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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Canada11350 Posts
On June 28 2014 15:52 Orcasgt24 wrote:
If you know where she lives go for a visit. Other than that your fucked
Even going for a visit... I dunno. It's super crappy of her to not return the money, but I rather think after all that, it's time to back off and give it up as a loss. If she's honest maybe she will pay back, maybe not. But I think there is only so far you can take it, that if they are dishonest, and if it's too small potatoes for legal recourse, then pursuing it further could land you into more trouble then it is worth (even if the only trouble is your own mindset/ preoccupation.) Certainly thinking in terms of Break & Entry is the completely wrong line of thinking even if you are rejecting it.
edit.
I know you framed it as us being 'strategic masterminds' with the hopes of getting the money back. But really, in lending money you have to win at the beginning. You absolutely need to know the character of the person in regards to financial accountability. Without that, you've lost before you've begun.
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On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:
TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
On June 28 2014 11:05 GiveMeCake wrote:
Some of you are 100% on point. I over think everything and get anxiety attacks all the time. I also really really need to get laid. I want to smash it, and never talk to her again, but we work with each other so I know it`s a bad idea.
But... I really NEED to get laid.
I asked my friend what schizophrenia was, and she fits the bill completely. She`s a complete freak, and I can`t stop thinking about her, but I`m scared. I have really big morals and cringe at the thought of Coke, but my friends do it & I do smoke reefer from time to time. I don`t know if I can last in bed with her since it`s been so long (she knows how to twerk) & I have constant butterflies and feel like my chest is being squeezed. I am going crazy; I don`t feel like eating and I can`t sleep well.
It`s a lose lose situation. Some guys at work that like her (there`s a couple apparently) are giving me attitude, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is still hooking up with another co worker, possibly even last night.
I`m happy for this thread though. Thank you for all the advice, even the shallow stuff because it actually did help put things into perspective for me.
Unfortunately I`m still caught up in this mess, and it`s not going to end well for me. Judging by the texts she`s been sending me, last night was normal for her & she can`t wait to do it again. I am texting her only nice things and issues I tried bringing up were quickly dismissed or blamed on the fact that she smoked reefer. But, I have to get laid soon, I guess it`s a biological thing, I even had to watch porn the other night just to calm my self down.
I also am thinking about buying condoms and shaving my pubes. Both of those things prevented me from staying the night, along with my anxiety and shock over her behavior.
FML.
Awww man, these are actually the kinds of girls I'm into. When a girl isn't crazy in some way I tend to lose interest.
She sounds more bipolar than schizophrenic.
The initial phase she had was a manic phase, it involves excessive risk taking such as narcotics abuse/sex and a feeling of being on "overdrive". This is why she only smoked 2 cigarettes for the day and then started chain smoking once her mania developed, the boundaries and filters just completely come off. Then when she got sick things turned down fast and she had depression, she starts hating herself and sex becomes necessary for her validation
For the schizophrenia part, the only thing that suggests that would be the psychosis or delusional part, saying your gay if you don't have sex with her.
Source: I have mania and schizophrenia
Getting to the point, basically you do not have the capacity to deal with her issues. Bipolar people during an episode tend to want to make it impossible for people to help them, unless you are amazingly good at it. Her issues are not your problem unless you make it, for you, she is beyond help, do not even bother because it will just make you feel like crap.
Bipolar is also very dangerous, if you make one wrong move she may end up killing herself. If you do not want to hold that responsibility, I would suggest not being around her during those phases if ever.
But... I really NEED to get laid.
No, you do not. Put your ego at the door. For one, first time sex with a girl you barely know isn't all that cracked up to be. Your desperation for sex is not a biological issue, its an ego issue.
Secondly if there is a piece missing in your life and you think you need to fill it with companionship this will cause you catastrophic problems in the future. If you already are having anxiety attacks over such a small issue, just wait till you fall in love and become completely desperate because sex has become an absolute necessity instead of an addition to your life.
