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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
June 30 2014 00:05 GMT
#10101
On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.

Just ask her when is good for her, and then if its good with you let her know that'll work and decide on something to do

usually i think you get a vibe whether or not she wants a second date
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
June 30 2014 01:57 GMT
#10102
On June 30 2014 08:53 Acrofales wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 30 2014 08:35 Najda wrote:
On June 30 2014 08:03 Acrofales wrote:
On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.

There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome.


I hardly ever even call my friends let alone someone I barely know. Just seem awkward to me not really knowing if they are in a position to stop what they are doing to talk on the phone.

Maybe I'm too old or something, but not having time to talk on the phone is not a new problem... and people are generally capable of either not picking up (and then optionally texting an apology) or picking up and saying they're busy and whether you can please call again in a minute/hour/whatever.

Voice is just so much more personal than texting, and if you are interested in her, you want this to be personal.


Eh you're probably right. If a phonecall is what ends my relationship with this girl then she clearly wasn't very into me anyway. Might as well get some more experience. I just wish I knew what times she worked so I could at least avoid that.
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
June 30 2014 02:43 GMT
#10103
On June 30 2014 10:57 Najda wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 30 2014 08:53 Acrofales wrote:
On June 30 2014 08:35 Najda wrote:
On June 30 2014 08:03 Acrofales wrote:
On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.

There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome.


I hardly ever even call my friends let alone someone I barely know. Just seem awkward to me not really knowing if they are in a position to stop what they are doing to talk on the phone.

Maybe I'm too old or something, but not having time to talk on the phone is not a new problem... and people are generally capable of either not picking up (and then optionally texting an apology) or picking up and saying they're busy and whether you can please call again in a minute/hour/whatever.

Voice is just so much more personal than texting, and if you are interested in her, you want this to be personal.


Eh you're probably right. If a phonecall is what ends my relationship with this girl then she clearly wasn't very into me anyway. Might as well get some more experience. I just wish I knew what times she worked so I could at least avoid that.

try asking her what times she works through a text or something. Or call and leave a voicemail, just say something like you arent sure when she worked but she should get back to you
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
GiveMeCake
Profile Joined October 2010
148 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 04:48:02
June 30 2014 04:47 GMT
#10104
Again, honestly the responses have all been really thought provoking... damn...

If you guys want an update on the situation, I'm in hell. Here is update #3 share in my pain please!

She is going around telling everyone that I am gay at work because I didn't sleep with her that night. She isn't telling anyone the facts at all either. Worse, I found out about another guy (outside of work) that she has been seeing, who apparently she doesn't like but she 'can't make him go away.' To me this means she is actively hooking up with him because he is Mr. Wrong, and more over, confirms that this girl is a complete nympho.

So after she called me gay in front of everyone, I completely shunned her out, as I felt angry as hell because I couldn't defend my self. I was trapped at work with 4 hours left in my shift.

I went straight to the liquor store last night and drank my self to sleep, but not before getting some friendly texts from her. Confusing shit. This morning I went into work again, and things were completely different. She was texting with me, and was flirting with me again, as if nothing had happened.

She sent me 2 messages today at 4 o'clock asking me to take her on a date, but I didn't respond, I just avoided the question. Before that she asked me in person what I was doing tonight and I laughed and said 'I don't know."

I want to sleep with her so bad, but she's against everything I stand for. I'm also heavily insulted and stressed out. Now she has put a clock on me and has brought the entire office into this game of hers. I am SCREWED. I have no choice but to take her out and bang her, and I know it's going to be a HUGE disappointment.

Also, I found out she has had a drink every night since the night we went on our date (last Wednesday).

FML! WTF is wrong with people these days, I'm honestly such a nice guy, I try so hard to please everyone.

