was a lot older than me, served in the special forces, most likely was deployed in both chechnyan wars and basicly had a ton of life-experience. He knew me for almost 10 years in which we grew a very interesting and deep friendship where we both understand each other without saying much. Since he realized there was something wrong and kept on asking, I told him about the breakup, about how I didnt miss her at all, but still feeling weird, like something changed but I couldt find out what. We talked a bit, changed topics, talked about random stuff, the day went on. In the evening we talked again and he then said with a sad tone that my light broke, and I feel like he was right about that. Since the breakup, I got a negative attitude toward most things. I still have fun with my friends and all, but I am skeptical towards most other people. In general I feel like I am less happy, less willing to help and I became less altruistic. I fear that I slowly turn into some grumpy guy that just despise verything and everyone. I cant think about starting another relationship the same way I started my first one, since I dont feel like easily trusting anyone - and trust for me is the main thing in a relationship. I know that there are tons of people out there that made a similar or even worse experience than me, and they all mostly managed to get over ti, but at the moment I just cant see how. 6 years are a long time and even though we where only 18 back then and things change at that age, in 6 years other people marry. I also struggle a lot with the feeling of me giving a ton of effort to be a good partner and still get double-crossed (even thouhg I know this is a fallacy sincve I dont act like that to get threatend right/deserve to be threatend right because of that, I do it beacause it should be the right thing - but everyones "right" can differ).

My problem now is that this stupid feeling of being unable to trust someone, of having a world full of amoral people and the general negative attitude doesnt stay in the relationship-departement. Itspreads across my whole life and it also seems not to get better but worse. Usually I dont seek advice on the internet, but I made the promise to try not to tell anyone about the stuff that went on in the life of my ex-girlfriend. But without all the stuff I did for her, it would "just" be her, being disloyal, which in itself would be less of a problem I think. The only person I spoke to about that kind of stuff in exceptions is now deceased, so the best thing I can do is to find a place where noone knows me or my former girlfriend in person. I am thankfull for any advice that goes beyond the typical generic ones. Please excuse me for not proofreading this immediately, I will later on - maybe I should rather made it a blog post.

On August 16 2014 06:41 waffelz wrote:...

On August 16 2014 01:08 kwizach wrote:

Please take your sexism elsewhere. There's a mod warning specifically banning misogyny in the thread.

On August 16 2014 11:56 Najda wrote:


Soon we're going to have a unique 10 commandments just for the dating thread.

On August 16 2014 12:04 lichter wrote:


You should feel fortunate this thread is even allowed to live

On August 16 2014 12:00 RaiZ wrote:

How is that sexism when even the girls say it themselves ? I really think he was pretty spot on.

Either way I find it pretty hard to give him a temp ban but w/e.