You will end up with pretty bad depression past this point if she dumps you, because now there is this gaping hole in your life which you needed her to fill.
There are literally thousands of girls out there that you can meet, many of them will be more chill and much more compatible with you than her and won't cause you anxiety issues, it does not have to be her.
I would not advise getting involved with her being the person you are, or at least until you get over the anxiety issues and know how to just go with the flow and not give a shit, some people are just not like that, they aren't capable of it. I am this kind of person, go with the flow, need a lot of cray going around me to keep me from not being bored, been like that since I was born. If you do not need that, then well... you don't need it.
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On June 28 2014 16:26 Falling wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2014 15:52 Orcasgt24 wrote:
If you know where she lives go for a visit. Other than that your fucked Even going for a visit... I dunno. It's super crappy of her to not return the money, but I rather think after all that, it's time to back off and give it up as a loss. If she's honest maybe she will pay back, maybe not. But I think there is only so far you can take it, that if they are dishonest, and if it's too small potatoes for legal recourse, then pursuing it further could land you into more trouble then it is worth (even if the only trouble is your own mindset/ preoccupation.) Certainly thinking in terms of Break & Entry is the completely wrong line of thinking even if you are rejecting it. edit. I know you framed it as us being 'strategic masterminds' with the hopes of getting the money back. But really, in lending money you have to win at the beginning. You absolutely need to know the character of the person in regards to financial accountability. Without that, you've lost before you've begun.
I'm implying a visit as in knock on her door and face to face her. People tend to be coward when faced with someone in front of them. I think a simple showing up and saying "Hey, I want my 150 back" has a decent chance at getting his money.
Wouldn't shock me at all if it failed miserably but still, I think its worth an attempt
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Yeah boys, I just wanted to ask that question for curoiusity, I broke up with my ex along time ago, I was just seeing if others had the same point and whats their take on it,
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On June 28 2014 17:15 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:
TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
Show nested quote +On June 28 2014 11:05 GiveMeCake wrote:
Some of you are 100% on point. I over think everything and get anxiety attacks all the time. I also really really need to get laid. I want to smash it, and never talk to her again, but we work with each other so I know it`s a bad idea.
But... I really NEED to get laid.
I asked my friend what schizophrenia was, and she fits the bill completely. She`s a complete freak, and I can`t stop thinking about her, but I`m scared. I have really big morals and cringe at the thought of Coke, but my friends do it & I do smoke reefer from time to time. I don`t know if I can last in bed with her since it`s been so long (she knows how to twerk) & I have constant butterflies and feel like my chest is being squeezed. I am going crazy; I don`t feel like eating and I can`t sleep well.
It`s a lose lose situation. Some guys at work that like her (there`s a couple apparently) are giving me attitude, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is still hooking up with another co worker, possibly even last night.
I`m happy for this thread though. Thank you for all the advice, even the shallow stuff because it actually did help put things into perspective for me.
Unfortunately I`m still caught up in this mess, and it`s not going to end well for me. Judging by the texts she`s been sending me, last night was normal for her & she can`t wait to do it again. I am texting her only nice things and issues I tried bringing up were quickly dismissed or blamed on the fact that she smoked reefer. But, I have to get laid soon, I guess it`s a biological thing, I even had to watch porn the other night just to calm my self down.
I also am thinking about buying condoms and shaving my pubes. Both of those things prevented me from staying the night, along with my anxiety and shock over her behavior.