I had a dream I moved to Korea to become a GSL champion. I slept in PC bangs and practiced only vs the PC. I named my self Death and faced Life in the finals. I beat him, but ended up dying as I killed his last building.
Zooper31
Profile Joined May 2009
United States5713 Posts
June 30 2014 04:53 GMT
#10105
She's insulting you at work and being a total bitch (and probably whore) why do you still wanna fuck her like seriously wtf is wrong with your thought process.

Call HR on that bitch, get her fired or at least stop the horrible work environment.

I take back my earlier comment of wear a condom and just get it over with quickly. Blacklist her and remove any possible communication between the two of you. Ignore her at work if at all possible.
Asato ma sad gamaya, tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, mrtyor mamrtam gamaya
Xiphos
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Canada7507 Posts
June 30 2014 04:59 GMT
#10106
On June 30 2014 13:47 GiveMeCake wrote:
Again, honestly the responses have all been really thought provoking... damn...

If you guys want an update on the situation, I'm in hell. Here is update #3 share in my pain please!

She is going around telling everyone that I am gay at work because I didn't sleep with her that night. She isn't telling anyone the facts at all either. Worse, I found out about another guy (outside of work) that she has been seeing, who apparently she doesn't like but she 'can't make him go away.' To me this means she is actively hooking up with him because he is Mr. Wrong, and more over, confirms that this girl is a complete nympho.

So after she called me gay in front of everyone, I completely shunned her out, as I felt angry as hell because I couldn't defend my self. I was trapped at work with 4 hours left in my shift.

I went straight to the liquor store last night and drank my self to sleep, but not before getting some friendly texts from her. Confusing shit. This morning I went into work again, and things were completely different. She was texting with me, and was flirting with me again, as if nothing had happened.

She sent me 2 messages today at 4 o'clock asking me to take her on a date, but I didn't respond, I just avoided the question. Before that she asked me in person what I was doing tonight and I laughed and said 'I don't know."

I want to sleep with her so bad, but she's against everything I stand for. I'm also heavily insulted and stressed out. Now she has put a clock on me and has brought the entire office into this game of hers. I am SCREWED. I have no choice but to take her out and bang her, and I know it's going to be a HUGE disappointment.

Also, I found out she has had a drink every night since the night we went on our date (last Wednesday).

FML! WTF is wrong with people these days, I'm honestly such a nice guy, I try so hard to please everyone.



But you are not genuine.

You see, you are only being nice because you are expecting something in return.

This renders to two effects:

1. They know that deep inside you are not "honestly such a nice guy" but simply being one for selfish reasons. If you are truly nice, you wouldn't expect anything in return because its what you want.

2. Since they know that they can just walk all over you and you still remain nice means that they can exploit this tendency of yours to their advantage.

So what you need to do is to change your attitude into something more attractive. And you can do it either of the following two ways:

1. You can stop acting bitter afterward and play the "nice guy" as genuinely as possible, this means to truly internalize the ingenuity of your kindness and show only real happiness when you try to help them. You will be a "Jesus-esque" character.

2. You can go swing the other direction. By showing absolute bitterness toward everything. That you should prove other people that you are no longer their pushovers and begin to handle yourself properly by not being taken advantage of. You are a beast in the jungle, its you vs all the external environmental obstacles, artificial or biological.

At the very end: If you are TRULY willing to take yourself to the next level of improvement, this is something you need to think about. And the more you improve, the higher will the quality of your dating experience be.

The.Choice.Is.Yours.
2014 - ᕙ( •̀ل͜•́) ϡ Raise your bows brood warriors! ᕙ( •̀ل͜•́) ϡ
GiveMeCake
Profile Joined October 2010
148 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 05:14:58
June 30 2014 05:14 GMT
#10107
I'm going to reflect on that Xiphos...

Also, to put the sex thing into perspective: She was grabbing my hand and brought it to her thighs at work. She pretended to deep throat a Popsicle at work. She whispered at work while she was eating pizza that the cheese was cum, and then she took a bight out of it. On our 'date' she tried pulling into a handicapped stall at a bar. She twerked on me when we were outside having a smoke in front of 10 people

This girl is a complete freak, she is willing to stop at nothing to put sex into my head. It's like she is porn star dirty.