FML. Awww man, these are actually the kinds of girls I'm into. When a girl isn't crazy in some way I tend to lose interest. She sounds more bipolar than schizophrenic. The initial phase she had was a manic phase, it involves excessive risk taking such as narcotics abuse/sex and a feeling of being on "overdrive". This is why she only smoked 2 cigarettes for the day and then started chain smoking once her mania developed, the boundaries and filters just completely come off. Then when she got sick things turned down fast and she had depression, she starts hating herself and sex becomes necessary for her validation For the schizophrenia part, the only thing that suggests that would be the psychosis or delusional part, saying your gay if you don't have sex with her. Source: I have mania and schizophrenia Getting to the point, basically you do not have the capacity to deal with her issues. Bipolar people during an episode tend to want to make it impossible for people to help them, unless you are amazingly good at it. Her issues are not your problem unless you make it, for you, she is beyond help, do not even bother because it will just make you feel like crap. Bipolar is also very dangerous, if you make one wrong move she may end up killing herself. If you do not want to hold that responsibility, I would suggest not being around her during those phases if ever. No, you do not. Put your ego at the door. For one, first time sex with a girl you barely know isn't all that cracked up to be. Your desperation for sex is not a biological issue, its an ego issue. Secondly if there is a piece missing in your life and you think you need to fill it with companionship this will cause you catastrophic problems in the future. If you already are having anxiety attacks over such a small issue, just wait till you fall in love and become completely desperate because sex has become an absolute necessity instead of an addition to your life. You will end up with pretty bad depression past this point if she dumps you, because now there is this gaping hole in your life which you needed her to fill. There are literally thousands of girls out there that you can meet, many of them will be more chill and much more compatible with you than her and won't cause you anxiety issues, it does not have to be her. I would not advise getting involved with her being the person you are, or at least until you get over the anxiety issues and know how to just go with the flow and not give a shit, some people are just not like that, they aren't capable of it. I am this kind of person, go with the flow, need a lot of cray going around me to keep me from not being bored, been like that since I was born. If you do not need that, then well... you don't need it.
you should have either gave it to her or stayed the night and waited till she woke up sober tbh.
too many times have i had the chance and just not did it and regretted not doing it pretty much instantly afterwords
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On June 28 2014 19:42 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2014 17:15 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 27 2014 15:57 GiveMeCake wrote:
TL, I need some advice.
I work with a girl at a small office anywhere between 30 to 40 hours a week. When we first met we hit it off pretty well. The flirting continued over the next couple months and she went from being somewhat reserved, to revealing some pretty personal details with me.
The flirting began to intensify, with her literally pointing down to her crotch and touching my neck and shoulders in a sexual way at work. However, the entire time this was happening another guy in the office was also interested in her and I learned through him that they were hooking up, which made me a bit uneasy inside to say the least.
She began opening up to me and revealing shocking details...
I found out that she is 5 years older than me, and has a 12 year old kid ( ! ).
She has been in many relationships and has been physically abused in the past.
She has rampant alcoholism, and drinks regularly on her days off.
She asked me about drugs on more than one occasion.
The entire time, my gut was telling me that she was trouble, but still, I could not deny that I had some feelings for her.
Last night a few people from our office decided to get together at a bar for some food and drinks. I asked her out on a date, and before long I was at her door ready to pick her up. I could tell that she had been drinking when she entered my car, and even had a water bottle filled with vodka and orange juice which she put in my cup holder.
Right off the bat, I could tell that this chick was WILD. She was dancing in her seat, opening the window and lighting cigarettes on the way there. She rarely had more than 2 cigarettes in a 10 hour shift at work, so I was a little surprised when she began chain smoking.
When we arrived at the bar, three people we work with were already seated, and I thought that we would go and sit with them right away. Turns out she wanted to sit at the bar and began ordering a shot of vodka and a double long island ice tea.
She quickly downed the drinks, and then ordered another vodka shot and double long island ice tea once we were seated. She told me she was going outside to have a smoke, and wanted me to join her, but it turned out to just be another reason to head to the bar. She ordered yet another shot of vodka and another double long island ice tea making that 9 oz of vodka in about 40 minutes...
Somewhere in the night, we both needed to use the bathroom and she tried to lead me into the handicapped stall for god knows what. She even told me that she wanted to watch me go pee. I felt really uncomfortable with that, and insisted that we meet up after. She ended up going in the mens bathroom to come find me with 3 other guys pissing at the urinal which was a little embarrassing.