Oh another thing, she also constantly sends me messages saying 'control me.' This girl is a professional at GETTING INSIDE my head. I can't imagine how many guys she has been with, I only know of 2 in the last couple months. I think about her at work constantly and at home now. This is really really bad.
I had a dream I moved to Korea to become a GSL champion. I slept in PC bangs and practiced only vs the PC. I named my self Death and faced Life in the finals. I beat him, but ended up dying as I killed his last building.
SoSexy
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Italy3725 Posts
June 30 2014 05:56 GMT
#10108
Dude, bang her and drop her. Best revenge ever.
Dating thread on TL LUL
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
June 30 2014 05:59 GMT
#10109
She's using you and sounds fucked in the head. You have not enough willpower to avoid being used and will probably get ragdolled around for another month or two until she gets bored.
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 06:09:30
June 30 2014 06:08 GMT
#10110
On June 30 2014 13:59 Xiphos wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 30 2014 13:47 GiveMeCake wrote:
Again, honestly the responses have all been really thought provoking... damn...

If you guys want an update on the situation, I'm in hell. Here is update #3 share in my pain please!

She is going around telling everyone that I am gay at work because I didn't sleep with her that night. She isn't telling anyone the facts at all either. Worse, I found out about another guy (outside of work) that she has been seeing, who apparently she doesn't like but she 'can't make him go away.' To me this means she is actively hooking up with him because he is Mr. Wrong, and more over, confirms that this girl is a complete nympho.

So after she called me gay in front of everyone, I completely shunned her out, as I felt angry as hell because I couldn't defend my self. I was trapped at work with 4 hours left in my shift.

I went straight to the liquor store last night and drank my self to sleep, but not before getting some friendly texts from her. Confusing shit. This morning I went into work again, and things were completely different. She was texting with me, and was flirting with me again, as if nothing had happened.

She sent me 2 messages today at 4 o'clock asking me to take her on a date, but I didn't respond, I just avoided the question. Before that she asked me in person what I was doing tonight and I laughed and said 'I don't know."

I want to sleep with her so bad, but she's against everything I stand for. I'm also heavily insulted and stressed out. Now she has put a clock on me and has brought the entire office into this game of hers. I am SCREWED. I have no choice but to take her out and bang her, and I know it's going to be a HUGE disappointment.

Also, I found out she has had a drink every night since the night we went on our date (last Wednesday).

FML! WTF is wrong with people these days, I'm honestly such a nice guy, I try so hard to please everyone.



But you are not genuine.

You see, you are only being nice because you are expecting something in return.

This renders to two effects:

1. They know that deep inside you are not "honestly such a nice guy" but simply being one for selfish reasons. If you are truly nice, you wouldn't expect anything in return because its what you want.

2. Since they know that they can just walk all over you and you still remain nice means that they can exploit this tendency of yours to their advantage.

So what you need to do is to change your attitude into something more attractive. And you can do it either of the following two ways:

1. You can stop acting bitter afterward and play the "nice guy" as genuinely as possible, this means to truly internalize the ingenuity of your kindness and show only real happiness when you try to help them. You will be a "Jesus-esque" character.

2. You can go swing the other direction. By showing absolute bitterness toward everything. That you should prove other people that you are no longer their pushovers and begin to handle yourself properly by not being taken advantage of. You are a beast in the jungle, its you vs all the external environmental obstacles, artificial or biological.

At the very end: If you are TRULY willing to take yourself to the next level of improvement, this is something you need to think about. And the more you improve, the higher will the quality of your dating experience be.

The.Choice.Is.Yours.