Later in the night, she wanted to smoke reefer, and ended up being sick. She began throwing up in the bathroom at our co-workers place, and told me that she felt like she was going to die. She even told me to phone an ambulance at one point. I basically ended up taking care of her the rest of the night and I offered to drive her home as I had only had 3 drinks in 5 hours time.
On the way home, she became overly negative, and said that she was skitzofrentic, and accused me of not liking her, and implied that if I didn`t sleep with her that I was gay. I felt so strange, and the lead up to her house was probably the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. She invited me inside, and I declined saying that it was late and that I had to work the next day. She got really pissed at me, and slammed my door. I was tramatized the entire way home until I feel asleep; I regretted everything.
Now (the day after) she is asking me when our next date is, but I don`t know what to tell her. It`s true I still have some feelings left for her, but I think that she is nothing but trouble. She also asked me if I could score her some Coke that night, and I don`t do that at all which kind of freaks me out.
This being said, I haven`t been out with a girl for 5 years, and I feel extremely horny... my head is saying she`s trouble, but my other head is saying go for it.
What do I do here TL
On June 28 2014 11:05 GiveMeCake wrote:
Some of you are 100% on point. I over think everything and get anxiety attacks all the time. I also really really need to get laid. I want to smash it, and never talk to her again, but we work with each other so I know it`s a bad idea.
But... I really NEED to get laid.
I asked my friend what schizophrenia was, and she fits the bill completely. She`s a complete freak, and I can`t stop thinking about her, but I`m scared. I have really big morals and cringe at the thought of Coke, but my friends do it & I do smoke reefer from time to time. I don`t know if I can last in bed with her since it`s been so long (she knows how to twerk) & I have constant butterflies and feel like my chest is being squeezed. I am going crazy; I don`t feel like eating and I can`t sleep well.
It`s a lose lose situation. Some guys at work that like her (there`s a couple apparently) are giving me attitude, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is still hooking up with another co worker, possibly even last night.
I`m happy for this thread though. Thank you for all the advice, even the shallow stuff because it actually did help put things into perspective for me.
Unfortunately I`m still caught up in this mess, and it`s not going to end well for me. Judging by the texts she`s been sending me, last night was normal for her & she can`t wait to do it again. I am texting her only nice things and issues I tried bringing up were quickly dismissed or blamed on the fact that she smoked reefer. But, I have to get laid soon, I guess it`s a biological thing, I even had to watch porn the other night just to calm my self down.
I also am thinking about buying condoms and shaving my pubes. Both of those things prevented me from staying the night, along with my anxiety and shock over her behavior.
FML. Awww man, these are actually the kinds of girls I'm into. When a girl isn't crazy in some way I tend to lose interest. She sounds more bipolar than schizophrenic. The initial phase she had was a manic phase, it involves excessive risk taking such as narcotics abuse/sex and a feeling of being on "overdrive". This is why she only smoked 2 cigarettes for the day and then started chain smoking once her mania developed, the boundaries and filters just completely come off. Then when she got sick things turned down fast and she had depression, she starts hating herself and sex becomes necessary for her validation For the schizophrenia part, the only thing that suggests that would be the psychosis or delusional part, saying your gay if you don't have sex with her. Source: I have mania and schizophrenia Getting to the point, basically you do not have the capacity to deal with her issues. Bipolar people during an episode tend to want to make it impossible for people to help them, unless you are amazingly good at it. Her issues are not your problem unless you make it, for you, she is beyond help, do not even bother because it will just make you feel like crap. Bipolar is also very dangerous, if you make one wrong move she may end up killing herself. If you do not want to hold that responsibility, I would suggest not being around her during those phases if ever. But... I really NEED to get laid. No, you do not. Put your ego at the door. For one, first time sex with a girl you barely know isn't all that cracked up to be. Your desperation for sex is not a biological issue, its an ego issue. Secondly if there is a piece missing in your life and you think you need to fill it with companionship this will cause you catastrophic problems in the future. If you already are having anxiety attacks over such a small issue, just wait till you fall in love and become completely desperate because sex has become an absolute necessity instead of an addition to your life. You will end up with pretty bad depression past this point if she dumps you, because now there is this gaping hole in your life which you needed her to fill. There are literally thousands of girls out there that you can meet, many of them will be more chill and much more compatible with you than her and won't cause you anxiety issues, it does not have to be her. I would not advise getting involved with her being the person you are, or at least until you get over the anxiety issues and know how to just go with the flow and not give a shit, some people are just not like that, they aren't capable of it. I am this kind of person, go with the flow, need a lot of cray going around me to keep me from not being bored, been like that since I was born. If you do not need that, then well... you don't need it. you should have either gave it to her or stayed the night and waited till she woke up sober tbh. too many times have i had the chance and just not did it and regretted not doing it pretty much instantly afterwords
If she's drunk a gallon of alcohol and smoked a bunch of doobies during a manic phase chances are the last thing on her mind will be sex in the morning.