Sorry, but what is it that he is "expecting" that makes him not a nice guy? I agree that he shouldn't think that he should do well just because he's 'a nice guy' in the cosmic sense, but he's at least shown enough forbearance to prove that he's not just putting on a nice guy act and then expecting sex or a relationship. He's probably not 'a nice guy', but he's probably a normal guy.

And, OP, you're probably underestimating the extent that the rest of your office notices the antics of this girl, if you're telling the truth.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
sluggaslamoo
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Australia4494 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 08:07:23
June 30 2014 07:57 GMT
#10111
On June 30 2014 14:14 GiveMeCake wrote:
I'm going to reflect on that Xiphos...

Also, to put the sex thing into perspective: She was grabbing my hand and brought it to her thighs at work. She pretended to deep throat a Popsicle at work. She whispered at work while she was eating pizza that the cheese was cum, and then she took a bight out of it. On our 'date' she tried pulling into a handicapped stall at a bar. She twerked on me when we were outside having a smoke in front of 10 people

This girl is a complete freak, she is willing to stop at nothing to put sex into my head. It's like she is porn star dirty.

Oh another thing, she also constantly sends me messages saying 'control me.' This girl is a professional at GETTING INSIDE my head. I can't imagine how many guys she has been with, I only know of 2 in the last couple months. I think about her at work constantly and at home now. This is really really bad.


Yeah I knew a girl like this once, although not as extreme. Telling her to stop didn't help, and she would deny everything when I brought it up.

Then when I told her I didn't wanna talk to her anymore, she freaked out and started texting my friends and she would tell me she would do anything I want, blah blah.

It got annoying as fuck after a while so this is what I did.

I sent her a bunch of really sappy love poems texting every day, saying how beautiful she is and describing a really random day with her and how I was obsessed with her and really retarded shit. It made me look like a total chump.

Eventually she texts me back saying she just wants to be friends. But no that wasn't enough for me I needed to drive the nail right into the coffin. So I didn't stop there, I kept going, I said I really like her and I will make her like me, and that I know she likes me, blah blah, pure desperation. She kept telling me to stop. Then I eventually did after she stopped replying and I sent her 3 more messages.

She stopped talking to me ever again, although my friends kind of acted weird around me for a while, I guess she told everyone I was a lunatic.

Not saying you should do this but, that's what I did. It could totally backfire. Or you could just get a restraining order.
Come play Android Netrunner - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=409008
sluggaslamoo
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
Australia4494 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 08:08:56
June 30 2014 08:06 GMT
#10112
On June 30 2014 14:56 SoSexy wrote:
Dude, bang her and drop her. Best revenge ever.


Yeah treating people like shit is a great thing to do.

Look this is actually kind of what she wants in a really fucked up way. This isn't gonna solve the problem, it will make her more insane and clearly this person is not comfortable with that. People with these issues are addicted to the highs and lows, if you cause these emotions within her, it will actually make her addicted to you.

Once you get her really invested and you totally pull the plug, this is when shit gets real and you receive all the repercussions of your actions. It might not be so bad if they weren't working in the same office, but they are.

She might just kick and scream and make up all sorts of lies about him, telling other people in the office about how he physically abused and raped her. I don't think his anus is adequately prepared for the rapage he could possibly receive.
Come play Android Netrunner - http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=409008
xM(Z
Profile Joined November 2006
Romania5299 Posts
June 30 2014 10:21 GMT
#10113
@GiveMeCake
the more you type, the more you seem perfect for each other. evolutionary antagonists meant to crash then burn.
you're her psychological whore and she's your physical whore.
And my fury stands ready. I bring all your plans to nought. My bleak heart beats steady. 'Tis you whom I have sought.
kekosaurus
Profile Joined June 2014
1 Post
June 30 2014 11:45 GMT
#10114
Ok so I read a good amount of these posts and I feel that I needed to contribute with my recent failure.

+ Show Spoiler +

Little bit of background, I am a teacher in a university still in the early years of my life. Every year as you may know new students come and begin their studies. I teach on a predominately male course (Comp Sci) so women are few and far between where I work. Needless to say I have been doing this job for 4+ years now and I am really enjoying it.

Anyway September 2013 saw the arrival of the new students, difference being that one of these students was a rather attractive female, who at the time didn't really catch my attention. As the year went on I became more and more interested in her, as I found out more about her, and it seemed that she liked me too. We had similar interests and were begging to start opening up to one another.

Before anyone says that I shouldn't be looking into one of my students, then let me put this straight. I have no contractual limitations when forming a relationship with anyone in the university, and all people in the university are over the legal age etc etc. It is however frowned upon by the upper management as some groups have to be reorganised, but this doesn't take time at all.

So with this in mind I still was wary of how to approach the situation, because if all went well then we could see each other more often. However if I did miss read the signs then I could be faced with an awkward position in my job role. I decided to confide in my friend, who listened and agreed to help assess the situation and bring us closer together. For the first month this was great, we spent more time together and it was good fun.

Now for the depressive part. To say the least I am destroyed over all of this as I found out last night that my so called friend, had taken advantage of the situation (That I had to take things slower than people normally would due to work implications) and decided to begin dating her. I really have no clue what to do or where to turn to, because I still, especially now, can't tell her how I feel. He did say he would never tell her and he feels like an arsehole, however I just don't think that quite cuts it. Am I over reacting? SI there anything I can do about the cluster fuck of a mess I'm in now?

Finally to all who read this and replied, thank you for your time.
urboss
Profile Joined September 2013
Austria1223 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 12:00:13
June 30 2014 11:56 GMT
#10115
On June 30 2014 20:45 kekosaurus wrote:
Ok so I read a good amount of these posts and I feel that I needed to contribute with my recent failure.

+ Show Spoiler +

Little bit of background, I am a teacher in a university still in the early years of my life. Every year as you may know new students come and begin their studies. I teach on a predominately male course (Comp Sci) so women are few and far between where I work. Needless to say I have been doing this job for 4+ years now and I am really enjoying it.

Anyway September 2013 saw the arrival of the new students, difference being that one of these students was a rather attractive female, who at the time didn't really catch my attention. As the year went on I became more and more interested in her, as I found out more about her, and it seemed that she liked me too. We had similar interests and were begging to start opening up to one another.

Before anyone says that I shouldn't be looking into one of my students, then let me put this straight. I have no contractual limitations when forming a relationship with anyone in the university, and all people in the university are over the legal age etc etc. It is however frowned upon by the upper management as some groups have to be reorganised, but this doesn't take time at all.

So with this in mind I still was wary of how to approach the situation, because if all went well then we could see each other more often. However if I did miss read the signs then I could be faced with an awkward position in my job role. I decided to confide in my friend, who listened and agreed to help assess the situation and bring us closer together. For the first month this was great, we spent more time together and it was good fun.

Now for the depressive part. To say the least I am destroyed over all of this as I found out last night that my so called friend, had taken advantage of the situation (That I had to take things slower than people normally would due to work implications) and decided to begin dating her. I really have no clue what to do or where to turn to, because I still, especially now, can't tell her how I feel. He did say he would never tell her and he feels like an arsehole, however I just don't think that quite cuts it. Am I over reacting? SI there anything I can do about the cluster fuck of a mess I'm in now?

Finally to all who read this and replied, thank you for your time.

You have read a good amount of posts in this thread.
So what is your own conclusion how to solve this issue?
Fi0na
Profile Joined February 2014
0 Posts
June 30 2014 12:42 GMT
#10116
On June 30 2014 20:45 kekosaurus wrote:
Ok so I read a good amount of these posts and I feel that I needed to contribute with my recent failure.

+ Show Spoiler +

Little bit of background, I am a teacher in a university still in the early years of my life. Every year as you may know new students come and begin their studies. I teach on a predominately male course (Comp Sci) so women are few and far between where I work. Needless to say I have been doing this job for 4+ years now and I am really enjoying it.