Why are you regretting not having sex?
Just appreciate having met a girl and having a good time. Besides when you get so ahead of yourself, all you do is put a ton of pressure on yourself and destroy the fun. This might even be the reason why you're not doing it, you want it so bad and then finally the time comes and you've just built up so much pressure at this point and it backfires, and then when the pressure subsides you can't believe you didn't do it.
Imagine if all this anxiety caused you to perform terribly in bed, then you'll feel like shit anyway.
If you just didn't care whether it happened or not, eventually that situation will come but you are a bit more relaxed and know that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't matter, because you don't care and sex isn't a big deal, which ironically will make it better.
Learn to enjoy every moment, otherwise it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don't like going out because any day that isn't sex is shitty, so then you finally garner the courage to go out but your in a bad mood to begin with because there's so much pressure. Then because your in a bad mood no one wants to get with you because you don't look like you're having fun or come off as needy, then you don't have sex, so you just wasted a whole bunch of money and time for a shitty day out, so you feel more shitty.
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First of all thank you for your answers,
On June 28 2014 16:04 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2014 15:41 Ghostcom wrote:
You are screwed, but it is probably going to be some of the best 150 euro you will ever spend. This. Consider that money lost for all intents and purposes, your only bet is to do something really drastic. e.g. show up at her workplace at a time where you know she and her boss are around and ask her super friendly but within ear reach of her boss/co-workers that her phone number seems to not work anymore and when you're going to get the money back that you loaned her. Make sure that you emphasize that you're absolutely sure it was an honest mistake on her part (she'd never do that on purpose!) but also that you really really need the money back for something super innocent and important (e.g. school books). With a bit of luck this already works. If she ignores it / refuses to acknowledge it wait for her to give you some space and talk to the next available co-worker that strikes you as responsible about it. In the sense of "You probably know her better than me, got an idea if you can help me out? This whole story was really dumb." Feel free to drop "We had sex a couple of times and then she loaned money from me and didn't answer her phone since." and hope to get lucky again with some social pressure. Be the nicest, most innocent and naive victim you can be. Let her be the one that flips out and her co-workers/boss hop on your side because of it. Hope to get lucky. Be prepared to get thrown out and to never set a foot in that place again if shit goes really south. Unlikely, but possible. There's also a definitive possibility that she'll claim she never gave you money and/or that you're stalking her. Against the former, you're probably fucked. Against the latter be even more nice, be weak, make clear it's exclusively about the money she's owing you. The possibility of this working is like 10% and that's me being optimistic. Take it as a life lesson and learn from it.
I really like your idea. I think I'll give it shot this evening, I'll let you know of the result. Even if it fails then I will knew I would have done my best.
On June 28 2014 16:26 Falling wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2014 15:52 Orcasgt24 wrote:
If you know where she lives go for a visit. Other than that your fucked Even going for a visit... I dunno. It's super crappy of her to not return the money, but I rather think after all that, it's time to back off and give it up as a loss. If she's honest maybe she will pay back, maybe not. But I think there is only so far you can take it, that if they are dishonest, and if it's too small potatoes for legal recourse, then pursuing it further could land you into more trouble then it is worth (even if the only trouble is your own mindset/ preoccupation.) Certainly thinking in terms of Break & Entry is the completely wrong line of thinking even if you are rejecting it. edit. I know you framed it as us being 'strategic masterminds' with the hopes of getting the money back. But really, in lending money you have to win at the beginning. You absolutely need to know the character of the person in regards to financial accountability. Without that, you've lost before you've begun.
I now I wasn't very smart, even to be with that girl in the first place. But I was in love. And well "love is blind". If you are you can totally trust someone you wouldn't originally if you didn't admire her/fuck her.
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Ok so I confronted her before she went at her workplace, turns out she didn't answered for three days because my message were "agressive". She indeed has found a new bf during the time we didn't saw each other. She said she will "try" to bring me the money next week. Well we'll see if she's honest this time.
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On June 29 2014 05:53 Taru wrote:
Ok so I confronted her before she went at her workplace, turns out she didn't answered for three days because my message were "agressive". She indeed has found a new bf during the time we didn't saw each other. She said she will "try" to bring me the money next week. Well we'll see if she's honest this time.
Charge her interest.
And this is why you make sure that you would rather have sort term exchanges that build up as a long term instead of beginning the trust with an account receivable.
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On June 28 2014 11:05 GiveMeCake wrote:
Some of you are 100% on point. I over think everything and get anxiety attacks all the time. I also really really need to get laid. I want to smash it, and never talk to her again, but we work with each other so I know it`s a bad idea.
But... I really NEED to get laid.
I asked my friend what schizophrenia was, and she fits the bill completely. She`s a complete freak, and I can`t stop thinking about her, but I`m scared. I have really big morals and cringe at the thought of Coke, but my friends do it & I do smoke reefer from time to time. I don`t know if I can last in bed with her since it`s been so long (she knows how to twerk) & I have constant butterflies and feel like my chest is being squeezed. I am going crazy; I don`t feel like eating and I can`t sleep well.
It`s a lose lose situation. Some guys at work that like her (there`s a couple apparently) are giving me attitude, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is still hooking up with another co worker, possibly even last night.
I`m happy for this thread though. Thank you for all the advice, even the shallow stuff because it actually did help put things into perspective for me.
Unfortunately I`m still caught up in this mess, and it`s not going to end well for me. Judging by the texts she`s been sending me, last night was normal for her & she can`t wait to do it again. I am texting her only nice things and issues I tried bringing up were quickly dismissed or blamed on the fact that she smoked reefer. But, I have to get laid soon, I guess it`s a biological thing, I even had to watch porn the other night just to calm my self down.
I also am thinking about buying condoms and shaving my pubes. Both of those things prevented me from staying the night, along with my anxiety and shock over her behavior.
FML.
Get a hooker, it'll cost you a lot less in the long run.
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On June 27 2014 10:03 r.Evo wrote:
Embrace it. It's exactly that feeling that will enable you to be a little bit better with the next person you meet. And the next. And so on until you end up needed all that experience in a situation you never expected to need it in and find someone totally awesome.
Since we're all on a gaming forum, we all know the guys who "did everything right" yet they've lost a match or they can't climb out of Bronze/Elo hell. People with such an attitude improve at incredibly slow rates compared to people who constantly scan for mistakes, become aware of them and try and work on them at a conscious level the next time.
Keep it up!
Thanks, I will do!
I believe that this is experience was extremely educational. And unique. This was some storybook push & pull.
Fun fact, met her yesterday at a club when I was about to leave. Just said "Hey " when I passed by and she introduced me to a (female) friend of hers. When that friend heard my name she suddenly started giggling/laughing. Which led me to the conclusion that she has heard some stories about me. Actually, talking about me is not a problem as long as the things that are beeing said are true. And since my "crush" was about to give me a BJ in the past week at work, the stories that were told probably are not true. I don´t know why but things like these drive me crazy.
Anyways, I stayed a couple of mins longer to talk to a friend of mine before I left.