Anyway September 2013 saw the arrival of the new students, difference being that one of these students was a rather attractive female, who at the time didn't really catch my attention. As the year went on I became more and more interested in her, as I found out more about her, and it seemed that she liked me too. We had similar interests and were begging to start opening up to one another.

Before anyone says that I shouldn't be looking into one of my students, then let me put this straight. I have no contractual limitations when forming a relationship with anyone in the university, and all people in the university are over the legal age etc etc. It is however frowned upon by the upper management as some groups have to be reorganised, but this doesn't take time at all.

So with this in mind I still was wary of how to approach the situation, because if all went well then we could see each other more often. However if I did miss read the signs then I could be faced with an awkward position in my job role. I decided to confide in my friend, who listened and agreed to help assess the situation and bring us closer together. For the first month this was great, we spent more time together and it was good fun.

Now for the depressive part. To say the least I am destroyed over all of this as I found out last night that my so called friend, had taken advantage of the situation (That I had to take things slower than people normally would due to work implications) and decided to begin dating her. I really have no clue what to do or where to turn to, because I still, especially now, can't tell her how I feel. He did say he would never tell her and he feels like an arsehole, however I just don't think that quite cuts it. Am I over reacting? SI there anything I can do about the cluster fuck of a mess I'm in now?

Finally to all who read this and replied, thank you for your time.


Here is my opinion on it (as it is only my humble opinion, it does not need to be correct or fitting at all to your current situation. Sorry in that case):

I don't think you are overreacting at all. Your "friend" screwed you big time. While I do understand how he can fall for her (especially when you talked her up big time) it still is an asshole move. At least he acknowledges as much.
So what is there to do for you? Sadly not much. You can't just break them up. You can't make them brake up. You can either wait (and hope) for it to fail and be there for her when it does (depending on how invested they get into each other) or move on. And realistically speaking, the chances of waiting/hoping for the dating with your friend to crumble to pick up the pieces and successfully build a relationship on the ashes of the old one (or whatever your friend is doing with her) seem to be slim.

Which does leave you with the sad but smarter option to accept that she is gone for you and move on with your life. If it happens that you one day get another chance at her, that is for future you to worry about. Don't get hung up on her, and don't idealize her (very dangerous). Do something good for you to help to get over the hurting, be active, don't sit around alone with free time on your hands. And maybe unfriend your "friend" on facebook No, seriously, I wouldn't forgive him that easily. You trusted him with an important secret and he broke your trust, so treat him at best normal but don't trust him again. And if he wonders why, you tell him that he was a douche and you don't want to risk it again.

Good luck with the next great girl you find
Life is not fair. But that's what chocolate is for.
urboss
Profile Joined September 2013
Austria1223 Posts
June 30 2014 12:59 GMT
#10117
I guess most dating advice boils down to this:

[image loading]

User was warned for this post
SUINELLA
Profile Joined April 2014
Italy0 Posts
June 30 2014 14:15 GMT
#10118
i think i did another big mistake

At the gay pride in Venezia i met a friend of mine who was with other two girls, they challenged me and him to remove our clothes and french-kiss, and we did that, then we challenged them and they refused because they are straight, so in the end i started kissing and touching one of them, and my friend the other... well after some time the girls said me that they are flatmates of the girl that im dating and they would tell her. F*** this bad luck and these stupid people.

Anyway i have good news, it seems that she is getting more open to the idea of having sex, and some days ago we got near to that, finally.
Cynry
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
810 Posts
June 30 2014 14:31 GMT
#10119
On June 30 2014 23:15 SUINELLA wrote:
i think i did another big mistake

At the gay pride in Venezia i met a friend of mine who was with other two girls, they challenged me and him to remove our clothes and french-kiss, and we did that, then we challenged them and they refused because they are straight, so in the end i started kissing and touching one of them, and my friend the other... well after some time the girls said me that they are flatmates of the girl that im dating and they would tell her. F*** this bad luck and these stupid people.