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On June 29 2014 05:53 Taru wrote:
Ok so I confronted her before she went at her workplace, turns out she didn't answered for three days because my message were "agressive". She indeed has found a new bf during the time we didn't saw each other. She said she will "try" to bring me the money next week. Well we'll see if she's honest this time.
dont give money to anyone outside of direct family/someone you trust with your life
will save you alot of money in the long term.
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On June 29 2014 20:31 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On June 29 2014 05:53 Taru wrote:
Ok so I confronted her before she went at her workplace, turns out she didn't answered for three days because my message were "agressive". She indeed has found a new bf during the time we didn't saw each other. She said she will "try" to bring me the money next week. Well we'll see if she's honest this time. dont give money to anyone outside of direct family/someone you trust with your life will save you alot of money in the long term.
Lending money is always a complicated thing, since once money is involved, people have a tendency to act.. weird. Even the ones you thought you know well.
My experience tought me.. If you can afford to loose the money (not getting it back), give it away and trust on them to pay it back. If you can't, make a written contract. Does not have to be something complicated, just a piece of paper with the sum on it, both names and signatures, and when they want to pay it back (If it's a larger amount it's a good idea to make that more detailed). That way you have a legal basis, and create a neutral common ground. And if something goes wrong you have a legal way of getting the money back. Since I handle it that way, I never had any problems with lending money to friends & family anymore.
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So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.
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On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.
There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome.
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On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open.
Just an idea, but you could mention something you/she mentioned (during your previous conversations) would be a fun activity you want to do through text soon (preferably something with a semi flexible schedule) and invite her to come along. Offer some flexibility but not too much and be fine doing it without her.
Sounds like you don't/won't pass day to day so just mirror her texting patterns erring on the side of slightly less responsive. and casually drop references like I mentioned.
If she is interested in anything more than a texting buddy she'll come along before long.
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On June 30 2014 08:03 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open. There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome.
I hardly ever even call my friends let alone someone I barely know. Just seem awkward to me not really knowing if they are in a position to stop what they are doing to talk on the phone.
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On June 30 2014 08:35 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On June 30 2014 08:03 Acrofales wrote:On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open. There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome. I hardly ever even call my friends let alone someone I barely know. Just seem awkward to me not really knowing if they are in a position to stop what they are doing to talk on the phone.
Text this:
"Hey let's meet up, I want to talk to you about something."
If she asks why can't you do it over the phone.
Text back this:
"Its one of those things that is hard to say on the phone."
If she insisted on you do it over the phone, text this:
"Ok listen (insert name here), I got to be completely honest with you about something."
Pause for her response.
And then say your reason for wanting to meet up with her.
This way its fun, suspenseful, interesting, and because you've made her committed a lot of her time to have this conversation with you, you have made a strong impression to her. All the necessary ingredients to keep the ephemeral interest of a girl.
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On June 30 2014 08:35 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On June 30 2014 08:03 Acrofales wrote:On June 30 2014 07:56 Najda wrote:
So sort of a dumb question that I know I'm overthinking, how do I go about getting a second date? Went on a first date with a girl, sort of just a "get to know eachother" sort of thing, walked around on the beach for a bit and got some ice cream. She seems interesting enough that a second date would be worth it but I'm terrible at texting and don't really know how to arrange it. She said she is busy all week working but wants to hang out again but left it kind of open. There's this amazing invention called the telephone. The newest ones can even be used without a cable. You can click buttons to dial a number and will be automatically connected, after which you can talk to the other person without needing to be anywhere near. It's awesome. I hardly ever even call my friends let alone someone I barely know. Just seem awkward to me not really knowing if they are in a position to stop what they are doing to talk on the phone.
Maybe I'm too old or something, but not having time to talk on the phone is not a new problem... and people are generally capable of either not picking up (and then optionally texting an apology) or picking up and saying they're busy and whether you can please call again in a minute/hour/whatever.
Voice is just so much more personal than texting, and if you are interested in her, you want this to be personal.
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EPT