Anyway i have good news, it seems that she is getting more open to the idea of having sex, and some days ago we got near to that, finally.


So, you cheat on basically everyone you date, are an overall asshole, and when you get busted it's all on bad luck and stupid people. The way you show yourself here is getting better and better...
Killscreen
Profile Joined February 2012
188 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-06-30 14:37:31
June 30 2014 14:34 GMT
#10120
On June 30 2014 21:42 Fi0na wrote:
Show nested quote +
On June 30 2014 20:45 kekosaurus wrote:
Ok so I read a good amount of these posts and I feel that I needed to contribute with my recent failure.

+ Show Spoiler +

Little bit of background, I am a teacher in a university still in the early years of my life. Every year as you may know new students come and begin their studies. I teach on a predominately male course (Comp Sci) so women are few and far between where I work. Needless to say I have been doing this job for 4+ years now and I am really enjoying it.

Anyway September 2013 saw the arrival of the new students, difference being that one of these students was a rather attractive female, who at the time didn't really catch my attention. As the year went on I became more and more interested in her, as I found out more about her, and it seemed that she liked me too. We had similar interests and were begging to start opening up to one another.

Before anyone says that I shouldn't be looking into one of my students, then let me put this straight. I have no contractual limitations when forming a relationship with anyone in the university, and all people in the university are over the legal age etc etc. It is however frowned upon by the upper management as some groups have to be reorganised, but this doesn't take time at all.

So with this in mind I still was wary of how to approach the situation, because if all went well then we could see each other more often. However if I did miss read the signs then I could be faced with an awkward position in my job role. I decided to confide in my friend, who listened and agreed to help assess the situation and bring us closer together. For the first month this was great, we spent more time together and it was good fun.

Now for the depressive part. To say the least I am destroyed over all of this as I found out last night that my so called friend, had taken advantage of the situation (That I had to take things slower than people normally would due to work implications) and decided to begin dating her. I really have no clue what to do or where to turn to, because I still, especially now, can't tell her how I feel. He did say he would never tell her and he feels like an arsehole, however I just don't think that quite cuts it. Am I over reacting? SI there anything I can do about the cluster fuck of a mess I'm in now?

Finally to all who read this and replied, thank you for your time.


Here is my opinion on it (as it is only my humble opinion, it does not need to be correct or fitting at all to your current situation. Sorry in that case):

I don't think you are overreacting at all. Your "friend" screwed you big time. While I do understand how he can fall for her (especially when you talked her up big time) it still is an asshole move. At least he acknowledges as much.
So what is there to do for you? Sadly not much. You can't just break them up. You can't make them brake up. You can either wait (and hope) for it to fail and be there for her when it does (depending on how invested they get into each other) or move on. And realistically speaking, the chances of waiting/hoping for the dating with your friend to crumble to pick up the pieces and successfully build a relationship on the ashes of the old one (or whatever your friend is doing with her) seem to be slim.

Which does leave you with the sad but smarter option to accept that she is gone for you and move on with your life. If it happens that you one day get another chance at her, that is for future you to worry about. Don't get hung up on her, and don't idealize her (very dangerous). Do something good for you to help to get over the hurting, be active, don't sit around alone with free time on your hands. And maybe unfriend your "friend" on facebook No, seriously, I wouldn't forgive him that easily. You trusted him with an important secret and he broke your trust, so treat him at best normal but don't trust him again. And if he wonders why, you tell him that he was a douche and you don't want to risk it again.

Good luck with the next great girl you find


With respect, being passive aggressive is a bit of a bitch move IMO. He's entitled to feel angry, and isn't doing anyone any favors by pretending he doesn't care, besides his maybe his dick friend who gets off cheap.
Be a man and confront the motherfucker! Then one way or another it will be done with and at least you had the balls to be straight up about it and can move on with your head held high.
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